Day # 57 -- Who I am within the Postponement Character

I was reading the Blog Post in the Heaven´s Journey to Life "Character Dimensions-Thought Dimensions Day 164" and I observed that I have to write more about this character in me - I am making a parenthesis from my last blogs due to observing that this part within and as me needs clarifications so that I can move efficiently from now on forward.
I felt regret by getting out of my last job - I get very anxious due to my recurrent respiratory problems which was an indicator of not stopping efficiently my mind as emotions and feelings - all this related to postponements within my life

¡Argh! Well, no regrets and I am here commiting myself to unreveal this dimension within me.
I have been searching for jobs and anyone has appeared; I am in the polarity of not worrying and worrying - cause I know I´ll find one and in the other hand I need to get one now; so I can support me within my life and my immediate responsibilities that are my cats; well, I think of them in the first place cause they don´t have any fault in me accepting and being like the way I am accepting and allowing to be and because they are dependant on me and so to Money and so to the food I can buy with that money...

So, I have this plan in my head. I see that wanting to 'survive' doing art and knitting is not based in common sense and doing what is best for all; doing what is best for me : just self-interest and suppressions.
So, I am in the quest for a job and completing my studies. Here I have doubts as continuing with Graphic Design or Homoeopathy which I am attracted to; but it will show in the way...

This is something I am grateful for to the Desteni I Process and walking this blogs daily - I have been standing slowly but surely from this characters and stopping time loops and consequences so; I am really letting aside this behaviours of letting things to accumulate and I walk through them in the moment.

Within this days I have seen myself within doing my assignments and tasks - participating in my mind with needs, pictures and thoughts of doing another things first and postponing; letting things for a better moment. So, I have been breathing through this a lot!!! haha

I realised that I have been disciplined - which is something that I considered/believed/thought was not programmed in me. LOL! I see, realise and understand now you can Live without the mind.

So, as I say I have a long way to walk and being here at my house has been a great assistance in moving myself with no other 'Force' - as like other one telling me what to do. I mean, yes, my mom ask me for help but I have seen I have to move and complete things and stop postponing cause the Physical Reality is not going to fix alone LOL; So I have seen that I am missing in this Reality as Life! So I push myself to move and well, I am not willing to continue resisting and suppressing me and my reality!!

So, as I say this Character needs to be more worked and walked.

And these Journey To Life Blogs, the Creation Journey to Life, Earth´s Journey to Life ! and many others!!!!! has been a great assistance to see that I can and is Possible! Yes! :-)


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate and follow the thoughts as images in my mind when I do tasks here at my house/when I know I have to do things in order to support me in my life; such as cleaning my room, cleaning the house, walking with my dogs, doing my assignments and the tasks I have compromised to do in the moment that says me that the things I am about to do are boring and so, influencing me to them later/postpone.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define the things I have to complete in the moment in which there is a compromise entailed as boring, not important - saying and entailing here that the things in and as my mind are more important.

So this connects to the points that I have been walking in the last blogs - where I give value and importance to my mind than Moving myself as the Physical. Being here as the Physical taking Responsability for My Actual Living in this Reality/in my environment.


"This is an example of where the “Force” will step in as the Mind as ourselves, as we’ve as ENERGY/Consciousness manifested ourselves with ‘self/energy serving protection/defence mechanisms’ that any opportunity that would bring forth a Self-realization/awareness / Physical Stability/Living will immediately be resisted, as what we have done/become throughout our Lives is always SERVING ENERGY/the Mind as Consciousness instead of ourselves, the physical body and so this Physical Existence as a whole. And so, we’ve become energy consumers, serving energy – instead of physical living beings, taking responsibility for our actual living in this world/reality"--Sunette Spies in the Heaven´s Journey to Life Day 163


So I Forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define things according to mind polarities such as fun/boring - I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define/perceive/see cleaning my house as Boring or as Fun - I realise, see and understand that here again I am placing value and importance to the mind - and I am allowing and accepting separation within and as me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let the thoughts - one single thought - move me from here as my Physical Reality, defining my participation here and so being influenced by that thought and moving myself to feed my mind as energy - I see, realise and understand that I am giving my power away to the mind in letting me being moved by the unconscious mind/thoughts and not Moved by what it is here as the physical reality

I forgive myself that I haven´t accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand that I move myself only if my mind tell me so, and If the physical as Life tells me to Move as what is best for All life I stop and I think in self-interest.

