tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-85214434626897218572023-11-16T07:18:32.121-08:00Jessica´s Journey to LifeJessica Arias http://www.blogger.com/profile/05516569086418550293noreply@blogger.comBlogger83125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8521443462689721857.post-6570036668616467612016-06-05T19:54:00.000-07:002016-06-05T19:56:42.271-07:00Day # 300 -- The fear of loosing people in my life <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgKeEtjyywkLZXOOBGrM0CymUed2ECVNoWFjQHXLNJIr7-nP1LCiiyWWIkDR25-3hLIDYNlX_NEd6EQw_MaaI1qk2jbOTPEdIcNl-KalHXDhLWUgu1xBFBsRwdqPixqVVq3khCyTJgmAIk/s1600/a3c5c17f46bcf14f34999df370ea699a.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgKeEtjyywkLZXOOBGrM0CymUed2ECVNoWFjQHXLNJIr7-nP1LCiiyWWIkDR25-3hLIDYNlX_NEd6EQw_MaaI1qk2jbOTPEdIcNl-KalHXDhLWUgu1xBFBsRwdqPixqVVq3khCyTJgmAIk/s320/a3c5c17f46bcf14f34999df370ea699a.jpg" width="213" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I am going to write about the point I see I am participating in lately that is my fear of loosing people.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I like to be close to people, although I am not very social, I like to keep my circle of friends small. Horoscope says that Capricorns are very social, but not me. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I like to be around people that I can be myself and big circle of people tends to get me anxious and I distract and I am not very fond of that. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I have noticed my idea also of not being very very close to people to protect me from being hurt.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> I also, kind of feel guilty when I loose contact with people, I tend to feel I am the one that ruin the relationship. I am very hard on myself sometimes. All these is related to past events in my life where I was not accepted totally due to me being very shy and insecure about myself, I received rejection due to feeling rejection of my self, i wanted to be different than who I was so yes, I received the same energy. So I began to be a people pleaser, I didn´t wanted to enter in any conflict at all. With the Desteni tools I began to develop more security and to stop pleasing people, and I don´t care anymore if they like me or not,...</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Well...thats a short intro - lol.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">But yes, due to past events I have developed a fear of abandonment - although I enjoy being alone and stuff, but when I meet someone special, I inmediately think I will loose them someday and that makes me sad so I prefer not making anyone special or getting used to people and also places, situations etc. I feel that when you do this - placing someone in an special position - you are signing an inevitable end. The other people - the normal ones - friends, co-workers, people you don´t get along with - are in a safe position cause you are not tagging them with that feelings and emotions but, yes, I know, people needs to get closer to other people to connect and assist themselves and for example in agreements - having that one person to rely on and to support each other and to know you better, cause yes, i have seen that I know myself better when I create intimacy with my closest friends ( I am not talking about sex - lol ) its about being open and transparent and sharing with them several things to get support</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I realise that feeling abandoned or fearing being alone is separation, its a deshonesty and abuse I am feeding in me. And its ego also. Nobody belongs to anyone, but it can be cool to kind of "belong" to one person and make him/her your support in this life. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be remain in comfort zones at meeting people due to fear of being hurt/judged and abandoned at some stage in my life so I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to show who I really am to others and to share unconditionally to my extern reality.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I see, realise and understand the separation I am accepting and allowing within me and within others.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think and feed the idea in my mind that people will go in some stage in life and remain in that idea/feeling and emotion during my relationship wiith them instead of enjoying their presence in my life.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I see, realise and understand we are all here. It doesn´t matter if it´s far or near, they are all here.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Yes, sometimes you can´t force the relationships and you have to stop seeing certain people due to several points but that´s all separation due to participation in the mind - feelings, emotions - and feeding the pre-programmed systems in ourselves</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Reading this blog assisted me a lot to realise how we have been creating our relationships:</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/04/day-14-do-you-love-breakups.html</span><br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.mylivesignature.com/" target="_blank"><img src="http://signatures.mylivesignature.com/54490/157/98B5CAE98AC7C05F030076E5779C9DB7.png" style="background: transparent; border: 0;" /></a>Jessica Arias http://www.blogger.com/profile/05516569086418550293noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8521443462689721857.post-80265645928772229972016-06-02T20:43:00.000-07:002016-06-02T20:49:03.199-07:00Day # 299 - Learning to say "no" <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgkb-UlQbhZAUdA_ovLxahyphenhyphenNlKvqT6KD09PRPkYtSpjeW4lCKwCAQKdfEFcv-MEmeKdNt88Ll5sWYmaJ0WgjPEH0f8rGjTFnlr9xLsLG747IgpY0IiHAABcXRGBN8idaRn5RMwP_IgWTf0/s1600/99c9aae7f1cf54f5dd411f6cf892fc34.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgkb-UlQbhZAUdA_ovLxahyphenhyphenNlKvqT6KD09PRPkYtSpjeW4lCKwCAQKdfEFcv-MEmeKdNt88Ll5sWYmaJ0WgjPEH0f8rGjTFnlr9xLsLG747IgpY0IiHAABcXRGBN8idaRn5RMwP_IgWTf0/s320/99c9aae7f1cf54f5dd411f6cf892fc34.jpg" width="213" /></a></div>
<span style="color: purple; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">More patterns to change....another one that I have to do to clean all the mess I have done in my life it´s acting in the physical and learn to say "NO" - specially to food...yeah food that it´s not supportive for me. I never had this tendency to take care of what I eat and I grew up in a mexican family and my grandmother was a great cook so she always was preparing delicious food for me and my mom and we usually had family reunions at home on weekends so I had never had time to eat in a balanced way....I ate healthy but not balanced.</span><br />
<span style="color: purple; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: purple; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">I began making diets and taking care of me but always the delicious food was flirting with me and I didn´t had the complete will to say "NO", until 2 or 3 years that I began investigating which food its better for me and now I am indeed more carefull and I had developed the will to say no - lol... I don´t want to make a diet because I want to eat everything I like but in a measured and balanced way also I am more connected with my body and I can observe when I abuse...like today that I am feeling very awful due to sugar...I have eated a lot of sugar this days, specially coke and ice-creams and I do observe that when I eat carbohydrates ans sugars I start feeling bad.</span><br />
<span style="color: purple; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: purple; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">So, I am doing a complete change in my diet. </span><br />
<span style="color: purple; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">yeah, that´s another thing I will change and saying no to the things I know that are making an abuse within me, like feelings, emotions, situations, people and start walking the correction path. That´s why I decided also to make the commitment of writting again, I also have observed that being in a group like Desteni, walking and living principles and being in a way connected and having goals and plans are the best way to change reality and I have seen it change and I want it to change cause I want to reach my goals. I want to live! that´s my desire, my passion, my goal - I want to LIVE!, to be aware of everything, to be part of all the things I enjoy and I enjoying me its the first step. </span><br />
<span style="color: purple; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: purple; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">I am grateful for the things and people I have in my life in these moments. I will take care of them as I have done it all my life. </span><br />
<span style="color: purple; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: purple; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Here...it arises a point that I want to explore more deeply - loosing people. It causes a big emptyness when I think in loosing people. So I will write more tomorrow about this. There are so many layers - one of them I was observing today was the fear of saying something that may sound weird or dumb to the other and so I go to the extremes and I see them making fun inside them and stop talking to me. </span><br />
<span style="color: purple; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: purple; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">ok, so...I will continue tomorrow. Really tired and dizzy. I just want to sleep </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<a href="http://www.mylivesignature.com/" target="_blank"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><img src="http://signatures.mylivesignature.com/54490/157/98B5CAE98AC7C05F030076E5779C9DB7.png" style="background: transparent; border: 0px;" /></span></a><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
Jessica Arias http://www.blogger.com/profile/05516569086418550293noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8521443462689721857.post-10644840142061250282016-06-01T22:38:00.000-07:002016-06-02T10:37:01.885-07:00Day # 298 --- one of those days ....<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjyhSfOPAFjhohcgQ3HPbgUHsHis0EiaWxTWUk-Vr7l50wDJ307Te8hyphenhyphenZnBwjrfV4IWkW4eHb6IGNqHkv06M3ZtKaVQrLQe0CecTyqJBiIkoxj0OSN2arKEH1ON3KvFBp2xRZFX0MRkPP0/s1600/3b0bec03d56d5611cf3ee8e51b3671a8.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjyhSfOPAFjhohcgQ3HPbgUHsHis0EiaWxTWUk-Vr7l50wDJ307Te8hyphenhyphenZnBwjrfV4IWkW4eHb6IGNqHkv06M3ZtKaVQrLQe0CecTyqJBiIkoxj0OSN2arKEH1ON3KvFBp2xRZFX0MRkPP0/s320/3b0bec03d56d5611cf3ee8e51b3671a8.jpg" width="217" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Another step in my way to be better its to love myself. Not accepting less than what I want for me.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Today is one of those days where I feel out of this world...wanting to see real people.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">And there are real people around me i know but maybe its my desire to have someone closer than like my family or friends are. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">With so many things that has happened within my life these years I am very dissappointed that humans wants to seek for empty things - well, they have always been like that... I know, animals are also like that sometimes, but humans wants to follow that behaviour also instead of creating new rules, specially in love/relationships - like the Principles Desteni shared. </span><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">I see my friends around me so blind; they just want to share their "happy-life-pictures" when you know they are cheating their partners and friends and so themselves.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">They forget to love themselves. And for me loving themselves its not allowing that. For example in relationships I only want to be with one person ( at a time ) I know searching for more its seeking to fill the void you have inside, distracting from yourself, wanting to be seen as cool...well, I just don´t get it...its hard to find people attractive, they are so blury, their souls has not spark </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Then the way people interact are based on hate, and competition. They all wants to be better than others, being mean its cool. People laugh if you are a bitch, and if you want to unite and do better things they say you are crazy or pretending. At the same time that if you tell the truth you are sad and depressed with the world, they just want to be in their bubble. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Many animals dying for stupidity like the 2 lions that were killed to save a suicidal man. Why that man wanted to get involved those animals? He just wanted to get attention, he didn´t wanted to die...he just wanted attention! So fucking stupid!!!! But also people get mad and pissed off by one story in the media, the world go crazy for just one thing, instead of observing the complete scene. They are like people giving charity; they clean their hands just caring for a minute or two. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">I want to change to not be another copy of these people...and I have been one of those copies....</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Being better each day in a world full of temptations and kowing what you want its more attractive indeed. A brain full of ideas to change the world and to stand for principles that help others and the more important thing is to see that person loves themselves to much to not accept less than who they are. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">That´s why I compromise to follow being that person. If I walk alone among others its not important, cause we are ALL- ONE, not specialness at all. It can be funnier to have an accomplice hahaha but thats fine... there are things I don´t understand that people do unto them....things I don´t want to follow participating in...</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Bleh, maybe I have a dumb heart ....full of fairy and childish dreams...full of Unicorns and kitties... ¬¬ </span> <span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Doesn´t matter I will protect this heart! No one will play with it</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">I will enjoy everything, cause I do learn of all the things I observe and experience, but I know what I want and I want to be a change, I want to create a better world, to stop justifying things with a phrase I hate " we are animals" ( lol, male friends tolds me this everytime they wanna go to be with me ...haha which is very pathetic ) C´mon we have to change and be Real! and not a copy of the quotes you read in a magazine or the portrait you like on Playboy...</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">:) this is here for the record LOL! to not forget to Evolve! = LOVE </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">phew...I breathe...</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"> Time to sleep </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<br />
<a href="http://www.mylivesignature.com/" target="_blank"><img src="http://signatures.mylivesignature.com/54490/157/98B5CAE98AC7C05F030076E5779C9DB7.png" style="background: transparent; border: 0;" /></a>
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/AJXczq0rPcQ" width="420"></iframe>
