Day # 61 -- I want to Craft Character - part 2

Ok, here I continue with the past blog that was:

" I want to Craft Character"

Yesterday I had time to made some crafts - and well, I observe more dimensions here - as for example the positive energetic reactions I have when I am doing them - I realise in having this reactions as Positive energetic sensations as polarities I am not here in the moment of my physical movements and I am not here present in every moment as the process I am walking to get the craft done.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel good/ to feel I am 'doing something important within my life/with my day/ with the moments I am doing the crafts and I participate in the back-chat of " I want to do this all my life" within this not giving importance to the reality that is here as me, to the other responsibilities I have to complete within and as me, only by being there as an energetic possessed character that only sees what I doing here as self-interest participating in desires/wants to not being bothered with other mundane points as when my mom says to me "Search for a job in the web instead of being there just wasting my time' or 'those things don´t generate money do something that generates money'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to distract myself within a point that is feeding my self-interest and using an activity to distract myself and to feed my mind - Instead of doing it without energetic dependencies - Just Me here in Every breath.

Let´s say "Free" to Enjoy Myself in every breath with no other suppressions and points of postponement. I mean - when I have all the things done - the priority ones completed I can do the things I have as extracurricular points....

Here I am not saying that I rush in the other things to have time for me to feel free and do what I want - no - and also I am not defining my tasks within a polarity of fun and not fun, or the things I like and the ones I don´t.

So; I commit myself to walk all the things I have here in my reality within and as Self-Responsability and Self-attention and also stop Moving myself in a rush so I can 'clean my hands' of the ones I have to do first so I can be 'free' to do the others I like more...

So Here, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define things/activities/tasks/things that I do for others as less important and within and as the things I do for me I feel and experience myself as free, as like If I am doing something for me .
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect the activities I do for others as something I am not doing it for me - Instead if Being here as me in every activity and realising that everything Here is ME! and I am all that is here - One and equal to myself.

When and as I see myself separating me from the activities I do - I stop, I breathe and I Embrace everything I do as myself and I do them with that Consideration, Self-responsability.


So Here I Realise, see and Accept that Everything is here - I stop Separating me as Individual from all the things I do, from all the things I walk as the physical - Nothing is a separated point. Everything is here and so, I realise, see and understand that every thing I do is a part of me and so, my mind is the one that is making a difference and a separation making me believe that I am a separate individual that is alien to this world and reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am a separated matter from all the things/persons/activities/tasks I do here in my reality and in world and so accepting and allowing that my mind constantly and continuously tells me that I am special, or that I am giving my job as a gift and so thinking that anyone is going to appreciate it..

The other Point I see here is that I place in me a Defence Mechanism and that I am 'Alert' as the mind - participating in that character that is "If this and then this".
Instead of moving myself unconditionally and genuine in every moment.


Ok, the next point I´ll be walking this - the point that unfolds from all this - the point of thinking and feeling that I am Giving my work - as free - making my job for free expecting an award if is not of people - of Life. An Award from Life - ' a good person character' --wow! a lot of dimensions here LOL!

ok, I´ll continue.!!

Día # 43 -- My Deliberate/Intentional Character

de·lib·er·ate:

1. Done with or marked by full consciousness of the nature and effects; intentional: mistook the oversight for a deliberate insult.

2. Arising from or marked by careful consideration: a deliberate decision. See Synonyms at voluntary.

3. Unhurried in action, movement, or manner, as if trying to avoid error.

1. To think carefully and often slowly, as about a choice to be made.

2. To consult with another or others in a process of reaching a decision.

Deliberate, intentional...."Acting without considering others and ourselves within our acts....

I haven´t observed at that word until today reading Sunette´s Facebook state updates. It was a cool assistance.
Through reading them again and this words - A memory came to my memory when I was a child and I felt a lot of envy of a friend that was able to climb trees ´cause she was more thin than me and I was not physically able to do it - I was a bit fat and also a coward to climb to high trees lol.
So, while she was hanging in the tree I took her legs and I pulled her down and she fall down. She get harmed - obviously. She broken her arms - or I better say I broke her arms and she had to be a lot of time without able to move. 

I don´t remember much - as I could say that I have 'selective' memory and I don´t recall the results - I mean, what was my reaction. I don´t remember feeling anything, I just remember knowing how I acted - deliberately - and with the intention of harming her due to my emotions of envy/jealousy. 
She is still my friend, she forgave me and when she used to brought the point up I felt ashamed and surprised about myself - cause it was something I did possessed by my emotions and thoughts.

