Day # 63 BEing Aware of My Breath.

In my blog in Spanish I have been walking  21 days to remove a pattern. For me it has been like an investigation. An Investigation to see in where areas I am still being dependent and defining myself with and as the system.
So, I have been settling down within this - assisting with my cell-phone as an alarm to wake up after 6 hours of sleep and of course, with my breath!!.
 I haven´t been exact - in waking up in the mornings but I have been working in the points that leads me to suppress my reality. 

I have been again realizing that I pressure myself very much and I give a lot of attention to this as Energy - stress, tenseness, tension .... CONcentration! yes, that´s the word. 

The more I CON-centrate in this the more I fail. Why? 'cause it has been since that Starting point of pressure. Wanting to change, wanting to do something I have been postponing and wanting to do something that I never complete. I mean that I have this pattern of not completing things within and as my life. 

So, today I have this crisis again. The fears, the doubts, seeing me in the future with nothing that is completely mine. This was triggered by an order I had to do in crochet - my client was giving me a lot of excuses in relation to the doll I was making and I exploded and I told to myself that I was going

to stop doing this things - participating in the back-chats of :"I ´ve had enough of this; I don´t sell my products the way I have to, I give them very cheap, I don´t  have the money I want. So I will just CONcentrate in the job I am doing in the web and in the meantime I will search for another one. I need the F. Money".

So, I went to talk to my mom - she gave me solutions and options but I didn´t wanted to hear. So again - wanting to hide, wanting to run and wanting to participate in self-pity. 
I stayed in my room for a while - breathing and observing me again in this pattern and my behaviors and this program inside me that makes me throw everything away and start  in other area.

So, I open my laptop and I started watching the videos that I didn´t watched in the Heaven´s Journey to Life Blogs and then reading other member blog´s and Bernard´s Blog - Creation Journey to Life and again made myself aware of my breath and start applying SF with the examples in HJTL blogs and I realized - in addition of what I wrote yesterday in my spanish blog - that I keep defining myself as systems. I know I am one;  I have been participating in them since I was born - and knowing those systems I have realized I am not a MCS - but in allowing them here as me - one and equal as me - I am indeed a system, and so my reality becomes a mess and i create consequences. And also I realized that with wanting to reject them again I am going into separation and not giving a solution to myself.

So, I began being aware of my breath where I realized the solution to the trigger point that drove me to the same

'mental-state' - a simple one! so I gave to my client the solution and to myself also - not abandoning this little business that I have and to keep with the solutions I put for me: Assisting myself with this job I found in the internet which a friend recommended me and to then completing my studies. I haven´t received a payment yet, but my friend says they pay so I am calmed. lol. So with that, assisting my mom as before and searching for and to study Homeopathy. Is a process I will walk. And I have to build the way to this decision.

Ok, well, this is a review of some points that I have been walking and correcting within me. 
I again commit myself to not fall and to hide and to run. As I always do and also to not see things with my mind´s eyes - which is the thing I do always.


Thanks for reading, 


...So, as part of the process - to Find within Yourself a ‘spec of life’ and eventually Birth Yourself as the Tree of Life to ‘Bear the Fruit of Life’: You’re going to have to Changethe Constitution of Yourself, you’re going to have to Genetically Modify yourself as Organism, become a GMO, Modifying yourself to That Which is Best for All Life. If you don’t, you’re Doomed by Yourself and Only You are Responsible. Even those Affected by Others, You Remain Responsible to What Happens ‘Within you’, Who you are, What you Allow or What you Accept – that is simple Science, it is Mathematics, it is the Function of Reality... 
Creation´s Journey to Life

Day # 60 -- I want to Craft Character

Within these days I have been feeling this energetic movement inside me of doing crafts.
In these moments I want to make something to decorate my house.
I enjoy doing crafts with my hands but the moving force is Energy - I get excited, I rush and I tend to not enjoy me in the moment here, and while I am doing them I am in other place in my mind....

So, here I´ll walk this Character.


