Day # 62 -- Not liking to receive, not liking to Give...

Not liking to receive, not liking to Give...and...not liking to Give and so not Receiving.

This words came up within and as myself investigating more about this physical consequence of the bronchial asthma I have.

I see myself receiving things without resistance and when is my turn to give I breath deep and I like of shorten my breath - I still see here a lot of self-interest within myself and resistances to forgive and forget past events in my life.

I am walking my relationship with my mom in my Spanish blog and today I came here to do it in English. I have realised the way I define the relationship I have with my mom and the way I define me within this relation. Is all about my perceptions and ideas and past events that I haven´t released within myself - with her and others.

Today I was very uncomfortable with this illness that I caused within myself - fear of dying and also the other polarity of wanting/desiring to having a break and giving a final blow of breath in all of these and so giving up again. Seeing me in that path of going/hiding or continuing here to support myself like I have decided to do. But, I see that I always take the easy way-out of things and so I am here and well, I am standing and not hearing my mind this time and although it seems like everything is collapsing and I am facing me for the very first time - and is not a 'good...or 'bad' face...but is a face I haven´t seen in my whole life. LOl - is always about fear in my life -- specially in compromising myself with me and with others...within this then I feel guilt and I feel sad and those are the feelings I don´t want to feel and due to knowing myself - as the mind - I prefer also isolating ...

Ok, so I am here again - cleaning me as a house - making a deep clean within and as myself and stand.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel resistance within and as changing myself due to holding in this back-chat that "is more easy to continue as I am than moving things that I have under the carpet - saying "those things as secrets are there for something, who I am to move that?" - "this is not going to help me" - " I am not changing" - "I fall and I don´t correct myself even if I write a bible of Self-Forgiveness" - "I am like this and I am not going to change so easy".

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in emotional energetic movements so I can fuel this victim character I have created - Instead of moving myself to do it, instead of whining and making a fuss out of everything - standing as the Presence of Myself in Every breath and so stopping me from over-analizing everything as the mind without considering the physical reality as myself here.

I realise this is a Pre-programmed system infused within myself from one of my parents - which I know is my father! and So, So, is not who I am. Is a pre-programmed system inside me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define me as the mind C, systems, to give it attention and value and to think and feel I am this mind and I can control it - I realise that I want to control it in separation of myself and not taming me and directing myself in the simplicity in every breath.
So, I realise that I am being again hard towards myself wanting/desiring to see a 'great' change to believe in me and so giving value to all, limiting myself as self-expression.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be as the ego of the mind and participate in spitefulness within and as myself and so with all and everyone within my environment.


A back-chat:
"Why is everything in this world so difficult"/"Why this world was created"/"those that created this 'life' didn´t have anything else to do than fucking people" and now ME has to solve everything...¬¬°

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to follow my back-chats so I can deliberately 'wash my hands' out of my responsibilities and compromises I have with myself and with others and using this words as excuses and as a way to hide and whining instead of standing and walking through this mind-demons pre-programmed inside myself and fuelled by me within and as this participation/attention I give to them.

I have a Choice in every moment of my breath - being here as myself to walk what´s Best for All in Every Action, word and deed.

So, who is going to decide me or my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel a resistance/movement inside myself when I read this words in relation to choices and being responsable and all - due to not having self-trust and really being here in oneness and equality within and as myself. 
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel this nastiness with all related to correcting and changing one self.
I stop me as this emotions and feelings - I realise and see this is not me - is my mind resisting/making me resist - so distracting myself from what I really am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in whining and in exaggerations Instead of closing my mouth and moving me as and in the physical to do and make the things I have to do to built my life within and as the foundations of what is Best for All.

I commit myself to unvoice me as my Mind - So the one that talks and expresses a word can be Me as who I am in Every Moment of Every breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take the easy path within and as myself that is the mind - loosing me and separating me as the mind - Instead of being Here. Standing with Everything and All that is me Here in every moment of each breath.