Jessica Arias http://www.blogger.com/profile/05516569086418550293noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8521443462689721857.post-50527100384515256932016-05-31T21:49:00.002-07:002016-05-31T21:49:14.840-07:00Day # 297 --- Seeing the results <span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEibIJkX6Mac4fj7cdT2rC6nl-jF04xbIcmd3wUJOHMVjIYUano30iZXBRdf6eTET0yU9xLBoh2-PfduVbjy4LuyFW-JkGY08S0nSK41DuuMxLVnaZFuiU4SRcebbluWWR0x5ccVLv_OZJg/s1600/3d387a79377a0dcaf3ee64d794a6d5a7.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEibIJkX6Mac4fj7cdT2rC6nl-jF04xbIcmd3wUJOHMVjIYUano30iZXBRdf6eTET0yU9xLBoh2-PfduVbjy4LuyFW-JkGY08S0nSK41DuuMxLVnaZFuiU4SRcebbluWWR0x5ccVLv_OZJg/s320/3d387a79377a0dcaf3ee64d794a6d5a7.jpg" width="220" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Seeing the results of my will to get what I want its and obsession. Not a bad one, but I am really enjoying the way I am evolving in this daily rutine I am making, my body its happy; I can see it happy cause I can get through the work out and not like in my teen years where it was very heavy for me to reach some posture; specially in yoga. Its so great ! My body is responding and I see the changes! </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I am revealing the secrets of the universe lol! Its the way I feel it.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Yes, the first step in myself its the idea, getting the will to make it real, live that energy, be that energy and manifest it - and the special ingredient is Enjoying all you do!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I was watching these videos,..my homeopaths know this guy that do conferences about helping people to achieve their goals and they are doing live-youtube-conferences and they are free so I was able to watch them and I am learning a lot. Today they said that Happiness its evolution. Making things that makes you happy leads you to ENJOY all that you do so you no matter what, so you stop feelings, thoughts and emotions around it.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Also no judgements at all - cause judging its a justification. I was surprised yes, cause not only Desteni says this, everyone does and I see that succesful people do this and they are getting and achieving great things and I want that also ! I want to be better every day.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br />So....What I am doing? </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I am doing what I never did. Enjoying things and instead of distracting myself in sad feelings and emotions, judgements about the things I did in the past that sometimes hunts me I decided to move myself and to do something different. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Its awsome I ´ve stopped secong thoughts about standing and getting my work-.out done. I am enjoying cause i am seeing the results and everyday i see me in the mirror I see a new me :D </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I wanna be better each day and achieve the goals I have in my mind, or anything that my souls wants without any limits like I had in my past. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I see that I am my worst enemy, i am the one sabotaging myself everytime, feeling I don´t deserve things, saying myself that I am evil and that sort of things and I don´t want that anymore ¬¬° </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I want to be everything...a dancer, an actress, a designer, a genius, a mother, a father, a friend, an sculptor, a painter, a writer .... lol :) </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Limits are in my head....</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<br />
<br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.mylivesignature.com/" target="_blank"><img src="http://signatures.mylivesignature.com/54490/157/98B5CAE98AC7C05F030076E5779C9DB7.png" style="background: transparent; border: 0;" /></a>Jessica Arias http://www.blogger.com/profile/05516569086418550293noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8521443462689721857.post-48279043057761210122016-05-30T20:59:00.000-07:002016-05-30T21:00:04.954-07:00Day # 296 - "When everything seems like its lost ...." <span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Today I started my rutine/schedule of waking up - although I didnpt wake up very very early - to clean the house, to eat, to see what must be done in my house and then I chillled about an hour and I start doing my work-out. I indeed began to have fun when I do my rutine of excercises. They really hurt but I want to trascend comfort zones and I push myseld to the limit indeed. I see myself getting better everyday. Also all these its a way to clean my head of bad thoughts and feelings. Its a therapy for me.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">I am in a competition with me, only with me. Focusing in others makes me participate in bad thoughts and abuse for me and for others. I tend to feel bad with me due to being at this stage in my life and not having an stable job, a house for my own, my dreams all accomplished. But I do enjoy my life. Its cool, I want to have more things and have more places to go to have fun and to know more people ...oh so many things.... :) </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">I also realised today that when everything seems as lost something come up and make me see that life never leaves me and if life doesn´t give up on me, I won´t do it.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">My life in this moment is rutinary cause I have to take care of my money while I find a new job. But this week seems its going to be very useful for me and very fun with the people I love - here in my city or far away.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel the need to give up due to hearing to the back-chats in my head that says thay its very late for me and to achieve great things. I realise, see and understand that its never too late and I am learing to be better every day and I with the only one I have to compare my life with its with me, with anyone else cause this its my process and I cannot live what others has to live.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel sad and depressed due to not observing changes in my life the way I want to see them but I see, realise and understand that it is gradual and it has to be with me moving myself in this reality to see and observe how my world changes.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">I forgive myself and accepting and allowing myself to give up when something its not the way I want. I have to see, realise and understand that things take time and everything will come.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">I compromise myself to stop bad habits within myself</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">I compromise myself to stop participating in thoughts, feelings and emotions that are not assisting me in any way to stand and to move myself from my comfort zones</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">I am really happy being here and I indeed want to change.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">It has been a process of standing and falling but every stage I have had made me stronger. And this is it. I have to do it now cause I see the things I am missing and the person I can be.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<a href="http://www.mylivesignature.com/" target="_blank"><img src="http://signatures.mylivesignature.com/54490/157/98B5CAE98AC7C05F030076E5779C9DB7.png" style="background: transparent; border: 0;" /></a>Jessica Arias http://www.blogger.com/profile/05516569086418550293noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8521443462689721857.post-75257654790355011082016-05-29T22:36:00.001-07:002016-05-29T22:58:35.683-07:00Day 295 - I must be the change <span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">I fall again into this same pattern of feeling depressed due to many things happening in my life. I lost another job, and I felt very sad due to loosing again a good assistance for me while I was searching to have better opportunities in my life...I will leave it here cause I don´t want to again do the same I do like complaining or feeling stupid and judging myself.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Within this months I have been learning how to stand again, and now from zero. I really had these days where I didn´t had money to eat and I don´t want to continue like it anymore. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">I try to think and think, analyze and analyze why the money has not being "benevolent" with me lol, but I have been seeing my behaviour in the last years and well, yes I was very very resisting to make a change and to make an effort to be a difference due to observing the same bullshit in my life and in the world. I was feeling tired of fighting and fighting., but I have realized that I am doing this only for me, I am not saying I don´t care about others but I have been doing everything since outside to the inside...</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Well. I have learned I am a fighter and I will continue fighting and stopping these consequences I have been creating in my life where I ended up abusing myself accepting limitations.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">When I decided to stopped myself assiting me everything stopped as well. No jobs, no money, not even people that wanted to buy me the knitted stuff I make. So interesting indeed. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">But I started doing things different. I started with a simple thing. Just something different and that was moving myself, making a routine. I hate routines. I didn´t like them, but I have observed everyone should have one. Everyone that is succesfull has a routine/schedule, a way to order things in their life and they are consistent and they follow their own rules. Rules implemented by them to stablish things in their reality. So I did it. I started to make a routine of excercises and I have been moving myself within this 3 weeks and I feel different indeed. I have started with a little effort and now I don´t feel its an effort, I feel it as an enjoyment to be better and to change. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">So...yeah, its a pattern in me....I don´t finish many of the things I start, I am not disciplined. and due to that I feel awful, I am very very hard on myself and I continuously say myself negative things, but I don´t want that anymore.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">So again...lol...I am standing and falling ...I hate that ! but I am here and my life has to change now. It is now or now cause really my life has been a mess.</span><br />
<a href="http://www.mylivesignature.com/" target="_blank"><img src="http://signatures.mylivesignature.com/54490/157/98B5CAE98AC7C05F030076E5779C9DB7.png" style="background: transparent; border: 0;" /></a>Jessica Arias http://www.blogger.com/profile/05516569086418550293noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8521443462689721857.post-60515331674336161982016-04-18T12:52:00.001-07:002016-04-18T13:58:53.262-07:00Day # 294 -- Past as assistance <span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Facebook has this feature that shows you what you were doing in the past years in the same day - and I have been opening this feature to see my posts years ago...and I realised I was a very stupid person. I used to write posts that were very sarcastic and abusive indeed, specially directed to a person who was in my life in that period of my life. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">I was starting to feel very attracted to boys and they were also wanted to get close to me, I didn´t had any prior experiences because the boys I liked didn´t feel anything about me or they just wanted to be my friends. I was in this job where I met a guy I liked cause he showed and interest in me and at the same time I was knowing a guy in facebook with which I enjoyed a lot talking about many topics and he was so interesting and open to many topics and he indeed opened a new world for me in experiences and knowledge. I was enjoying a lot having his company through the web and I was learning how to be patient, I didn´t wanted to rush and he was also not much available in terms of going out with me; we just had comunication through facebook, skype and whatsapp although he lives in the same city.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">The other guy was in my job and I saw him everyday and I was getting fond of him.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Both had something in common in a way - they didn´t want a serious relationship. The guy I met in my job had a long distance "serious" relationship and I felt uncomfortable by going out with him knowing he had already a girlfriend so I stopped going out with him and the other guy enjoyed having more than one relationships. I reacted a lot to this. My principles, morals, all my mental programs began to create a chaos within me and I fucked everything. I did pushed them away from me. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">And its sad because I miss specially one of them. But in fact in fact I did learned a lot about me. I create intimacy within me and I see myself very differently, Indeed I have changed many thoughts, beliefs, there are other points that I am learning to forgive and to let it go.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">So, with this facebook feature I saw what I was in that period of time and I sucked indeed. I reacted to the point he wanted to go out with many girls, specially married ones and I felted disgusted after several times of going to his house and being with him, to imagine him seeing them and being also with me. </span><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">The chaos began when I realised I was getting used to him and I wanted to accept his way of living although I felted I was just another one. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Like I said I learned a lot, they were precious teachers but...I lost people,,,and its the worst part...loosing people for stupid emotions and feelings....I promised myself not to get to close to anyone else and I considered having like an open relationship but still the feeling of having just one person by my side is there....and its cool to have just one partner to experience all, to fly, to dance, to move and to accept each other beyond boundaries, </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Maybe if I have an agreement with everyone, with all, I will prevent loosing people, and I will have them in my life for ever...but these its still ego and possession....I know they have to go someday. No matter if its soon or later. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Today those memories fill my head again and I feel so ashamed and so sad, he was not an ordinary guy and well, I think more fondly and maybe I feel this way cause I had intimacy with him and he was the first one...so, its normal...these happens with the first person you met in your life. So, this removes all specialness and again it just remains ME in the equation, it was ME being with ME, and it was cool....and I want to know more and see ME in other people. </span><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">And I remember them with gratitude indeed, although I miss them and the intention to keep them in my life deteriorate everything ...but I learned and that´s what its important right ? :( </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">It´s like grabing a bird with the desire of keeping it in a cage knowing that this bird its and has to be free, and so you have to learn and enjoy its flight and to love them being free. That´s the way way, i guess, i want to love someone and to be loved in return.....</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">And this has assisted me to be better and to enjoy instead of rushing things, life its a great teacher and everything flows and everything comes in time to keep learning and standing up. And I don´t want ever to possess anyone and to change anyone. I am not afraid of being alone, cause I love me a lot, and people that come to my life or go of it are very welcome. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">I keep learning, which is cool :D! </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">That´s all I want to learn and keep flying and living </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">So indeed past is an assistance to realise many things and to keep it as a point of reference....I don´t want to do the same mistakes again and I am keeping it simple with people that comes in my life every day. I indeed was abusive in a way to protect myself from his abusive manners but I reacted in a bad way - not practical. I will correct myself </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<a href="http://www.mylivesignature.com/" target="_blank"><span style="font-size: large;"><img src="http://signatures.mylivesignature.com/54490/157/98B5CAE98AC7C05F030076E5779C9DB7.png" style="background: transparent; border: 0;" /></span></a>Jessica Arias http://www.blogger.com/profile/05516569086418550293noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8521443462689721857.post-3622193159610641412016-04-02T19:20:00.001-07:002016-04-02T19:20:14.213-07:00Day# 293 --- Dreams and wishes <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgC_2aYDhv3L0ArpFNGhLrg36m6jmun0DpB2rtzqcydivmOUYC5iaiPABL_to0asChU7jO-6Co6sefU6JSUAluvs0n_ek_3pe8GXfuOTMAigPFoCvAEGMe4V4W16eLFBbjT373vsEcmncs/s1600/11917983_1555423244756589_162547010_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgC_2aYDhv3L0ArpFNGhLrg36m6jmun0DpB2rtzqcydivmOUYC5iaiPABL_to0asChU7jO-6Co6sefU6JSUAluvs0n_ek_3pe8GXfuOTMAigPFoCvAEGMe4V4W16eLFBbjT373vsEcmncs/s400/11917983_1555423244756589_162547010_n.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">I was watching videos on you-tube and of Jim Carrey , he is my favourite actor - and also he is an inspiration for me due to the thingd he have done to stand up and do amazing tihings with his life. In the last years he has been supporting new age movements and spreading messages about spiriualism and also information to change the world..etc. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">I again watched his videos talking of purpose and inspiration and about the Law of Atraction, and visualization and I stumbled upon another one that list <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AjeZUf1QG6Y" target="_blank">his 10 steps to success </a>and again I had this motivation to start doing that....I did it in the past...believing all this information and wanting to achieve my dreams, but I started to be negative cause I didn´t see any changes in my life and also my mom struggled about money ( she still do ) and I felt very sad because I wanted to help her. So, I forget about that also due to not being very <b>consistent</b> and distracting myself with other things as I look them more important than sitting and writting and planning how to create my life....</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">and I have seen that when I really push myself to achieve something, I get it. