Day # 300 -- The fear of loosing people in my life

I am going to write about the point I see I am participating in lately that is my fear of loosing people.
I like to be close to people, although I am not very social, I like to keep my circle of friends small. Horoscope says that Capricorns are very social, but not me. 
I like to be around people that I can be myself and big circle of people tends to get me anxious and I distract and I am not very fond of that. 
I have noticed my idea also of not being very very close to people to protect me from being hurt.
 I also, kind of  feel guilty when I loose contact with people, I tend to feel I am the one that ruin the relationship. I am very hard on myself sometimes. All these is related to past events in my life where I was not accepted totally due to me being very shy and insecure about myself, I received rejection due to feeling rejection of my self, i wanted to be different than who I was so yes, I received the same energy. So I began to be a people pleaser, I didn´t wanted to enter in any conflict at all. With the Desteni tools I began to develop more security and to stop pleasing people, and I don´t care anymore if they like me or not,...

Well...thats a short intro - lol.
But yes, due to past events I have developed a fear of abandonment - although I enjoy being alone and stuff, but when I meet someone special, I inmediately think I will loose them someday and that makes me sad so I prefer not making anyone special or getting used to people and also places, situations etc. I feel that when you do this - placing someone in an special position - you are signing an inevitable end. The other people - the normal ones - friends, co-workers, people you don´t get along with - are in a safe position cause you are not tagging them with that feelings and emotions but, yes, I know, people needs to get closer to other people to connect and assist themselves and for example in agreements - having that one person to rely on and to support each other and to know you better, cause yes, i have seen that I know myself better when I create intimacy with my closest friends (  I am not talking about sex - lol ) its about being open and transparent and sharing with them several things to get support

I realise that feeling abandoned or fearing being alone is separation, its a deshonesty and abuse I am feeding in me. And its ego also. Nobody belongs to anyone, but it can be cool to kind of "belong" to one person and make him/her your support in this life.  

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be remain in comfort zones at meeting people due to fear of being hurt/judged and abandoned at some stage in my life so I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to show who I really am to others and to share unconditionally to my extern reality.
I see, realise and understand the separation I am accepting and allowing within me and within others.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think and feed the idea in my mind that people will go in some stage in life and remain in that idea/feeling and emotion during my relationship wiith them instead of enjoying their presence in my life.
I see, realise and understand we are all here. It doesn´t matter if it´s far or near, they are all here.

Yes, sometimes you can´t force the relationships and you have to stop seeing certain people due to several points but that´s all separation due to participation in the mind - feelings, emotions - and feeding the pre-programmed systems in ourselves



Reading this blog assisted me a lot to realise how we have been creating our relationships:
http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/04/day-14-do-you-love-breakups.html

Day # 61 -- I want to Craft Character - part 2

Ok, here I continue with the past blog that was:

" I want to Craft Character"

Yesterday I had time to made some crafts - and well, I observe more dimensions here - as for example the positive energetic reactions I have when I am doing them - I realise in having this reactions as Positive energetic sensations as polarities I am not here in the moment of my physical movements and I am not here present in every moment as the process I am walking to get the craft done.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel good/ to feel I am 'doing something important within my life/with my day/ with the moments I am doing the crafts and I participate in the back-chat of " I want to do this all my life" within this not giving importance to the reality that is here as me, to the other responsibilities I have to complete within and as me, only by being there as an energetic possessed character that only sees what I doing here as self-interest participating in desires/wants to not being bothered with other mundane points as when my mom says to me "Search for a job in the web instead of being there just wasting my time' or 'those things don´t generate money do something that generates money'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to distract myself within a point that is feeding my self-interest and using an activity to distract myself and to feed my mind - Instead of doing it without energetic dependencies - Just Me here in Every breath.

Let´s say "Free" to Enjoy Myself in every breath with no other suppressions and points of postponement. I mean - when I have all the things done - the priority ones completed I can do the things I have as extracurricular points....

Here I am not saying that I rush in the other things to have time for me to feel free and do what I want - no - and also I am not defining my tasks within a polarity of fun and not fun, or the things I like and the ones I don´t.

So; I commit myself to walk all the things I have here in my reality within and as Self-Responsability and Self-attention and also stop Moving myself in a rush so I can 'clean my hands' of the ones I have to do first so I can be 'free' to do the others I like more...

So Here, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define things/activities/tasks/things that I do for others as less important and within and as the things I do for me I feel and experience myself as free, as like If I am doing something for me .
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect the activities I do for others as something I am not doing it for me - Instead if Being here as me in every activity and realising that everything Here is ME! and I am all that is here - One and equal to myself.

When and as I see myself separating me from the activities I do - I stop, I breathe and I Embrace everything I do as myself and I do them with that Consideration, Self-responsability.