I commit myself to Stop being childish as desires/wants of the mind to hide and play around - Instead of compromising with and as me as Life.

I commit myself to Be responsible - to stop me as illusions in my mind.

I commit myself to establish myself efficiently in this world-system to continue supporting myself in the physical reality.

When and as I see myself participating in resistance, in mind chatting and in nastiness - I stop, I direct myself - I breath and I take me back here as me within and as my physicality. This is what I am - the physical, my breath, my body. I am here.
My mind is not me. I stop the relation with my mind. I embrace it and I transcend it


ok, I´ll be continuing with the first point of wanting everything for me and so, not Giving what I Receive - cause I see that point of wanting others to Give me - I was a princess in my other life or what? Well, a Rotten Child I was...LOL

ok, I´ll be walking more and more

Day # 61 -- I want to Craft Character - part 2

Ok, here I continue with the past blog that was:

" I want to Craft Character"

Yesterday I had time to made some crafts - and well, I observe more dimensions here - as for example the positive energetic reactions I have when I am doing them - I realise in having this reactions as Positive energetic sensations as polarities I am not here in the moment of my physical movements and I am not here present in every moment as the process I am walking to get the craft done.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel good/ to feel I am 'doing something important within my life/with my day/ with the moments I am doing the crafts and I participate in the back-chat of " I want to do this all my life" within this not giving importance to the reality that is here as me, to the other responsibilities I have to complete within and as me, only by being there as an energetic possessed character that only sees what I doing here as self-interest participating in desires/wants to not being bothered with other mundane points as when my mom says to me "Search for a job in the web instead of being there just wasting my time' or 'those things don´t generate money do something that generates money'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to distract myself within a point that is feeding my self-interest and using an activity to distract myself and to feed my mind - Instead of doing it without energetic dependencies - Just Me here in Every breath.

Let´s say "Free" to Enjoy Myself in every breath with no other suppressions and points of postponement. I mean - when I have all the things done - the priority ones completed I can do the things I have as extracurricular points....

Here I am not saying that I rush in the other things to have time for me to feel free and do what I want - no - and also I am not defining my tasks within a polarity of fun and not fun, or the things I like and the ones I don´t.

So; I commit myself to walk all the things I have here in my reality within and as Self-Responsability and Self-attention and also stop Moving myself in a rush so I can 'clean my hands' of the ones I have to do first so I can be 'free' to do the others I like more...

So Here, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define things/activities/tasks/things that I do for others as less important and within and as the things I do for me I feel and experience myself as free, as like If I am doing something for me .
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect the activities I do for others as something I am not doing it for me - Instead if Being here as me in every activity and realising that everything Here is ME! and I am all that is here - One and equal to myself.

When and as I see myself separating me from the activities I do - I stop, I breathe and I Embrace everything I do as myself and I do them with that Consideration, Self-responsability.


So Here I Realise, see and Accept that Everything is here - I stop Separating me as Individual from all the things I do, from all the things I walk as the physical - Nothing is a separated point. Everything is here and so, I realise, see and understand that every thing I do is a part of me and so, my mind is the one that is making a difference and a separation making me believe that I am a separate individual that is alien to this world and reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am a separated matter from all the things/persons/activities/tasks I do here in my reality and in world and so accepting and allowing that my mind constantly and continuously tells me that I am special, or that I am giving my job as a gift and so thinking that anyone is going to appreciate it..

The other Point I see here is that I place in me a Defence Mechanism and that I am 'Alert' as the mind - participating in that character that is "If this and then this".
Instead of moving myself unconditionally and genuine in every moment.


Ok, the next point I´ll be walking this - the point that unfolds from all this - the point of thinking and feeling that I am Giving my work - as free - making my job for free expecting an award if is not of people - of Life. An Award from Life - ' a good person character' --wow! a lot of dimensions here LOL!

ok, I´ll continue.!!