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">In the past, I used to ...kind of make my list of wishes, or write a letter with my dreams and then burn that page and spread the ashes in the wind with that <b>intention</b> of having it already and then erasing that from my mind and in a way life has given me those things...not exactly as I have written them but they come true. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">I have read a lot of information and also I find people that shares me their experiences with this actions ...like if they were saying me in a way " Don´t forget and do it".</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Yes, fear cross my path. Fears of not asking my wish in the correct form and making a big mistake and getting the opposite...and you have to be careful of what you wish, but I saw Jim carrey´s experiences and this moved me to continue changing myself and creating my life the way I want. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">The other day I read this phrase that made an echo within myself, it said that life doesn´t have to change but us...so I have to stop thinking that life is going to change...I have to change....</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Starting to merge in this arenas in my mind makes me start saying to myself things as: </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">"we are running out of time"</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">"I don´t even know what to ask" </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">"we should´ve done it when we were more younger or when we had more money or when..."</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">and then the "IF´S " starts and I start to feel sad and i loose forces within myself...but these has to end because I want to achieve my dreams...i have many and my talent is wasting.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">So, what I have learned through the years is that you have to have the intention, and act like you already have the things you want...you have to feel the experience of having what you want, you have to see yourself in that experience/thing/person etc.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">So the first thing I have to Stand as is as Consistency.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Within this decision of being consistent is realizing I am not longer a child....yes, I have been enjoying my life, observing, playing ( in a good way ) and mostly I had run of making a commitment cause I don´t want to stay in a place a lot of time due to wanting toexplore more and more and I think that while I am in just one single place in another one I can experience other stuff...dumb thoughts...lol...this doesn´t happens with people, cause I don´t get fed up of people and I love my friends and family...I am loyal and I will be loyal in a relationship/agreement If I have one for the first time...lol..how odd ...I feel like and alien when I see myself with any experiences in relation to having a partner...blah...but its ok, cause I want something real.... :) </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">So I will continue to change my mind programming and I will start being a creator, no fears anymore and I know the information...have the tools...i have been observing and I guess I can act now a little bit more....and I am decided to be open to new experiences, to more people that appears as life-teachers so I can create day by day my own heaven so I can create a heaven for others also! </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">So yes, dreams come true and stars listens to your wishes and then they go and whisper in the ears of the Universe and it conspires with all the laws in heaven and earth for you to have all what you want....all that can support life, of course!!! if not Universe won´t help you! Has to be good wishes and dreams </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">video of Jim Carrey: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AjeZUf1QG6Y</span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<br />
<a href="http://www.mylivesignature.com/" target="_blank"><img src="http://signatures.mylivesignature.com/54490/157/98B5CAE98AC7C05F030076E5779C9DB7.png" style="background: transparent; border: 0;" /></a>
Jessica Arias http://www.blogger.com/profile/05516569086418550293noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8521443462689721857.post-74350617402634766892016-03-22T19:57:00.002-07:002016-03-22T20:00:14.276-07:00Day # 293 ---- Being on top<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/564x/d4/d2/cd/d4d2cd6bd018c8925570db5fcde9ff68.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/564x/d4/d2/cd/d4d2cd6bd018c8925570db5fcde9ff68.jpg" width="266" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">I keep searching and searching for another job option where I can get more money.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">I am not comfortable with the money I am getting in my actual job, sometimes I run out of money at the end of my month and its surprising that sometimes I can´t have money also for my transportation to my job....it´s enough, I can´t stand this anymore.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">So, I will keep searching and searching...I don´t know what I will end up doing, sometimes I feel very anxious in thinking and in seeing myself in one year and I get sad due to not having something stable. I want to have something for my own....have more stability in a job where I can be happy and having enough money to go out and do what I want and buy the things I want, help my mom, giving her money, taking her on vacations, buying her a new car, buying me a new car....</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">I have to work hard, and I really want to achieve goals by myself, not depending on anyone but myself.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">In the meantime I am making excercise to keep myself in shape, but also in maintining myself busy and not participating in nasty thoughts and feelings. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">At the same time I am thankful as I always say about what I have lived....it haven´t been a lot like what other people have lived but I liked the way my life has been...nowadays I have been struggling with money but I have done cool things, I have met awsome people, I am healthy, I am faithful in that I will have money ...lol! </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Because money it´s important! And money cannot be a point of struggle for anyone. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be fearful about the future due to not finding a cool job for me with more opprtunities to grow and to be stable.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that stability will come from outside myself, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing that stability requires to born inside myself to express it to the outside - to my reality - to my world. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">I know anyone - a job, a person, a place, a situation, etc- won´t give me the stability I have to build for myself.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">I am constantly wanting to search for more...to be more, and I get impatient when things don´t go the way I want and also I get bored very easily with things because I start imagining myself that maybe in other place I will be better...or then I want to have more experiences...</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">LOL I am restless, but at the same time I fall in comfort zones and thats the thing I have to stop.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">For example in this job ....I don´t want it to turn it into a comfort zone and stopping myself from searching because I have this job, although I get a miserable salary, I have something and I have friends, and I have a rutine that is nice and I can from time to time buy cool things...</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">I don´t want that....</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to get angry because I am not getting to any place in my life due to thoughts and feelings of not being good enough.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think and believe I am not getting to a place because I tend to compare myself with other people ( people are fighting to survive just as me so there´s nothing to feel sad or ashamed) within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowinmg myself to be ashamed of being 33 years and not having what I wanted when I was 20, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be hard on myself, to continue being hard and scolding myself for not reaching to the image I have in my mind of what I would want to.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">I see, realise and understand that I have to step by step continue building and reaching my goals cause everything I want I can achieve it. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">I only have to make the decision and stop fears and insecurities.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Great. I am getting to nice point here. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Being ashamed. Insecurities and fears.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">and the continuos point of being hard on myself.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">I am hard on myself cause I know I can make great things, but I can´t like, reach the potential I want due to money and other priorities I have !! </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">and I have to make them quickly - I have to move fast!! Have to run due to the years/time I was just walking .... </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">I will continue with these points on the next posts.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<a href="http://www.mylivesignature.com/" target="_blank"><span style="font-size: large;"><img src="http://signatures.mylivesignature.com/54490/157/98B5CAE98AC7C05F030076E5779C9DB7.png" style="background: transparent; border: 0;" /></span></a>Jessica Arias http://www.blogger.com/profile/05516569086418550293noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8521443462689721857.post-83584922397777018462016-03-17T16:40:00.000-07:002016-03-17T16:40:16.901-07:00Day # 292 --- decisions and stopping distractions<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-UJGgtys7jiGMvGDuHWfhsE4fPBaaC5pvCivcomGWqnRlb9k97KN5h3oJjaFubOHle0fMiglJ2GnuGKEtHMNF94Xkx96bBs11Di4imtN5sikkvhJu4tWhjbSLHDG7SJI1Zy1bGwc5Fjc/s1600/7c89f39810a2f97887d1529665fce749.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-UJGgtys7jiGMvGDuHWfhsE4fPBaaC5pvCivcomGWqnRlb9k97KN5h3oJjaFubOHle0fMiglJ2GnuGKEtHMNF94Xkx96bBs11Di4imtN5sikkvhJu4tWhjbSLHDG7SJI1Zy1bGwc5Fjc/s400/7c89f39810a2f97887d1529665fce749.jpg" width="282" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">In this days I have been planning in changing from the job I am. I am in a call-center, and I spot the eye on another one. I didn´t wanted to work in those places anymore, but it seems there is the only place where you can get a good payment if you know english and I want to improve more in that language and in having more skills for my business. I hope everythings flows in a good way cause I tend to stop from moving myself due to fears and most of all insecurities I still have.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Thinking in moving into another environment - which its the same as when I was in that call center where I knew this guy - makes me feel very nervous. It affected me a lot as I can see. But enough I will not feed those emotions again in me. I have talked to much and I have to move on. I learned a lot about relationships with these boys and now I know what I want and what I won´t accept anymore. Great teachers.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I am always fearful of new changes in my life. I use to stay in places where I can feel safe and where no-one or anything can make me feel anxious or threatened, and this job where I am in this moment its a place that in a way you can do whatever you want and you don´t see hard consequences, I don´t do a hard job - I just only call to sell loans and if the client doesn´t want it then I hang up - simple! it doesn´t demands a lot of work. At the beginning there I was receiving calls and it was frustrating sometimes because I was not controlling the flow of calls and when I moved in this campaign I felt very cool - also I start to earn more comissions, but the pay is still low - I need more. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I want to analyze what I will do cause I don´t want to desert from the other job and again stay without anything secure....so I am in the decision of leaving my comfort zone to a zone where I know I will have to put more attention and work harder..or at least I believe that. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">And there is where I see more opportunities to pay the bills I have to pay, buy me more things, fixing my car so I can do more things on my own, completing my goals of enjoying my life to the fullest and prepare my way to make my business and do what I always wanted. Be my own boss! </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I first began to feel fearful, starting again...but I stop myself in that cause I am not in my 20´s anymore, I have to be more mature in some points withing my life and start building "something" for my future. And anybody it´s going to do it for me and I always wanted to do things for and by my own. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I know I will have it and I said in my previous posts I have to stop doing things that separates me from reaching my goals.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">The first thing I did was to not going out with my friends anymore - no alcohol in these days. I didn´t bought anything based in desires but in things that I need to assist myself. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I have to also to be the one I was - I used to read and investigate more than distracting with other stuff .... Stop...I won´t feed my past, I am here. So...my next step is to get in shape in many ways...physycal and mental ... </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">When I was a child I just reached my hand I get anything - my mom worked very hard and gave me all I wanted...well, not all but she wanted me to be happy - but then our economy began to have problems and I was not at the same level as I were - and I have learned to not take things for granted and to save money. Its horrible when you don´t have anything to eat sometimes, but everything goes right at the end. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Experiences helps a lot , so this experiences has helped me to take care more of what I do and also to place in the shoes of other people and I don´t want anyone to struggle as I do...of course they are people with worse lifes and they really don´t have anything in her hands to produce money and I do have many talents to explore and explode to create money. I just want direction and guidance to not distract myself anymore.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I will do it, I know :D! </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Cause I want it and life will bring me the tools as it always do. I just place myself open to receive and all of that comes to me. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Like having another life-teacher for me, to have fun and to do learn more things, live more experiences... :D LOL! ok...that will come too...First the first step...then the others will come</span><br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.mylivesignature.com/" target="_blank"><img src="http://signatures.mylivesignature.com/54490/157/98B5CAE98AC7C05F030076E5779C9DB7.png" style="background: transparent; border: 0;" /></a>Jessica Arias http://www.blogger.com/profile/05516569086418550293noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8521443462689721857.post-33687634580378532602016-03-10T19:34:00.001-08:002016-03-10T19:40:36.505-08:00Day " 291 -- I am running out of time?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgjWOvaZofq_9qi4mzojmKkO8PcRNYsDFo3adz2wxbUchQ7f4HzLcVIem-SjBz3SiYOL91lg1gI8h1gBZVMf3gEtsT2sN_C2xpsq_HYZwqW6KNOzipDOo1_xU0OwBvfUwYRSteKRBkH_14/s1600/3f23a8aa61522e089b232b7ab851ed4b.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="332" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgjWOvaZofq_9qi4mzojmKkO8PcRNYsDFo3adz2wxbUchQ7f4HzLcVIem-SjBz3SiYOL91lg1gI8h1gBZVMf3gEtsT2sN_C2xpsq_HYZwqW6KNOzipDOo1_xU0OwBvfUwYRSteKRBkH_14/s400/3f23a8aa61522e089b232b7ab851ed4b.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">I am having that thought running trhough my head these days.... " I am running out of time? " .... I am constantly being hard on myself in this...cause I am 33 and I haven´t done anything with my life...wait...a voice says "Haven´t you done anything?", well, I haven´t as others in for example having my own place or having the things I wanted to have when I daydreamed at my 20´s ....but, I am independent, I have money to go out and do things with my friends, buy nice things...but...it´s not enough.