Day # 53 --- Giving Credit and Value to the Mind

This Blog is a continuation from yesterday Blog: 

Day # 52 -- This Character that Analyse Everything - " So deep in my Mind"

So - I am taking the first paragraph I wrote: in that paragraph I wrote points in relation to how I define myself, how different people within my life has reacted to me and my life the same way I have reacted to my life and myself., my relationship with people my back-ground so to speak within this. 
I remind me as alone, as shy and as fearful of giving myself to others due to this 'complex' of being fat; having a different body and a different way to approach people and life. I mean, -- as my program infused from my family is = serious, as I have shared I don´t like saying 'bad words' ( as I was thought as that), I search to be honest with people, clear, without 2 sides, compassionate, careful, sometimes very talkative and childish - I distract myself a lot due to wanting to play within serious environments. And well, these are some characters and personalities I have created and expressions that I have limited, killed within myself due to being harmed, due to being ridiculed and being isolated. 

Ok, this points are the result/the consequence of me defining myself and separating myself. Not accepting myself and nullifying me.

As If i continue nullyfing me, negating me, comparing and resisting being who I am without fear I will Live this and also I´ll find people that will going to reflect this towards me; rejections, critics, mockery.


The base of all these has created this personality - and more that I am going to walk in here - as the Pleasing Others Character - and so leaving ME aside and so Nullifying  me.



Self - Forgiveness


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel and defining myself as different from the rest of the people cause I believed, accepted and allowed definitions within and as myself that other people within my past - in my childhood years -  used to call me to make fun of me, to make me feel less than them and so be accepted by the society as a way to protect themselves and to be part of the system without realizing this words of separation was not about me, was about them, their acceptances, allowances the way they define themselves and others through the mind - so me  due to not knowing if this was  true or false I accepted it as normal within and as myself and I gave 'credit and value' to the words, to the approach of others towards me and so I created this dimension within and as myself as separation where I like unfolded from me and  I created a separate manifestation of me that was seeing me as a 'viewer' and so being part of the people that was offending me - so within this I began being part of the others as this separation and abuse - placing me within and as a 'den'  inside my mind - so nullifying me as who I am - and this created the Personality as Jessie and the being that was inside in that 'den' was holding to this desire, want and need to close it´s eyes and to stop watching what was I due to giving credit and value to others as giving value and credit to the external - to the mind - instead of being here, as the presence of myself - seeing me and communicating this I was experiencing and happening within and as myself as to receive assistance and support to establish more self-trust

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to really believe that I was the definitions others gave me and I didn´t wanted to find out if I was them or not - all I was seeing was  me through the eyes of other people and so giving them credit to them as a belief that this was my 'cross' within this life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel different cause I was fat, due to this inequality and lack of acceptance towards fat people, believing that if I was not thin and pretty I was not worthy.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define me within polarities as pretty and ugly and so giving value and credit to this words in separation of myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect  the word ugly to sadness, to isolation, to ideas of belonging in that categories and so connecting the word pretty as something I wanted to be and reach, so to be more accepted within and by my classmates and so live in peace without this constant abuse as bullying I receive of others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself  to participate in  needs/wants and desires to turn myself in a pretty girl or being more thin to be accepted and allowed by others in my past - and now in this moments to be accepted by myself so I can like forget all this abuse and bad moments and experiences of my past.

I realise that the consequence I accepted through giving value and so  not letting all that experiences in my past is living now as my own warden/abusive person that is constantly and continuously criticizing and defining every thing I do under the same images, ideas and perceptions that others have of me.
I mean now I am those boys and girls that in my past were calling me by names and with ugly words.
And no only to me - but I am as them towards others. 

I see, realise and understand that the people in my world as my classmates  and friends was the reflection of this creation - this 'Me' as a Personality that was as this warden keeping me away from standing and taking Responsability for myself and so communicating also what was happening - So this ward was like offering me to the nets of the system preferring to stay silent than to Stand as Self-Trust and as Self- esteem to Stop this abuse I was accepting and allowing due to giving credit and value to others.

I see, realise and understand how due to the fears we have to be alone we accept and allow -within our childhood years at the school or when we are knowing other people - to sacrifice life and to separate life from within us due to be part of something and so denying who we are as Life. 

I commit myself to look for this being that is locked inside me and to ask it Forgiveness so that We can stand here as Self-Trust and Self-esteem and so realising, accepting and allowing to live the capacity I have and I am as Life.

I commit myself to cut this relationship within and as my past to Remain Clear here and so to walk free from those memories I used to bring to here as myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give value and credit to abuse and to words that are created to separate  me from myself as Life; so, giving more value and credit to systems that what are here as me as life.
I also forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use/manipulate/abuse substance - the physical substance as words to abuse myself - giving value to ideas, perceptions, definitions of the people and of me that are programmed within and as me and not investigated within self-honesty to realise, see and understand how I am accepting abuse within and as myself.