FEAR DIMENSION

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in fears in relation of not having time to do the craft I wish to do - Instead of being here stopping energetic reactions and emotions/feelings in relation to time.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that something - as another situation/task/compromise gets in the way so that I cannot do the craft I wish to do in the moment - Instead of stopping me as the fear dimension so I can eliminate more character creations in the moment. I Stop, I breathe and I continue doing my physical activity
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that the moment that I can do the craft is already late. - I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear time.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear others as my mom/grandmother to bother me and ask me 'What I am doing?' while I am doing the craft/activity - in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be scolded by my mother/grandmother due to me moving things in the house/decorating a place in the way they don´t like.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in fears of something getting in my way to criticize me or to make me feel weird/so grown-up to do the craft/activity and also fears of others telling me that I better do something else that requires more importance - I realise, see and understand that this is not real - is the mind creating energetic reactions as fears to so feed itself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel fears and to participate in emotions and feelings of not having time to do it and also fearing that in the mean time that I am doing a craft something else important may need attention from me - In this - I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect doing crafts with fears.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect doing crafts with the fear of being out of time.

When and as I see myself participating in fears due to not having time ( time is my trigger point ) in every situation that I am in - I breathe, I place myself here in the Presence of myself and I see, realise and understand that time as the mind does not exists - is only a conglomeration of moments here as breath.

I am here as breath within and as myself - Breathing in and out - there are moments. a lot moments as breaths.
I see, realise and understand that as breaths I am Constant - there are many breaths in Life - no beginning - no end - Breath is here as me.
So, When and as I see myself fearing time within and as my day - I stop, I Breathe.

When and as I see myself while doing crafts fearing that my mom will come to say me that why I am doing that/criticizing and reacting to my decorations and crafts I want to place in my house - Instead of reacting also, I stop me from going into a reaction towards here: like taking it personal or feeling sad and angry - I breathe and I stop me as Energy. I continue placed in the physical as Me - Stopping energetic movements inside me and I continue expressing myself and enjoying me in the moment

So, I commit myself to stop the Fear dimension within and as myself in the moment I see me going to that realms and scenarios in my mind - So I can stop me here from Giving Life and attention to the attempt of the mind to take me to create more dimensions and so separating myself more of here as the Presence of Myself.

I don´t longer accept to be a Servant for the mind - I commit myself to Stand as the Directive Principle here in each moment of breath.

I commit myself to manage my time and as a Practical and Workable Solution to myself so I can stop mind perceptions of not having time to Live in my life.

THOUGHT DIMENSION

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I will not have time and to see myself doing the craft in a rush cause I didn´t managed my time efficiently and so stopping myself to do the craft or other activity that surges in the moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in thoughts of me doing the craft and also feeling tiredness and stopping myself due to images of me scolding myself and saying I have more important things to do and so connecting making a pause within my compromises and other tasks and home-works as a distraction that is bad and based in self-interest - so seeing me that I am being irresponsible.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that my mom will discover what I am doing and she will get mad and she will tell me 'Don´t place that decoration on the house - i don´t like it' so taking this as a point to stop myself from expressing myself in this activity.

I see, realise and understand that the force within and as myself is the mind - I depend on a though to tell me and to let me do the things I have to do and so I depend on a though to validate my decisions and my physical movements as expressions.

When and as I see myself going in to the pre-programmed mind movement of going to a thought to so wait for a validation or like the 'push I needed to move myself and do it - I stop, I breathe and I place myself here as the presence of myself and I do the things I have to do without depending on others to do them

I see, realise and understand that the Physical Movement as Expression is moving and so Do it.

Also here - I see that I may observe my priorities in my day - realise that the desire that makes me go to do the craft is a self-interest if I have other things to do; not based in importance as polarities but as a way to complete in order other compromises I have or 'making a pause' during my day within the tasks I have to do and Express myself doing a craft, going out to walk, drawing etc.

The Desire as a Force to Stand and let the task/activity/home-work that I am doing due to making what is best for All - is Self-Interest.

Me as an Expression - of making a craft or an activity to enjoy myself has to be based in Simplicity.

