Day # 32 - Me without Internet Character.

These days I  have been  without Internet connection - I don´t know what happened...
The Internet connection is not mine, is from my neighbours that 'nicely' let me to connect through their signal. 
And well, these days I was unplugged from this 'world' and I participated in a lot of worries and thoughts  - which I have been directing through writing and breathing - writing in my notebook to follow this journey...
The Characters I saw --was the ones that I recognize very well; the fears, the thoughts, the imaginations and the worries, and throwing me into 'drama'. I am yes, a dramatic character indeed when something is not the way I want.


Today I saw the Internet signal available and well, I´ll write here the context of all of which I have been experiencing these days; all these like a summary.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to panic when I don´t have Internet access at home - participating in sadness and in worries when I noticed I was unplugged and without having the opportunity to be plugged and to write in my blog and check my social communities which lead me to blame the system and so the life I have in which I don´t have the money to contract an Internet service for my own and so being without any worries on this matter - instead of being here directing myself in the physical and breathing. I see, realize and understand I don´t 'win' anything making a drama and a tantrum which are just mind egos and a way to abuse myself as life. 
Whenever I see myself participating in these tantrums I direct myself in the physical with the breath and I bring my participating back here to myself and I walk as simplicity and common sense.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in drama/tantrums when something in my reality is not happening as the image and perception I have in my mind, so these leads me to participate in energy reactions and inner-conflicts and so I manifest abuse and separation.
 Whenever I see myself participating in these energy reactions I stop, I direct myself and I stand as self-responsability and common sense and I stop.


I forgive myself that I haven´t  accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand the character I am personifying when I don´t have what I want/desire due to mind images and pictures which is the one I appeal when I was a child when I wanted something and due to these tantrums I always obtain what I wanted from others and so, these character are pre-programmed and induced due to self-interest and mind egos so I can have what my mind dictated me due to wishes/desires/wants.


So; I realize, see and understand how I have created this characters to get what I want due to mind egos and self-interest.


And so, I forgive myself that I  have accepted and allowed myself to have as a trigger point the Internet connection to manifest/create/participate in characters that are just feeding abuse and separation within me instead of being here as the physical and common sense to see, realize and walk the reality-situations in equality and oneness and so, remain here as life to walk and stand as Simplicity. 


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in inner-conflicts when I don´t have Internet access thinking and believing that I cannot do another thing or t asking myself what I would do without my Internet access - wasting time and breaths in the mind - so compromising life to a tool that is here to support me and to assist me instead of creating a conflict for me. So I realize and understand the pattern of obsessing myself with things that are near me.


I forgive myself that I haven´t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize and understand that by participating in systems as obsessions I am separating me from myself and so from others and from all that is here as myself - I am so, compromising life by defining all/everything and everyone through the mind
So, Whenever I see myself placing things as more than me - and so entering in the obsessed character - I stop; I breathe; I direct myself in the physical and I calm myself. I walk and breath by breath I live.


I realise, see and understand how my mind as me creates relationships with all, everything and everyone due to insecurities and the separation I have allowed within and as myself. 
So I see and face the character that obsesses with all that is here to suck energy and so feed myself as Mind C systems.
I am here as Everything, As Everyone  As ALL - ONE - everything is me and all is here as me.


So I commit myself to move myself as the physical in my reality to see/face that I in every moment I have things to do - but not as separation - but as a realization that everything in the physical need my intervention to make things for what is best for all life. 


I am here as Self-Direction and I continue walking here - no matter what happens so,


I commit myself to continue writing and directing myself even I don´t have Internet in my  house - I commit myself to write and direct myself no matter my mind.

Day 18 --- Facade --continuing Opening the Gates of my own cell

Facade:

• a facade is in front of a place. like cathedrals, houses, churches, stores, malls and so on.
• • A False front. What you see. Not the whole story or whole answer 

• The face of a building. A game. Something that is not what it appears to be. 
• The front of a building, esp. an imposing or decorative one.

• The way something or somebody appears on the surface, especially when that appearance is false or meant to deceive.

• An appearance, often deceptive.

Sounding of the Word:

Fake - Aid.

A Fake ID.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a false presentation of myself to protect my back-chats and thoughts about other people and to protect myself from others to know how I really am and what I am really thinking, feeling, experiencing myself and experiencing the world around me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to build within me and around me a facade to present myself as someone else infront the people as family and friends  to be socially accepted by them and evade problems with other people  maintaining a 'low profile' among them due to the feelings of awkwardness within and as me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the creation of protections and defence mechanisms to keep me suppressed by myself and locked within myself, instead of being here as self-support in every moment of breath and living one and equal to everyone as myself without participating in fears and energetic reactions towards everything that enter in contact with me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to build slowly but surely a 'stone wall' around me as a protection where I could keep and suppress my own self without realizing the abuse I am doing with myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trap me inside of a prison and placing me and defining me as a warden of that place inside me to protect me from my reality; trapping me and suppressing me to avoid seeing my creations and my Responsability in them Instead of being here as my self-support and self-guidance as the Director of my own reality and being one and equal to myself and to others.

I forgive myself that I haven´t accepted and allowed myself to Realize the abuse I am inflicting to myself; the Abuse I was Inflicting to Life, because I believed that the fears within me were real and I didn´t realized the illusion I was feeding within and as me, and thus I perceived others and reality as the monsters and I defined me as the victim.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as a victim of my reality, stating or believing that I am not Responsible for what is here as abuse and that I can´t stop it and correct it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself also to use this facade as a way to abuse and deceive others cause I also protected my back-chats and me as a demon presenting myself as a nice person and as a person that would not do the same things done to me to another; so participating and feeding mind egos and separating myself from others in my mind; keeping my secret mind protected and 'secret' from others to feel more secure, brave and interesting.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to present myself as a person with principles when In fact I also participate within dishonesties and abuse towards others in my mind; maybe I don´t externalize it as others but I think it and I feed abuse in my mind. I realize I am one and equal to those I criticize and perceive less than me. 

I forgive myself that I  have accepted and allowed myself to avoid presenting the 'whole truth' as me; wanting to keep secrets within myself as a mechanism of defence where I could say the last word in my mind and so doing things my way without giving the whole answer - in this I accepted and allowed deception and abuse for myself and for others. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to 'decorate' myself using multiple personalities to deceive and to protect my secret mind to others, so I can not be matter for discussions because I play within a 'low profile'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to present various 'identifications' depending on what suits me in the moment - so deceiving and manipulation others to obtain what I always want.

I realize this abuse towards life. I stop it. I eliminate the fake identifications within me and I destroy that facades I built around me. So I stop this as myself, I tool Self-Responsability and I stand as self-honesty and I  present myself as what I really am, To be Clear and Accountable, Liable to do and act for What is best for all as Life.

I stand here Clear and I open those doors inside me that are suppressing me and Separating me from life - from me, from others.

I am Self-Acceptance, I let myself live Here. Outside of my Mind  as Limitations, Fears, Suppressions, egos, deceptions.

I Commit myself to walk, direct myself and Support myself with the Tools of Writing, Self-Forgiveness, Correction applications, and Breathing Everything as me

I breathe everything as One and equal to myself

I Open my physical eyes to see what I have created and I take Responsability for Everything and I correct it with here, in every moment of Breath.