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Sometimes I feel old...I feel like yes, I am running out of time. I want to do so many things now and for some things it´s late...ummm ...</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">I have to admit it I am not longer 2o ...I see my co-workers...the mayority are younger than me..they are in their 20´s /25´s and I really would want to be on that age too, living on their time...I don´t like also when friends tell me I am old and that I have to do what the people at my age do....that makes me feel sad sometimes....but that "common sense voice" inside me is more stronger and I don´t give a shit....I will do things, but the things I want no the programmed life styles everyone has.... </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">I feel I am living now the experiences I had to live in that age...like doing stupid things, not worrying a lot abut future...having more experiences in relationship stuff...but...then I realise and I didn´t wanted in that age to behave as a normal people...I wanted to investigate further within myself to not follow predictabilities....lol..I guess I am passing the 30´s crisis or something like that...I am accessing other mind patterns...those that make you feel old...the ones that makes you want to settle down and find someone to make a family...turn around to see babies and make them faces and desiring to have one of those...LOL!! No! ... hahaha I want a family yes,..but...I don´t want to follow the same rules....I wanna do it different...</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think and feel I am running out of time</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel that I am old and my time here on earth is going away so I feel afraid cause I haven´t placed a print in this world to be someone...I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think I am no-one - I am a being that is here...living and making each day count and time is an illusion. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">I realise, see and understand that time is an illusion, it´s in my mind....</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Indeed a day goes very quickly and when you realise it´s over and you may realise you didn´t do the things you had to do....</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">So...here...writting this I have to make a decision of not distracting myself in doing things that separates me from my goals...</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">What are separating me from my goals?? -- Easy, first of all, I spend a lot of money going out with my friends...buying stupid things...( well. maybe not very stupid...I want them ) but I would´ve save that money to invest it on my business. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Also I can "invest" more of my time investigating stuff I can make to grow in that goals I have. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">What are my goals? My business ( being my own boss ) and getting a better body.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">So...I have to do it....</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel old and I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to limit myself based on a number.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">I realise, see and understand that I am young, my body is healthy, I have the correct tools for me here, I have the things I need to have more.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">So. Time is not running out!! I am in the exact point, place to do things...all I have to do is making the decision to make them, not matter time...stopping the worries about time...Enjoying time cause time gives you experiences and lessons to make you stronger !!! </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.mylivesignature.com/" target="_blank"><img src="http://signatures.mylivesignature.com/54490/157/98B5CAE98AC7C05F030076E5779C9DB7.png" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px;" /></a>Jessica Arias http://www.blogger.com/profile/05516569086418550293noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8521443462689721857.post-41693928518349746302016-03-08T19:35:00.001-08:002016-03-08T19:39:11.907-08:00Day -- 290 -- I don´t know how to call this post - lol <br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjXPT59lyW-wsgZ3CPiXJddTzkpKqvUTJUW4xF4TOt1PEiULiE54piJg4Noc40R44_h4G4KtnS0WPtOG6QTveuKide6UrlCQWFC-coShdzMWIVmERjCjv4kwshFOPk9PQ-p5ymaIk3LsQY/s1600/86f5650a29d1a5cbb0a9754ac88afce6.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjXPT59lyW-wsgZ3CPiXJddTzkpKqvUTJUW4xF4TOt1PEiULiE54piJg4Noc40R44_h4G4KtnS0WPtOG6QTveuKide6UrlCQWFC-coShdzMWIVmERjCjv4kwshFOPk9PQ-p5ymaIk3LsQY/s320/86f5650a29d1a5cbb0a9754ac88afce6.jpg" width="248" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">I am resisting a lot to start again writting and doing process</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Why? well, because I don´t want to be in control about me...take responsability ... update myself to Desteni process and read blogs, watch vlogs //boring // </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">I connect these with not being fun at all, not enjoying life when I am responsible and honest and when I consider to do the "best" for me.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">These years I haven´t been taking care of me in relation of not feeding systems in me and in others has been in my perspective "fun" - cause I have felt "part of society"; something that I never felted before due to being shy and thinking instead of acting. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">I met a guy which just wanted to avoid compromises, I get laid, I party a lot, I started smoking cigarrettes and marihuana, I wanted to find a "one night stand", I put myself in danger many times, and just for being part of something...wanted to know how it was to be ordinary...as the ones I used to protect myself from due to the principles my family gave me....</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">It was not so bad at all because I found myself, I face my true nature in so many ways, I walk through many fears, feelings, thoughts. I learned a lot from those experiences, I miss others,...I am thankful..But, I am not like that..it´s not me at all. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">In a relationship I want compromise - friends, partners, family etc, - I don´t want to loose people due to stupidity created by feelings and emotions - which is something this guy helped me to realis, I want responsability to take care of myself and not place myself in danger and I don´t want to loose myself withing the shit everybody are accepting and allowing </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to connect being a fun and interesting person If I party a lot, if I smoke a lot, if I follow the masses - I realise, see and understand that is the image the system wants you to buy/believe so you cannot stand and change and make important changes to stop what we are accepting and allowing within us and within others.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that being as other people make me part of something and if I don´t feed those systems i am and outcast or something - within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing to feel weird for being who I am, I forgive myself for not accepting myself as who I am and instead comparing me with others.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">I realise, see and understand the separation I am allowing in myself, the abuse I am creating within me so outside of me.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">I found a job also, where I have found awsome people, people that has less age than me and that reminds me what I forget and I surprise every day to see that is like life saying to me to again stand and to forget and forgive the past.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">The point I haven´t forget is the belief of loosing people - that is something I don´t grasp at all cause I don´t want to be far of people that was part of my life at some point. But I know that is part of life, people appear as teachers and when the lesson is understood they leave, and I don´t want to be as others that stay angry with those people, I want to be thankful of knowing them although they are not here.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">So my job ---although it´s not a good company I am assisting with the money and the new things I learning. I will search for another one when the times come. And I want to start making a business of my own....so I can be my own boss and enjoy myself and my life more.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">And I realise the tools I have to improve in me is constancy...a lot of that lol...then responsability and hard work...among of other things I will stand for! : ) </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Ok, </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">I´ll leave it here.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Time to bed.</span><br />
<a href="http://www.mylivesignature.com/" target="_blank"><span style="font-size: large;"><img src="http://signatures.mylivesignature.com/54490/157/98B5CAE98AC7C05F030076E5779C9DB7.png" style="background: transparent; border: 0;" /></span></a>Jessica Arias http://www.blogger.com/profile/05516569086418550293noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8521443462689721857.post-66234659121536753232016-02-03T17:09:00.000-08:002016-02-03T17:09:01.736-08:00Pushing myself / Establishing a moment for me / Breathing <span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">LOL . I don´t know where to start it has been a long time since I wrote....</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Many things has ocurred during this time.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I have resisted a lot to do my process, to write, to be here.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I wanted to make a pharentesis. Take a long breath and stop thinking and analizing everything and I wanted to make things by myself.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I have a job, and I am litte bit stable with my economy but, I have a lot of things to take responsability for.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I have enjoyed a lot my relationships with others. I have met a lot of people in this job and I enjoy their presence in my life. I have learned a lot from them. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I am doing a little paragraph to start again pushing myself to write and to be on process again.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">:) Hello to Everyone again </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<br />
<a href="http://www.mylivesignature.com/" target="_blank"><img src="http://signatures.mylivesignature.com/54490/157/98B5CAE98AC7C05F030076E5779C9DB7.png" style="background: transparent; border: 0;" /></a>Jessica Arias http://www.blogger.com/profile/05516569086418550293noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8521443462689721857.post-29136371162143409272014-09-15T23:45:00.003-07:002014-09-15T23:45:30.779-07:00Recap of the Week -- Relation-Sheep? <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/19/e6/04/19e60412ae3dbebb10b09af64bcd4d77.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/19/e6/04/19e60412ae3dbebb10b09af64bcd4d77.jpg" height="400" width="300" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">I have been stable within my relation with this friend. We still comunicate each other and I have stopped some of the reactions and behaviours I had in these days where I participated in anxiousness if I didn´t had contact with him through the day.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">I also have to control myself--I mean, be stable cause I don´t want to participate in energy and to be involved that behaviours again - feeling anxious and those sort of things, Like I said I am enjoying this "thing" - lol - I call it like that cause is something that is not defined by me. I like that and at the same time I get confused. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get confused by the relation/comunication I have with U. due to base it in expectations and in examples of other relationships I have seen in movies, with friends/family etc.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/desire to have a more close relationship with him that of course can be based in energy cause I want to experiment those emotions and feelings -within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel good by the energy rush I feel when he writes me the things I wanna hear and the things I like to read and so I can imagine myself completing those dreams/desires/wants I expect to have if I have a relationship. I realise, see and understand this is based in energy and is not based in self-honesty and in a way to support myself.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">The part that I don´t like - like I said - is the part the he doesn´t invites me to go out, but I can observe that it´s also based in my definitions.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">In deed I am enjoying and assisting myself with this experience - in knowing myself in my reactions and how I participate with him and that´s why I don´t want to rush anything.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">So, well, I am stable in this part of my life - lol.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">I don´t wanna be involved in energetic experiences. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Like the title of my blog participate in a relation and turn myself in a sheep and feed the systems in myself. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">I want to build and agreement with someone like I have been doing it with myself within this process.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">In other things - well, I am still without a job, I feel anxious for that due to money. I need to support my house and family ( mom, dogs and cats ) and also I wanna do things I stopped and I have never done due to fears and due to that limiting myself and justificate the fear I have to live my life and stand up and experience things with the decisions I made - of assisting and supporting this journey, my process, being in some way an activist - because yes, I realise that I have been denying things to myself due to fears and I create justifications.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">So I am going to investigate more and more and stand within those limitations and fears and so express myself and live the things I have denied - of course with self-responsability and self-honesty!</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Thanks for reading! </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<br />
