Day # 300 -- The fear of loosing people in my life

I am going to write about the point I see I am participating in lately that is my fear of loosing people.
I like to be close to people, although I am not very social, I like to keep my circle of friends small. Horoscope says that Capricorns are very social, but not me. 
I like to be around people that I can be myself and big circle of people tends to get me anxious and I distract and I am not very fond of that. 
I have noticed my idea also of not being very very close to people to protect me from being hurt.
 I also, kind of  feel guilty when I loose contact with people, I tend to feel I am the one that ruin the relationship. I am very hard on myself sometimes. All these is related to past events in my life where I was not accepted totally due to me being very shy and insecure about myself, I received rejection due to feeling rejection of my self, i wanted to be different than who I was so yes, I received the same energy. So I began to be a people pleaser, I didn´t wanted to enter in any conflict at all. With the Desteni tools I began to develop more security and to stop pleasing people, and I don´t care anymore if they like me or not,...

Well...thats a short intro - lol.
But yes, due to past events I have developed a fear of abandonment - although I enjoy being alone and stuff, but when I meet someone special, I inmediately think I will loose them someday and that makes me sad so I prefer not making anyone special or getting used to people and also places, situations etc. I feel that when you do this - placing someone in an special position - you are signing an inevitable end. The other people - the normal ones - friends, co-workers, people you don´t get along with - are in a safe position cause you are not tagging them with that feelings and emotions but, yes, I know, people needs to get closer to other people to connect and assist themselves and for example in agreements - having that one person to rely on and to support each other and to know you better, cause yes, i have seen that I know myself better when I create intimacy with my closest friends (  I am not talking about sex - lol ) its about being open and transparent and sharing with them several things to get support

I realise that feeling abandoned or fearing being alone is separation, its a deshonesty and abuse I am feeding in me. And its ego also. Nobody belongs to anyone, but it can be cool to kind of "belong" to one person and make him/her your support in this life.  

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be remain in comfort zones at meeting people due to fear of being hurt/judged and abandoned at some stage in my life so I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to show who I really am to others and to share unconditionally to my extern reality.
I see, realise and understand the separation I am accepting and allowing within me and within others.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think and feed the idea in my mind that people will go in some stage in life and remain in that idea/feeling and emotion during my relationship wiith them instead of enjoying their presence in my life.
I see, realise and understand we are all here. It doesn´t matter if it´s far or near, they are all here.

Yes, sometimes you can´t force the relationships and you have to stop seeing certain people due to several points but that´s all separation due to participation in the mind - feelings, emotions - and feeding the pre-programmed systems in ourselves



Reading this blog assisted me a lot to realise how we have been creating our relationships:
http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/04/day-14-do-you-love-breakups.html

Día # 55 -- Being Influenced by the Mind

Ok; I´ll be applying SF in the next paragraph I wrote in the previous blog

Day# 52 - This Character that Analyse everything - So deep in my Mind


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to question me, to question life, to question god, to question who ever is able to question; why I hadn´t had a boyfriend as everyone in this world?, to participate within the back-chat; Why my Relationships hadn´t evolved to a serious relationship? and within this, feeling and perceiving me as weird, as someone less than others due to being here within my life, thinking that I am alone because I don´t have a person of the opposite sex next to me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel less than, to experience shame and shyness when others realise I haven´t had a relationship as within the normal procedure of events in this world.

When and as I see myself participating in comparisons, in feeling awkward and different - perceiving and believing I am missing something in my life - I stop, I breathe and I direct myself in the physical - I realise, see and understand the way I have accepted and allowed myself to be in this world, due to my insecurities, being in my mind all the time has created consequences and I have to be with an agreement with me to be able to be in an agreement with someone else in equality and oneness as that is the way I know it should be to live in this world.

I commit myself to stand as me as life in an Agreement with Myself first and also to walk in and as an agreement with Everyone else; cause we are here to support ourselves as equals and with any separation or difference.



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel different cause I don´t like and don´t feel attracted to follow the same conventional life rules procedures like in for example drinking and dancing in clubs and else - so, when I am in contact with people I feel ashamed and bizarre when I have to say and others see that I don´t participate in that.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect this events within a bad and good connotation and so feeling bad or good if I assist or don´t assist - So, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define me within and as the mind consciousness systems, with the rules, laws of the system.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hesitate from my stand within my principles and where I doubt and accept to be brainwashed by others just to be accepted and to be seen as normal and so separating me from myself due to pleasing others.

I commit myself to be loyal within and as my starting point and principles.
I commit myself to be loyal to what I am as Life - so not being influenced by feelings, emotions, images, perceptions, etc and so deifying the mind and sacrificing Life as myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be influenced by the mind as others in my world to let my expression aside so I could be accepted within and as this system as the rules, regulations and so going against of me as life just to fit in, just to evade discussions, fights, and being in peace, - not seen by others - being unnoticed, not making a big noise within others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go against me just to be unnoticed by the system.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to follow, to be part of the system, to be part of a MCS just to be seen as normal; just to no be bullied by others, and so fitting in the system as someone else like the people that was here in my environment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be influenced by the system in wanting to kill me as the expression of myself and to be born as a MCS to be seen as normal, to fit in this world.

I see, realise and understand how I betray Life, how I sell Life in Every Breath, due to preferring to be of the mind than of Life so I cannot be disturbed and shacked from my bubble as the mind.

I commit myself to be in the System but not Part of the System, where I can assist myself of the system to change the System to one that can Assist and Support Life - doing an inside job!

When and as I see myself feeling ashamed by who I am as Life, as the way I live in this world, no matter if that bothers and can be material for mockery for others - I realise that is not about me; is about them
I stand as me Here, I walk as Self-Expression where no difference, resistance, energetic movement is seen within myself so I can honour me as Life in every breath.

I commit myself to Walk this Agreement with myself and so Stand as Life in every breath.