Day # 29 Self-Discipline to put in Order my Life

INTRO:
Writting myself every day has been the ¡¡ONLY!!thing in which I have been constant in all my life. 
When I realized this I said to myself - as a back-chat: How about school? and the job where you spent 4 years and a half working?
Yes, excuses and desires to say I have done something and so, evade all the 'dust above the carpet'.
In fact is that yes, I have been only constant in my 7 years Journey to Life - cause I also abandon things that I like - my desires and needs as a system.
So, I am realizing I can do it . The only solution is to ...Be the Solution and Stand as self-discipline.
So, I have been looking for a job and I haven´t had a good response and I am still unemployed. But I am - while I get one - selling my crochet dolls and accessories - I don´t earn a lot but is a help to buy my cats food and sand. I enjoy this but, like I said was also an activity which I started with excitement and I end up within a short time with boredom . I am starting that again due to friends requests to do more dolls for them.


Well, I´ll start my statements and there I´ll tell more about this ..Here I go.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself  not being consistent with something  in my life due to participating in my mind as boredom, resistance, tiredness and energy movements inside myself. I realize I lived as self-sabotage all my life and doing things within mediocrity just to 'complete' things that  has to be done; but without any participation as self-responsability, honesty and care.
I realize that the mind has not discipline -principle and values - but I do have as Life. So I stand as Self-Discipline and Self-Responsability to be Here as Life and participate with care and be as an expression in every thing I do.


I  forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as tiredness, as depression and be one and equal to that systems. 
I realize I am not a system  - I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe in tiredness and depression. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that tiredness and depression exists within and as me.
I stand as Common sense and as self-assistance and support to stand and correct myself when and as I see myself defining me as depression and tiredness I stop, I breathe and I correct myself - standing myself from that separation and abuse.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to do things - to move myself within my reality - as depression, tiredness, boredom - as a system . I forgive myself that I haven´t accepted and allowed myself to realize I am only feeding/supporting/assisting MCS and so that´s why I am not consistent and participating in resistances and conflicts inside myself. Instead of being here, Standing in every breath as self-consistency and self-discipline.


I forgive myself that I haven´t accepted and allowed myself to realize I was only surviving as my mind - so, not being a life form in any way cause I have give my power away to systems and so I have let them be the directive force and principle within my life.
So, I step forth and I stand as self-direction, I take the place as my Principle and I assist and support myself with consistency, responsability and discipline.
Whenever I see myself participating in depression, tiredness, resistances and inner conflicts towards any activity I have to do in my reality I stop, I breathe, I correct myself in the moment of every Breath and I bring my participation here and I set myself as a platform from where to stand and be constant, so assisting and supporting  myself with the self-forgiveness statements, writing myself and correcting myself here as breath.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to access and participate in thoughts, feelings and emotions when I have to do a chore, an activity - like cleaning the house, cleaning and feeding my cats, knitting, instead of being here as breath and moving myself as the physical to do the things I have to do here in my reality. I move myself as an expression, enjoying me as life in every breath.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/perceive/feel that physical movement is a burden and I have to have a 'requirement' - such as energy - to do it, thinking and believing that I don´t have such requirement in some moments, so separating myself due to believing I am rechargeable. Also, realize with postponing things/ procrastinating I am only existing as mind C. systems and in the past. 
I stop feeding and supporting mind C. systems. I stand as self-movement and every moment I see myself participating in feelings, emotions and thoughts that imply burden, conflicts and resistances I breathe, I stand and I correct myself immediately. 
I stand as self-discipline and breath by breath I move and I place things in the correct order and place where they belong under the principle of doing what is best for all as life.




I forgive myself that I haven´t accepted and allowed myself to realize/see/ understand how I have separated myself so much due to defining myself as a mind consciousness system so, don´t enjoying and accepting myself in any what what so ever due to remaining constantly and consistently judging myself, rejecting myself and abusing myself.
So, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to reject me instead of standing as self-acceptance, being intimate with me, - being here with/as me in simplicity.


I forgive myself that I haven´t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that between me  and me as life - is my mind which I have deified and believed was me - instead of seeing with my physical eyes what I really am and accepting myself as who I am.