<a href="http://www.mylivesignature.com/" target="_blank"><img src="http://signatures.mylivesignature.com/54490/157/98B5CAE98AC7C05F030076E5779C9DB7.png" style="background: transparent; border: 0 !important;" /></a>Jessica Arias http://www.blogger.com/profile/05516569086418550293noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8521443462689721857.post-85503409442085369702014-09-07T16:02:00.002-07:002014-09-07T16:02:54.839-07:00Stopping dependent relationships <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/3d/b1/07/3db1074bce8ebffc48d67484d427a9a6.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/3d/b1/07/3db1074bce8ebffc48d67484d427a9a6.jpg" height="320" width="320" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">First of all thanks Leila for the comment you left and to all that have left comments in my last blogs, I really appreciate them.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">It was cool to read Leila´s comment. So I am going to write about it and continue investigating what this relationship is assisting me in my life in this moments</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">First of all, I have to stop participating in expecting more about this relationship. That´s what I do in several ocassions and I have observed is a behaviour that is creating abuse within me.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I have this friend relationship via Facebook and via Whatsapp and calls - we have been talking a lot and sharing things about us.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I enjoy his company a lot through the media. I have only seen him once and I like him. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><b>I admire the way he has lived his life; he is independant and works on his own. He has his own house and lives alone. I admire him because he is the way I like boys to be.</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">This is something I want to have for me. Live in my own house, being independant, decide what to do in my free time. Not having "responsabilities" - I mean within this days I have been participating in anxiety by having cats and dogs to take care of and also having to "considerate" my mom to move and do what I want - specially not having my own money.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I can´t have and acomplish the way of living I have - I compromise myself to work for having my own independence and "freedom" for me to do and experience the things I haven´t been experiencing due to fears and waiting for opportunities instead of creating them and looking for them.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">When and as I myself participating in fears and in thoughts in relation to get the life I want - I stop and I move myself to work for it instead of limiting myself.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to depend on him and on others to experience myself good instead of me being my own point of stability.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><b>When I talk to him, I feel cool, cause I enjoy the way he seems to care for me. Asking me how my day was. And the way he says he likes me.<br />Also I like it cause I think he can be a person with whom I can have an agreement/relationship. I see him as a cool partner for me.</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel happy when U. writes me and talks to me cause I feel important to someone due to not having someone acting like this way to me - calling, writting - so when he doesn´t writes to me I participate in sadness - I realise that I like the way he makes me feel and I want also to have his personality around me due to observing the is completing the image I have in my head of a possible couple.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I realise, see and understand the separation and the dishonesty within and as myself.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate and get along with people due to the way they make me feel, and so depending on him and on others to feel like that, to not feel alone and to feel someone cares for me.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I realise, see and understand the separation I accept within myself and I realise the way I don´t accept myself and love myself in fact - cause I expect and want someone else to give me what I have to create for myself. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to depend on the attention of others to feel important and to feel I am important and that´s why I feel sad when U doesn´t writes me and yes, I realise, see and understand I want to hang on to that feelings and emotions and so, that´s the reason I like his company - but it´s not honest in fact.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Is because I like the "romantic" feelings he provoque within and as myself - but is created by me.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">I commit myself to stop participating in emotions and feelings when he comunicates with me</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I commit myself to realise, see and understand that I am my point of support and I have to learn to accept and love myself unconditionally.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I commit myself to enjoy myself alone.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">The other point here is that I enjoy also the way he is cause he has assisted me to see points within and as myself - as for example; Patience and not making assumptions, and not forcing things. </span><span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">He hasn´t invited me to go out a second time and I have been very anxious about it; but is ok with me in some point cause I am enjoying this relation and also I don´t want to force things as I have done before with other boys due to this desire to have a boyfriend.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">But, we have been talking about me going to his home and staying there for a weekend and I am afraid and at the same time I want to - I am afraid due to not wanting to be just a game for him, and again feeling sad if something doesn´t go they way I want. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">But I want to cause I want to experience this experience and enjoy myself within this.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear living.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in fears of living and that´s why I limit myself to experience the things I would like to do. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to have a "perfect" relationship like in the movies, and to found my life-partner/agreement for life but I don´t want to walk through the experience of experiencing again myheart broken as always.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I commit myself to continue investigating myself in this relationship and to work throug my limitations to express myself without fears.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I´ll continue in another post </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Thank you :D!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.mylivesignature.com/" target="_blank"><img src="http://signatures.mylivesignature.com/54490/157/98B5CAE98AC7C05F030076E5779C9DB7.png" style="background: transparent; border: 0 !important;" /></a><br />
<br />
<br />Jessica Arias http://www.blogger.com/profile/05516569086418550293noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8521443462689721857.post-15086845643708245962014-09-01T03:53:00.002-07:002014-09-01T03:58:22.388-07:00Accepting and Creating Abuse <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/05/c6/29/05c629b709beedb8bbe4ee85c7545f90.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/05/c6/29/05c629b709beedb8bbe4ee85c7545f90.jpg" height="400" width="257" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Today and these months I have been acting weird...and not being Honest with myself and others.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">I did something today that make me realise that I am still abusive and I am very sad and observing how I am acting and how I was acting and I am very dissapointed of myself.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">I don´t understand this mess within myself. I am hurting people with my attitude, but mostly myself and I am very angry.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">I feel I don´t know anymore between good and bad and I say words that are not aligned with myself anymore.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Within this days I have been also dependant; very dependant of others, but mostly of a friend in Facebook. He writes me regularly and I have been feeling things for him and when he stops writting 2 or 3 days I feel sad, worried and stressed. I am really surprised by acting this way - is an attitude I criticized in others; many in fact that I am participating within these days and I am scared.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and Allowed myself to feel sad, worried and anxious when U. doesn´t write me regularly or when he doesn´t answer my messages, or if he doesn´t tell me the things I wanna hear.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"> I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself some kind of enslavement within myself for placing my calmness in other people. Within this I Forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from others expecting things I want based in control and in a compulsion.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear saying something wrong to my friends and so loosing them, I participate in imaginating U. and other people not talking to me for my attitude these days and if I say something feeling that he or them will leave me alone.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel that they will never write/communicate back when they don´t answer me in facebook or in my cellphone.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and feel anyone likes me and that all laughs at me due to the way I am.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel sad and depressed due to what I expected in the relationship with M. - I realised I messed up with myself due to my desires and wants/due to my desire of having a relationship.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not directing myself to stop this memories and abuse and basing other relations in this experience.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">I commit myself to direct and support myself to stop this abuse and to move on.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">When and as I see myself participating in sadness, in lonelyness I stop and I breathe, I direct myself to walk out ot this abuse and taking responsability of myself.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to laugh at other people by the things they do and write on their facebook and what they do in their lives </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use my sarcasm to laugh at other people; I realise is a way to protect myself to avoid people hurting me.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">I forgve myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being hurt by other people, and so that´s why in a way I act before they hurt and I hurt instead</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">But I have realised the abuse I make unto others and myself and I compromise myself to stop acting like this bullying character and to stand up as honesty and as transparency.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the bully character where I laugh at others and place me as better than all the people around me, pretending to be full of knowledge and information - Here, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use my knowledge and information to place people as less than me and me as more than others due to past experiencies where that kind of things was done unto me.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in exposing people to laugh at them.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel more than others and to laugh at them as a way of feeling protected and avoid being left out and hurt as the way I was left out and hurt in the past.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that I am still want to be accepted and to be liked by others instead of accepting me first.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in explosive energetic reactions when something is not the way I want or when a person doesn´t react the way I want to instead of breathing and instead of directing myself </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abdicate my responsability and to step out of my process by the belief that I am not worth it or that this process is not for me and that I am not capable of doing it,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowwed myself to participate in wants and desires for being liked by another and to have a relationship and so I want to call the attention of others upon me - I realise I am participating in an inmature character and I am being abusive, dishonest with me and others</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in fears of being alone and left out so I act obsessively upon others forcing them to stay near me.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in these characters and to realise I am participating within them and not taking actions - taking direction and directing myself - Stopping and Breathing through this patterns, behaviours and actions.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being alone due to these behaviours.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel desperate and not grounded within myself to take responsability where I feel lost and not having a guide to follow.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">I realise, accept and observe the abusive ways I have been accepting within myself, the consequences I am creating in me and others.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">When and as I see myself participating in the desire of being sarcastic, and to laugh at other people - I stop, I breathe, I direct myself and I take responsability for myself.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">I compromise myself to Breathe and direct myself and to be again the directive principle within my life and to stop my mind and energetic outbursts within myself to stand as self-honesty and take responsability for myself</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Please also add me to this facebook account https://www.facebook.com/jessieariasu?fref=ts</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Due to this mess I have been openning and closing it/blocking it. I´ll have the 2 of them to walk my process and share info </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Thanks :-)</span><br />
<a href="http://www.mylivesignature.com/" target="_blank"><img src="http://signatures.mylivesignature.com/54490/157/98B5CAE98AC7C05F030076E5779C9DB7.png" style="background: transparent; border: 0 !important;" /></a>Jessica Arias http://www.blogger.com/profile/05516569086418550293noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8521443462689721857.post-84323643951910740882014-08-27T11:49:00.001-07:002014-08-27T11:49:40.923-07:00I found someone<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgEM8o1xCKlx-bjaQc-nkwAHNd9i3ndxwJ7c7BU0eIjAsoACA67r0cMFs1awkXnlz6UmTApKRjs3AkVXRaiMhcqGv1BlBxQD9DeLc1q5ZgIEQYeBxGpleTs19KVTznjjrmvde6kaXjHcg0/s1600/jessica.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgEM8o1xCKlx-bjaQc-nkwAHNd9i3ndxwJ7c7BU0eIjAsoACA67r0cMFs1awkXnlz6UmTApKRjs3AkVXRaiMhcqGv1BlBxQD9DeLc1q5ZgIEQYeBxGpleTs19KVTznjjrmvde6kaXjHcg0/s1600/jessica.jpg" height="320" width="320" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">I found someone that is going to be there for me Always, </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">I found someone that is not going to play with me , </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">someone that is here; accountable, visible, honest and complete</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">I found someone I can count on</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">I found someone that is walking the same journey as me</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">I found someone that is here no matter what, </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">someone that is my support, my assistance, my anchor, my company</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">I found someone that is walking the same process as me </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: x-large;">That someone is ME!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">I am stopping the desires of having a relationship of distracting myself in those desires and wants. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">I know that maybe someday I am going to make an agreement with another person but again I realise that with the first one I am going to make this agreement first is with me.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Also there are a lot of people with whom I can make an agreement - friends, family, group members - the agreement of Being here as this process to assist and support me and others and the entire world to make a change.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">These situations I have lived has assisted me to realise how much I have been distracting myself waiting for that "special need" and yes, I really want someone with whom I can assist myself in that way but I´ll also work on that point - I´ll not sit and wait for the world to put me in my way someone as that, I´ll work for that ..lol..</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">But today, I realised again that I have an agreement with me and I have been distracting and waiting and desiring and dreaming with something with who I can feel and participate in the same systems etc.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">So yes, I found someone</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">I find ME :D!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.mylivesignature.com/" target="_blank"><img src="http://signatures.mylivesignature.com/54490/157/98B5CAE98AC7C05F030076E5779C9DB7.png" style="background: transparent; border: 0 !important;" /></a>Jessica Arias http://www.blogger.com/profile/05516569086418550293noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8521443462689721857.post-9525744550061993862014-08-25T15:19:00.002-07:002014-08-25T15:19:36.802-07:00Time to wake up<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi4g4hAjFQD38pmMLBl6yuXTt-VlpZVfkI2NUlQssymkNS8Yl9gpDy80i_unW1AjufQ5IYzFe7NuaXxcJklD00C0tRCAKYu3vbpuxGQSmgIaVDVnXvjNNr5RTyjDLqKcZ6u2h8soTKB8t4/s1600/08b3abb76f8548e8e1f02e48be96c436.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi4g4hAjFQD38pmMLBl6yuXTt-VlpZVfkI2NUlQssymkNS8Yl9gpDy80i_unW1AjufQ5IYzFe7NuaXxcJklD00C0tRCAKYu3vbpuxGQSmgIaVDVnXvjNNr5RTyjDLqKcZ6u2h8soTKB8t4/s1600/08b3abb76f8548e8e1f02e48be96c436.jpg" height="320" width="145" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Ok, here I am again to report what I have been walking within these days. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">I haven´t been writing but I have been reading Desteni material and watching videos and reading the forums to again align myself to this path.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">I have to stop the pattern within me of looking this process as something separate from me because I have realised is something mine. Is a decision I have taken since I met Desteni and I am not going to stop this.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Yes, I´ll be again taking baby steps. Slowly due to starting things with the energy of enthusiasm and then - due to this - not completing things.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">I have to again Stand.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Well, this is a short blog but I´ll share more later. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<br />