Day # 60 -- I want to Craft Character

Within these days I have been feeling this energetic movement inside me of doing crafts.
In these moments I want to make something to decorate my house.
I enjoy doing crafts with my hands but the moving force is Energy - I get excited, I rush and I tend to not enjoy me in the moment here, and while I am doing them I am in other place in my mind....

So, here I´ll walk this Character.


FEAR DIMENSION

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in fears in relation of not having time to do the craft I wish to do - Instead of being here stopping energetic reactions and emotions/feelings in relation to time.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that something - as another situation/task/compromise gets in the way so that I cannot do the craft I wish to do in the moment - Instead of stopping me as the fear dimension so I can eliminate more character creations in the moment. I Stop, I breathe and I continue doing my physical activity
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that the moment that I can do the craft is already late. - I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear time.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear others as my mom/grandmother to bother me and ask me 'What I am doing?' while I am doing the craft/activity - in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be scolded by my mother/grandmother due to me moving things in the house/decorating a place in the way they don´t like.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in fears of something getting in my way to criticize me or to make me feel weird/so grown-up to do the craft/activity and also fears of others telling me that I better do something else that requires more importance - I realise, see and understand that this is not real - is the mind creating energetic reactions as fears to so feed itself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel fears and to participate in emotions and feelings of not having time to do it and also fearing that in the mean time that I am doing a craft something else important may need attention from me - In this - I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect doing crafts with fears.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect doing crafts with the fear of being out of time.

When and as I see myself participating in fears due to not having time ( time is my trigger point ) in every situation that I am in - I breathe, I place myself here in the Presence of myself and I see, realise and understand that time as the mind does not exists - is only a conglomeration of moments here as breath.

I am here as breath within and as myself - Breathing in and out - there are moments. a lot moments as breaths.
I see, realise and understand that as breaths I am Constant - there are many breaths in Life - no beginning - no end - Breath is here as me.
So, When and as I see myself fearing time within and as my day - I stop, I Breathe.

When and as I see myself while doing crafts fearing that my mom will come to say me that why I am doing that/criticizing and reacting to my decorations and crafts I want to place in my house - Instead of reacting also, I stop me from going into a reaction towards here: like taking it personal or feeling sad and angry - I breathe and I stop me as Energy. I continue placed in the physical as Me - Stopping energetic movements inside me and I continue expressing myself and enjoying me in the moment

So, I commit myself to stop the Fear dimension within and as myself in the moment I see me going to that realms and scenarios in my mind - So I can stop me here from Giving Life and attention to the attempt of the mind to take me to create more dimensions and so separating myself more of here as the Presence of Myself.

I don´t longer accept to be a Servant for the mind - I commit myself to Stand as the Directive Principle here in each moment of breath.

I commit myself to manage my time and as a Practical and Workable Solution to myself so I can stop mind perceptions of not having time to Live in my life.

THOUGHT DIMENSION

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I will not have time and to see myself doing the craft in a rush cause I didn´t managed my time efficiently and so stopping myself to do the craft or other activity that surges in the moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in thoughts of me doing the craft and also feeling tiredness and stopping myself due to images of me scolding myself and saying I have more important things to do and so connecting making a pause within my compromises and other tasks and home-works as a distraction that is bad and based in self-interest - so seeing me that I am being irresponsible.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that my mom will discover what I am doing and she will get mad and she will tell me 'Don´t place that decoration on the house - i don´t like it' so taking this as a point to stop myself from expressing myself in this activity.

I see, realise and understand that the force within and as myself is the mind - I depend on a though to tell me and to let me do the things I have to do and so I depend on a though to validate my decisions and my physical movements as expressions.

When and as I see myself going in to the pre-programmed mind movement of going to a thought to so wait for a validation or like the 'push I needed to move myself and do it - I stop, I breathe and I place myself here as the presence of myself and I do the things I have to do without depending on others to do them

I see, realise and understand that the Physical Movement as Expression is moving and so Do it.