So Here I Realise, see and Accept that Everything is here - I stop Separating me as Individual from all the things I do, from all the things I walk as the physical - Nothing is a separated point. Everything is here and so, I realise, see and understand that every thing I do is a part of me and so, my mind is the one that is making a difference and a separation making me believe that I am a separate individual that is alien to this world and reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am a separated matter from all the things/persons/activities/tasks I do here in my reality and in world and so accepting and allowing that my mind constantly and continuously tells me that I am special, or that I am giving my job as a gift and so thinking that anyone is going to appreciate it..

The other Point I see here is that I place in me a Defence Mechanism and that I am 'Alert' as the mind - participating in that character that is "If this and then this".
Instead of moving myself unconditionally and genuine in every moment.


Ok, the next point I´ll be walking this - the point that unfolds from all this - the point of thinking and feeling that I am Giving my work - as free - making my job for free expecting an award if is not of people - of Life. An Award from Life - ' a good person character' --wow! a lot of dimensions here LOL!

ok, I´ll continue.!!

Day # 46 -- Ignoring life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to  react upon a photograph and comments that was shared in Facebook by a woman commenting and being disrespectful with animals such as dogs; wanting to adopt a brand dog instead of a dog rescued from the street saying that they were dirty and ugly, sharing the Facebook image and feeling angry against this person, going to her profile and participating in back-chats such as 'She is the ugly one' ; joining this with more feelings and emotions against her.
Instead of stopping as reactions within and as myself in the moment and so not sharing this image to create more chaos and polemic.
I realise, see and understand how I didn´t stand in the moment and I am still directed by emotions, feelings, thoughts, ideas and perceptions.

I realise, see and Understand I reacted upon her the same way she reacted/defined the dogs in adoption. 
I am the same as her - I am not a difference. 

When and  as I see myself seeing an image and reading a comment on Facebook, either it is as I define as Negative or Positive - I stop, I Breathe and I stand in the moment, in the Breath clear as  and within myself to stop the abuse here as myself instead of sharing/spreading the 'abuse-bugs' within and as others as myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react against people words, behaviours and patterns that are not the same as me - I realise this is based in self-interest and as ego´s from the mind - wanting and desiring others to think/act/be like me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the back-chat 'If the people were like me the world would be a better place, because I am not as others' - I realise, see and understand my self-interest there and how I feed it when I am infront people that are  not agree with me.

I commit myself to expose my self-interest/egos from the mind and so stopping them accordingly with the Writing, Self-Forgiveness and corrective applications in the moment when this situations occurs again until it not happens again within and as myself so I can stay and stand clear from all of this separations I have created here.

When and as I see myself reacting upon others wanting to impose my point of view that are just knowledge and information - I stop, I breathe; I bring myself back here to the physical, where I am standing infront of the other person with humbleness, communicating with him/her with self-honesty, - not trying to CON-vince but assisting them and sharing my realizations I have walked here in my process - so I and everyone can stand free and so, establish on earth a better space/world/environment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define situations, people, words, images, etc under the polarities such as 'Negative/Positive'. I realise, see and understand that those concepts are of the mind - is not what Life is. Life is not a polarity. I see that mind defines everything and from there my systems come and I define my life according to that information.

When and as I see myself seeing/approaching my life, my environment, other people in base of a mind-concept such as polarities - I stop, I stand as self-honesty and I bring myself back here in humbleness and I communicate with me and others based in the Presence of the Physical - based on the physical - being here as me as others - Because I see, realise and understand that I am others, others are me, we are reflections of the same self. We are one and equal.

I see, realise and understand that id everything is me here, Why I am fearful? Why I participate in self-interest? Why I am afraid of others if they are me?.

So, I see, realise and understand that If I react -  if there´s a moment inside me based on energy is because I haven´t investigated that point within myself - so, I am still one and equal to that separation.

So; I commit myself to follow investigating and unfolding characters/personalities/systems - exposing them here to set me free of that abuse the mind creates in the reality - in here.

I commit myself to show others and to assist others and ME to observe and see that the Mind is the thing inside us that creates madness in the physical as the reality. The mind as us is the one transforming our lives in a show, in a cartoon, in a character, in a side....in food for the mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel ashamed by not realising this yesterday - Or I better say not being self-Honest to Stand and Stop all this chaos within me and within others by my decision... so, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ignore the common sense/self-honesty due to preferring to feed the energy/ego that I believe I am, wanting to make myself visible within all the situation as to also attract the attention to me and my words - Instead of considering others and the abuse I was going to produce with my self as the cells, atoms, etc in my physical body and within others out there - innocent people and beings 'that receives all the trash we produce' as the mind. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ignore self-direction/self-honesty within myself just to 'play around' taking things as a game and not realising, seeing and understanding the consequences are real, and I am living them

When and as I see myself infront of an option that is not for What is best for all - I Stop, I breathe, I discern within and as myself taking in consideration everyone as me here to take that step.
I see, realise and understand we cannot follow ignoring life/common sense within ourselves because the consequences are showing out there and life is suffering, life as common sense , as self-honesty, as self-direction, as consideration is ceasing to exist here.

