Day # 299 - Learning to say "no"

More patterns to change....another one that I have to do to clean all the mess I have done in my life it´s acting in the physical and learn to say "NO"  - specially to food...yeah food that it´s not supportive for me. I never had this tendency to take care of what I eat  and I grew up in a mexican family and my grandmother was a great cook so she always was preparing delicious food for me and my mom and we usually had family reunions at home on weekends so I had never had time to eat in a balanced way....I ate healthy but not balanced.

I began making diets and taking care of me but always the delicious food was flirting with me and I didn´t had the complete will to say "NO", until 2 or 3 years that I began investigating which food its better for me and now I am indeed more carefull and I had developed the will to say no - lol... I don´t want to make a diet because I want to eat everything I like but in a measured and balanced way also I am more connected with my body and I can observe when I abuse...like today that I am feeling very awful due to sugar...I have eated a lot of sugar this days, specially coke and ice-creams and I do observe that when I eat carbohydrates ans sugars I start feeling bad.

So, I am doing a complete change in my diet.   
yeah, that´s another thing I will change and saying no to the things I know that are making an abuse within me, like feelings, emotions, situations, people and start walking the correction path. That´s why I decided also to make the commitment of writting again, I also have observed that being in a group like Desteni, walking and living principles and being in a way connected and having goals and plans are the best way to change reality and I have seen it change and I want it to change cause I want to reach my goals. I want to live! that´s my desire, my passion, my goal - I want to LIVE!, to be aware of everything, to be part of all the things I enjoy and I enjoying me its the first step.   

I am grateful for the things and people I have in my life in these moments.  I will take care of them as I have done it all my life.   

Here...it arises a point that I want to explore more deeply - loosing people. It causes a big emptyness when I think in loosing people. So I will write more tomorrow about this. There are so many layers - one of them I was observing today was the fear of saying something that may sound weird or dumb to the other and so I go to the extremes and I see them making fun inside them and stop talking to me. 

ok, so...I will continue tomorrow. Really tired and dizzy. I just want to sleep 

Day # 57 -- Who I am within the Postponement Character

I was reading the Blog Post in the Heaven´s Journey to Life "Character Dimensions-Thought Dimensions Day 164" and I observed that I have to write more about this character in me - I am making a parenthesis from my last blogs due to observing that this part within and as me needs clarifications so that I can move efficiently from now on forward.
I felt regret by getting out of my last job - I get very anxious due to my recurrent respiratory problems which was an indicator of not stopping efficiently my mind as emotions and feelings - all this related to postponements within my life

¡Argh! Well, no regrets and I am here commiting myself to unreveal this dimension within me.
I have been searching for jobs and anyone has appeared; I am in the polarity of not worrying and worrying - cause I know I´ll find one and in the other hand I need to get one now; so I can support me within my life and my immediate responsibilities that are my cats; well, I think of them in the first place cause they don´t have any fault in me accepting and being like the way I am accepting and allowing to be and because they are dependant on me and so to Money and so to the food I can buy with that money...

So, I have this plan in my head. I see that wanting to 'survive' doing art and knitting is not based in common sense and doing what is best for all; doing what is best for me : just self-interest and suppressions.
So, I am in the quest for a job and completing my studies. Here I have doubts as continuing with Graphic Design or Homoeopathy which I am attracted to; but it will show in the way...

This is something I am grateful for to the Desteni I Process and walking this blogs daily - I have been standing slowly but surely from this characters and stopping time loops and consequences so; I am really letting aside this behaviours of letting things to accumulate and I walk through them in the moment.

Within this days I have seen myself within doing my assignments and tasks - participating in my mind with needs, pictures and thoughts of doing another things first and postponing; letting things for a better moment. So, I have been breathing through this a lot!!! haha

I realised that I have been disciplined - which is something that I considered/believed/thought was not programmed in me. LOL! I see, realise and understand now you can Live without the mind.

So, as I say I have a long way to walk and being here at my house has been a great assistance in moving myself with no other 'Force' - as like other one telling me what to do. I mean, yes, my mom ask me for help but I have seen I have to move and complete things and stop postponing cause the Physical Reality is not going to fix alone LOL; So I have seen that I am missing in this Reality as Life! So I push myself to move and well, I am not willing to continue resisting and suppressing me and my reality!!

