Day # 29 Self-Discipline to put in Order my Life

INTRO:
Writting myself every day has been the ¡¡ONLY!!thing in which I have been constant in all my life. 
When I realized this I said to myself - as a back-chat: How about school? and the job where you spent 4 years and a half working?
Yes, excuses and desires to say I have done something and so, evade all the 'dust above the carpet'.
In fact is that yes, I have been only constant in my 7 years Journey to Life - cause I also abandon things that I like - my desires and needs as a system.
So, I am realizing I can do it . The only solution is to ...Be the Solution and Stand as self-discipline.
So, I have been looking for a job and I haven´t had a good response and I am still unemployed. But I am - while I get one - selling my crochet dolls and accessories - I don´t earn a lot but is a help to buy my cats food and sand. I enjoy this but, like I said was also an activity which I started with excitement and I end up within a short time with boredom . I am starting that again due to friends requests to do more dolls for them.


Well, I´ll start my statements and there I´ll tell more about this ..Here I go.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself  not being consistent with something  in my life due to participating in my mind as boredom, resistance, tiredness and energy movements inside myself. I realize I lived as self-sabotage all my life and doing things within mediocrity just to 'complete' things that  has to be done; but without any participation as self-responsability, honesty and care.
I realize that the mind has not discipline -principle and values - but I do have as Life. So I stand as Self-Discipline and Self-Responsability to be Here as Life and participate with care and be as an expression in every thing I do.


I  forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as tiredness, as depression and be one and equal to that systems. 
I realize I am not a system  - I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe in tiredness and depression. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that tiredness and depression exists within and as me.
I stand as Common sense and as self-assistance and support to stand and correct myself when and as I see myself defining me as depression and tiredness I stop, I breathe and I correct myself - standing myself from that separation and abuse.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to do things - to move myself within my reality - as depression, tiredness, boredom - as a system . I forgive myself that I haven´t accepted and allowed myself to realize I am only feeding/supporting/assisting MCS and so that´s why I am not consistent and participating in resistances and conflicts inside myself. Instead of being here, Standing in every breath as self-consistency and self-discipline.


I forgive myself that I haven´t accepted and allowed myself to realize I was only surviving as my mind - so, not being a life form in any way cause I have give my power away to systems and so I have let them be the directive force and principle within my life.
So, I step forth and I stand as self-direction, I take the place as my Principle and I assist and support myself with consistency, responsability and discipline.
Whenever I see myself participating in depression, tiredness, resistances and inner conflicts towards any activity I have to do in my reality I stop, I breathe, I correct myself in the moment of every Breath and I bring my participation here and I set myself as a platform from where to stand and be constant, so assisting and supporting  myself with the self-forgiveness statements, writing myself and correcting myself here as breath.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to access and participate in thoughts, feelings and emotions when I have to do a chore, an activity - like cleaning the house, cleaning and feeding my cats, knitting, instead of being here as breath and moving myself as the physical to do the things I have to do here in my reality. I move myself as an expression, enjoying me as life in every breath.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/perceive/feel that physical movement is a burden and I have to have a 'requirement' - such as energy - to do it, thinking and believing that I don´t have such requirement in some moments, so separating myself due to believing I am rechargeable. Also, realize with postponing things/ procrastinating I am only existing as mind C. systems and in the past. 
I stop feeding and supporting mind C. systems. I stand as self-movement and every moment I see myself participating in feelings, emotions and thoughts that imply burden, conflicts and resistances I breathe, I stand and I correct myself immediately. 
I stand as self-discipline and breath by breath I move and I place things in the correct order and place where they belong under the principle of doing what is best for all as life.




I forgive myself that I haven´t accepted and allowed myself to realize/see/ understand how I have separated myself so much due to defining myself as a mind consciousness system so, don´t enjoying and accepting myself in any what what so ever due to remaining constantly and consistently judging myself, rejecting myself and abusing myself.
So, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to reject me instead of standing as self-acceptance, being intimate with me, - being here with/as me in simplicity.


I forgive myself that I haven´t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that between me  and me as life - is my mind which I have deified and believed was me - instead of seeing with my physical eyes what I really am and accepting myself as who I am.


I commit myself to stand as self-discipline and self-acceptance and to move myself as the physical to put in order me as life,


I commit myself to assist me and support me with self-forgiveness, writing, self -correction to stop walking the same patterns and behaviours.