I commit myself to stand as self-discipline and self-acceptance and to move myself as the physical to put in order me as life,


I commit myself to assist me and support me with self-forgiveness, writing, self -correction to stop walking the same patterns and behaviours.


I commit myself to Enjoy Myself as life


I Accept myself as Life
I am self-acceptance
I accept myself

Day 18 --- Facade --continuing Opening the Gates of my own cell

Facade:

• a facade is in front of a place. like cathedrals, houses, churches, stores, malls and so on.
• • A False front. What you see. Not the whole story or whole answer 

• The face of a building. A game. Something that is not what it appears to be. 
• The front of a building, esp. an imposing or decorative one.

• The way something or somebody appears on the surface, especially when that appearance is false or meant to deceive.

• An appearance, often deceptive.

Sounding of the Word:

Fake - Aid.

A Fake ID.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a false presentation of myself to protect my back-chats and thoughts about other people and to protect myself from others to know how I really am and what I am really thinking, feeling, experiencing myself and experiencing the world around me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to build within me and around me a facade to present myself as someone else infront the people as family and friends  to be socially accepted by them and evade problems with other people  maintaining a 'low profile' among them due to the feelings of awkwardness within and as me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the creation of protections and defence mechanisms to keep me suppressed by myself and locked within myself, instead of being here as self-support in every moment of breath and living one and equal to everyone as myself without participating in fears and energetic reactions towards everything that enter in contact with me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to build slowly but surely a 'stone wall' around me as a protection where I could keep and suppress my own self without realizing the abuse I am doing with myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trap me inside of a prison and placing me and defining me as a warden of that place inside me to protect me from my reality; trapping me and suppressing me to avoid seeing my creations and my Responsability in them Instead of being here as my self-support and self-guidance as the Director of my own reality and being one and equal to myself and to others.

I forgive myself that I haven´t accepted and allowed myself to Realize the abuse I am inflicting to myself; the Abuse I was Inflicting to Life, because I believed that the fears within me were real and I didn´t realized the illusion I was feeding within and as me, and thus I perceived others and reality as the monsters and I defined me as the victim.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as a victim of my reality, stating or believing that I am not Responsible for what is here as abuse and that I can´t stop it and correct it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself also to use this facade as a way to abuse and deceive others cause I also protected my back-chats and me as a demon presenting myself as a nice person and as a person that would not do the same things done to me to another; so participating and feeding mind egos and separating myself from others in my mind; keeping my secret mind protected and 'secret' from others to feel more secure, brave and interesting.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to present myself as a person with principles when In fact I also participate within dishonesties and abuse towards others in my mind; maybe I don´t externalize it as others but I think it and I feed abuse in my mind. I realize I am one and equal to those I criticize and perceive less than me. 

I forgive myself that I  have accepted and allowed myself to avoid presenting the 'whole truth' as me; wanting to keep secrets within myself as a mechanism of defence where I could say the last word in my mind and so doing things my way without giving the whole answer - in this I accepted and allowed deception and abuse for myself and for others. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to 'decorate' myself using multiple personalities to deceive and to protect my secret mind to others, so I can not be matter for discussions because I play within a 'low profile'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to present various 'identifications' depending on what suits me in the moment - so deceiving and manipulation others to obtain what I always want.

I realize this abuse towards life. I stop it. I eliminate the fake identifications within me and I destroy that facades I built around me. So I stop this as myself, I tool Self-Responsability and I stand as self-honesty and I  present myself as what I really am, To be Clear and Accountable, Liable to do and act for What is best for all as Life.

I stand here Clear and I open those doors inside me that are suppressing me and Separating me from life - from me, from others.

I am Self-Acceptance, I let myself live Here. Outside of my Mind  as Limitations, Fears, Suppressions, egos, deceptions.

I Commit myself to walk, direct myself and Support myself with the Tools of Writing, Self-Forgiveness, Correction applications, and Breathing Everything as me

I breathe everything as One and equal to myself

I Open my physical eyes to see what I have created and I take Responsability for Everything and I correct it with here, in every moment of Breath.