Also here - I see that I may observe my priorities in my day - realise that the desire that makes me go to do the craft is a self-interest if I have other things to do; not based in importance as polarities but as a way to complete in order other compromises I have or 'making a pause' during my day within the tasks I have to do and Express myself doing a craft, going out to walk, drawing etc.

The Desire as a Force to Stand and let the task/activity/home-work that I am doing due to making what is best for All - is Self-Interest.

Me as an Expression - of making a craft or an activity to enjoy myself has to be based in Simplicity.

Ok so doing a recap --> While making the Craft participating in energy - as I said directed by that desire to make something I want now in spite of other thing I have to do


ok, so - I´ll be continuing this

Day # 58 -- More on Postponement Character

I haven´t writing within these days and I feel very bad 'cause I have accepted self-sabotage with thoughts and back-chats of postponing this due to the excuse that I haven´t had enough time to do this writtings.
'I am tired at the end of my day' and I don´t reach to do all the things I have to do.

Ok, I am going to walk these points here.


FEAR DIMENSION:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within the system of fear of the future; feeling fear of not being able to do this and to let my mind to win this and I fail within my commitment of walking this Journey to Life blogs.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within the fear of not having enough time within my day to complete this point of writing my blog at the end of the day or at the beginning of it.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being let aside and to be delayed within this journey in comparison to others.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be fearful about the events and situations that I don´t complete in time cause I know that is an abuse towards me and others I realise, see and understand I use deliberately this as an abuse towards myself - instead of stopping me as fears, emotions and feelings and stand as self-stability and self-trust and self-security to stop my deliberate creations as abuse within my mind.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be fearful about if I don´t change others and me can suffer or something.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be able to stand efficiently and be let aside and pushed by my mind so I cannot stand again from this any more - within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that it will be more difficult in the future to stand from this points and others if I don´t walk them in the moment.

I see realise and understand that all my fears are mind programming within myself and has nothing to do with reality and my physical journey.
I see realise and understand that I accept and allow self-sabotage due to giving value and importance to the mind and it systems so that´s why I follow and create excuses - giving the mind the 'authority' to guide me within my life and all I do within my day.
I see realise and understand I create excuses to not face myself and to continue evading situations and points within myself and so creating more dimensions as the mind - as I realised in previous blogs - accumulating dimensions and dimensions.

I commit myself to walk within the moment the self-correction and so standing and walking through my MCS so I can stop this deliberate abuse as time loops.

When and as I see myself participating in fears in relation to not being able to come here and write my blog I stop, I breathe and I stand from this system in Moving myself to do things in the physical. I mean not postponing things and so creating more 'mind-background' to allow more abuse.

I commit myself to stop myself as finding excuses to not being able to come and write and so also in not having time.

When and as I see myself participating in fears of the consequences in the future I stop, I breathe and I Stabilize myself here as the Presence of me and as common sense. I am here, walking and standing.


"essentially - we're all walking this together within different positions/locations in existence and process - Marduk explained in one of his interviews the different positionings/locations of each one in existence and so one's point to walk in process for self and for all - thus, don't look at it as first or last, but each one taking/standing their point to walk in relation to where all are in their process in existence" - Sunette Spies

THOUGHT DIMENSION

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see me within the world - within this position I am in the journey to life as let aside and not being able to be at the same stage/location as others - I realise see and understand that I am participating within the comparison system.
I see, realise and understand the stupidity of these cause I am here within this moment and in seeing me as first of last is an abuse and yes, an 'stupidity'
In this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge me always based in comparisons and giving importance to the image/thought in my mind that others are more aware/developed as me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see me as less developed and aware and others because I have been I have not came here to write in the last days to due giving my power away to the mind and finding excuses to postpone this task/this commitment I do to myself

I commit myself to stop me as thoughts and to Embrace all of them to investigate and apply the self-forgiveness accordingly and so assisting and supporting myself to walk this Journey to Life.

