Day # 57 -- Who I am within the Postponement Character

I was reading the Blog Post in the Heaven´s Journey to Life "Character Dimensions-Thought Dimensions Day 164" and I observed that I have to write more about this character in me - I am making a parenthesis from my last blogs due to observing that this part within and as me needs clarifications so that I can move efficiently from now on forward.
I felt regret by getting out of my last job - I get very anxious due to my recurrent respiratory problems which was an indicator of not stopping efficiently my mind as emotions and feelings - all this related to postponements within my life

¡Argh! Well, no regrets and I am here commiting myself to unreveal this dimension within me.
I have been searching for jobs and anyone has appeared; I am in the polarity of not worrying and worrying - cause I know I´ll find one and in the other hand I need to get one now; so I can support me within my life and my immediate responsibilities that are my cats; well, I think of them in the first place cause they don´t have any fault in me accepting and being like the way I am accepting and allowing to be and because they are dependant on me and so to Money and so to the food I can buy with that money...

So, I have this plan in my head. I see that wanting to 'survive' doing art and knitting is not based in common sense and doing what is best for all; doing what is best for me : just self-interest and suppressions.
So, I am in the quest for a job and completing my studies. Here I have doubts as continuing with Graphic Design or Homoeopathy which I am attracted to; but it will show in the way...

This is something I am grateful for to the Desteni I Process and walking this blogs daily - I have been standing slowly but surely from this characters and stopping time loops and consequences so; I am really letting aside this behaviours of letting things to accumulate and I walk through them in the moment.

Within this days I have seen myself within doing my assignments and tasks - participating in my mind with needs, pictures and thoughts of doing another things first and postponing; letting things for a better moment. So, I have been breathing through this a lot!!! haha

I realised that I have been disciplined - which is something that I considered/believed/thought was not programmed in me. LOL! I see, realise and understand now you can Live without the mind.

So, as I say I have a long way to walk and being here at my house has been a great assistance in moving myself with no other 'Force' - as like other one telling me what to do. I mean, yes, my mom ask me for help but I have seen I have to move and complete things and stop postponing cause the Physical Reality is not going to fix alone LOL; So I have seen that I am missing in this Reality as Life! So I push myself to move and well, I am not willing to continue resisting and suppressing me and my reality!!

So, as I say this Character needs to be more worked and walked.

And these Journey To Life Blogs, the Creation Journey to Life, Earth´s Journey to Life ! and many others!!!!! has been a great assistance to see that I can and is Possible! Yes! :-)


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate and follow the thoughts as images in my mind when I do tasks here at my house/when I know I have to do things in order to support me in my life; such as cleaning my room, cleaning the house, walking with my dogs, doing my assignments and the tasks I have compromised to do in the moment that says me that the things I am about to do are boring and so, influencing me to them later/postpone.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define the things I have to complete in the moment in which there is a compromise entailed as boring, not important - saying and entailing here that the things in and as my mind are more important.

So this connects to the points that I have been walking in the last blogs - where I give value and importance to my mind than Moving myself as the Physical. Being here as the Physical taking Responsability for My Actual Living in this Reality/in my environment.


"This is an example of where the “Force” will step in as the Mind as ourselves, as we’ve as ENERGY/Consciousness manifested ourselves with ‘self/energy serving protection/defence mechanisms’ that any opportunity that would bring forth a Self-realization/awareness / Physical Stability/Living will immediately be resisted, as what we have done/become throughout our Lives is always SERVING ENERGY/the Mind as Consciousness instead of ourselves, the physical body and so this Physical Existence as a whole. And so, we’ve become energy consumers, serving energy – instead of physical living beings, taking responsibility for our actual living in this world/reality"--Sunette Spies in the Heaven´s Journey to Life Day 163


So I Forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define things according to mind polarities such as fun/boring - I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define/perceive/see cleaning my house as Boring or as Fun - I realise, see and understand that here again I am placing value and importance to the mind - and I am allowing and accepting separation within and as me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let the thoughts - one single thought - move me from here as my Physical Reality, defining my participation here and so being influenced by that thought and moving myself to feed my mind as energy - I see, realise and understand that I am giving my power away to the mind in letting me being moved by the unconscious mind/thoughts and not Moved by what it is here as the physical reality

I forgive myself that I haven´t accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand that I move myself only if my mind tell me so, and If the physical as Life tells me to Move as what is best for All life I stop and I think in self-interest.