There - I see, realise and understand that in the mind we are sacrificing Life, betraying Life, giving Power to the Mind -- thinking before acting - so; defending ourselves as self-interest.

When and as I see myself when being infront of an activity within and as my physical reality and I observe that me as my Mind is Resisting and so I start creating/participating in thoughts as images of me being somewhere else - I stop, I breathe and I Place myself here as the Presence of myself and I continue doing what I am doing - Breathing and Stabilizing here as myself/Supporting Myself in the mean time I am experiencing in the physical the manifested consequence as sleepiness, heaviness and resistance.

I breathe within and as this thoughts as Images - I embrace them as Me.

I see, realise and understand these are the mind mechanisms to Separate me from here as the Physical Reality.
So, I stop giving my Power Away to those Mind Consciousness Systems - I realise they are not what I am - they cannot influence me cause they are not real.

I commit myself to Stop me as my thoughts and to Walk here as Breath to assist me and support me in each moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be influenced by the mind and to perceive the MCS as more than me within the belief system that I don´t have power over my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to postpone things due to following my mind as thoughts and images so - going there instead of Being Here - Present in Every Moment of Each Breath I take, Present in Every Physical Movement I take, Present in every task, in every activity I do here.

When and as I see myself defining my reality according to what my mind says - like for example; believing that my life is boring, that what I do is boring and so my mind then in continuation to this places a picture in my mind where I am resting/seeing a movie; Doing Nothing - I breathe, I place myself here. I touch myself; I stabilize myself in what I am doing and I continue working and doing my activities.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect a positive feeling with being in my bed resting watching television and so, Doing nothing.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place value within and as the physical experience of being in my bed, resting and doing nothing.

I see, realise, and understand this is nothing but Energy- the Force as the Mind Trying to obtain my Power.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place a value and an importance to being in my bed resting and feeling sad and angry if this experience goes away and so I want/need and desire to obtain more of this.

I realise, see and understand that me as the mind needs, desires, and wants to get more energy so the Mind can have control, power and Food - letting me as Life, as the Physical Body without resources to sustain.

When and as I see myself placing a positive value/negative value upon things according how the mind wants me to be and when and as myself perceive, think and define 'doing nothing ' as positive and nice and I feel that I am giving away to the experience of laying and doing nothing. I stop, I breathe, and I Place myself here as the presence of myself.

I commit also to investigate when I am really 'tired' as the physical so I can support it with a rest - but not over resting and connecting this to Mind Systems

I´ll continue

Día # 55 -- Being Influenced by the Mind

Ok; I´ll be applying SF in the next paragraph I wrote in the previous blog

Day# 52 - This Character that Analyse everything - So deep in my Mind


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to question me, to question life, to question god, to question who ever is able to question; why I hadn´t had a boyfriend as everyone in this world?, to participate within the back-chat; Why my Relationships hadn´t evolved to a serious relationship? and within this, feeling and perceiving me as weird, as someone less than others due to being here within my life, thinking that I am alone because I don´t have a person of the opposite sex next to me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel less than, to experience shame and shyness when others realise I haven´t had a relationship as within the normal procedure of events in this world.

When and as I see myself participating in comparisons, in feeling awkward and different - perceiving and believing I am missing something in my life - I stop, I breathe and I direct myself in the physical - I realise, see and understand the way I have accepted and allowed myself to be in this world, due to my insecurities, being in my mind all the time has created consequences and I have to be with an agreement with me to be able to be in an agreement with someone else in equality and oneness as that is the way I know it should be to live in this world.