Related articles

• Day#38 -- The 'ashamed' Character
• Day # 44 - My Intolerant Character towards certain people
• Day#35 -- My Character as an Animal Rescuer. How I create alter-egos
• Day# 40 - My character of 'Cat Fanatic'

Day # 44 - My Intolerant Character towards certain people

My intolerant Character towards certain people. 
I Have just read a post of a Catholic person criticizing animals. Defending his point of view in relation to his likes and dislikes about having animals in the house.

I reacted and laughed inside me cause how he can be a 'God-Loving-Person' and he doesn´t consider animals, feeling repulsion and not tolerating hair, barks, noises, comfort etc.

I have reacted to this kind of people of my life cause I don´t understand how they fill their mouths saying/speaking 'God-Prayers, words and deeds' when they are not in fact living  that.

Cool point to expand and investigate -cause since the starting point of 'Everyone and Everything is Yourself' this situation can relate to me also - when I am just writing and writing and not living the Corrections. 
So, I would not have reacted to that words before observing me within what he said. Isn´t it?
Because the only thing that matter is Here. And I am firstly correcting me here within myself, and with self-honesty I have to observe and accept that if I react is because is a separation there.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in reactions and inner conflicts due to this intolerant character I act every time I hear people that doesn´t agree with what I do and what I say. I realize that I react due to the ego´s of the mind - only the mind reacts and places you as special infront others - so, accepting and allowing separation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get angry and play as an intolerant character infront of people that doesn´t act like me and so placing  me as trying to impose my point of view upon others - the point of view that I define as valid.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to play within the polarities of valid and invalid, positive or negative - participating in this energetic reactions inside me of positive if people agree with me and negative if people disagree with me placing me within a defence mechanism trying to search in my mind an speech to leave them 'speechless' and so placing  me as better than others, and justifying this with the 'Good-person-Character' behaviours - saying that I do this for a good cause.
I realize I am accepting and allowing in myself  separation - in me and with others as myself - and so feeding the same violence and intolerant system that is not changing anything in the world but just staying the same because we prefer fighting and talking instead of acting and moving to have a world that is best for All.

I forgive myself that I haven´t accepted and allowed myself to realise/see and understand the words that Jesus said 'if you are free of any sin, throw the first stone' that is the same as 'not observing you within what you react to face yourself' - which I did, I reacted and throw the first stone instead of observing me within that words and correct me in that.

I forgive myself that I haven´t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize and understand that I  react upon certain people because I am still separated from the point they are representing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react instead of investigating before saying a word in separation of myself that information within myself.

So, within self-honesty I am this Intolerant Character acting and expressing as one and equal  as a mind system.

I realise, see and understand that I can´t criticize or judge others 'cause I am equally responsible for what they are representing and for which I am reacting.

Whenever I see myself reacting and acting as this intolerant character - I stop, I breathe and I see myself within the words they are expressing in which I am reacting and in self-honesty I face myself and I apply the self-forgiveness accordingly and I correct myself within that to stop the creation of more separation and abuse.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel powerful due to the information and knowledge, I realise that this is caused by the ego of the mind.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the information and knowledge as a weapon against others so I can  make me feel  special, powerful, Instead of assisting and supporting others in equality and oneness to walk and work in a way that is best for All.


I forgive myself that I haven´t accepted and allowed myself to realise, see and understand that when I am acting this intolerant character towards others I am one and equal with the same abuse; I mean there are not levels; not because I am intolerant to abusers that make a 'good person' or a person that is not doing the same.
I forgive myself that I haven´t accepted and allowed myself to act as a 'good-person- character' at my convenience and in my secret mind I am the polarity - the abuser - so I am within this playing in polarities, in energy and so one and equal to the system of abuse - So, Why I am complaining.

I forgive myself that I haven´t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that I am also intolerant towards animals when they do something I define as bad and so, I am nor more or less that an animal abuser - I am one and equal.

So, I forgive myself that I haven´t had humility to accept and allow I am one and equal responsible and the same as others I am intolerant to. 
So, I commit myself to have Humility within myself to see me instead of pointing fingers, so investigating within myself in what I am reacting to face that and apply the self-forgiveness, the self-corrective application to free me from that abuse.



2011 - When Realizations Become EGO

Related articles

• Day # 30 -- My body and Me
• Day#35 -- My Character as an Animal Rescuer. How I create alter-egos
• Day#38 -- The 'ashamed' Character
• Day# 40 - My character of 'Cat Fanatic'
• Day # 31 -- Me as a Character