So, as I say this Character needs to be more worked and walked.

And these Journey To Life Blogs, the Creation Journey to Life, Earth´s Journey to Life ! and many others!!!!! has been a great assistance to see that I can and is Possible! Yes! :-)


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate and follow the thoughts as images in my mind when I do tasks here at my house/when I know I have to do things in order to support me in my life; such as cleaning my room, cleaning the house, walking with my dogs, doing my assignments and the tasks I have compromised to do in the moment that says me that the things I am about to do are boring and so, influencing me to them later/postpone.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define the things I have to complete in the moment in which there is a compromise entailed as boring, not important - saying and entailing here that the things in and as my mind are more important.

So this connects to the points that I have been walking in the last blogs - where I give value and importance to my mind than Moving myself as the Physical. Being here as the Physical taking Responsability for My Actual Living in this Reality/in my environment.


"This is an example of where the “Force” will step in as the Mind as ourselves, as we’ve as ENERGY/Consciousness manifested ourselves with ‘self/energy serving protection/defence mechanisms’ that any opportunity that would bring forth a Self-realization/awareness / Physical Stability/Living will immediately be resisted, as what we have done/become throughout our Lives is always SERVING ENERGY/the Mind as Consciousness instead of ourselves, the physical body and so this Physical Existence as a whole. And so, we’ve become energy consumers, serving energy – instead of physical living beings, taking responsibility for our actual living in this world/reality"--Sunette Spies in the Heaven´s Journey to Life Day 163


So I Forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define things according to mind polarities such as fun/boring - I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define/perceive/see cleaning my house as Boring or as Fun - I realise, see and understand that here again I am placing value and importance to the mind - and I am allowing and accepting separation within and as me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let the thoughts - one single thought - move me from here as my Physical Reality, defining my participation here and so being influenced by that thought and moving myself to feed my mind as energy - I see, realise and understand that I am giving my power away to the mind in letting me being moved by the unconscious mind/thoughts and not Moved by what it is here as the physical reality

I forgive myself that I haven´t accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand that I move myself only if my mind tell me so, and If the physical as Life tells me to Move as what is best for All life I stop and I think in self-interest.

There - I see, realise and understand that in the mind we are sacrificing Life, betraying Life, giving Power to the Mind -- thinking before acting - so; defending ourselves as self-interest.

When and as I see myself when being infront of an activity within and as my physical reality and I observe that me as my Mind is Resisting and so I start creating/participating in thoughts as images of me being somewhere else - I stop, I breathe and I Place myself here as the Presence of myself and I continue doing what I am doing - Breathing and Stabilizing here as myself/Supporting Myself in the mean time I am experiencing in the physical the manifested consequence as sleepiness, heaviness and resistance.

I breathe within and as this thoughts as Images - I embrace them as Me.

I see, realise and understand these are the mind mechanisms to Separate me from here as the Physical Reality.
So, I stop giving my Power Away to those Mind Consciousness Systems - I realise they are not what I am - they cannot influence me cause they are not real.

I commit myself to Stop me as my thoughts and to Walk here as Breath to assist me and support me in each moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be influenced by the mind and to perceive the MCS as more than me within the belief system that I don´t have power over my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to postpone things due to following my mind as thoughts and images so - going there instead of Being Here - Present in Every Moment of Each Breath I take, Present in Every Physical Movement I take, Present in every task, in every activity I do here.

When and as I see myself defining my reality according to what my mind says - like for example; believing that my life is boring, that what I do is boring and so my mind then in continuation to this places a picture in my mind where I am resting/seeing a movie; Doing Nothing - I breathe, I place myself here. I touch myself; I stabilize myself in what I am doing and I continue working and doing my activities.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect a positive feeling with being in my bed resting watching television and so, Doing nothing.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place value within and as the physical experience of being in my bed, resting and doing nothing.

I see, realise, and understand this is nothing but Energy- the Force as the Mind Trying to obtain my Power.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place a value and an importance to being in my bed resting and feeling sad and angry if this experience goes away and so I want/need and desire to obtain more of this.