I commit myself to stand as me as life in an Agreement with Myself first and also to walk in and as an agreement with Everyone else; cause we are here to support ourselves as equals and with any separation or difference.



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel different cause I don´t like and don´t feel attracted to follow the same conventional life rules procedures like in for example drinking and dancing in clubs and else - so, when I am in contact with people I feel ashamed and bizarre when I have to say and others see that I don´t participate in that.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect this events within a bad and good connotation and so feeling bad or good if I assist or don´t assist - So, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define me within and as the mind consciousness systems, with the rules, laws of the system.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hesitate from my stand within my principles and where I doubt and accept to be brainwashed by others just to be accepted and to be seen as normal and so separating me from myself due to pleasing others.

I commit myself to be loyal within and as my starting point and principles.
I commit myself to be loyal to what I am as Life - so not being influenced by feelings, emotions, images, perceptions, etc and so deifying the mind and sacrificing Life as myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be influenced by the mind as others in my world to let my expression aside so I could be accepted within and as this system as the rules, regulations and so going against of me as life just to fit in, just to evade discussions, fights, and being in peace, - not seen by others - being unnoticed, not making a big noise within others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go against me just to be unnoticed by the system.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to follow, to be part of the system, to be part of a MCS just to be seen as normal; just to no be bullied by others, and so fitting in the system as someone else like the people that was here in my environment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be influenced by the system in wanting to kill me as the expression of myself and to be born as a MCS to be seen as normal, to fit in this world.

I see, realise and understand how I betray Life, how I sell Life in Every Breath, due to preferring to be of the mind than of Life so I cannot be disturbed and shacked from my bubble as the mind.

I commit myself to be in the System but not Part of the System, where I can assist myself of the system to change the System to one that can Assist and Support Life - doing an inside job!

When and as I see myself feeling ashamed by who I am as Life, as the way I live in this world, no matter if that bothers and can be material for mockery for others - I realise that is not about me; is about them
I stand as me Here, I walk as Self-Expression where no difference, resistance, energetic movement is seen within myself so I can honour me as Life in every breath.

I commit myself to Walk this Agreement with myself and so Stand as Life in every breath.

Día # 49 -- Preferences

Ok, so continuing with the post I did yesterday - and reading it again...the next post I will be taking again is in relation to anger/impatience/suppressions as I see them coming back again at me - not completely directed.

Ok - due to the sore throat I had I began with these fears in relation to getting sick of something worse due to not controlling this energy within me - as I have heard that many illness and diseases can be created if one does not stop this - as for example cancer or illness in the liver...I fear that a lot.

so, well, I ´ll be opening those points here. Is like, me controlling myself within the fear of not getting sick and so, creating here another character/dimension - doing the process since the starting point of fears - to avoid not getting sick or being worse, or a bad person...

ok, I´ll start

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in anger within and as my life when I see something as a threat to my mind - as something that is moving my belief of stability and comfort zone - like for example having to do things as cleaning the house of dog and cat poops.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that comfort zones exists within and as myself - where I can hide and suppress things so I can face them and work with them in the moment.
I realise, see and understand that beliefs are a point of self-interest, where I can make-up things to use it for my convenience and so not for What is Best for Everyone.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react with anger within and as the situation of having to do things as cleaning my pet´s wastes, clean the house - on my own - without 'the help' of others, participating in the back-chats
* 'If it wasn´t for me this house will be more dirty', and going to the dimension of imagination where I see me in a job or away from home and asking how my mom is going to take care of the house - in relation to cleaning - if I am not here. Not considering other points where my mom assist me and supports me without any reaction and preference.
I forgive myself that I haven´t accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that these reactions and energetic movements inside me are created/originated due to the self-interest I am still holding on to inside of me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react and get angry when I have to help with something and then I immediately create the back-chat 'and you? what are you doing?' that expose and DEMONstrate that I am still standing in self-interest grounds/arenas and I am not doing things since the Principle that is best of All within and as myself and within everyone in this reality that is me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel desperate and anxious when I see my life.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive and to see my life as a trigger point to feel fearful, desperate and anxious.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place value and importance over polarities, desires, ideas, images in my mind that are not the Physical Reality.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within an emotional experience of anger, desperation and anxiousness when I see my house cause I want/desire to have it 'clean'/in order'/impeccable' and due to my pets I can have it that way - I realise, see and understand the guilt I am portraying upon other beings cause I am not directing myself - I see the 'trouble' is in me, not in others.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have preferences over things within and as my life as myself - I realise, see and understand Everything that is here is me and Life has not preferences.
Preferences are not Part of what is best for All as Life.

So, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give power and value, and attention to self-interest/preferences/choices within and as myself - I realise, see and understand that me as life is not a choice - Is me standing as Oneness and Equality; I mean as the only choice that Exists here to Do and Create a better world/environment for me and for others.

So, When and as I see myself reacting and feeling angry, desperate and anxious in relation to how my life is - I stop, I breathe and I stop those energetic movements and systems inside me. These movements are not who I am.
The only movement that is here within and as me is my Physical Movement I am and Do within building myself and my environment within the Principle of What is Best for All - here.

The Movement I am as breath is Real - The Physical Movement I take when I write, when I correct myself as Breath. The Physical Movement I take to assist and support others within my reality is the Only Movement I am and I do.

I´ll continue....

Investigate: Desteni.org

Day # 22 --- Energy; a Resource to Fill my Life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as emotionally unstable; thinking and believing that my mood changes is who I am and I can´t change them and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in trying  to control this instability not realizing that I was going into a battle within myself in controlling and suppressing my egos and creating more friction and conflict within myself.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create conflict and friction within myself by controlling my egos as a way of suppressing them and not facing them, also feeling ashamed and so, constantly and continuously creating instability and energetic changes as positive and negative.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel good by being different and participating within a sensation of satisfaction of not being as others and due to this believing, thinking joined with a feeling/sensation of being important or being complete.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect completeness with a sensation/feeling of being important, different, full; accepting and allowing my disorder as a way of being different from the rest; so, feeling cool by having a tag defining me as this or that.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the thought  that everybody is crazy and at least I had an original definition thus, accepting and allowing the abuse and the lies within the system that is defining everyone based on knowledge and information, disregarding me and others as myself; not being honest, being humble to accept and allow my responsability - as acceptances and allowances - in participating in this society ruled and directed by the mind.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect a disorder, an illness, a defect within myself - mentally and/or physically with something cool/original; a sensation of importance or feeling different from the rest. I forgive myself that I haven´t accepted and allowed myself to realize the animosity in this beliefs, and realizing I am also feeding the abuse I don´t want to see in my world and my reality.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to say I care when In fact I don´t and I am the same abuser as the ones I reject and I fear. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be one and equal with the abuser, the killer, the harm inflictor, the dictator. 


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed in myself separation and abuse due to participating in these ideas, beliefs, thoughts and not observing I am feeding the same source of evil and not observing  the abuse and dishonesty I was inflicting to myself.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within a Dictator character; feeling a sensation of satisfaction when I feel pain, emptiness, depression, thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself in observing pain as a protection, finding pain as a way of calm.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be radical within my relationships; jumping from black to white, playing within the polarities of negative and positive depending on the way I wanted to feel and judge others in my world and defining everything in my world as negative or positive without any other definitions and without flexibility as common sense and humility to observe my participation and responsability within that.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to idealize and devaluate people within my world.  Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to idealize me based on the rules marked by the system and devaluate myself depending on my mood changes and depending on the words of others, situations within my life, images, thoughts, emotions.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be dependant on the movement of the energy as moods within me; thus being directed by my Mind C. Systems instead of being my directive Principle within my world and my reality.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be directed by the mind-chats and treating others and myself depending on the information that I was receiving in my mind.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to move as energy - unstable and rampant - to be one and equal with this energy fluctuations emerging from my mind.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in instability and in rampant reactions; and to  define this energy as a nice sensation within me.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to force me to evade my reality creating an inner battle; in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make a great effort in being me and in participating in my life; waiting for the end of the day to fall asleep.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel empty within myself and I used energy to feel complete and alive. 
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define and be one and equal with the Mind C. Systems and to find in energy a way to fulfil my life.