Ok so doing a recap --> While making the Craft participating in energy - as I said directed by that desire to make something I want now in spite of other thing I have to do


ok, so - I´ll be continuing this

Day # 50 -- Feeling Disappointed towards myself

This is a continuation of:

* Preferences
* Symptoms, Starting Point, Fears

*dis·ap·point:
To fail to satisfy the hope, desire, or expectation of.
2. To frustrate or thwart:

1. to fail to meet the expectations, hopes, desires, or standards of; let down
2. to prevent the fulfilment of (a plan, intention, etc.); frustrate; thwart.

Reading through the first post I made within this series - I read the word 'Disappointment' - in relation to feeling as that in observing me within and as this process and my stand within this process - I mean Where I am within all.
Back-chatting - saying to myself that I have a lot of opportunities within my day and I don´t 'catch' them = Regret and Haste.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel disappointed about myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see me as a failure within as my life due to not having the life I want for myself.
I realise, see and understand that this comes within and as the habit and pattern of Comparision - comparing me to the system/other people; to the laws and regulations of society that is imprinted in everyone and so - I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive me and my life as something 'out of the norms' within what a person/a women at my age should do, act and perform at this stage of her life.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to create a character upon egos from the mind - upon being directed by my mind that feels inadequate.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be defined by the mind consciousness systems and so be directed by them to feel, perceive me, to see me as only a program that has to follow something, that has to fit a 'thing' that I believe is the 'thing' - to which I give value and attention. I am not a mind C. System.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within an emotional and energetic reactions such as disappointment within and as myself that separates me from what I am in fact as Life and so limiting myself to express myself in the physical and to move myself within and as this system to assist and support me as life and not as a mind system.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I need a sign from the external reality to have trust within myself - to walk as Self-trust.
I realise, see and understand that I have to Stand as self-trust, self-commitment, self -discipline; do that for me - so not waiting for a sign or needing something or someone to give me what I require.
I am here and I am capable of assessing what I require to be here - to support myself and to continue walking as I have within and as this process.

I forgive myself that I haven´t accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand that my full-capacity as Life is not here cause I am giving power to feelings, emotions, thoughts, back-chats = Mind Systems - Instead of me moving Me as the Physical, in the physical and so being the Capacity; the Full capacity for moving, for doing.

So when and as I see myself going into that emotional state of feeling disappointed or sad or something Like that that Is Separating me from Me as the Full capacity to be here, to move, to complete my day, to breathe, to assist and support me - I stop, I breathe; I bring myself back here to the Physical and I stand as my self-direction, as my self-support and assistance and I continue walking - communicating accordingly with all that are here also walking their process to also receive and give support.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into this self-defeated character and also to this self-victimization character that only waits for attention and for others to come and pick up the pieces of me - as a way of manipulating myself and others and in fact not doing anything in my reality due to just needing and wanting for others to rescue me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think that I can´t do things at my fullest potential due to fears and to beliefs of tiredness or by ideas that I need more time and more strength within and as myself

When and as I see myself going into that state of mind - thinking, feeling that I can´t do it - I stop, I breathe, I Place myself here in the Presence of myself and I move myself to do it - maybe I won´t do it at the fist breath; but I am learning through that until I do it at the full potential - all this under the Principles of What is best for All; so I can also find solutions and ways to be the Solution for myself and for others in equality and oneness

So, I stop myself from feeling, thinking and so, waiting in that state of mind/mind-dimension.
I stand and I break/walk through those dimensions to stand clear and to walk here as Me - as what I really am.


I'll continue

Day#35 -- My Character as an Animal Rescuer. How I create alter-egos

So, I have been observing this character within myself and is taking a step foward to work with it within these days ... hehe.
The article taking about Animal Fetishism and also this Dutch female artist that make toys and articles killing animals have been a trigger point within myself to participate in anger, sadness etc. I have written a lot of SF related to this and the day I read that article I end my day watching a movie that make me go into possession in relation to this points also.


Here I am sharing my Self-Forgiveness about all these....


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in anger and in sadness when I see within the media animal abuse where I feel this desire and wants of making to the abusers the same things they do to animals to make them see what they are doing.