So, is cool that this memory came due to observing this words - cause is the way we accept and allow to act. Although we know the consequences we choose to act - in deliberateness  - intentionally doing things we know the results and we continue doing and we supress and we blame others and we don´t want to see.

How many times I have acted like this? Many! 
Cause in deliberateness I have chosen to believe, think and feel that nothing is going to happen if I act this way - if I act the way others act...nothing is going to happen if I don´t speak or I don´t stand. Although within myself I know the consequences, although within I know what my Secret mind is saying - I prefer not seeing and realizing.

And so, Intentionally we Act and we are Destroying Life! 

And within Self-Honesty I have to stop this deliberate acts and Compromise Myself to do Deliberate Actions that can Bring - and will - A change within me and within others so we can Assist and Support Life.




I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to act within deliberateness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create this character that deliberate and intentionally acts within and as self-interest.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to act intentionally - to harm intentionally to satisfy a thought, an emotion, a feeling a picture in my mind without considering anyone and anything within and as that act. 

 I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make plans within my secret mind to harm others, to harm myself within and as my physical body just to satisfy a desire, a need, and ego from the mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed in myself thoughts, feelings and emotions  in the back of my head as plans, information and knowledge to harm, to support the mind, to separate myself from others as myself and from myself.

I forgive myself that I haven´t accepted and allowed myself to realise, see and understand that within me acting deliberately - I am participating in a thought and also in defence mechanisms to not consider others but just myself in every action I take and do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress  the truth of my actions and the consequences of the action that I am doing in deliberateness due to fears and due to following and energetically reward that is known as emotions and feelings.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to act intentionally so I can have the attention and the acceptance of others.

I commit myself to stop deliberate abuse acts within myself. 
I commit myself to act within the Principles of What is best For All and within this observing and considering Everything as Myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to thing and believe that to act within the deliberate act of what is best for all is boring and will take a lot of time.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deliberate and intentionally I discourage myself. I realise is the mind talking to me and placing a defence mechanism within me so I cannot stand and act in the physical.


I realise that the Mind makes you act Intentionally in polarities. 
Because I can act 'Intentionally' to Create  a Better world, to make a Change, standing within and as myself as Self-honesty, assisting and supporting myself with writing, self-forgiveness applications, Self-corrective Actions - which is the more 'important' cause I realise that without taking action, without correcting myself in the physical I am creating another character as the mind.


Note:
*De-Liberada-Mente:
Liberada: released
Mente: Mind


This will continue...

Day# 42 --Characters of my day

Well, yesterday when I was going to write my Internet go away - it unplugged - I participated for a little in 'fear of loss' , anxiety and impatience. I have worked with this points in previous blogs and now I can observe them come and stop them more effectively - I remember when I started in Desteni I became possessed by the anger 'cause the internet was not constant and I had to move from one space to another within my house. Now I breathe and I stand and I move to do another thing/activity.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in anger when the Internet signal goes away, being within and as the thought of me not writing my daily post entry and so getting anxious and back-chatting:
* 'what are others are going to say' - that I fail again'.
* I am behind others due to my Internet, I wish I had money to have my own service.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create/participate in back-chats that are sabotaging myself - within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed in me self-sabotage in the ways of thoughts, emotions, feelings, words in separation of myself, mind images of others in my head, back-chats, I realise see and understand that my mind do that as a defence-mechanism and is not what I am in fact. So, whenever I see myself hearing those back-chats and perceiving them as real I stop, I breathe, I realise me as the physical - as what is Real. And I continue walking and expressing myself here within and as the physical. 
So, I am here within and as myself in equality and oneness to  my physical - seeing/observing the situation with common sense and doing another thing that I have to do within my daily activities. Stopping myself as my thoughts, feelings and emotions and being here as Self-Movement, as a Practical being - one that doesn´t waits but acts within every situation based in What is best for me. In this case what is best for me is standing out of my mind and moving in to the next moment. Simple.

I forgive myself that I haven´t accepted and allowed myself to see/realise/understand that waiting in my mind is a waste of time cause I am just here as the mind complaining and else instead of enjoying self and acting in the moment. So things don´t Stop and I get things move  as Life that is in constant movement - as the breath. I realise the breath never stops - is constant. 