I commit myself to Enjoy Myself as life


I Accept myself as Life
I am self-acceptance
I accept myself

Day # 22 --- Energy; a Resource to Fill my Life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as emotionally unstable; thinking and believing that my mood changes is who I am and I can´t change them and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in trying  to control this instability not realizing that I was going into a battle within myself in controlling and suppressing my egos and creating more friction and conflict within myself.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create conflict and friction within myself by controlling my egos as a way of suppressing them and not facing them, also feeling ashamed and so, constantly and continuously creating instability and energetic changes as positive and negative.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel good by being different and participating within a sensation of satisfaction of not being as others and due to this believing, thinking joined with a feeling/sensation of being important or being complete.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect completeness with a sensation/feeling of being important, different, full; accepting and allowing my disorder as a way of being different from the rest; so, feeling cool by having a tag defining me as this or that.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the thought  that everybody is crazy and at least I had an original definition thus, accepting and allowing the abuse and the lies within the system that is defining everyone based on knowledge and information, disregarding me and others as myself; not being honest, being humble to accept and allow my responsability - as acceptances and allowances - in participating in this society ruled and directed by the mind.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect a disorder, an illness, a defect within myself - mentally and/or physically with something cool/original; a sensation of importance or feeling different from the rest. I forgive myself that I haven´t accepted and allowed myself to realize the animosity in this beliefs, and realizing I am also feeding the abuse I don´t want to see in my world and my reality.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to say I care when In fact I don´t and I am the same abuser as the ones I reject and I fear. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be one and equal with the abuser, the killer, the harm inflictor, the dictator. 


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed in myself separation and abuse due to participating in these ideas, beliefs, thoughts and not observing I am feeding the same source of evil and not observing  the abuse and dishonesty I was inflicting to myself.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within a Dictator character; feeling a sensation of satisfaction when I feel pain, emptiness, depression, thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself in observing pain as a protection, finding pain as a way of calm.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be radical within my relationships; jumping from black to white, playing within the polarities of negative and positive depending on the way I wanted to feel and judge others in my world and defining everything in my world as negative or positive without any other definitions and without flexibility as common sense and humility to observe my participation and responsability within that.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to idealize and devaluate people within my world.  Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to idealize me based on the rules marked by the system and devaluate myself depending on my mood changes and depending on the words of others, situations within my life, images, thoughts, emotions.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be dependant on the movement of the energy as moods within me; thus being directed by my Mind C. Systems instead of being my directive Principle within my world and my reality.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be directed by the mind-chats and treating others and myself depending on the information that I was receiving in my mind.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to move as energy - unstable and rampant - to be one and equal with this energy fluctuations emerging from my mind.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in instability and in rampant reactions; and to  define this energy as a nice sensation within me.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to force me to evade my reality creating an inner battle; in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make a great effort in being me and in participating in my life; waiting for the end of the day to fall asleep.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel empty within myself and I used energy to feel complete and alive. 
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define and be one and equal with the Mind C. Systems and to find in energy a way to fulfil my life.




I stop defining myself  as instability. I stop participating in feelings, emotions and thoughts to find a reason to be Who I am as Life. 
I stop searching for things as Energy - emotions, feelings, thoughts - to complete my Life. My Life is complete. Life has not fails, and spaces to cover.
I stop being dependant on energy, on others, on experiences, situations, to feel complete.


I realize Life has no Reason; is an Expression, is a Constant Physical Movement. My Only participation is Here as the physical, as my physical body.  I realize and see my participation within the abuse occurring out there to other people due to not taking Self-Responsability and stopping this within me. I am one and Equal Responsible of the harm inflicted to others because I inflict that same pain in myself due to participating in separation.


So, I bring my participation back here and I breathe, I stop all that here as me to stop allowing and accepting these occurring inside me and out there.
I clear myself and I Stand - ( Stand and don´t sin anymore; as Jesus said ( lol, that words popped in my mind ...hehe ) I walk. I Correct myself now and then - since here - in every breath; accepting and realizing my  mind is not more than me, and is not less than me; we are equals --> I Step Forth and  I take the Direction here as breath, and I Commit myself to be the directive Principle of my life. I direct myself in every Breath. 
Who I am is the Directive Principle of my life accepting me and others as me as Equals and I commit to assist me to assist others also.


I accept Completeness as Life.
I am Self-Acceptance
I am Constant
I am self-constant
I am equal and one with Life
I am Life