I stop defining myself  as instability. I stop participating in feelings, emotions and thoughts to find a reason to be Who I am as Life. 
I stop searching for things as Energy - emotions, feelings, thoughts - to complete my Life. My Life is complete. Life has not fails, and spaces to cover.
I stop being dependant on energy, on others, on experiences, situations, to feel complete.


I realize Life has no Reason; is an Expression, is a Constant Physical Movement. My Only participation is Here as the physical, as my physical body.  I realize and see my participation within the abuse occurring out there to other people due to not taking Self-Responsability and stopping this within me. I am one and Equal Responsible of the harm inflicted to others because I inflict that same pain in myself due to participating in separation.


So, I bring my participation back here and I breathe, I stop all that here as me to stop allowing and accepting these occurring inside me and out there.
I clear myself and I Stand - ( Stand and don´t sin anymore; as Jesus said ( lol, that words popped in my mind ...hehe ) I walk. I Correct myself now and then - since here - in every breath; accepting and realizing my  mind is not more than me, and is not less than me; we are equals --> I Step Forth and  I take the Direction here as breath, and I Commit myself to be the directive Principle of my life. I direct myself in every Breath. 
Who I am is the Directive Principle of my life accepting me and others as me as Equals and I commit to assist me to assist others also.


I accept Completeness as Life.
I am Self-Acceptance
I am Constant
I am self-constant
I am equal and one with Life
I am Life

Day # 7 --- Addicted to emotions and feelings

Here I´ll be following with my patterns of over-sleeping as an addiction I created within myself. 
I am addicted to that comfort feeling my bed gives. 


I am trying to remember since when I became addicted to this feelings around being sleep. I remember when I was a child I wake up very early and I didn´t had this pattern of wanting to be more time in bed. 
Maybe it can be something linked to my school...I know is something about hiding; but I cant observe within my memories which situation within my life took me to create this addiction. 
Well, Is a process and I´ll find out, the thing now is that I want to stand from this pattern as a limitation point within my life, and not being the Directive Point within this and having the sleeping point as an assistance to my body; for my body to rest and just that. And not giving power and feeding my Mind C. Systems.

                                                                                 ***

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a relationship with and within my mind consciousness systems and defined myself as one and equal to the systems integrated within myself.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as a Mind C. System.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create an experience of desire and need of over-sleeping/staying more time in bed.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed being possessed by patterns and behaviours - in this case over-sleeping - and thinking and beLIEving that they are more powerful than me; thus I cannot stand from that and transcend that point.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a form of addiction to sleep by forming a relationship with my Mind C. Systems.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have sleep-patterns as a point where I can suppress and hide myself.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress and hide from my reality, instead of being here as the Directive Principle of my world and myself.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a relationship with Sleep within my mind that I use to suppress myself and to hide from myself and my reality.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel comfortable and safe while I am sleeping.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be addicted to the emotions of comfort that I feel when I am sleeping.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself with something outside of myself.


I forgive myself that I´ve accepted and allowed myself to believe that I need to sleep more than 6 hours to feel rested and to feel clear within my day.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the better time to wake up is when I don´t feel that pressure in my head.


I forgive myself that I haven´t accepted and allowed myself to take direction and Responsability of myself in waking up when I have to, not when my mind says so.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give my Power away and my direction to the mind.


I forgive myself to accept and allow letting the responsability of myself in other hands.


I forgive myself that I´ve accepted and allowed myself to abdicate Responsability and direction giving to others and to other things the power to direct me, instead of Directing me in Every moment of breath, here.