I see, realise and understand also that in complicating all in my mind and over-analysing everything I tend to stop myself as making a pause due to this pattern of listening to the mind and so I postpone things

So, When and as I see myself letting my thoughts to influence me from Standing as a Practical Living Example to Myself - I stop, I breathe and I Stabilize myself here as the Presence of me.
I jump of my bed, I walk, I stand from the chair, I cuddle my cats or my dogs - I breathe - and I stand as me here and I do the things I Enjoy doing.


I see Here that is so easy for me as my mind to control me and to remove me from the things I enjoy doing cause I give more importance to postponment, to tiredness, to the programs inside me.

I stop, and I commit myself to continue walking!!

IMAGINATION DIMENSION

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in imaginations as me doing something else that don´t imply a hugh resistance within myself as the mind for example watching a movie, laying in my bed, seeing in the internet the things I want to see.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in my mind as imagination where I see myself writing my blog, or knitting or cleaning the house - as If I am walking it in the real time and so feeling a nastiness and a where I participate in negative and positive emotions and feelings to validate and feed that imagination episode and so sabotaging myself and letting my mind to kind of saving me from moving myself and so believing that I can do it in other moment.
Here; I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in self-interest cause I give more importance to ME as my mind and not to the things that are here to complete and to walk to do What is Best for All.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to first in my imagination walk ME in mind episodes as a way of analize and consider the amount of resistance and physical movement I have to take and so - letting Me as the mind to convince me that is Better to wait and to let things for another moment so I can Stay there as Postponement and so feed my MCS.

When and as I see myself going to my imagination Dimension - I breathe, I stop myself and I move myself in the Physical - jumping or walking and standing to move me here in the physical so I can see that those systems are real in the moment I let them to move me as the physical and in the physical reality.

I realise, see and understand that in that moments/time that I am busy participating and giving space to the thought in my mind and this making me go to the imagination process stage I could be Standing and Moving and taking the tools to complete and Do something in my Physical Reality - like taking my computer; moving my hands to write and to post my blog/like taking my hook and began crocheting/or to take the broom and the mop to clean.

I commit myself to Stop me as the Imagination Dimension - to Stop me since the fear dimension - since the Beginning So I can Move myself and Walk here as the Physical, with my Physical to Assist and Support me

"I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place

WANT, DESIRE as ENERGY before

RESPONSIBILITY as LIVING within me and my world" --Sunette Spies

@Journey to life.

BACK-CHAT DIMENSION

"Oh, I don´t have time to do this right now", "I´m tired; I do a lot of things", "I do it tomorrow", "nothing happens if I let this for tomorrow"


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to come into this stage as the back-chat dimension within and as myself and to create the back-chat: "OH!, I don´t have enough time to do this right now" and so I go into the excuses and justification background where I try to convince myself that this is true, that I deserve a moment for resting and so, I can let things for tomorrow.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create me as the Postponement Character since the first dimension as fear, then the thought, imagination come here to feed my mind and to participate in energy - so entertaining me as mind with energy instead of standing since the first moment as Breath within and as myself and so moving physically and taking my computer and placing my hands in the way I can type and write my blog.

I forgive myself that I haven´t accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand that for me is more easy to build mind dimensions as stories - as fantasies, illusions - so Energy!!! than moving myself in the Physical to do the things I have to do and so stopping me from making excuses and justifications -- creating since this another Character that is the 'Victimization Character'

I see, realise and understand with this the domino effect that i create since Giving Away My Power to the mind - that is the creation of more Characters and more dimensions.

When and as I see myself participating in the Mind-Creator-of-Characters when I am in deliberate action designing more Monsters/Demons within and as the belief that I am this - and so I am the assistance of my mind - like the workers within this World System that deliberately are creating more abuse and making the system huge instead of Stopping and Realising we can Stop and we can Stand since the First Moment.