There - I see, realise and understand that in the mind we are sacrificing Life, betraying Life, giving Power to the Mind -- thinking before acting - so; defending ourselves as self-interest.

When and as I see myself when being infront of an activity within and as my physical reality and I observe that me as my Mind is Resisting and so I start creating/participating in thoughts as images of me being somewhere else - I stop, I breathe and I Place myself here as the Presence of myself and I continue doing what I am doing - Breathing and Stabilizing here as myself/Supporting Myself in the mean time I am experiencing in the physical the manifested consequence as sleepiness, heaviness and resistance.

I breathe within and as this thoughts as Images - I embrace them as Me.

I see, realise and understand these are the mind mechanisms to Separate me from here as the Physical Reality.
So, I stop giving my Power Away to those Mind Consciousness Systems - I realise they are not what I am - they cannot influence me cause they are not real.

I commit myself to Stop me as my thoughts and to Walk here as Breath to assist me and support me in each moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be influenced by the mind and to perceive the MCS as more than me within the belief system that I don´t have power over my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to postpone things due to following my mind as thoughts and images so - going there instead of Being Here - Present in Every Moment of Each Breath I take, Present in Every Physical Movement I take, Present in every task, in every activity I do here.

When and as I see myself defining my reality according to what my mind says - like for example; believing that my life is boring, that what I do is boring and so my mind then in continuation to this places a picture in my mind where I am resting/seeing a movie; Doing Nothing - I breathe, I place myself here. I touch myself; I stabilize myself in what I am doing and I continue working and doing my activities.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect a positive feeling with being in my bed resting watching television and so, Doing nothing.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place value within and as the physical experience of being in my bed, resting and doing nothing.

I see, realise, and understand this is nothing but Energy- the Force as the Mind Trying to obtain my Power.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place a value and an importance to being in my bed resting and feeling sad and angry if this experience goes away and so I want/need and desire to obtain more of this.

I realise, see and understand that me as the mind needs, desires, and wants to get more energy so the Mind can have control, power and Food - letting me as Life, as the Physical Body without resources to sustain.

When and as I see myself placing a positive value/negative value upon things according how the mind wants me to be and when and as myself perceive, think and define 'doing nothing ' as positive and nice and I feel that I am giving away to the experience of laying and doing nothing. I stop, I breathe, and I Place myself here as the presence of myself.

I commit also to investigate when I am really 'tired' as the physical so I can support it with a rest - but not over resting and connecting this to Mind Systems

I´ll continue

Day # 30 -- My body and Me

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel that my body is an external part or being of myself - feeling and believing that I am separated from my body, and my body is not  mine and this perceptions lead me to feel inadequate and uncomfortable with my body-  I realize I am establishing self abuse and separation.


I forgive myself that I haven´t accepted and allowed myself to realize/see/understand the amount of separation I am accepting and allowing within me caused by my deliberate participation in my mind as egos.
When and as I see myself participating in feelings/emotions/perceptions in relation to my body I stop; I breathe and I correct myself. I am here as self-acceptance and I commit myself to be one and equal to my body.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to need/desire to have another body - because I feel and perceive myself as ugly and different from the rest of the people around me -specially women. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel ugly.  I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define me as ugly, or as any other polarity.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the polarity of ugly/beautiful exists.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate and play within the comparison  construct/system programed inside me -comparing myself and also competing with myself to reach the image I have in my mind - which is better and more acceptable.
I realize that I am in constant participation within my mind and all it´s components instead of being here as Oneness and Equality - and also self-intimacy- with my physical and so; I am feeding and establishing separation, abuse and dishonesty. I stop and I stand as self-acceptance. I am self-acceptance
When and I see myself participating in systems as feelings, thoughts, emotions, ideas, perceptions - I Stop, I take a deep Breathe correcting myself here as the physical - embracing the physical as myself. I embrace me as Life and I accept me as Life. I bring my Participation here to myself as the physical and I face it. 