I realise, see and understand that me as the mind needs, desires, and wants to get more energy so the Mind can have control, power and Food - letting me as Life, as the Physical Body without resources to sustain.

When and as I see myself placing a positive value/negative value upon things according how the mind wants me to be and when and as myself perceive, think and define 'doing nothing ' as positive and nice and I feel that I am giving away to the experience of laying and doing nothing. I stop, I breathe, and I Place myself here as the presence of myself.

I commit also to investigate when I am really 'tired' as the physical so I can support it with a rest - but not over resting and connecting this to Mind Systems

I´ll continue

Day # 50 -- Feeling Disappointed towards myself

This is a continuation of:

* Preferences
* Symptoms, Starting Point, Fears

*dis·ap·point:
To fail to satisfy the hope, desire, or expectation of.
2. To frustrate or thwart:

1. to fail to meet the expectations, hopes, desires, or standards of; let down
2. to prevent the fulfilment of (a plan, intention, etc.); frustrate; thwart.

Reading through the first post I made within this series - I read the word 'Disappointment' - in relation to feeling as that in observing me within and as this process and my stand within this process - I mean Where I am within all.
Back-chatting - saying to myself that I have a lot of opportunities within my day and I don´t 'catch' them = Regret and Haste.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel disappointed about myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see me as a failure within as my life due to not having the life I want for myself.
I realise, see and understand that this comes within and as the habit and pattern of Comparision - comparing me to the system/other people; to the laws and regulations of society that is imprinted in everyone and so - I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive me and my life as something 'out of the norms' within what a person/a women at my age should do, act and perform at this stage of her life.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to create a character upon egos from the mind - upon being directed by my mind that feels inadequate.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be defined by the mind consciousness systems and so be directed by them to feel, perceive me, to see me as only a program that has to follow something, that has to fit a 'thing' that I believe is the 'thing' - to which I give value and attention. I am not a mind C. System.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within an emotional and energetic reactions such as disappointment within and as myself that separates me from what I am in fact as Life and so limiting myself to express myself in the physical and to move myself within and as this system to assist and support me as life and not as a mind system.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I need a sign from the external reality to have trust within myself - to walk as Self-trust.
I realise, see and understand that I have to Stand as self-trust, self-commitment, self -discipline; do that for me - so not waiting for a sign or needing something or someone to give me what I require.
I am here and I am capable of assessing what I require to be here - to support myself and to continue walking as I have within and as this process.

I forgive myself that I haven´t accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand that my full-capacity as Life is not here cause I am giving power to feelings, emotions, thoughts, back-chats = Mind Systems - Instead of me moving Me as the Physical, in the physical and so being the Capacity; the Full capacity for moving, for doing.

So when and as I see myself going into that emotional state of feeling disappointed or sad or something Like that that Is Separating me from Me as the Full capacity to be here, to move, to complete my day, to breathe, to assist and support me - I stop, I breathe; I bring myself back here to the Physical and I stand as my self-direction, as my self-support and assistance and I continue walking - communicating accordingly with all that are here also walking their process to also receive and give support.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into this self-defeated character and also to this self-victimization character that only waits for attention and for others to come and pick up the pieces of me - as a way of manipulating myself and others and in fact not doing anything in my reality due to just needing and wanting for others to rescue me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think that I can´t do things at my fullest potential due to fears and to beliefs of tiredness or by ideas that I need more time and more strength within and as myself

When and as I see myself going into that state of mind - thinking, feeling that I can´t do it - I stop, I breathe, I Place myself here in the Presence of myself and I move myself to do it - maybe I won´t do it at the fist breath; but I am learning through that until I do it at the full potential - all this under the Principles of What is best for All; so I can also find solutions and ways to be the Solution for myself and for others in equality and oneness

So, I stop myself from feeling, thinking and so, waiting in that state of mind/mind-dimension.
I stand and I break/walk through those dimensions to stand clear and to walk here as Me - as what I really am.