I forgive myself that I haven´t accepted and allowed myself to see/realise and understand that I am equally responsible as the ones I define as 'the abuser' and I am also equal and one to them. I realize they are my alter-egos - I create them due to participating in mind polarities in placing myself as the protector as the rescuer so the opposite has to be created for me to have this systems in me.


So I commit myself to stop polarities within myself so I an stop creating 'alter-egos' within and as me in this world.


I forgive myself that I haven´t accepted and allowed myself to see/realise/understand that I cannot say a word 'cause I am responsible for the abuse caused outside in the world - is hypocritical that I place myself as a character that protects animal rights when I am accepting and allowing inequalities within me such as laziness, procrastination, anger. I realise that I am part of the problem and not part of the practical solution.


I forgive myself that I haven´t accepted and allowed myself I see/realise/understand that I create  this character that rescues animals based on fears and this needs and desires to protect - I realise that it would not be necessary to protect any one and anything living in a system that sees and take care for everyone within and as equality and oneness. The mind produces danger for everyone as life because it has polarities and back-doors, such as choices.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel anger towards the whole humanity for the abuse accepted and allowed towards animals, nature, human beings also without realising the way I participate in the same patterns and behaviours that feeds the system we have now so in creating this character that rescues animals I am just assisting the mind C. systems and not life as what Life really entails and it is - due to accepting and allowing these emotions and feelings that gives 'life' to this character without realising the reality but just realising the reality as the mind.


I forgive myself that I haven´t accepted and allowed myself to see/realise/understand the abuse I inflict on and towards life when I accept and allow to create a character that is supporting the Mind C. Systems as fears, needs, desires, insecurities.


I forgive myself that I haven´t accepted and allowed myself to see/realise/understand the dishonesties, the separation and the abuse I am creating by defining myself as this character that is against animal abuse and that is supporting animal rights without realising how I create this alter-egos that are acting - as in the movies - as the contrary part of myself and in such polarity I am feeding and supporting the abuse, the reality that I reject and resist. So I  realise I am not different I am equal and one with the abuser and so I am responsable.


So as Equally Responsible I commit myself to stop this polarity game as my Mind C. Systems and be here as my physical in the physical assisting and supporting myself with writing, self-forgiveness and corrective applications to stop this and all characters I have created by believing I am the mind


So, Me as Equally Responsible I stop within and as myself these characters - the bad and the good as myself so they can be a danger to Life.
I realise I establish situations of danger and the opposite which is the same line by participating in my mind


I commit myself to step-out this characters so I can honor life for real.


I commit myself to stop myself as the animal rescuer character that is not supporting common sense and equality and oneness.

Day # 21 --- I hate Being Myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate who I am.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in hate against me.
I forgive myself that I  have accepted and allowed myself to create abuse within myself and towards myself feeling hate.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to prefer mostly of the time being someone else and to pretend in my mind I am something different to bear a little bit with  who I am


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to dislike the way I am, the way I am designed, the way I look, the way I talk, the way I walk, the way I smell, the way I participate within my life, the way I do things - hating everything I am.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive me as a failure because when I see myself I don´t see anything cool, nice, or extra-ordinary; thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept me with conditions, with definitions I believe as better than who I am as life and to place a veil infront my eyes to stop from facing myself as life and accept me in every breath.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look in others, values and behaviours I will want to have; as for example, Discipline, Responsability, commitment and feeling I don´t have that facility in me to improve as those words.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect Discipline, Responsability and Commitment  to a feeling of not being able to and feeling those words more than me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect discipline, responsability, commitment to fear of not being able to be one and equal to them.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear myself; to fear the way I am going to act and be in a certain situation.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and feel I don´t really know me at all; that´s why I have fear towards me and that´s why I prefer being alone or not making any promise and thus feeling I help more being away or apart from others, than being close.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear participating in things and with people because I fear I won´t be worthy; disciplined, committed, responsible as them.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in fears and to connect the word promise with fears