I forgive myself that I haven´t accepted and allowed myself as the directive Principle of my life.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive me as less than others to Direct me within my Life.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself  to hide from myself, suppress myself and so create a relationship as an addiction to something outside of myself.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the time when I go to sleep as a way to Suppress myself and hide from myself - evading myself to not take Self-Direction,Self-Responsability and be the Directive Principle of me and my life.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the time when I go to sleep as a way to forget about the experience of myself.


(¡surprising how this all links to the those points of Insecurities, fears and self-invalidations I am still accepting ...wow!)


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to forget the experience I have of myself; thus accepting and allowing self-invalidations, abuse and dishonesties and that´s why I create addictions to mind-systems to divert from standing and taking Responsability from myself and my world.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I am not worthy.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to treat me as non-worthy of being here.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live within my mind in past experiences where I as a child was diminished by others.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use those past experiences to abuse myself and to cause harm to myself, instead of bringing all that here as myself and start forgiving it more precisely.


I commit myself to stop  Relationships with my Mind C. Systems as a defence-mechanism to avoid facing myself. 
I commit myself to face myself in every moment of breath and stop fears and abuse within myself.


When and as I see myself experiencing a desire and a Need to participate within my addiction to sleep - better said - when I see myself desiring and needing to stay more in bed I realize is the mechanism I accepted and allowed within myself to suppress and hide from myself so, I breathe and I clear myself. I face myself and I Stop my fears and my desires to hide from my self. I stand and I direct myself in the physical.
I write out what I am experiencing to bring everything back here and apply the Self-forgiveness on that.


I commit myself to investigate more fondly where and when I accepted myself to hide from hiding from myself and to forget my experience of myself.


When and as I see myself diminishing within my mind - feeling less than, feeling non-worthy and wanting to evade myself from reality, I Breathe, I stop, I direct myself here to Stand and to face myself here and to be the Directive principle wthin my mind.


I am not afraid of being the Directive Principle of my life.


I commit myself to be and Stand as the the Directive Principle.




I commit myself to follow opening more layers of this point.

Day#3: Insecurity

Within  accepting within myself invalidations and also beliefs that other people are more than me another point that borned within me was the Insecurity; Insecurity to move myself, to talk, to be. And this shows also in the physical as I used the food as a way to protect myself. 
I have defined myself as an insecure person. And I created a relation towards that emotion. And this links to fears. Insecurity comes when I am near people I know for the first time, and also people I already know. I experience anxiety and nervousness and I start with back-chats as comparing myself, or feeling and thinking negative things and also positive, going to the other polarity of that shade I have accepted and allowed.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within an emotional feeling of Insecurity.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into an emotional  experience of insecurity every time I compare myself to others in my mind.
I forgive I have accepted and allowed myself to go into an emotional experience of insecurities and fears when I am infront, near, beside other people thinking and believing that they will find something wrong within me due to my physical body or my way of being - thus accepting and allowing fears, invalidations, and back-chats that are separating me from myself and from others. 
I realize this happens only in my mind and I participate in energy reactions and resistances that feeds my Mind conciousness systems instead of stopping them, Breathing, and correcting in the moment.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into an emotional experience of fear and insecurity when I am going to meet someone new; participating also in my mind in anticipation and in thoughts, feelings, emotions, images about the experience to come and about the person I am going to meet. 
I realize that I am Separating myself from others, from me, from the physical, going into / participating within my mind, thus I create reactions and resistances that are not real and that end in feeding my insecurities and fears.


