Ok, so - I have another cat. The other day I heard a cat meowing outside my house and I look through the window and I saw this little cat crossing from the other street directly to my house when she hears me meowing too.
Since I was little I have this behaviour of meowing like a cat and they answers me - is very funny, and well, in this occasion was the same. I was meowing and she answered me and came to my house. I began acting this character of a cat lover and I participated in anxiety, desires and wants to go to cuddle it and I did. I fed him and my cats saw her. Then I closed the door and I left her outside - feeling bad cause I have a lot of animals in my house and the money is a big issue lol. So I stopped this systems inside and I came to my room - thinking and imagining her in the streets, alone and hungry - OMG! LOL.
I came here to write in Spanish and I did my SF and well, the day after I hear her out of my room´s window and I hear also kids around her saying ugly things and I reacted - I step out of my bed where I was knitting and I told my mom about the cat. Of course she reacted in worries and angry at me due to seeing me wanting to take another cat.
But well, I walk with my dogs and I saw her and she came with me she began following me but Chester bark her and she ran away - So I let my dogs in my house and I returned again to see the cat with food and she ate the food I gave her. Again as usually, the cat started to follow me and Here she is! I have 8 cats LOL!!! and a 'worry' to find a job quickly to assist my house.
I am selling also knitted dolls and accessories and I have an amount of Money entering, but is not what I earned in my last job...
Well, SO here is my Self-Forgiveness
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in anxiousness and nervousness by hearing the cat meowing outside, like in other times when I hear cats and dogs outside and those are the trigger points for me to participate in worries and in mind-fantasies about them in danger and me wanting to take care of them and rescuing them
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in desires of helping and taking care of animals I saw on the streets. I realise that real care doesn´t exist within and as the mind and I am just feeding separation and abuse within and as me.
I forgive myself that I haven´t accepted and allowed myself to see/realise and understand that this character of a cat fanatic is not based in equality and oneness- in honesty and responsability - is based in mind-desires, wants and needs to fill this space created due to creating this character since the starting point of my mind - desires and needs, insecurities and thus polarities.
I forgive myself that I haven´t accepted and allowed myself to see/realise and understand the separation I establish within and as myself and my cats cause I create a relationship with them since the starting point of my mind egos - desires and needs.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to approach an animal - cat or dog - as a character and not realising the abuse and separation I am creating since seeing others with the eyes of the mind and so not being here within and as equality and oneness with them
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to obtain keeping cats with me since the starting point of the mind as separation - as fears as desires to fullfill the wants of having animals and not since the starting point of common sense.
I commit myself to show how Human beings abuse animals within and as accepting the mind direct us to create a desire an a need to cover a mind-image of having a pet in house etc.
I commit myself to show we all are abusers since the point that we allow the mind to control how we relate ourselves with others since the starting point of desires, needs, fears, insecurities. etc