<a href="http://www.mylivesignature.com/" target="_blank"><img src="http://signatures.mylivesignature.com/54490/157/98B5CAE98AC7C05F030076E5779C9DB7.png" style="background: transparent; border: 0 !important;" /></a>Jessica Arias http://www.blogger.com/profile/05516569086418550293noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8521443462689721857.post-17988696657832602292014-08-02T14:58:00.003-07:002014-08-02T17:10:47.219-07:00Part II -- "report" of the week<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5yU84IkV_o8WyIP8G5ffbpH8zVG1I06iLr_qVKpk3eHYrWJ3Ug_d0-kVqNzfD3k4wScpS6usS9gTGOmbZL1ZyGkrcnAtNivc_2ao24DJ5LZjt4wjfOO8CfoR4IWePM2OuEo5aambWcc0/s1600/3f0f2189a74ea959720e04eeca3b2702.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5yU84IkV_o8WyIP8G5ffbpH8zVG1I06iLr_qVKpk3eHYrWJ3Ug_d0-kVqNzfD3k4wScpS6usS9gTGOmbZL1ZyGkrcnAtNivc_2ao24DJ5LZjt4wjfOO8CfoR4IWePM2OuEo5aambWcc0/s1600/3f0f2189a74ea959720e04eeca3b2702.jpg" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Hello, </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">well, I am continuing here with the "report" of the week. I´ll be making one blog in English every week so I can share with All, and not only with the ones who speaks spanish how my process is going :) </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">This week has been full of points to work with.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Again I have been participating in many emotions in relation to feel myself locked in my house, within myself due to not finding a job although I have been moving myself into looking for one...</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">There is a course I´ll be doing in this month --is a free course that is given by the government to help people to have more tools for finding a job and they give you a monetary assistance if you complete it. So, I am looking forward to go to this course to support myself in this process of having a job and stepping out of this mess.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Like I said this week has been full of point to work with: I observed the point of making assumptions within a relationship I have with a friend. I felt insecure because he didn´t answer my facebook messages and I thought he didn´t wanted to talk with me anymore. So, I participated also in being impulsive and texting him in a dramatic way - lol. I felt very bad with that experience that has been a consequence of all this eppisode with the boy I met and with the job I didn´t completed.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">I have been writting all this week in spanish, moving myself to write and assist myself with this and expressing all what I have been walking through these days and I have felt with less weight but yesterday and today I participated in all this stress and anxiety again, the thoughts of wanting to die and seeing this as the only solution possible. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">I want to find a job and find a way to get out of my house, being independent, finding a department or a house - I don´t know, simply I want to find my life and I have been having difficulties with my mom due to this. I observe she thinks in herself only, she says she understand me but indeed she doesn´t. I am very grateful that she is supporting me in having me here in my house, but I kind of see that also she likes it like this, because she in a way can control me - she tells me the way she will felt if I go and I see that she wants me to be always with her as she was with my grandmother. My mom didn´t do his life due to being with my grandmother and also with me. And well, I am not going to dissapear or let my mom alone but I don´t want to be as her.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">We have been going with a psychologist and she also sees my mom this way. I didn´t wanted to see my mom this way but in fact is like that, and well, I also have a responsability in this due to not stepping out of my confort zone and being dependent of others. I realise this with my mom, and also with my friends, I thought I was not dependant, but in a way I am due to beliving I am alone and also I fear this because I don´t want to manipulate others but I feel left aside, betrayed also with myself due to observing I accept many things due to not being alone, left aside and being accepted....</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">With this friend I have in facebook I feel with a company cause we use to talk several times in the week and now he has stopped writting and I feel alone and the emptiness in my life. We have been talking as that since January and the last month the relationship was more close and now he just dissapears and also I feel sad, and insecure again thinking that was due to something I did. I really miss him although I know is an illusion and I don´t have to depend in others to be ok. But, I enjoyed his companionship all this months.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">I don´t want to feel all the things I felt when M. stepped out of my life. I stopped eating and I had panic attacks and a lot of mess I accepted and allowed within myself due to that desire of having a relationship and then observing that he didn´t wanted something serious and I wasn´t important also because in a few days he found another girl and I just was named like a "sister" by him, I thought that I was going to have a nice relation with him but no, again the same...just another friend in facebook and just that...any contact at all.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">In the past I didn´t placed a lot of importance if people talked to me or not, I enjoyed being here at home and I just played a movie or music and I felt ok. Now is different, I feel trapped, I feel claustrophobic, I want to go out and be all the day outside my house, But I can´t...I have no money...I have to ask my mom and she cannot give me a lot of money cause we have other priorities. I want to make my crochet stuff but I can´t because is another activity I have to do locked in my house...., then my mom makes me feel I am sick, and when I tell her what I want to do she says I can´t due to my mental issues....LOL..is a vicious cicle! I have to make radical changes and the only thing my mind says is "kill yourself". I see it as the only way through but....I am not brave enough to take that step....</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">But I am here and indeed I want to step out of all this mess. Correct all the consequences, Accept my responsability in all I have made and all I haven´t.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Thanks for reading and being here. I´ll continue next week.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<a href="http://www.mylivesignature.com/" target="_blank"><img src="http://signatures.mylivesignature.com/54490/157/98B5CAE98AC7C05F030076E5779C9DB7.png" style="background: transparent; border: 0 !important;" /></a>Jessica Arias http://www.blogger.com/profile/05516569086418550293noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8521443462689721857.post-51690252777102303092014-07-23T16:36:00.001-07:002014-07-24T13:34:07.890-07:00Cutting the crap. I fuck everything - part 1 - <br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhY6cQIH97VdTMOJ6trnojXC1qSZ7Wzr_W-5T9nx1637gqwtyQ2wTxfxpGFxwQQxgz5YG_m46afjqzzbnMK1zYtsa088AJEC2EAJl0EuT32sKO-uoNKPmuV-eLYx-ze68_ssfi1BLf2dJU/s1600/39acb2699101a4d3d5ae56c587bbdb34.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhY6cQIH97VdTMOJ6trnojXC1qSZ7Wzr_W-5T9nx1637gqwtyQ2wTxfxpGFxwQQxgz5YG_m46afjqzzbnMK1zYtsa088AJEC2EAJl0EuT32sKO-uoNKPmuV-eLYx-ze68_ssfi1BLf2dJU/s1600/39acb2699101a4d3d5ae56c587bbdb34.jpg" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Hello, I am writting here so you all can read what has happenned with me in this months.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Literally I throw away my process - at least I felt that way. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">As some of you know I was looking for a job, so I found one and I went very excited and with the best attitude to be there and stand within this part within my life - having a job, being consistent and surviving in the system and also to support myself in reaching more goals and experiences - I was indeed happy being there and also knowing people and going out of my house, having another perspective of life and seeing other things besides my house, dogs, internet, etc.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">There I knew I a boy - I began to know him and I was very interested due to his interest in me. We went out, he kissed me, we again went out; more kisses but I stopped the relationship due to fears, ideas and opinions. He had a girlfriend in other country and I saw It was not honest for me to follow with this and also observing me that I wanted to follow just to loose my virginity and he just to have sex; the virginity illusion is something that is bothering me. LOL! </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Within this I really felt very bad due to being my first kind of "relationship" ( or approach) ..my first kiss...my first approach to someone that was interested in me...More illusions in fact. Observing this I fell more in the deep due to my deshonesty, I was feeling very dissapointed with myself and I still am....</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">All this together with the failure I felt with stopping working there and not seeing a way out of this mess I really fell in a depression. I participated in suicidal ideas, ( I still have them but I am taking medication ), I was cutting myself to release the anger, the fears, the anxiety.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Yes, I should´ve ask for help in Desteni but I am still in this patterns of keeping all within myself thinking that I am bothering people and also thinking that anyone can help me to get out of this tramp.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Through the days I have been working with this demons...not a lot I am sincere...due to desires of really stopping everything and dying. I really wanted to die, to go, to leave. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Few days ago I saw this guy again. Again he kissed me and we talked. I saw the illusion I made to myself due to the desire of having a relationship and to not seeing the reality within relationships right now - is all about sex, self interest and any support.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">The other part is with the job stuff. I haven´t found anything and is very hard and I am feeling more angry and anxious due to not seeing a way through.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">I enjoy selling my crochet stuff but also that has been a tough work to do...I feel anxious and weird....</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Yes, this pattern of starting and falling is recurrent in my process. A system I have to work with. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Not completing things, not being stable and distracting myself with images in my mind, desires to have a relationship, the feeling of loneliness, the anxiety of not doing what I want and the inner anger with myself for being so dumb!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">I really don´t understand anything.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in emotions of depression and invalidating myself through comparing myself to the life of others.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see other´s life and fantasize with being them due to unvalidating my life to the utmost that I desire to have what they have - within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel that is very late to correct myself and my life and to feel fear in relation to my future within this world.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">I forgive myselfg that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel there is not solution for me and so participating in suicidal ideas and desires to leave this world.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to forget about myself and to be dishonest due to wanting to be as others and through thinking that others are better than me.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I commit myself to show myself the value I have and to push myself to stand and to continue supporting myself alone or with others,</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">I commit myself to stop paying more attention to others and to accept myself as who I am, to be honest with my decisions, to stop regrets and sadness, and to have responsability of all what I accept and allow within myself. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">I commit myself to stand as consistency. I commit myself to show myself I can do this.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">I commit myself to stop the desires and wishes of throwing all away and being as other people.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">( i´ll follow this in my spanish blog)</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<a href="http://www.mylivesignature.com/" target="_blank"><img src="http://signatures.mylivesignature.com/54490/157/98B5CAE98AC7C05F030076E5779C9DB7.png" style="background: transparent; border: 0 !important;" /></a>aJessica Arias http://www.blogger.com/profile/05516569086418550293noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8521443462689721857.post-15506529499006901182013-04-01T22:55:00.003-07:002013-04-01T23:00:51.294-07:00Day # 63 BEing Aware of My Breath. <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://media-cache-ec7.pinterest.com/736x/81/91/65/81916574fe9a06bbc767c9f5b8e68ca3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://media-cache-ec7.pinterest.com/736x/81/91/65/81916574fe9a06bbc767c9f5b8e68ca3.jpg" width="232" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">In my blog in Spanish I have been walking 21 days to remove a pattern. For me it has been like an investigation. An Investigation to see in where areas I am still being dependent and defining myself with and as the system.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">So, I have been settling down within this - assisting with my cell-phone as an alarm to wake up after 6 hours of sleep and of course, with my breath!!.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"> I haven´t been exact - in waking up in the mornings but I have been working in the points that leads me to suppress my reality. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">I have been again realizing that I pressure myself very much and I give a lot of attention to this as Energy - stress, tenseness, tension .... CONcentration! yes, that´s the word. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">The more I CON-centrate in this the more I fail. Why? 'cause it has been since that Starting point of pressure. Wanting to change, wanting to do something I have been postponing and wanting to do something that I never complete. I mean that I have this pattern of not completing things within and as my life. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">So, today I have this crisis again. The fears, the doubts, seeing me in the future with nothing that is completely mine. This was triggered by an order I had to do in crochet - my client was giving me a lot of excuses in relation to the doll I was making and I exploded and I told to myself that I was going </span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><a href="http://media-cache-ec5.pinterest.com/736x/07/1c/c0/071cc0cb72d24f1aa7139d71cf590b92.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://media-cache-ec5.pinterest.com/736x/07/1c/c0/071cc0cb72d24f1aa7139d71cf590b92.jpg" width="211" /></a></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">to stop doing this things - participating in the back-chats of :"<i>I ´ve had enough of this; I don´t sell my products the way I have to, I give them very cheap, I don´t have the money I want.</i> <i>So I will just CONcentrate in the job I am doing in the web and in the meantime I will search for another one. I need the F. Money".</i></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><i><br /></i></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">So, I went to talk to my mom - she gave me solutions and options but I didn´t wanted to hear. So again - wanting to hide, wanting to run and wanting to participate in self-pity. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">I stayed in my room for a while - breathing and observing me again in this pattern and my behaviors and this program inside me that makes me throw everything away and start in other area.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">So, I open my laptop and I started watching the videos that I didn´t watched in the <b><a href="http://heavensjourneytolife.blogspot.com/" target="_blank">Heaven´s Journey to Life Blogs </a></b>and then reading other member blog´s and <a href="http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/" target="_blank"><b>Bernard´s Blog - Creation Journey to Life</b></a> and again made myself aware of my breath and start applying SF with the examples in HJTL blogs and I realized - in addition of what I wrote yesterday in my spanish blog - that I keep defining myself as systems. I know I am one; I have been participating in them since I was born - and knowing those systems I have realized I am not a MCS - but in allowing them here as me - one and equal as me - I am indeed a system, and so my reality becomes a mess and i create consequences. And also I realized that with wanting to reject them again I am going into separation and not giving a solution to myself.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">So, I began being aware of my breath where I realized the solution to the trigger point that drove me to the same </span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><a href="http://media-cache-ec2.pinterest.com/736x/5a/ad/c9/5aadc928584462c7cff6991cc9af715f.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://media-cache-ec2.pinterest.com/736x/5a/ad/c9/5aadc928584462c7cff6991cc9af715f.jpg" width="234" /></a></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">'mental-state' - a simple one! so I gave to my client the solution and to myself also - not abandoning this little business that I have and to keep with the solutions I put for me: Assisting myself with this job I found in the internet which a friend recommended me and to then completing my studies. I haven´t received a payment yet, but my friend says they pay so I am calmed. lol. So with that, assisting my mom as before and searching for and to study Homeopathy. Is a process I will walk. And I have to build the way to this decision.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Ok, well, this is a review of some points that I have been walking and correcting within me. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">I again commit myself to not fall and to hide and to run. As I always do and also to not see things with my mind´s eyes - which is the thing I do always.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Thanks for reading, </span><br />