Every time I see myself participating in my mind; feeding fears and thus Insecurity I realize is all in the mind. I clear myself and I stop back-chats, thoughts, images, feelings, emotions in the moment and I express myself with others as myself. Stopping all fears of being judged and stopping my pattern of invalidating me all the time.
I Breathe, I stop and I direct myself in the moment - every time I start feeling insecure within myself and within my life and i direct myself to Stand as One and equal to myself and others. I clear myself and I express myself.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect people with feelings and emotions, thoughts, and images based on past experiences of me being criticized in the past.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect people to fears and insecurities based on paste experiences.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect people with past experiences I tagged as negative/ positive. 
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect people with insecurity and fear.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to categorize people and experiences as negative or positive, I realize I am accepting Separation and dishonesty perceiving people as polarities within my mind. Participating in back-chats.
I Stop categorizing people as good or bad within my life, and also connecting people to past experiences - either positive or negative.
I realize this is Separation and I am participating and letting my mind direct me, instead of expressing myself as one and equal to others without mind systems.
Everytime I found myself categorizing people, connecting them to past experiences - I stop and I breathe I direct myself to clear myself and to see other people as myself and not accepting back-.chats and taggs that are just mind perceptions.
Life is not a Mind Perception. Life has not categories.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as an insecure person.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive me as insecure.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to protect myself within and idea of insecurity to avoid some experiences as talking, moving and expressing myself with others.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed insecurity within myself to invalidate  me and to limit myself; to limit my physical movements.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to criticize and hate my body due to defining myself with insecurity.


Everytime I catch myself in feeling insecure and limiting myself due to insecurity, I stop, I breathe, I Stand and I direct myself to stop those patterns within myself and I correct myself in that moment to no longer participate in fears, insecurities and in the Mind.
Everytime I see myself feeling fearful and insecure of moving when a person is near me connecting that moment with past experiences or with fears I stop and I breathe, I realize I am in the mind and I clear myself. I Correct myself , I move myself without fears realizing the dishonesty within myself accepting and allowing those patterns of self-invalidation. I stop. 
I correct in every moment of Breath when I see myself participating in Separation, in dishonesties and in what is not best for me, and others as One and equal to Life!.


I accept myself. I stop my mind, I embrace myself. I stop my fears.
I am not my fears; thus my Mind C. Systems.


´Till here no further.

Day#2 Stopping the pattern of Invalidating Myself

Yesterday I realized that I am still hating myself - well, not only yesterday I observe this the only thing is that I didn´t wanted to face it for real and work with that, I was just suppressing myself and saying to myself that was not true and that I really, really love myself, but in fact all the situations I have been through - letting things imcomplete, defining me with Multiple personalities, not taking Responsability for situations in my life, letting others to do things for me and not being independent but dependant; specially of my mother, was the result of this pattern of Invalidating myself/not loving me treating me as nothing, as not important.


Since I was little I suffered the constant rejection of many school partners and I believe all the definitions and words they used to call me. It didn´t matter if coming home my mother and grandmother talked to me saying those things were said by people that didn´t knew me at all, I returned to school the other day convinced the other people were more than me.  And I experienced this until my highschool and Career where I found people that accepted me and I began to grow my social circles, and not very  much cause I had this fear of doing something 'weird' - as I define myself as and to cause laughs and critics from others. I as all my life crouching at people  and invalidating me.


Slowly I started reading assistance from books as Louis hay, metaphysics and spirituality but in Desteni I found the real keys to open all this shit and forgive it. 


I stand within my principle fear of being infront of people and to stop believing in the perceptions other people has about me, I 'learnt' to Stand as One and Equal and me and Alone; stopping the fear of being alone and not wanting and needing to have friends and people near me to validate me. 
I faced all this situations in my last job and I slowly but surely transcend the fear of talking infront of people and being the centre of attention of many people which I attended to respond their doubts about their Visa applications and stuff. It was a great assistance-playground where I Stand from those fears.


They are not Completely, completely gone but I stopped a lot of patterns I no longer define myself as.


But there is more of course I have to stop and change - and within my pause within the Process I observed more and more, and I also corrected. That fear of 'saying'/ talking and not remaining Silent and Exposing people near me without the fear of making them feel sad or angry I practice it then; but also I make myself more bitter and angry. But I noticed I had more trust within myself to stop that pattern of being silent and tell others what was 'wrong' within the perspective of what is best for all!!
Although some doors were closed because of that I don´t regret anything. An example is an opportunity within a place to share and sell my crafts - slowly they were changing things in behalf of their self-interest. Like for example not letting us to use Electricity and they were more worried about the Money,----well, things like that, haha.