I realise, see and understand the consequences I have created due to this acceptances and allowances that are the creations of more dimensions where I have limited myself as self-expression and I have approached me to others based in my past-experiences, believing, thinking and feeling that all the people are the same and that I have to protect myself from people and to be careful of being me cause in some way, in some moment people can harm and betray.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to approach people due to my experiences of the past.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not approach people within and as oneness and equality due to perceptions, ideas, fears I have imprinted, and I have programmed within myself due to past experiences I had with people.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that my life - that me as life is an experience - I am not an experience.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe, to create the idea and perception within and as myself that people is bad/good, that I have to take care of people, protect of people and to measure my words and actions towards them due to fears of what they will think and perceive about me - I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear myself and thus, I forgive  myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my own fear that is people.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be seen as crazy by other people and so being left alone, without people, isolated  and so I have preferred to be seen as normal  

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect being normal with being accepted and being abnormal with being isolated from the human race - I realise, see and understand that I don´t know what is normal/abnormal. This words are just mind interpretations and polarities.


I commit myself to stop defining myself according to the past: where I commit myself to approach every life - people, me, everything - within and as oneness and equality and not based in past experiences and in relation with images of my mind

I commit myself to stand clear of images, of past experiences, of memories. So I can live Here as the Presence of myself without resemblances of what I am as my Mind.


i´ll continue

Día # 43 -- My Deliberate/Intentional Character

de·lib·er·ate:

1. Done with or marked by full consciousness of the nature and effects; intentional: mistook the oversight for a deliberate insult.

2. Arising from or marked by careful consideration: a deliberate decision. See Synonyms at voluntary.

3. Unhurried in action, movement, or manner, as if trying to avoid error.

1. To think carefully and often slowly, as about a choice to be made.

2. To consult with another or others in a process of reaching a decision.

Deliberate, intentional...."Acting without considering others and ourselves within our acts....

I haven´t observed at that word until today reading Sunette´s Facebook state updates. It was a cool assistance.
Through reading them again and this words - A memory came to my memory when I was a child and I felt a lot of envy of a friend that was able to climb trees ´cause she was more thin than me and I was not physically able to do it - I was a bit fat and also a coward to climb to high trees lol.
So, while she was hanging in the tree I took her legs and I pulled her down and she fall down. She get harmed - obviously. She broken her arms - or I better say I broke her arms and she had to be a lot of time without able to move. 

I don´t remember much - as I could say that I have 'selective' memory and I don´t recall the results - I mean, what was my reaction. I don´t remember feeling anything, I just remember knowing how I acted - deliberately - and with the intention of harming her due to my emotions of envy/jealousy. 
She is still my friend, she forgave me and when she used to brought the point up I felt ashamed and surprised about myself - cause it was something I did possessed by my emotions and thoughts.

So, is cool that this memory came due to observing this words - cause is the way we accept and allow to act. Although we know the consequences we choose to act - in deliberateness  - intentionally doing things we know the results and we continue doing and we supress and we blame others and we don´t want to see.

How many times I have acted like this? Many! 
Cause in deliberateness I have chosen to believe, think and feel that nothing is going to happen if I act this way - if I act the way others act...nothing is going to happen if I don´t speak or I don´t stand. Although within myself I know the consequences, although within I know what my Secret mind is saying - I prefer not seeing and realizing.

And so, Intentionally we Act and we are Destroying Life! 

And within Self-Honesty I have to stop this deliberate acts and Compromise Myself to do Deliberate Actions that can Bring - and will - A change within me and within others so we can Assist and Support Life.




I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to act within deliberateness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create this character that deliberate and intentionally acts within and as self-interest.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to act intentionally - to harm intentionally to satisfy a thought, an emotion, a feeling a picture in my mind without considering anyone and anything within and as that act. 

 I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make plans within my secret mind to harm others, to harm myself within and as my physical body just to satisfy a desire, a need, and ego from the mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed in myself thoughts, feelings and emotions  in the back of my head as plans, information and knowledge to harm, to support the mind, to separate myself from others as myself and from myself.

I forgive myself that I haven´t accepted and allowed myself to realise, see and understand that within me acting deliberately - I am participating in a thought and also in defence mechanisms to not consider others but just myself in every action I take and do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress  the truth of my actions and the consequences of the action that I am doing in deliberateness due to fears and due to following and energetically reward that is known as emotions and feelings.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to act intentionally so I can have the attention and the acceptance of others.

I commit myself to stop deliberate abuse acts within myself. 
I commit myself to act within the Principles of What is best For All and within this observing and considering Everything as Myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to thing and believe that to act within the deliberate act of what is best for all is boring and will take a lot of time.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deliberate and intentionally I discourage myself. I realise is the mind talking to me and placing a defence mechanism within me so I cannot stand and act in the physical.


I realise that the Mind makes you act Intentionally in polarities. 
Because I can act 'Intentionally' to Create  a Better world, to make a Change, standing within and as myself as Self-honesty, assisting and supporting myself with writing, self-forgiveness applications, Self-corrective Actions - which is the more 'important' cause I realise that without taking action, without correcting myself in the physical I am creating another character as the mind.


Note:
*De-Liberada-Mente:
Liberada: released
Mente: Mind


This will continue...