<a href="http://www.mylivesignature.com/" target="_blank"><img src="http://signatures.mylivesignature.com/54490/157/98B5CAE98AC7C05F030076E5779C9DB7.png" style="background: transparent; border: 0 !important;" /></a><br />
<br />
<span style="background-color: #f3f3f3;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12px; line-height: 19px;">...So, as part of the </span><a href="http://desteniiprocess.com/" style="font-size: 12px; line-height: 19px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none;">process</a><span style="font-size: 12px; line-height: 19px;"> - to Find within Yourself a ‘spec of life’ and eventually Birth Yourself as the Tree of Life to ‘Bear the Fruit of Life’: You’re going to have to </span><a href="https://eqafe.com/p/waiting-for-change-to-come-to-me-reptilians-support-part-176" style="font-size: 12px; line-height: 19px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none;">Change</a></span><span style="font-size: 12px; line-height: 19px;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">the Constitution of Yourself, you’re going to have to Genetically Modify yourself as Organism, become a GMO, Modifying yourself to That Which is Best for All Life. If you don’t, you’re Doomed by Yourself and Only You are Responsible. Even those Affected by Others, You Remain Responsible to What Happens ‘Within you’, Who you are, What you Allow or What you Accept – that is simple Science, it is Mathematics, it is the Function of Reality...</span><span style="font-family: Lucida Grande, Geneva, Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span></span><br />
<a href="http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2013/04/day-343-internet-is-global-mind-part-2.html" style="background-color: #f3f3f3;" target="_blank">Creation´s Journey to Life</a><br />
<br />Jessica Arias http://www.blogger.com/profile/05516569086418550293noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8521443462689721857.post-12033825580853712522012-10-11T20:30:00.003-07:002012-10-11T20:36:59.381-07:00Day # 62 -- Not liking to receive, not liking to Give...<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://www.deviantart.com/download/118194585/im_falling_to_pieces__by_RunWhiteRabbit.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="347" src="http://www.deviantart.com/download/118194585/im_falling_to_pieces__by_RunWhiteRabbit.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
<span style="color: purple; font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Not liking to receive, not liking to Give...and...not liking to Give and so not Receiving.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">This words came up within and as myself investigating more about this physical consequence of the bronchial asthma I have.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">I see myself receiving things without resistance and when is my turn to give I breath deep and I like of shorten my breath - I still see here a lot of self-interest within myself and resistances to forgive and forget past events in my life.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">I am walking my relationship with my mom in my Spanish blog and today I came here to do it in English. I have realised the way I define the relationship I have with my mom and the way I define me within this relation. Is all about my perceptions and ideas and past events that I haven´t released within myself - with her and others.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Today I was very uncomfortable with this illness that I caused within myself - fear of dying and also the other polarity of wanting/desiring to having a break and giving a final blow of breath in all of these and so giving up again. Seeing me in that path of going/hiding or continuing here to support myself like I have decided to do. But, I see that I always take the easy way-out of things and so I am here and well, I am standing and not hearing my mind this time and although it seems like everything is collapsing and I am facing me for the very first time - and is not a 'good...or 'bad' face...but is a face I haven´t seen in my whole life. LOl - is always about fear in my life -- specially in compromising myself with me and with others...within this then I feel guilt and I feel sad and those are the <a href="http://eqafe.com/p/the-emotional-and-feeling-body-system-and-physical-energy-alignments">feelings</a> I don´t want to feel and due to knowing myself - as the mind - I prefer also isolating ...</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Ok, so I am here again - cleaning me as a house - making a deep clean within and as myself and stand.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel resistance within and as changing myself due to holding in this back-chat that "<i>is more easy to continue as I am than moving things that I have under the carpet</i> - saying "<i>those things as secrets are there for something, <a href="http://eqafe.com/p/joao-jesus-who-i-am">who I am</a> to move that?</i>" - "<i>this is not going to help me</i>" - " <i>I am not changing</i>" - "<i>I fall and I don´t correct myself even if I write a bible of <a href="http://wiki.destonians.com/Self-Forgiveness">Self-Forgiveness</a></i>" - "<i>I am like this and I am not going to change so easy"</i>.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in emotional energetic movements so I can fuel this victim character I have created - Instead of moving myself to do it, instead of whining and making a fuss out of everything - standing as the Presence of Myself in Every breath and so stopping me from over-analizing everything as the mind without considering the physical reality as myself here.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">I realise this is a Pre-programmed system infused within myself from one of my parents - which I know is my father! and So, So, is not who I am. Is a pre-programmed system inside me.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define me as the mind C, systems, to give it attention and value and to think and feel I am this mind and I can control it - I realise that I want to control it in separation of myself and not taming me and directing myself in the simplicity in every breath.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">So, I realise that I am being again hard towards myself wanting/desiring to see a 'great' change to believe in me and so giving value to all, limiting myself as self-expression. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be as the ego of the mind and participate in spitefulness within and as myself and so with all and everyone within my environment.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">A back-chat:</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><i>"Why is everything in this world so difficult"/"Why this world was created"/"those that created this 'life' didn´t have anything else to do than fucking people" and now ME has to solve everything...</i>¬¬°</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to follow my back-chats so I can deliberately 'wash my hands' out of my responsibilities and <a href="http://eqafe.com/p/life-review-compromising-dreams-for-money">compromises</a> I have with myself and with others and using this words as excuses and as a way to hide and whining instead of standing and walking through this mind-demons pre-programmed inside myself and fuelled by me within and as this participation/attention I give to them.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><b>I have a Choice in every moment of my breath - being here as myself to walk what´s Best for All in Every Action, word and deed.</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><b>So, who is going to decide me or my mind. </b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel a resistance/movement inside myself when I read this words in relation to choices and being responsable and all - due to not having self-trust and really being here in oneness and equality within and as myself.<b> </b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel this nastiness with all related to correcting and changing one self.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">I stop me as this emotions and feelings - I realise and see this is not me - is my mind resisting/making me resist - so distracting myself from what I really am.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in whining and in exaggerations Instead of closing my mouth and moving me as and in the physical to do and make the things I have to do to built my life within and as the foundations of what is Best for All.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">I commit myself to unvoice me as my Mind - So the one that talks and expresses a word can be Me as who I am in Every Moment of Every breath.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take the easy path within and as myself that is the mind - loosing me and separating me as the mind - Instead of being Here. Standing with Everything and All that is me Here in every moment of each breath.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">I commit myself to Stop being childish as desires/wants of the mind to hide and play around - Instead of compromising with and as me as Life.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">I commit myself to Be responsible - to stop me as illusions in my mind.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">I commit myself to establish myself efficiently in this world-system to continue supporting myself in the physical reality.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">When and as I see myself participating in resistance, in mind chatting and in nastiness - I stop, I direct myself - I breath and I take me back here as me within and as my physicality. This is what I am - the physical, my breath, my body. I am here.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">My mind is not me. I stop the relation with my mind. I embrace it and I transcend it</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">ok, I´ll be continuing with the first point of wanting everything for me and so, not Giving what I Receive - cause I see that point of wanting others to Give me - I was a princess in my other life or what? Well, a Rotten Child I was...LOL</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">ok, I´ll be walking more and more </span><br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="zemanta-pixie" style="height: 15px; margin-top: 10px;">
<a class="zemanta-pixie-a" href="http://www.zemanta.com/?px" title="Enhanced by Zemanta"><img alt="Enhanced by Zemanta" class="zemanta-pixie-img" src="http://img.zemanta.com/zemified_f.png?x-id=571e71db-0106-4722-b70a-acdcd0c1273b" style="border: none; float: right;" /></a></div>
Jessica Arias http://www.blogger.com/profile/05516569086418550293noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8521443462689721857.post-2390087030356360622012-10-07T13:42:00.000-07:002012-10-07T13:42:43.017-07:00Day # 61 -- I want to Craft Character - part 2<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg_sqKhgcyZsWRnjvnlXFTGMI0t-es08bMpsNoCVUsJ9aVTNkrvw50O8YWFQH2OSk5XHfmrN5dLAIyqlk4iO7P0iaq9yJh-jpdFu0bhvHkWTAzgrsy2BkteWcnzl0oxF-vky8BZIPAUi70/s1600/monitos+pedido+grande%C2%B0+001.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg_sqKhgcyZsWRnjvnlXFTGMI0t-es08bMpsNoCVUsJ9aVTNkrvw50O8YWFQH2OSk5XHfmrN5dLAIyqlk4iO7P0iaq9yJh-jpdFu0bhvHkWTAzgrsy2BkteWcnzl0oxF-vky8BZIPAUi70/s400/monitos+pedido+grande%C2%B0+001.JPG" width="400" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Ok, here I continue with the past blog that was:</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">" I want to Craft Character"</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Yesterday I had time to made some crafts - and well, I observe more dimensions here - as for example the positive energetic reactions I have when I am doing them - I realise in having this reactions as Positive energetic sensations as polarities I am not here in the moment of my physical movements and I am not here present in every moment as the process I am walking to get the craft done.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel good/ to feel I am 'doing something important within my life/with my day/ with the moments I am doing the crafts and I participate in the back-chat of " I want to do this all my life" within this not giving importance to the reality that is here as me, to the other responsibilities I have to complete within and as me, only by being there as an energetic possessed character that only <a href="http://eqafe.com/p/life-review-seeing-through-the-eyes-of-the-mind">sees</a> what I doing here as self-interest participating in desires/wants to not being bothered with other mundane points as when my mom says to me "Search for a job in the web instead of being there just wasting my time' or 'those things don´t generate money do something that generates money'.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to distract myself within a point that is feeding my self-interest and using an activity to distract myself and to feed my mind - Instead of doing it without energetic dependencies - Just Me here in Every breath.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Let´s say "Free" to Enjoy Myself in every breath with no other suppressions and points of postponement. I mean - when I have all the things done - the priority ones completed I can do the things I have as extracurricular points....</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Here I am not saying that I rush in the other things to have time for me to feel free and do what I want - no - and also I am not defining my tasks within a polarity of fun and not fun, or the things I like and the ones I don´t.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">So; I commit myself to walk all the things I have here in my reality within and as Self-Responsability and Self-attention and also stop Moving myself in a rush so I can 'clean my hands' of the ones I have to do first so I can be 'free' to do the others I like more...</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">So Here, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define things/activities/tasks/things that I do for others as less important and within and as the things I do for me I feel and experience myself as free, as like If I am doing something for me .</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect the activities I do for others as something I am not doing it for me - Instead if Being here as me in every activity and realising that everything Here is ME! and I am all that is here - One and equal to myself.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">When and as I see myself separating me from the activities I do - I stop, I breathe and I Embrace everything I do as myself and I do them with that Consideration, Self-responsability.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">So Here I Realise, see and Accept that Everything is here - I stop Separating me as Individual from all the things I do, from all the things I walk as the physical - Nothing is a separated point. Everything is here and so, I realise, see and understand that every thing I do is a part of me and so, my mind is the one that is making a difference and a separation making me believe that I am a separate individual that is alien to this world and reality.