I'll continue

Day # 22 --- Energy; a Resource to Fill my Life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as emotionally unstable; thinking and believing that my mood changes is who I am and I can´t change them and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in trying  to control this instability not realizing that I was going into a battle within myself in controlling and suppressing my egos and creating more friction and conflict within myself.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create conflict and friction within myself by controlling my egos as a way of suppressing them and not facing them, also feeling ashamed and so, constantly and continuously creating instability and energetic changes as positive and negative.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel good by being different and participating within a sensation of satisfaction of not being as others and due to this believing, thinking joined with a feeling/sensation of being important or being complete.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect completeness with a sensation/feeling of being important, different, full; accepting and allowing my disorder as a way of being different from the rest; so, feeling cool by having a tag defining me as this or that.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the thought  that everybody is crazy and at least I had an original definition thus, accepting and allowing the abuse and the lies within the system that is defining everyone based on knowledge and information, disregarding me and others as myself; not being honest, being humble to accept and allow my responsability - as acceptances and allowances - in participating in this society ruled and directed by the mind.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect a disorder, an illness, a defect within myself - mentally and/or physically with something cool/original; a sensation of importance or feeling different from the rest. I forgive myself that I haven´t accepted and allowed myself to realize the animosity in this beliefs, and realizing I am also feeding the abuse I don´t want to see in my world and my reality.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to say I care when In fact I don´t and I am the same abuser as the ones I reject and I fear. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be one and equal with the abuser, the killer, the harm inflictor, the dictator. 


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed in myself separation and abuse due to participating in these ideas, beliefs, thoughts and not observing I am feeding the same source of evil and not observing  the abuse and dishonesty I was inflicting to myself.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within a Dictator character; feeling a sensation of satisfaction when I feel pain, emptiness, depression, thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself in observing pain as a protection, finding pain as a way of calm.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be radical within my relationships; jumping from black to white, playing within the polarities of negative and positive depending on the way I wanted to feel and judge others in my world and defining everything in my world as negative or positive without any other definitions and without flexibility as common sense and humility to observe my participation and responsability within that.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to idealize and devaluate people within my world.  Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to idealize me based on the rules marked by the system and devaluate myself depending on my mood changes and depending on the words of others, situations within my life, images, thoughts, emotions.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be dependant on the movement of the energy as moods within me; thus being directed by my Mind C. Systems instead of being my directive Principle within my world and my reality.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be directed by the mind-chats and treating others and myself depending on the information that I was receiving in my mind.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to move as energy - unstable and rampant - to be one and equal with this energy fluctuations emerging from my mind.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in instability and in rampant reactions; and to  define this energy as a nice sensation within me.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to force me to evade my reality creating an inner battle; in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make a great effort in being me and in participating in my life; waiting for the end of the day to fall asleep.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel empty within myself and I used energy to feel complete and alive. 
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define and be one and equal with the Mind C. Systems and to find in energy a way to fulfil my life.




I stop defining myself  as instability. I stop participating in feelings, emotions and thoughts to find a reason to be Who I am as Life. 
I stop searching for things as Energy - emotions, feelings, thoughts - to complete my Life. My Life is complete. Life has not fails, and spaces to cover.
I stop being dependant on energy, on others, on experiences, situations, to feel complete.


I realize Life has no Reason; is an Expression, is a Constant Physical Movement. My Only participation is Here as the physical, as my physical body.  I realize and see my participation within the abuse occurring out there to other people due to not taking Self-Responsability and stopping this within me. I am one and Equal Responsible of the harm inflicted to others because I inflict that same pain in myself due to participating in separation.


So, I bring my participation back here and I breathe, I stop all that here as me to stop allowing and accepting these occurring inside me and out there.
I clear myself and I Stand - ( Stand and don´t sin anymore; as Jesus said ( lol, that words popped in my mind ...hehe ) I walk. I Correct myself now and then - since here - in every breath; accepting and realizing my  mind is not more than me, and is not less than me; we are equals --> I Step Forth and  I take the Direction here as breath, and I Commit myself to be the directive Principle of my life. I direct myself in every Breath. 
Who I am is the Directive Principle of my life accepting me and others as me as Equals and I commit to assist me to assist others also.


I accept Completeness as Life.
I am Self-Acceptance
I am Constant
I am self-constant
I am equal and one with Life
I am Life