Day # 30 -- My body and Me

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel that my body is an external part or being of myself - feeling and believing that I am separated from my body, and my body is not  mine and this perceptions lead me to feel inadequate and uncomfortable with my body-  I realize I am establishing self abuse and separation.


I forgive myself that I haven´t accepted and allowed myself to realize/see/understand the amount of separation I am accepting and allowing within me caused by my deliberate participation in my mind as egos.
When and as I see myself participating in feelings/emotions/perceptions in relation to my body I stop; I breathe and I correct myself. I am here as self-acceptance and I commit myself to be one and equal to my body.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to need/desire to have another body - because I feel and perceive myself as ugly and different from the rest of the people around me -specially women. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel ugly.  I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define me as ugly, or as any other polarity.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the polarity of ugly/beautiful exists.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate and play within the comparison  construct/system programed inside me -comparing myself and also competing with myself to reach the image I have in my mind - which is better and more acceptable.
I realize that I am in constant participation within my mind and all it´s components instead of being here as Oneness and Equality - and also self-intimacy- with my physical and so; I am feeding and establishing separation, abuse and dishonesty. I stop and I stand as self-acceptance. I am self-acceptance
When and I see myself participating in systems as feelings, thoughts, emotions, ideas, perceptions - I Stop, I take a deep Breathe correcting myself here as the physical - embracing the physical as myself. I embrace me as Life and I accept me as Life. I bring my Participation here to myself as the physical and I face it. 


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have/experience resistances and conflicts  to see my body reflected in a mirror/ to see myself - my face- in the mirror cause I feel uncomfortable with my face and the way I look - cause I participate in needs/desires to change me to, to be different due to comparisons and due to the system demon programmed inside me which I am feeding and supporting without understanding and observing the amount of separation I am allowing within myself. 
When and as I see myself reacting to the image I see reflected in the mirror I stop. I Breathe. I bring  my participation back to myself as the physical. I see myself in the mirror stopping thoughts, feelings and emotions. I face myself and I breathe. I accept myself and I embrace myself. 


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed in myself separation -deifying the Mind and defying Life within me. 


I forgive myself that I haven´t accepted and allowed myself to realize I am defining myself as the mind - and this is cause I am not willing myself to face the reality and change it.


I forgive myself that I haven´t accepted and allowed myself to realize that I fear facing me and the reality of myself due to my desires/wants and needs to protect my mind instead of Moving myself as the physical to Stand and Live as Life.


I forgive myself that I haven´t accepted and allowed myself to realize and be self-honest and humble to accept that I am still protecting me as my mind - still having desires and needs to protect me so I can stay and remain in my comfort zone.
Instead of Standing as self Will and Self-Motivation to Stop these self-abuse and self-dishonesty and Say Till here no further.
I stand myself as self-will and self-motivation. I commit myself to assist myself with writing, self-corrective actions.




---to continue...

Day # 24 --- I want to get what I want ; art, dreams and evil

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be defined by being an artist and to feel good by that definition as I feel different from the rest by having special gifts/equipment to  do a certain craft, drawing, photo and within this doing a separation between the people that haven´t that special skills and the people that had it  - perceiving  people that didn´t had that special skills as not so profound and sensitive as the ones that had the ability to draw, to craft etc.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel attracted to art; drawings, photographies, designs, musicians; making this section of life as more interesting, profound and cool; thinking that the people that were artists had a more interesting life and even if they didn´t had a lot of Money as people working in offices they seemed very care-free and with that sense of glamour in them.
In this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in a desire of wanting to be like them; being an artist as a painter, photographer, designer, crafter and having that sense of 'carefreeness' and glamour and walking within my life as that carefreeness, although I didn´t had enough money in my pockets, and at the same way wanting to have  a lot of Money such as the actors/actresses in the movie industry.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowing myself to connect art-world with carefreeness and a sense of glamour, participating in a desire of wanting to construct that within my life, no matter what; no matter the ideas, beliefs, and also support from others; i wanted to have the image of my mind in my reality.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire having a life where I can be my own boss; not receiving orders from others as the way I perceived the artists had their lives - carefree and doing what they wanted.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to disregard other things in my life because I wanted to live that feelings, emotions, thoughts, experiences, pictures in my head, and also sounds - not realizing those are egos from the mind; not considering what was here as me for just following a picture/image in my head and the starting point of doing what I wanted and not what others wanted me to do.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel angry at the world, the existence, god, my mother, my family for not providing me with the opportunities to have what I wanted and to be as the ones I saw within my life as family or friends as carefree doing what they wanted to do and not having to work like I have to.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be stubborn in wanting to have what my mind dictates me and fighting against all to have it although I abuse and not consider all as what is  here in my reality; so  I forgive myself that I haven´t realized the reality I have due to living in reaching a dream I have in my mind and so being blinded by all that is here that requires my support and assistance.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fight against what is real due to being directed by the desire of doing whatever is required to have what I want in my life; even if I  have to walk over others to have it
In this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be inconsiderate/egocentric - centring and focusing only in myself as my mind, wanting only to satisfy my own mind-bubbles, sucking energy from others to get what I want.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abuse others to get what I want - using manipulation, nice words and promises I will never accomplish and later use those 'steps to escalate' to the position I want within my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe the art world was the best election to construct my life as the way I wanted - cause I saw artist doing the things they wanted and so taking advantage of my creativity and art abilities  to reach to that point.




I realize that the expression I have  I use it as a way to get Money, recognition so, Energy for feeding my mind.
I realize and observe that I am abusing the expression of life to feed energy constructs instead of doing them to assist and support life.  Expressing  myself as the Starting Point of Self as Life and not as the Starting point of getting what I want as Energy.


I stop being Directed by my dreams and due to that not considering others as one as equal to me. I observe and consider others as myself and I commit myself to investigate more further this true-being I was creating/accepting within myself - a dictator. 


I commit myself to uncover and stop this evil within me to Bring myself back here as Life as a being that Considers and cares for others and me as One and Equal as Life and to stand as self-Humble and Self-Honesty to stop myself as a transgressor within life; using others to get what I want until I stand as clarity, humbleness, real service and real acceptance/ love for me and others.




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I started this blog as a way to talk and expose about the relation of me and art and I ended up with discovering another layer in me that is how I have abused others to get what I want- facing me as someone that doesn´t cares and consider others in fact. The true nature of my Starting Point was to get what I wanted.


This will continue and I´ll use my star-sign -  Capricorn - as an assistance.

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