I´ll continue with the next dimensions


For Further Support Read:

Character Dimensions – IMAGINATION Dimension (Part 2): DAY 166


Character Dimensions – BACKCHAT Dimension (Part 3): DAY 169

Día # 56 -- taking things personal

This is a continuation from the blog post number 52


This Character that Analize Everything - So deep in my Mind


Ok, next paragraph


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think I am wrong in relation to living the way I live, seeing myself as weird and thinking that others are right in saying me that I have to change my life and do the same exact things others do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the back-chat: 'What if others are right and I am not living as I have to live' and so within this defining myself and the way I live and so entering to the game of comparing myself to others, feeling less than and so hiding myself, evading people due to the fears of critics and them making me feel weird, creating the manifested consequence that is me suppressing/retracting myself from others and within situations where I can express myself as the way I am without fears and thoughts and emotions that can sabotage the way I am.

I realise see and understand that I am not - as life - different to other people: I am a different expression and I don´t have to be as others to feel more than or less than. Is not a rule that people has to be equals as the mind. I stop defining myself as the mind and I live and express here as me in every moment of every breath.

When and as I see myself going into that mind state where I compare my life to others where I feel and give value and importance to the opinions of others and so feeling different- I stop, I breathe, I bring myself back here. I express myself here as life. I stop me from following ideas, feelings, emotions. That´s not what I am

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in fears of being seen as ridicule, as different as weird.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and feel I am different from others - participating in the polarity games of the mind as 'they are better than me and I am less than them' and the other way around - thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel better due not being as the people.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to diminish myself cause I haven´t lived the same things as others have lived.

I see realise and understand that this ideas, situations and events that I have lived or not lived does not give me more value and importance.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel angry when people thinks that my mom is the one that keeps me in the house and so making me see as someone that is forced to do things that I don´t want.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel angry and to feel the necessity to defend my mom and to say them that they are not right.

I realise see and understand that I am taking things personal and these ideas and perceptions are not about me is about them.

When and as I see myself taking things personal I breathe and I stop. I stand clear within and as myself and I stabilize myself here.
I stabilize myself within and as the presence of myself and I stop me as the mind.
.
I can assist others by making them see - not making as a force - but sharing that this points of views are not about me cause they are just giving importance and value to the mind perspective.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to follow/give value and importance / and participate in the mind perspective where I go to this character that gets offended and takes thinks personal.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take things, to take words and laughs at others in relation to my way of life as personal.

I see, realise and understand that is not about me is about their fears, ideas, perceptions, prejudices etc.


I´ll continue

Day # 53 --- Giving Credit and Value to the Mind

This Blog is a continuation from yesterday Blog: 

Day # 52 -- This Character that Analyse Everything - " So deep in my Mind"

So - I am taking the first paragraph I wrote: in that paragraph I wrote points in relation to how I define myself, how different people within my life has reacted to me and my life the same way I have reacted to my life and myself., my relationship with people my back-ground so to speak within this. 
I remind me as alone, as shy and as fearful of giving myself to others due to this 'complex' of being fat; having a different body and a different way to approach people and life. I mean, -- as my program infused from my family is = serious, as I have shared I don´t like saying 'bad words' ( as I was thought as that), I search to be honest with people, clear, without 2 sides, compassionate, careful, sometimes very talkative and childish - I distract myself a lot due to wanting to play within serious environments. And well, these are some characters and personalities I have created and expressions that I have limited, killed within myself due to being harmed, due to being ridiculed and being isolated. 

Ok, this points are the result/the consequence of me defining myself and separating myself. Not accepting myself and nullifying me.

As If i continue nullyfing me, negating me, comparing and resisting being who I am without fear I will Live this and also I´ll find people that will going to reflect this towards me; rejections, critics, mockery.


The base of all these has created this personality - and more that I am going to walk in here - as the Pleasing Others Character - and so leaving ME aside and so Nullifying  me.