How it would be the breath of Life stopping 'cause the Internet goes? LOL


...

So,  I breathed and I continued doing things  - It was late and I saw the TV for a while. In the mean-time I was cuddling my cat and enjoying her. 

So, today I wake up and early and I started changing myself from the pijamas to another clothes - LOL - cause I had to go out  to make deliveries and my mom had to go to the doctor for her monthly reviews.

Every morning I check my cats and my dogs...specially what my 2 dogs that sleeps outside of my room make in the house at night.  So, I clean to poo´s and all.
In the past this event caused me a lot of resistance - "Why I have to clean these?" - "Why me?". 
So, also I have worked with these in the past and now I direct myself within these things and I move myself accordingly. My mom stills reacts and she gets tired, so I also do this for assist her. We have dogs and cats and is our responsibility now. Is funny cause my mom 'loves' them, but she reacts in tiredness and in resistances when she sees the mess they do. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react when I see what the dogs do in the night  - like poo´s outside the place where they 'have to'  ( some are 'educated' and do in the papers we put in the bathroom ) and so this is a trigger point that makes me go into desperation, anger and thoughts of me moving my physical to clean the mess.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to evade walking out of my room to see what my dogs did in the night which I have to clean and arrange.
Instead of being here, bringing my attention here,  moving myself within and as the physical to get this done  - to clean the house and all the mess - and so, establishing an environment that is an assistance for me and all that are living here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed my mind as back-chats as the voice that controls and directs everything I do in my life. Instead of being ME as life the Directive Principle within and as myself. I am the Voice that directs myself to move and to direct me as the physical Here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to complain and react, when I have to do things anyway - So I better do it and move myself here, without hesitations and reactions that make me waste time. I realise, see and understand that I am making more time-loops within and as resisting and thinking - Instead of Acting.
I will do It Anyway - so I do it here/now as the physical.

...

I deliver an order  near my mom´s doctor appointment and well, we completed that.
We arrived home and my mom shared with me the same point of reacting towards the dogs and the mess they do at home and I told her to start with SF and calming down, but well, she always react and says that is a lot of information.
I have also participated in reactions towards this cause I have shared this tools with her and she always turns around and find ways to evade the support. 
I have realized that I don´t have to force others and wait them for checking this information, so I breathe through this and open to assist if others ask me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel desperation towards my mom cause she doesn´t listen and wants and prefers meditations instead applying Desteni tools, so this makes me go in to anger cause she never do what I say and this leads me to get anxious and act within this character of the Mother trying to give the medicine to their childs while them don´t what it.
So, I realise, see and understand how I am forcing others to change when I have to apply myself within and as this process and share/assist when time comes.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to worry for my mother cause she doesn´t want to do the SF that I know will help her to stop all the systems she allow in herself, thinking that she will get ill and mad if she doesn´t direct her-self.
I realise/see and understand that worries are a separation and a mind system - so I stop worries and pre-occupations and mind-perceptions and imaginations.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into fears when I see my mom worrying and getting angry and being tired - participating in the fear of loss and so wanting/desiring - desperately - for her to apply this tools as if they were a miracle rescue that will 'save' her from that inner fear of me of loosing her. So, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to share desteni tools within and as the starting point of fears, desires and wants of saving others. 
I realise, see and understand that anyone can live the process of others and such a thing as 'saving' for real doesn´t exist and is born within and as mind-egos, fears and worries.

I stop myself within and as Mind Systems realising that they are pre-programmed part of my self and such as that I can direct them and be the directive principle understanding and realising that what I think and feel are based on fears and they are not real.

So I walk here as an assistance and support for myself and for others in result. Stopping loops and feeding the Mind Systems.
I stand as Common sense and as Practical Solutions and I walk as this within and as myself.

...
So, I arrived home and I started to check mails and Desteni info in Facebook and all.
Now; I am here writing and while I was writing my dogs began acting frenetically and started barking and barking - those things makes me anxious and I want them to shout at them. Specially when they bother my cats.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel desperate, anxious and angry when my dogs bark and act hysterically.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel impatience and anxiety while hearing my dogs bark - feeling desperate towards the scenario of looking them making a lot of noise.
Instead of being here within and as myself - within and as the barks also - in equality and oneness and stop reactions, feelings, emotions, thoughts,

Whenever I hear my dogs barking, I breathe, I calm myself down, I bring my participation here as the physical and I stop the  bark as trigger point within myself for releasing systems.
I stop releasing systems when I hear my dogs barking and I breathe and I direct them accordingly with a word or a movement.