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in changes within my mood and to think my mood is what I am; to be defined by my mood changes.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe in my feelings and emotions and to participate in polarities, cycles and in fluctuations based on energy.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe in my emotions and feelings; feeling them so real that I feel I can´t stop them or direct me efficiently as others do, so that´s why I think and feel I wanna be someone else.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in insecurity and in fears towards myself and the way I would react in a certain situation.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in comparison and so compare myself to others in my world and participating in a desire to be as them and to participate in imaginations as illusions seeing myself as them thinking how different I would be if I were like the other people I know.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to avoid compromises as I feel and think I am not going to be able to complete and to be the what others want.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel a desire to be as the other people think about me; not realizing in fact that I don´t know what other really think and want, but making assumptions in my mind about what others may think and would think about me if I don´t do something or if I do something.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to force me to be as the image I have in my mind as the one I will and would have been; thus disregarding me in every act, in every movement I do.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to constantly being invalidating me, participating in fears and in bringing back my past; thinking that if I didn´t did something as I defined as good I am not going to do it correct again; so I desist in trying; thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive me as a failure, to feel I am not able, and within that placing myself below others and so, participating in energy as polarities, mood changes and insecurities.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe in my thoughts and to impose them in my reality.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I have no character.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in instability within myself.










I stop participating in hate towards myself. I stop my pattern of participating in feelings of invalidation towards myself. I stop insecurities and feelings I can't be and stand as Commitment, Responsability and discipline.
I stop participating  and feeding the image I have in my mind about myself. I let go that Image that is limiting me. I let go limitations, I let go control and fears.




When and as I see myself participating or equalizing myself in the pattern of perceiving myself as a burden I stop, I breathe, I clear myself . I bring my participation to my physical reality and to my physical body and I embrace me as all I am here as Life. I touch myself, I face myself and I accept and allow myself to BrEathe.


When and as I see myself thinking and feeling I want to be someone else and to change who I am I stop, I breathe, I bring myself back here and I face myself. I realize I am in fact in the  process of change but not as a way of abusing myself or as eliminating my self but as a way to assist and support me to enhance values and principles I have and to live more as myself to do what is best for all as life and I accept this is a process and I direct myself to stop falling and If I fall I will learn from that fall to keep myself standing more and more until I have no other movement as energy within myself; the only movement is  the physical movement and I move myself to stand as what is best for all.


I commit myself to walk as Self-Responsability, self Commitment and self-Discipline.
I commit myself to improve myself breath by breath and stop judgements and comparisons that are like rocks in my way and that´s why I fall.


I commit myself to assist others as myself without the limitations I place upon me as fears and thoughts.


I am Here
I am Self-Acceptance


I give so I may Receive


I face my Reality as myself.

Day # 7 --- Addicted to emotions and feelings

Here I´ll be following with my patterns of over-sleeping as an addiction I created within myself. 
I am addicted to that comfort feeling my bed gives. 


I am trying to remember since when I became addicted to this feelings around being sleep. I remember when I was a child I wake up very early and I didn´t had this pattern of wanting to be more time in bed. 
Maybe it can be something linked to my school...I know is something about hiding; but I cant observe within my memories which situation within my life took me to create this addiction. 
Well, Is a process and I´ll find out, the thing now is that I want to stand from this pattern as a limitation point within my life, and not being the Directive Point within this and having the sleeping point as an assistance to my body; for my body to rest and just that. And not giving power and feeding my Mind C. Systems.

                                                                                 ***

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a relationship with and within my mind consciousness systems and defined myself as one and equal to the systems integrated within myself.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as a Mind C. System.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create an experience of desire and need of over-sleeping/staying more time in bed.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed being possessed by patterns and behaviours - in this case over-sleeping - and thinking and beLIEving that they are more powerful than me; thus I cannot stand from that and transcend that point.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a form of addiction to sleep by forming a relationship with my Mind C. Systems.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have sleep-patterns as a point where I can suppress and hide myself.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress and hide from my reality, instead of being here as the Directive Principle of my world and myself.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a relationship with Sleep within my mind that I use to suppress myself and to hide from myself and my reality.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel comfortable and safe while I am sleeping.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be addicted to the emotions of comfort that I feel when I am sleeping.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself with something outside of myself.


I forgive myself that I´ve accepted and allowed myself to believe that I need to sleep more than 6 hours to feel rested and to feel clear within my day.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the better time to wake up is when I don´t feel that pressure in my head.


