Day#38 -- The 'ashamed' Character

I am going back in my life-time to investigate characters - the ones I have created to separate myself from life.
So, I started to look within and as my childhood and one of the characters I created, accepted within and as myself was that one that felt ashamed due to the situations of insecurity I lived among people in my school years.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel ashamed within and as myself due to the situation I lived in the school where my friends used to call me with names in relation to my physical body and the result of that was the creation of the ashamed character where I felt embarrassed  within and as my body.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel ashamed/embarrassed with my body caused my the words my classmates used to call me and define me.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in shame when I have to stand up infront of my classmates due to the feeling I have of embarrassment within and as myself in relation to my body so thinking that when I am standing up I have to pull my sweater down to cover my body. 
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see myself in images within and as my mind of me fat and ugly when I stand up of my chair infront of my classmates and people in general, thinking and believing they were going to laugh at me.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to cover myself with my clothes - using my sweater all day at school caused by the fears and the shame I had within and as myself in relation to my physical body, instead of being here, stopping those images and thoughts in my mind. I realise I am the living memory of the past where I was ridiculed and criticized by my other classmates in my other school.
So, I am not my memories, I let go my memories.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress me within and as the mind due to past experiences and memories. I stand here as common sense and I express myself within and as simplicity. I am self-expression.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to say within myself as a back-chat that is not easy to forget. I realise that´s my mind that doesn´t want to let go the ego and the energy that those moments are within and as myself.


I am here and I am not defined by my past. I am not shame. I am not a character. 


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel ashamed within and as myself due to define me and compare me with images and with other people within my world that I define and believe are better than me.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate and to be one and equal to my feelings of shame towards myself that when I look in the mirror I feel embarassment and shame by being who I am. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look me in the mirror and see me as the mind within and as a feeling, and emotion. 
When I look myself at the mirror I see myself with  my physical eyes, stopping any inner-movement within and as myself. I am self- acceptance. I accept myself as life.


I realise that for me to express myself I don´t need the permission of my mind. I don´t need to access in thoughts, and desires and wants - I just express myself in simplicity. I am not fears. I am not limitation, I am not my memories. I am here.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe everything the others used to call me. I realise I accepted and allowed myself to believe this due to my insecurities due to my desires and wants to be accepted - by others - and not by myself first.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed in myself separation and dishonesty towards myself  due to believing in others and not in myself in equality and oneness.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed in myself through my life - beliefs, and ideas of me being different from others due to my physical body. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself within and as my  past, bringing the past here to allow self-abuse - not realizing that those situations are not existent anymore here as myself. But I realise that due to my acceptance and allowance I have integrated and crystallized those systems within and as myself. But, I realise that these systems as memories within and as myself are not real.
I don´t accept this to sabotage my life and myself here as life.


So, I commit myself to be here within and as equality and oneness and standing as self-honesty to stop this deliberate self-abuse towards myself.
I realise I am here as myself and I don´t accept and allow in myself embarrassment and shame of being who I am as life, or as systems due to accepting and allowing this separation since my childhood. I am not regret, and I don´t judge myself
I am here and I commit myself to re-create me as someone that stands as equality and oneness, first within and as self and so within All the existence.


So, Whenever I see myself participating in the Ashamed Character - I stop, I take a deep breath and I bring myself back here and I realize me as the physical where anyone and anything can harm me or limit me - even me. 
I stop abusing myself validating past memories, images in my mind, words as back-chats pre-programmed within and as myself