Whenever I see myself reacting towards the activities I do daily I stop, I breathe and I move myself physically through the activities I have here in my reality with Practicality and stopping me as the Character that complains and participates in resistances - as physical tiredness and pain due to moving.
I am Constant, I am self-discipline and I walk through all this here within and as Breath.
Breath is a physical movement in simplicity and as that I move myself.

Day # 29 Self-Discipline to put in Order my Life

INTRO:
Writting myself every day has been the ¡¡ONLY!!thing in which I have been constant in all my life. 
When I realized this I said to myself - as a back-chat: How about school? and the job where you spent 4 years and a half working?
Yes, excuses and desires to say I have done something and so, evade all the 'dust above the carpet'.
In fact is that yes, I have been only constant in my 7 years Journey to Life - cause I also abandon things that I like - my desires and needs as a system.
So, I am realizing I can do it . The only solution is to ...Be the Solution and Stand as self-discipline.
So, I have been looking for a job and I haven´t had a good response and I am still unemployed. But I am - while I get one - selling my crochet dolls and accessories - I don´t earn a lot but is a help to buy my cats food and sand. I enjoy this but, like I said was also an activity which I started with excitement and I end up within a short time with boredom . I am starting that again due to friends requests to do more dolls for them.


Well, I´ll start my statements and there I´ll tell more about this ..Here I go.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself  not being consistent with something  in my life due to participating in my mind as boredom, resistance, tiredness and energy movements inside myself. I realize I lived as self-sabotage all my life and doing things within mediocrity just to 'complete' things that  has to be done; but without any participation as self-responsability, honesty and care.
I realize that the mind has not discipline -principle and values - but I do have as Life. So I stand as Self-Discipline and Self-Responsability to be Here as Life and participate with care and be as an expression in every thing I do.


I  forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as tiredness, as depression and be one and equal to that systems. 
I realize I am not a system  - I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe in tiredness and depression. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that tiredness and depression exists within and as me.
I stand as Common sense and as self-assistance and support to stand and correct myself when and as I see myself defining me as depression and tiredness I stop, I breathe and I correct myself - standing myself from that separation and abuse.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to do things - to move myself within my reality - as depression, tiredness, boredom - as a system . I forgive myself that I haven´t accepted and allowed myself to realize I am only feeding/supporting/assisting MCS and so that´s why I am not consistent and participating in resistances and conflicts inside myself. Instead of being here, Standing in every breath as self-consistency and self-discipline.


I forgive myself that I haven´t accepted and allowed myself to realize I was only surviving as my mind - so, not being a life form in any way cause I have give my power away to systems and so I have let them be the directive force and principle within my life.
So, I step forth and I stand as self-direction, I take the place as my Principle and I assist and support myself with consistency, responsability and discipline.
Whenever I see myself participating in depression, tiredness, resistances and inner conflicts towards any activity I have to do in my reality I stop, I breathe, I correct myself in the moment of every Breath and I bring my participation here and I set myself as a platform from where to stand and be constant, so assisting and supporting  myself with the self-forgiveness statements, writing myself and correcting myself here as breath.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to access and participate in thoughts, feelings and emotions when I have to do a chore, an activity - like cleaning the house, cleaning and feeding my cats, knitting, instead of being here as breath and moving myself as the physical to do the things I have to do here in my reality. I move myself as an expression, enjoying me as life in every breath.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/perceive/feel that physical movement is a burden and I have to have a 'requirement' - such as energy - to do it, thinking and believing that I don´t have such requirement in some moments, so separating myself due to believing I am rechargeable. Also, realize with postponing things/ procrastinating I am only existing as mind C. systems and in the past. 
I stop feeding and supporting mind C. systems. I stand as self-movement and every moment I see myself participating in feelings, emotions and thoughts that imply burden, conflicts and resistances I breathe, I stand and I correct myself immediately. 
I stand as self-discipline and breath by breath I move and I place things in the correct order and place where they belong under the principle of doing what is best for all as life.