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am a separated matter from all the things/persons/activities/tasks I do here in my reality and in world and so <a href="http://eqafe.com/p/life-review-acceptance-and-allowance-vs-the-decision">accepting and allowing</a> that my mind constantly and continuously tells me that I am special, or that I am giving my job as a gift and so thinking that anyone is going to appreciate it..</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">The other Point I see here is that I place in me a Defence Mechanism and that I am 'Alert' as the mind - participating in that character that is "If this and then this". </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Instead of moving myself unconditionally and genuine in every moment.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Ok, the next point I´ll be walking this - the point that unfolds from all this - the point of thinking and feeling that I am Giving my work - as free - making my job for free expecting an award if is not of people - of Life. An Award from Life - ' a good person character' --wow! a lot of dimensions here LOL!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">ok, I´ll continue.!! </span>Jessica Arias http://www.blogger.com/profile/05516569086418550293noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8521443462689721857.post-62722176247870637112012-10-03T16:09:00.001-07:002012-10-03T16:09:23.191-07:00Day # 60 -- I want to Craft Character <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://media-cache-ec6.pinterest.com/upload/26036504065556379_3l4dj5vb_c.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://media-cache-ec6.pinterest.com/upload/26036504065556379_3l4dj5vb_c.jpg" width="210" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><span id="goog_2097078907"></span><span id="goog_2097078908"></span><a href="http://www.blogger.com/"></a>Within these days I have been <a href="http://eqafe.com/p/the-emotional-and-feeling-body-system-and-physical-energy-alignments">feeling</a> this energetic movement inside me of doing crafts.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">In these moments I want to make something to decorate my house. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">I enjoy doing crafts with my hands but the moving force is <a href="http://eqafe.com/p/reptilians-energy-the-son-of-god-part-54">Energy</a> - I get excited, I rush and I tend to not enjoy me in the moment here, and while I am doing them I am in other place in my mind....</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">So, here I´ll walk this Character.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><u>FEAR DIMENSION</u></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">I forgive myself that I have <a href="http://eqafe.com/p/lifereview-being-liked">accepted</a> and allowed myself to participate in fears in relation of not having <a href="http://eqafe.com/p/reptilians-time-consciousness-s-worst-enemy-part-67">time</a> to do the craft I wish to do - Instead of being here stopping energetic reactions and <a href="http://eqafe.com/p/emotional-turmoil-as-a-radical-reaction-within-relationship">emotions</a>/feelings in relation to <a href="http://eqafe.com/p/atlanteans-controlling-time-part-13">time</a>.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that something - as another situation/task/<a href="http://eqafe.com/p/life-review-compromising-dreams-for-money">compromise</a> gets in the way so that I cannot do the craft I wish to do in the moment - Instead of stopping me as the fear dimension so I can eliminate more character creations in the moment. I Stop, I breathe and I continue doing my physical activity</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that the moment that I can do the craft is already late. - I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear time.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear others as my mom/grandmother to bother me and ask me 'What I am doing?' while I am doing the craft/activity - in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be scolded by my <a href="http://eqafe.com/p/life-review-the-crazy-mother">mother</a>/grandmother due to me moving things in the house/decorating a place in the way they don´t like.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in fears of something getting in my way to criticize me or to make me feel weird/so grown-up to do the craft/activity and also fears of others telling me that I better do something else that requires more importance - I realise, see and understand that this is not real - is the <a href="http://eqafe.com/p/reptilians-who-is-the-mind-part-15">mind</a> creating energetic reactions as fears to so feed itself. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel fears and to participate in emotions and feelings of not having time to do it and also <a href="http://eqafe.com/p/life-review-living-fear">fearing</a> that in the mean time that I am doing a craft something else important may need attention from me - In this - I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect doing crafts with fears. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect doing crafts with the fear of being out of time.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">When and as I see myself participating in fears due to not having time ( time is my trigger point ) in every situation that I am in - I breathe, I place myself here in the Presence of myself and I see, realise and understand that time as the <a href="http://eqafe.com/p/reptilians-the-mind-as-the-spider-s-web-part-33">mind</a> does not exists - is only a conglomeration of moments here as breath.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">I am here as breath within and as myself - <a href="http://eqafe.com/i/jarias-reptilians-breath-the-answer-to-life-part-23">Breathing</a> in and out - there are moments. a lot moments as breaths.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">I see, realise and understand that as breaths I am Constant - there are many breaths in Life - no beginning - no end - Breath is here as me.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">So, When and as I see myself fearing time within and as my day - I stop, I Breathe.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">When and as I see myself while doing crafts fearing that my mom will come to say me that why I am doing that/criticizing and reacting to my decorations and crafts I want to place in my house - Instead of reacting also, I stop me from going into a reaction towards here: like taking it personal or feeling sad and <a href="http://eqafe.com/p/life-review-my-life-of-anger">angry</a> - I breathe and I stop me as <a href="http://eqafe.com/p/the-secret-history-of-the-universe-the-sound-of-energy-part-10">Energy</a>. I continue placed in the physical as Me - Stopping energetic movements inside me and I continue expressing myself and enjoying me in the moment</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">So, I commit myself to stop the Fear dimension within and as myself in the moment I see me going to that realms and scenarios in my mind - So I can stop me here from Giving Life and attention to the attempt of the mind to take me to create more dimensions and so separating myself more of here as the Presence of Myself.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">I don´t longer accept to be a Servant for the mind - I commit myself to Stand as the Directive Principle here in each moment of breath.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">I commit myself to manage my time and as a Practical and Workable <a href="http://eqafe.com/p/the-solution-of-life">Solution</a> to myself so I can stop mind perceptions of not having time to Live in my life.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><u>THOUGHT DIMENSION</u></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I will not have time and to see myself doing the craft in a rush cause I didn´t managed my time efficiently and so stopping myself to do the craft or other activity that surges in the moment.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in <a href="http://eqafe.com/p/life-review-how-thoughts-bombard-the-physical-and-destroy-self">thoughts</a> of me doing the craft and also feeling tiredness and stopping myself due to images of me scolding myself and saying I have more important things to do and so connecting making a pause within my compromises and other tasks and <a href="http://eqafe.com/p/matti-freeman-home-is-here">home</a>-works as a distraction that is bad and based in self-interest - so <a href="http://eqafe.com/p/life-review-seeing-through-the-eyes-of-the-mind">seeing</a> me that I am being irresponsible.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that my mom will discover what I am doing and she will get mad and she will tell me 'Don´t place that decoration on the house - i don´t like it' so taking this as a point to stop myself from expressing myself in this activity.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">I see, realise and understand that the force within and as myself is the mind - I depend on a though to tell me and to let me do the things I have to do and so I depend on a though to validate my <a href="http://eqafe.com/p/life-review-acceptance-and-allowance-vs-the-decision">decisions</a> and my physical movements as expressions.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">When and as I see myself going in to the pre-programmed mind movement of going to a thought to so wait for a validation or like the 'push I needed to move myself and do it - I stop, I breathe and I place myself here as the presence of myself and I do the things I have to do without depending on others to do them</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">I see, realise and understand that the Physical Movement as Expression is moving and so Do it.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Also here - I see that I may observe my priorities in my day - realise that the desire that makes me go to do the craft is a self-interest if I have other things to do; not based in importance as polarities but as a way to complete in order other compromises I have or 'making a pause' during my day within the tasks I have to do and Express myself doing a craft, going out to walk, drawing etc.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">The Desire as a Force to Stand and let the task/activity/home-work that I am doing due to making what is best for All - is Self-Interest.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Me as an Expression - of making a craft or an activity to enjoy myself has to be based in Simplicity.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Ok so doing a recap --> While making the Craft participating in energy - as I said directed by that desire to make something I want now in spite of other thing I have to do</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">ok, so - I´ll be continuing this </span><br />
<div class="zemanta-pixie" style="height: 15px; margin-top: 10px;">
<a class="zemanta-pixie-a" href="http://www.zemanta.com/?px" title="Enhanced by Zemanta"><img alt="Enhanced by Zemanta" class="zemanta-pixie-img" src="http://img.zemanta.com/zemified_f.png?x-id=3b748f6e-3015-43ff-aa60-1285ec563841" style="border: none; float: right;" /></a></div>
Jessica Arias http://www.blogger.com/profile/05516569086418550293noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8521443462689721857.post-1058423311168726082012-10-01T20:09:00.003-07:002012-10-01T20:09:40.338-07:00Day 59 -- More on Postponement Part 2 <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgRXybgIuuwQP9VALPIz0ptB_pSG3Eiexu5ZElk5Aq5OWiQglOVthaofRd57rXdKSizl8dMcTGWe6aXfby4NrlcNKmQe0eQ7uiHbWVSwqcvbBJDvYh927Tz9CR9w81W3mjIG3PMKfl5oK4/s1600/jessie78.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="331" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgRXybgIuuwQP9VALPIz0ptB_pSG3Eiexu5ZElk5Aq5OWiQglOVthaofRd57rXdKSizl8dMcTGWe6aXfby4NrlcNKmQe0eQ7uiHbWVSwqcvbBJDvYh927Tz9CR9w81W3mjIG3PMKfl5oK4/s400/jessie78.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
<u><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">REACTION DIMENSION</span></u><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">I forgive myself for <a href="http://eqafe.com/p/life-review-acceptance-and-allowance-vs-the-decision">accepting and allowing</a> myself to participate in a reaction when I <a href="http://eqafe.com/p/life-review-seeing-through-the-eyes-of-the-mind">see</a> I have to do things in the moment I don´t want - and so participating in postponement - such as <a href="http://eqafe.com/p/the-emotional-and-feeling-body-system-and-physical-energy-alignments">feeling</a> and experiencing myself heavy physically and dragging my feet to the place I have to do the thing I have to do and complete</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Instead of Moving Myself Physically and getting myself to do it in the breath and so stopping me as reactions and physical movements that shows my <a href="http://eqafe.com/p/life-review-my-life-of-behaviour-modification">behaviour</a> within a negative energetic movement.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">I realise, see and understand that this reactions are created by me as the <a href="http://eqafe.com/p/reptilians-who-is-the-mind-part-15">mind</a> since the first point of thinking instead of Moving myself to do in in the moment of the emergence of the task, the point, the <a href="http://eqafe.com/p/matti-freeman-home-is-here">home</a>-work etc. - a physical movement</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">I forgive myself that I have <a href="http://eqafe.com/p/lifereview-being-liked">accepted</a> and allowed myself to create and to establish within my body; my physicality a reaction that makes me go into limitation and <a href="http://eqafe.com/p/reptilians-energy-the-son-of-god-part-54">Energy</a> as polarities such as negativity, neutrality, <a href="http://eqafe.com/p/life-review-positivity-did-not-stop-the-darkness-of-me">positivity</a> - so ; I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect the physical movement within and as an energetic reaction such as negative, neutral, and positive.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">I see, realise and understand how the 'Force' in Me is Dependant on <a href="http://eqafe.com/p/the-secret-history-of-the-universe-the-sound-of-energy-part-10">Energy</a> and not dependant as What I am as this Physical Movement in Simplicity as Life - I mean, just moving me in the moment, as the breath; one breath in/breath out=Done. The force has to be that Movement in the Moment not thinking and not waiting to the thought to activate as like I am following orders - orders from the <a href="http://eqafe.com/p/reptilians-the-mind-as-the-spider-s-web-part-33">mind</a>.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">I see, realise and Understand that I am the Force as the mind that makes me Move and that´s why I participate and I go within all the parts of the Character Creation.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">When and as I see myself participating in the reaction - if I am here in this phase already - I stop, I <a href="http://eqafe.com/i/jarias-reptilians-breath-the-answer-to-life-part-23">breathe</a> and I move myself within and as my physical to complete the things I have to do in the moment</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">I commit myself to Stand since the very beginning of the character creation with and as the Self-Responsability of realising the <a href="http://eqafe.com/p/reptilians-the-future-of-consequence-part-41">consequence</a> of all this Lack of Direction in Every Breath.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">When and as I see myself going into the Postponement character - with going first to the <a href="http://eqafe.com/p/life-review-living-fear">fears</a> and <a href="http://eqafe.com/p/life-review-how-thoughts-bombard-the-physical-and-destroy-self">thoughts</a> - I stop, I breathe, I stand here having in consideration that If I don´t Direct Myself in the Moment I´ll let my mind to move myself.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">I commit myself to Stop here, to stand here and So stopping me from this waiting Character; the one that says: 'Only this One <a href="http://eqafe.com/p/reptilians-time-consciousness-s-worst-enemy-part-67">Time</a>' and so sabotaging myself in a Moment of <a href="http://eqafe.com/i/jarias-reptilians-the-fear-of-change-part-29">change</a></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<a href="http://eqafe.com/p/life-review-only-this-one-last-time" target="_blank"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Check the Life Review of "Only this One Time". </span></a><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<a href="http://www.mylivesignature.com/" target="_blank"><span style="font-size: large;"><img src="http://signatures.mylivesignature.com/54490/157/98B5CAE98AC7C05F030076E5779C9DB7.png" style="background: transparent; border: 0 !important;" /></span></a><br />
<div class="zemanta-pixie" style="height: 15px; margin-top: 10px;">
<a class="zemanta-pixie-a" href="http://www.zemanta.com/?px" title="Enhanced by Zemanta"><img alt="Enhanced by Zemanta" class="zemanta-pixie-img" src="http://img.zemanta.com/zemified_f.png?x-id=d0c33543-397f-410a-94b8-1ca420d97242" style="border: none; float: right;" /></a></div>
Jessica Arias http://www.blogger.com/profile/05516569086418550293noreply@blogger.com0