I forgive myself that I haven´t accepted and allowed myself to take direction and Responsability of myself in waking up when I have to, not when my mind says so.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give my Power away and my direction to the mind.


I forgive myself to accept and allow letting the responsability of myself in other hands.


I forgive myself that I´ve accepted and allowed myself to abdicate Responsability and direction giving to others and to other things the power to direct me, instead of Directing me in Every moment of breath, here.


I forgive myself that I haven´t accepted and allowed myself as the directive Principle of my life.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive me as less than others to Direct me within my Life.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself  to hide from myself, suppress myself and so create a relationship as an addiction to something outside of myself.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the time when I go to sleep as a way to Suppress myself and hide from myself - evading myself to not take Self-Direction,Self-Responsability and be the Directive Principle of me and my life.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the time when I go to sleep as a way to forget about the experience of myself.


(¡surprising how this all links to the those points of Insecurities, fears and self-invalidations I am still accepting ...wow!)


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to forget the experience I have of myself; thus accepting and allowing self-invalidations, abuse and dishonesties and that´s why I create addictions to mind-systems to divert from standing and taking Responsability from myself and my world.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I am not worthy.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to treat me as non-worthy of being here.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live within my mind in past experiences where I as a child was diminished by others.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use those past experiences to abuse myself and to cause harm to myself, instead of bringing all that here as myself and start forgiving it more precisely.


I commit myself to stop  Relationships with my Mind C. Systems as a defence-mechanism to avoid facing myself. 
I commit myself to face myself in every moment of breath and stop fears and abuse within myself.


When and as I see myself experiencing a desire and a Need to participate within my addiction to sleep - better said - when I see myself desiring and needing to stay more in bed I realize is the mechanism I accepted and allowed within myself to suppress and hide from myself so, I breathe and I clear myself. I face myself and I Stop my fears and my desires to hide from my self. I stand and I direct myself in the physical.
I write out what I am experiencing to bring everything back here and apply the Self-forgiveness on that.


I commit myself to investigate more fondly where and when I accepted myself to hide from hiding from myself and to forget my experience of myself.


When and as I see myself diminishing within my mind - feeling less than, feeling non-worthy and wanting to evade myself from reality, I Breathe, I stop, I direct myself here to Stand and to face myself here and to be the Directive principle wthin my mind.


I am not afraid of being the Directive Principle of my life.


I commit myself to be and Stand as the the Directive Principle.




I commit myself to follow opening more layers of this point.

Day#3: Insecurity

Within  accepting within myself invalidations and also beliefs that other people are more than me another point that borned within me was the Insecurity; Insecurity to move myself, to talk, to be. And this shows also in the physical as I used the food as a way to protect myself. 
I have defined myself as an insecure person. And I created a relation towards that emotion. And this links to fears. Insecurity comes when I am near people I know for the first time, and also people I already know. I experience anxiety and nervousness and I start with back-chats as comparing myself, or feeling and thinking negative things and also positive, going to the other polarity of that shade I have accepted and allowed.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within an emotional feeling of Insecurity.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into an emotional  experience of insecurity every time I compare myself to others in my mind.
I forgive I have accepted and allowed myself to go into an emotional experience of insecurities and fears when I am infront, near, beside other people thinking and believing that they will find something wrong within me due to my physical body or my way of being - thus accepting and allowing fears, invalidations, and back-chats that are separating me from myself and from others. 
I realize this happens only in my mind and I participate in energy reactions and resistances that feeds my Mind conciousness systems instead of stopping them, Breathing, and correcting in the moment.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into an emotional experience of fear and insecurity when I am going to meet someone new; participating also in my mind in anticipation and in thoughts, feelings, emotions, images about the experience to come and about the person I am going to meet. 
I realize that I am Separating myself from others, from me, from the physical, going into / participating within my mind, thus I create reactions and resistances that are not real and that end in feeding my insecurities and fears.