But my fall within my process was about the fear I had to change and to stop what I liked and I follow my self-interest and back-chats of saying that wherever I was doing it was not making any bad to other people in the world and that people and I follow the back-chats of asking me if I really wanted to help others.
Also I felt myself as not trustful and not worthy to continue walking with other Desteni Members this path cause I felt I helped more being away and not being hindering other processes with my doubts and indecisions. I also followed my mother fears and claims to the time I spent here at my computer, but I said to her that I was going to return to Desteni when I really were clear within those feelings I was following and experiencing. I wore the t-shirt although I am apart from them, but,  criticizing them is like criticizing me cause the Principles and Values they Stand For are mine, the ones I was looking for since I arrived here!


But yes, in every path the fears and the Mind come to the scene and I faced those fears and Indecisions...and as my entry says Invalidations, cause I was accepting those programs of not Living those Opportunities to face myself and to stop the crude Me.


I am no longer as this and I am not going to fall again! This is what I am and the oportunity i was looking and rejecting this tools and assistance is like rejecting me.
 I am here and I am more aware and Committed with myself and others as myself to assist.


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I forgive that I have allowed myself to follow back-chats in order to hide from myself and to invalidate me as life.
I forgive that I have accepted and allowed myself to invalidate me when an opportunity presents within my life to change and to stop my mind.
I forgive that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear committing myself to myself caused by the fear of letting go the definition I have of myself.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to fear changing the specialness feature I think and believe I am.
I forgive that i have accepted and allowed myself to separate from other people by participating in feelings of being special.
I forgive that I have accepted and allowed myself to protect me from the the people that want to change the definition I have of myself
I forgive that I have accepted and allowed myself to protect me from myself when I observe change.
I forgive that i have accepted and allowed myself to follow distractions and back-chats when I am in the process of removing layers within me, thus accepting and allowing fears and justifications to Stand and change what I am as the mind.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe in other´s perceptions and ideas about me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place words in the mouth of other people using as a reference the past experiences and people words they used to define me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel and to say I know what other people may think or can think about me using my past experiences.
I forgive that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience myself within my past experiences.


I don´t accept to participate in thoughts and feeling of fears.
I don´t allow and accept to participate in thoughts and feeling of hate towards me. I am not my feelings, thoughts and emotions. 
I don´t accept to participate in past experiences. I am not my past, I am here, I am not my past experiences of me and from other people.
I don´t accept and Allow Self-invalidation.


I allow myself to be one and equal with myself , stopping the fears and the invalidations. I am self-acceptance, I Love myself and I no longer accept self-sabotage.


Whenever I see myself following thoughts, feelings and emotions of fear and Invalidation I stop and I breathe and I correct myself in that moment to no longer accept fears and invalidations within me and defining myself as my mind, as the backchats programmed in myself to not Stand and birth myself as Life.


Whenever I feel I am not worthy or I am not able to complete, do, walk me as myself I Stop, i breathe and I  realize I am not those limitations I accepted as my mind. I am life, I am clear, I am Constant and I walk and stand as myself here without giving importance and validation to my mind. 


Life doesn´t need Validation of any kind, of any one or anything. Validation does not Exist within  myself cause I don´t need to validate me to do something, to Live, to Walk, to talk, to Accept Myself as myself, as life. I do not longer believe the idea that I need being Validated by others, or even by me. I am here, I am. I Am the simplicity of Being and Standing Here, Clear of all Mind-sets and Programs placed within myself.


I clear myself and I stop the constant search of Validation that is placing me ABove or Below of life. Of me as Life, of others as life. I am one and Equal to everyone and everything in Life, as Life.


I accept my self as Life! 
I am Life
I am breath
I breath
I stand 
I am Simplicity


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