Self - Forgiveness


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel and defining myself as different from the rest of the people cause I believed, accepted and allowed definitions within and as myself that other people within my past - in my childhood years -  used to call me to make fun of me, to make me feel less than them and so be accepted by the society as a way to protect themselves and to be part of the system without realizing this words of separation was not about me, was about them, their acceptances, allowances the way they define themselves and others through the mind - so me  due to not knowing if this was  true or false I accepted it as normal within and as myself and I gave 'credit and value' to the words, to the approach of others towards me and so I created this dimension within and as myself as separation where I like unfolded from me and  I created a separate manifestation of me that was seeing me as a 'viewer' and so being part of the people that was offending me - so within this I began being part of the others as this separation and abuse - placing me within and as a 'den'  inside my mind - so nullifying me as who I am - and this created the Personality as Jessie and the being that was inside in that 'den' was holding to this desire, want and need to close it´s eyes and to stop watching what was I due to giving credit and value to others as giving value and credit to the external - to the mind - instead of being here, as the presence of myself - seeing me and communicating this I was experiencing and happening within and as myself as to receive assistance and support to establish more self-trust

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to really believe that I was the definitions others gave me and I didn´t wanted to find out if I was them or not - all I was seeing was  me through the eyes of other people and so giving them credit to them as a belief that this was my 'cross' within this life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel different cause I was fat, due to this inequality and lack of acceptance towards fat people, believing that if I was not thin and pretty I was not worthy.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define me within polarities as pretty and ugly and so giving value and credit to this words in separation of myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect  the word ugly to sadness, to isolation, to ideas of belonging in that categories and so connecting the word pretty as something I wanted to be and reach, so to be more accepted within and by my classmates and so live in peace without this constant abuse as bullying I receive of others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself  to participate in  needs/wants and desires to turn myself in a pretty girl or being more thin to be accepted and allowed by others in my past - and now in this moments to be accepted by myself so I can like forget all this abuse and bad moments and experiences of my past.

I realise that the consequence I accepted through giving value and so  not letting all that experiences in my past is living now as my own warden/abusive person that is constantly and continuously criticizing and defining every thing I do under the same images, ideas and perceptions that others have of me.
I mean now I am those boys and girls that in my past were calling me by names and with ugly words.
And no only to me - but I am as them towards others. 

I see, realise and understand that the people in my world as my classmates  and friends was the reflection of this creation - this 'Me' as a Personality that was as this warden keeping me away from standing and taking Responsability for myself and so communicating also what was happening - So this ward was like offering me to the nets of the system preferring to stay silent than to Stand as Self-Trust and as Self- esteem to Stop this abuse I was accepting and allowing due to giving credit and value to others.

I see, realise and understand how due to the fears we have to be alone we accept and allow -within our childhood years at the school or when we are knowing other people - to sacrifice life and to separate life from within us due to be part of something and so denying who we are as Life. 

I commit myself to look for this being that is locked inside me and to ask it Forgiveness so that We can stand here as Self-Trust and Self-esteem and so realising, accepting and allowing to live the capacity I have and I am as Life.

I commit myself to cut this relationship within and as my past to Remain Clear here and so to walk free from those memories I used to bring to here as myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give value and credit to abuse and to words that are created to separate  me from myself as Life; so, giving more value and credit to systems that what are here as me as life.
I also forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use/manipulate/abuse substance - the physical substance as words to abuse myself - giving value to ideas, perceptions, definitions of the people and of me that are programmed within and as me and not investigated within self-honesty to realise, see and understand how I am accepting abuse within and as myself.

I realise, see and understand the consequences I have created due to this acceptances and allowances that are the creations of more dimensions where I have limited myself as self-expression and I have approached me to others based in my past-experiences, believing, thinking and feeling that all the people are the same and that I have to protect myself from people and to be careful of being me cause in some way, in some moment people can harm and betray.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to approach people due to my experiences of the past.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not approach people within and as oneness and equality due to perceptions, ideas, fears I have imprinted, and I have programmed within myself due to past experiences I had with people.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that my life - that me as life is an experience - I am not an experience.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe, to create the idea and perception within and as myself that people is bad/good, that I have to take care of people, protect of people and to measure my words and actions towards them due to fears of what they will think and perceive about me - I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear myself and thus, I forgive  myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my own fear that is people.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be seen as crazy by other people and so being left alone, without people, isolated  and so I have preferred to be seen as normal  

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect being normal with being accepted and being abnormal with being isolated from the human race - I realise, see and understand that I don´t know what is normal/abnormal. This words are just mind interpretations and polarities.