I forgive myself that I haven´t accepted and allowed myself to realize/see/ understand how I have separated myself so much due to defining myself as a mind consciousness system so, don´t enjoying and accepting myself in any what what so ever due to remaining constantly and consistently judging myself, rejecting myself and abusing myself.
So, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to reject me instead of standing as self-acceptance, being intimate with me, - being here with/as me in simplicity.


I forgive myself that I haven´t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that between me  and me as life - is my mind which I have deified and believed was me - instead of seeing with my physical eyes what I really am and accepting myself as who I am.


I commit myself to stand as self-discipline and self-acceptance and to move myself as the physical to put in order me as life,


I commit myself to assist me and support me with self-forgiveness, writing, self -correction to stop walking the same patterns and behaviours.


I commit myself to Enjoy Myself as life


I Accept myself as Life
I am self-acceptance
I accept myself

Day 8 - Rushing in my Mind - Rushing in my Reality

Another pattern and behaviour I am creating within me and my Reality is Rushing; running within myself, and the physical consequences I have is that my nose starts constipating and my body tightens.

I have been grounding myself with the breath and while I knit I place within myself all that Energy movements to Embrace them and to Stop them with the Breath, This have been more, while I practice it, more 'easy' to do and to Correct myself.

I have manifested that Rush in my Reality; when I see my things, my room, my house - I think -- ¡oh no I have to this! I am delayed. I worry and I start fearing the consequences; anticipating in my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I am a thought.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that thoughts is who I am.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I am my patterns and behaviours and that I can´t stop them and change them.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that who I am is behaviours and patterns; also personalities; and that makes me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rush.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to run within myself to complete and to reach the image I have in my mind.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed in myself imaginary images of other people and experiences rushing me/making me run.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to follow images, words, pictures in my mind to influence my reality and what I really am.
I forgive myself that I haven´t accepted and allowed myself to stop rushing myself and to realize anyone and anything outside me is here doing what I am imagining. So I stop here, I breathe, I clear myself and I move myself in the physical to complete the things I have to do within Simplicity.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I am energy.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I need Energy to move myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that Energy exists.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that rush is linked to do things correctly.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if i don´t rush myself as others, as I have seen in the example of others that means I am not moving myself and being Responsible.

I have this image/memory in my mind of --principally the one that pop-up is a job-partner I had rushing me to go to make something quickly; he talked and moved as he were running/rushing and I was calmed and I began to walk but he was like 'Move yourself quickly'!! I saw the scenario and I saw I had 'time' to do it and that i didn´t had to rush to complete it, so said to him 'Calm everything is ok, I´ll go! I do it and done, anything happened.

Another memory is from my mom when she tells me to do something and she began rushing me; I am very calmed in my movements...or I was...LOL...but she gets very mad when people don´t move quickly and starts to get very nervous. She tells to me that I don´t move myself quickly and things has to be done quickly,--Ok! I get it, but depends in which circumstances right? lol..well, I feel like if I don´t rush as them - getting energetically crazy - I am not doing the things correctly.
Various people had reacted with my patience to to things - is funny how I have this personality of being impatience...LOL..is because I rush myself within my mind--and that is because I want to please others, not taking in consideration myself first.
And I go into my mind rushing myself thinking, believing that others will get mad at me if I don´t run..LOL..

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I have to change to please others.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place me as after others instead of being equal and one with me and so with others.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect rushing and running as a way to please other people, so when I am here calmed I perceive I am not doing anything worthily.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe and think that being calmed and breathing is a waste of time.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if others see me working I am worthy and doing things correctly.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rush to demonstrate to others that I am doing Something.

This doesn´t mean that I am going to 'relax' and to sit and do nothing. No! hehe but I will walk Breath by Breath to get things that has to be done in the moment - without rushing me, as that means an abuse and stopping beliefs and perceptions to please others and having in my mind the image of others.


When and as I see myself Rushing and running within myself to reach  the image that I see in myself where I contemplate others rushing. I stop, I breathe, I Clear myself and being attentive to my breath I walk one and equal with the activity I am doing, Until it is done. Here.

When and as I see myself rushing myself and starting to participate within my mind in perceptions and ideas. I stop, I breathe. I stop what I am doing for a moment to ground myself here and to Stand from that Energy-movement and I clear myself here as One and equal to the activity i am doing, without images, beliefs, pictures, memories of the past, present and also future. Stopping Anticipation and Grounding me here with Breath. Walking here as breath,
I walk here as breath.
I am breath
I am self-Movement.





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