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have/experience resistances and conflicts  to see my body reflected in a mirror/ to see myself - my face- in the mirror cause I feel uncomfortable with my face and the way I look - cause I participate in needs/desires to change me to, to be different due to comparisons and due to the system demon programmed inside me which I am feeding and supporting without understanding and observing the amount of separation I am allowing within myself. 
When and as I see myself reacting to the image I see reflected in the mirror I stop. I Breathe. I bring  my participation back to myself as the physical. I see myself in the mirror stopping thoughts, feelings and emotions. I face myself and I breathe. I accept myself and I embrace myself. 


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed in myself separation -deifying the Mind and defying Life within me. 


I forgive myself that I haven´t accepted and allowed myself to realize I am defining myself as the mind - and this is cause I am not willing myself to face the reality and change it.


I forgive myself that I haven´t accepted and allowed myself to realize that I fear facing me and the reality of myself due to my desires/wants and needs to protect my mind instead of Moving myself as the physical to Stand and Live as Life.


I forgive myself that I haven´t accepted and allowed myself to realize and be self-honest and humble to accept that I am still protecting me as my mind - still having desires and needs to protect me so I can stay and remain in my comfort zone.
Instead of Standing as self Will and Self-Motivation to Stop these self-abuse and self-dishonesty and Say Till here no further.
I stand myself as self-will and self-motivation. I commit myself to assist myself with writing, self-corrective actions.




---to continue...

Day 15 --- Ego; I unlock myself

Writing all days has been a great tool for me. I have been observing more spaces where I 
didn´t wanted to see in my past writtings.
I am surprised every day with the things I discover of myself and well, another point I was not observing clearly is my egos...I still have them, and I participated within them when I take a pause within my process.
Ok, I´ll start  my SF cause is the best way to expose everything.




I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress my egos by feeling ashamed of them.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be ashamed of my egos so, instead of facing them I suppress them in the deepest of me - like hiding them under the rug.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be ashamed of my egos and that´s why I don´t want to expose them.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel ashamed of exposing me here.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in a mechanism of protection and defence and not realizing this is a form of supporting ego.
I forgive myself that I haven´t accepted and realized that in defending and protecting me from others I am participating in Mind egos - I forgive myself that I  have accepted and allowed myself to present myself as hard and tough towards myself and others without realizing I was the  personification of my egos.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and realized that fearing to be harmed by others is another face of my egos.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a personality that is strong and though to protect me and hide my insecurities - so, another face of my ego.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel superior due to the knowledge and information I have gathered trough all this years, information that is not very common between the people I know so I used and use this information to criticize others in my mind.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abuse life - me and others - through using Knowledge and information to make me feel superior to others.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to back-chat about others using the information I have gathered and placing me as better than others in my mind and in my 'facade' = fake-presentation of myself.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to build a fake presentation of myself to pretend I am strong like others and so, with me building a fake presentation participating in my fears of not being 'good enough' and also weak.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel weak.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in weakness.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as weak.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to build this personality to hide the real me. I forgive myself that I  have accepted and allowed myself to fear presenting to others the real me cause I perceive I will be harmed and abused.


I forgive myself that I haven´t realized that this is making me feel unworthy of sharing with others - so, taking me to Isolation - instead of letting all control and egos and share with others as myself as One and Equal to life.


I forgive myself that I haven´t accepted and allowed myself as One and Equal to others - I am one and equal to everyone here and there´s no need to protect me, there is no need to keep myself locked inside myself.


I commit myself to use the Self-Honesty, Self-forgiveness, self-corrective applications as a Key to un-lock what I Really am. Stopping all fears of being Me - stopping all justifications and excuses within me and letting Go the control I have placed over me.


I commit myself to expose my back-chats in every breath and to equalize me as one and equal to others, to life and stopping my participation within Egos.
I realize there is no need to protect me and still participating in my mind cause the Reality is not what I have perceived and feel.


I stop following my emotions, thoughts, feelings and I Place myself here as One and equal to Life.
I accept myself. I give myself the opportunity to be here.




Helpful links:
God Created Ego -- day 15


Reptilians- The Road Ahead part # 2