Every time I see myself participating in my mind; feeding fears and thus Insecurity I realize is all in the mind. I clear myself and I stop back-chats, thoughts, images, feelings, emotions in the moment and I express myself with others as myself. Stopping all fears of being judged and stopping my pattern of invalidating me all the time.
I Breathe, I stop and I direct myself in the moment - every time I start feeling insecure within myself and within my life and i direct myself to Stand as One and equal to myself and others. I clear myself and I express myself.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect people with feelings and emotions, thoughts, and images based on past experiences of me being criticized in the past.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect people to fears and insecurities based on paste experiences.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect people with past experiences I tagged as negative/ positive. 
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect people with insecurity and fear.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to categorize people and experiences as negative or positive, I realize I am accepting Separation and dishonesty perceiving people as polarities within my mind. Participating in back-chats.
I Stop categorizing people as good or bad within my life, and also connecting people to past experiences - either positive or negative.
I realize this is Separation and I am participating and letting my mind direct me, instead of expressing myself as one and equal to others without mind systems.
Everytime I found myself categorizing people, connecting them to past experiences - I stop and I breathe I direct myself to clear myself and to see other people as myself and not accepting back-.chats and taggs that are just mind perceptions.
Life is not a Mind Perception. Life has not categories.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as an insecure person.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive me as insecure.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to protect myself within and idea of insecurity to avoid some experiences as talking, moving and expressing myself with others.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed insecurity within myself to invalidate  me and to limit myself; to limit my physical movements.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to criticize and hate my body due to defining myself with insecurity.


Everytime I catch myself in feeling insecure and limiting myself due to insecurity, I stop, I breathe, I Stand and I direct myself to stop those patterns within myself and I correct myself in that moment to no longer participate in fears, insecurities and in the Mind.
Everytime I see myself feeling fearful and insecure of moving when a person is near me connecting that moment with past experiences or with fears I stop and I breathe, I realize I am in the mind and I clear myself. I Correct myself , I move myself without fears realizing the dishonesty within myself accepting and allowing those patterns of self-invalidation. I stop. 
I correct in every moment of Breath when I see myself participating in Separation, in dishonesties and in what is not best for me, and others as One and equal to Life!.


I accept myself. I stop my mind, I embrace myself. I stop my fears.
I am not my fears; thus my Mind C. Systems.


´Till here no further.

Day#2 Stopping the pattern of Invalidating Myself

Yesterday I realized that I am still hating myself - well, not only yesterday I observe this the only thing is that I didn´t wanted to face it for real and work with that, I was just suppressing myself and saying to myself that was not true and that I really, really love myself, but in fact all the situations I have been through - letting things imcomplete, defining me with Multiple personalities, not taking Responsability for situations in my life, letting others to do things for me and not being independent but dependant; specially of my mother, was the result of this pattern of Invalidating myself/not loving me treating me as nothing, as not important.


Since I was little I suffered the constant rejection of many school partners and I believe all the definitions and words they used to call me. It didn´t matter if coming home my mother and grandmother talked to me saying those things were said by people that didn´t knew me at all, I returned to school the other day convinced the other people were more than me.  And I experienced this until my highschool and Career where I found people that accepted me and I began to grow my social circles, and not very  much cause I had this fear of doing something 'weird' - as I define myself as and to cause laughs and critics from others. I as all my life crouching at people  and invalidating me.


Slowly I started reading assistance from books as Louis hay, metaphysics and spirituality but in Desteni I found the real keys to open all this shit and forgive it. 


I stand within my principle fear of being infront of people and to stop believing in the perceptions other people has about me, I 'learnt' to Stand as One and Equal and me and Alone; stopping the fear of being alone and not wanting and needing to have friends and people near me to validate me. 
I faced all this situations in my last job and I slowly but surely transcend the fear of talking infront of people and being the centre of attention of many people which I attended to respond their doubts about their Visa applications and stuff. It was a great assistance-playground where I Stand from those fears.


They are not Completely, completely gone but I stopped a lot of patterns I no longer define myself as.