I commit myself to stop defining myself according to the past: where I commit myself to approach every life - people, me, everything - within and as oneness and equality and not based in past experiences and in relation with images of my mind

I commit myself to stand clear of images, of past experiences, of memories. So I can live Here as the Presence of myself without resemblances of what I am as my Mind.


i´ll continue

Día # 49 -- Preferences

Ok, so continuing with the post I did yesterday - and reading it again...the next post I will be taking again is in relation to anger/impatience/suppressions as I see them coming back again at me - not completely directed.

Ok - due to the sore throat I had I began with these fears in relation to getting sick of something worse due to not controlling this energy within me - as I have heard that many illness and diseases can be created if one does not stop this - as for example cancer or illness in the liver...I fear that a lot.

so, well, I ´ll be opening those points here. Is like, me controlling myself within the fear of not getting sick and so, creating here another character/dimension - doing the process since the starting point of fears - to avoid not getting sick or being worse, or a bad person...

ok, I´ll start

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in anger within and as my life when I see something as a threat to my mind - as something that is moving my belief of stability and comfort zone - like for example having to do things as cleaning the house of dog and cat poops.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that comfort zones exists within and as myself - where I can hide and suppress things so I can face them and work with them in the moment.
I realise, see and understand that beliefs are a point of self-interest, where I can make-up things to use it for my convenience and so not for What is Best for Everyone.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react with anger within and as the situation of having to do things as cleaning my pet´s wastes, clean the house - on my own - without 'the help' of others, participating in the back-chats
* 'If it wasn´t for me this house will be more dirty', and going to the dimension of imagination where I see me in a job or away from home and asking how my mom is going to take care of the house - in relation to cleaning - if I am not here. Not considering other points where my mom assist me and supports me without any reaction and preference.
I forgive myself that I haven´t accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that these reactions and energetic movements inside me are created/originated due to the self-interest I am still holding on to inside of me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react and get angry when I have to help with something and then I immediately create the back-chat 'and you? what are you doing?' that expose and DEMONstrate that I am still standing in self-interest grounds/arenas and I am not doing things since the Principle that is best of All within and as myself and within everyone in this reality that is me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel desperate and anxious when I see my life.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive and to see my life as a trigger point to feel fearful, desperate and anxious.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place value and importance over polarities, desires, ideas, images in my mind that are not the Physical Reality.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within an emotional experience of anger, desperation and anxiousness when I see my house cause I want/desire to have it 'clean'/in order'/impeccable' and due to my pets I can have it that way - I realise, see and understand the guilt I am portraying upon other beings cause I am not directing myself - I see the 'trouble' is in me, not in others.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have preferences over things within and as my life as myself - I realise, see and understand Everything that is here is me and Life has not preferences.
Preferences are not Part of what is best for All as Life.

So, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give power and value, and attention to self-interest/preferences/choices within and as myself - I realise, see and understand that me as life is not a choice - Is me standing as Oneness and Equality; I mean as the only choice that Exists here to Do and Create a better world/environment for me and for others.

So, When and as I see myself reacting and feeling angry, desperate and anxious in relation to how my life is - I stop, I breathe and I stop those energetic movements and systems inside me. These movements are not who I am.
The only movement that is here within and as me is my Physical Movement I am and Do within building myself and my environment within the Principle of What is Best for All - here.

The Movement I am as breath is Real - The Physical Movement I take when I write, when I correct myself as Breath. The Physical Movement I take to assist and support others within my reality is the Only Movement I am and I do.

I´ll continue....

Investigate: Desteni.org