But there is more of course I have to stop and change - and within my pause within the Process I observed more and more, and I also corrected. That fear of 'saying'/ talking and not remaining Silent and Exposing people near me without the fear of making them feel sad or angry I practice it then; but also I make myself more bitter and angry. But I noticed I had more trust within myself to stop that pattern of being silent and tell others what was 'wrong' within the perspective of what is best for all!!
Although some doors were closed because of that I don´t regret anything. An example is an opportunity within a place to share and sell my crafts - slowly they were changing things in behalf of their self-interest. Like for example not letting us to use Electricity and they were more worried about the Money,----well, things like that, haha.


But my fall within my process was about the fear I had to change and to stop what I liked and I follow my self-interest and back-chats of saying that wherever I was doing it was not making any bad to other people in the world and that people and I follow the back-chats of asking me if I really wanted to help others.
Also I felt myself as not trustful and not worthy to continue walking with other Desteni Members this path cause I felt I helped more being away and not being hindering other processes with my doubts and indecisions. I also followed my mother fears and claims to the time I spent here at my computer, but I said to her that I was going to return to Desteni when I really were clear within those feelings I was following and experiencing. I wore the t-shirt although I am apart from them, but,  criticizing them is like criticizing me cause the Principles and Values they Stand For are mine, the ones I was looking for since I arrived here!


But yes, in every path the fears and the Mind come to the scene and I faced those fears and Indecisions...and as my entry says Invalidations, cause I was accepting those programs of not Living those Opportunities to face myself and to stop the crude Me.


I am no longer as this and I am not going to fall again! This is what I am and the oportunity i was looking and rejecting this tools and assistance is like rejecting me.
 I am here and I am more aware and Committed with myself and others as myself to assist.


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I forgive that I have allowed myself to follow back-chats in order to hide from myself and to invalidate me as life.
I forgive that I have accepted and allowed myself to invalidate me when an opportunity presents within my life to change and to stop my mind.
I forgive that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear committing myself to myself caused by the fear of letting go the definition I have of myself.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to fear changing the specialness feature I think and believe I am.
I forgive that i have accepted and allowed myself to separate from other people by participating in feelings of being special.
I forgive that I have accepted and allowed myself to protect me from the the people that want to change the definition I have of myself
I forgive that I have accepted and allowed myself to protect me from myself when I observe change.
I forgive that i have accepted and allowed myself to follow distractions and back-chats when I am in the process of removing layers within me, thus accepting and allowing fears and justifications to Stand and change what I am as the mind.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe in other´s perceptions and ideas about me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place words in the mouth of other people using as a reference the past experiences and people words they used to define me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel and to say I know what other people may think or can think about me using my past experiences.
I forgive that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience myself within my past experiences.


I don´t accept to participate in thoughts and feeling of fears.
I don´t allow and accept to participate in thoughts and feeling of hate towards me. I am not my feelings, thoughts and emotions. 
I don´t accept to participate in past experiences. I am not my past, I am here, I am not my past experiences of me and from other people.
I don´t accept and Allow Self-invalidation.


I allow myself to be one and equal with myself , stopping the fears and the invalidations. I am self-acceptance, I Love myself and I no longer accept self-sabotage.


Whenever I see myself following thoughts, feelings and emotions of fear and Invalidation I stop and I breathe and I correct myself in that moment to no longer accept fears and invalidations within me and defining myself as my mind, as the backchats programmed in myself to not Stand and birth myself as Life.


Whenever I feel I am not worthy or I am not able to complete, do, walk me as myself I Stop, i breathe and I  realize I am not those limitations I accepted as my mind. I am life, I am clear, I am Constant and I walk and stand as myself here without giving importance and validation to my mind. 


Life doesn´t need Validation of any kind, of any one or anything. Validation does not Exist within  myself cause I don´t need to validate me to do something, to Live, to Walk, to talk, to Accept Myself as myself, as life. I do not longer believe the idea that I need being Validated by others, or even by me. I am here, I am. I Am the simplicity of Being and Standing Here, Clear of all Mind-sets and Programs placed within myself.


I clear myself and I stop the constant search of Validation that is placing me ABove or Below of life. Of me as Life, of others as life. I am one and Equal to everyone and everything in Life, as Life.


I accept my self as Life! 
I am Life
I am breath
I breath
I stand 
I am Simplicity


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