Day # 29 Self-Discipline to put in Order my Life

INTRO:
Writting myself every day has been the ¡¡ONLY!!thing in which I have been constant in all my life. 
When I realized this I said to myself - as a back-chat: How about school? and the job where you spent 4 years and a half working?
Yes, excuses and desires to say I have done something and so, evade all the 'dust above the carpet'.
In fact is that yes, I have been only constant in my 7 years Journey to Life - cause I also abandon things that I like - my desires and needs as a system.
So, I am realizing I can do it . The only solution is to ...Be the Solution and Stand as self-discipline.
So, I have been looking for a job and I haven´t had a good response and I am still unemployed. But I am - while I get one - selling my crochet dolls and accessories - I don´t earn a lot but is a help to buy my cats food and sand. I enjoy this but, like I said was also an activity which I started with excitement and I end up within a short time with boredom . I am starting that again due to friends requests to do more dolls for them.


Well, I´ll start my statements and there I´ll tell more about this ..Here I go.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself  not being consistent with something  in my life due to participating in my mind as boredom, resistance, tiredness and energy movements inside myself. I realize I lived as self-sabotage all my life and doing things within mediocrity just to 'complete' things that  has to be done; but without any participation as self-responsability, honesty and care.
I realize that the mind has not discipline -principle and values - but I do have as Life. So I stand as Self-Discipline and Self-Responsability to be Here as Life and participate with care and be as an expression in every thing I do.


I  forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as tiredness, as depression and be one and equal to that systems. 
I realize I am not a system  - I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe in tiredness and depression. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that tiredness and depression exists within and as me.
I stand as Common sense and as self-assistance and support to stand and correct myself when and as I see myself defining me as depression and tiredness I stop, I breathe and I correct myself - standing myself from that separation and abuse.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to do things - to move myself within my reality - as depression, tiredness, boredom - as a system . I forgive myself that I haven´t accepted and allowed myself to realize I am only feeding/supporting/assisting MCS and so that´s why I am not consistent and participating in resistances and conflicts inside myself. Instead of being here, Standing in every breath as self-consistency and self-discipline.


I forgive myself that I haven´t accepted and allowed myself to realize I was only surviving as my mind - so, not being a life form in any way cause I have give my power away to systems and so I have let them be the directive force and principle within my life.
So, I step forth and I stand as self-direction, I take the place as my Principle and I assist and support myself with consistency, responsability and discipline.
Whenever I see myself participating in depression, tiredness, resistances and inner conflicts towards any activity I have to do in my reality I stop, I breathe, I correct myself in the moment of every Breath and I bring my participation here and I set myself as a platform from where to stand and be constant, so assisting and supporting  myself with the self-forgiveness statements, writing myself and correcting myself here as breath.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to access and participate in thoughts, feelings and emotions when I have to do a chore, an activity - like cleaning the house, cleaning and feeding my cats, knitting, instead of being here as breath and moving myself as the physical to do the things I have to do here in my reality. I move myself as an expression, enjoying me as life in every breath.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/perceive/feel that physical movement is a burden and I have to have a 'requirement' - such as energy - to do it, thinking and believing that I don´t have such requirement in some moments, so separating myself due to believing I am rechargeable. Also, realize with postponing things/ procrastinating I am only existing as mind C. systems and in the past. 
I stop feeding and supporting mind C. systems. I stand as self-movement and every moment I see myself participating in feelings, emotions and thoughts that imply burden, conflicts and resistances I breathe, I stand and I correct myself immediately. 
I stand as self-discipline and breath by breath I move and I place things in the correct order and place where they belong under the principle of doing what is best for all as life.




I forgive myself that I haven´t accepted and allowed myself to realize/see/ understand how I have separated myself so much due to defining myself as a mind consciousness system so, don´t enjoying and accepting myself in any what what so ever due to remaining constantly and consistently judging myself, rejecting myself and abusing myself.
So, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to reject me instead of standing as self-acceptance, being intimate with me, - being here with/as me in simplicity.


I forgive myself that I haven´t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that between me  and me as life - is my mind which I have deified and believed was me - instead of seeing with my physical eyes what I really am and accepting myself as who I am.


I commit myself to stand as self-discipline and self-acceptance and to move myself as the physical to put in order me as life,


I commit myself to assist me and support me with self-forgiveness, writing, self -correction to stop walking the same patterns and behaviours.


I commit myself to Enjoy Myself as life


I Accept myself as Life
I am self-acceptance
I accept myself

Day # 7 --- Addicted to emotions and feelings

Here I´ll be following with my patterns of over-sleeping as an addiction I created within myself. 
I am addicted to that comfort feeling my bed gives. 


I am trying to remember since when I became addicted to this feelings around being sleep. I remember when I was a child I wake up very early and I didn´t had this pattern of wanting to be more time in bed. 
Maybe it can be something linked to my school...I know is something about hiding; but I cant observe within my memories which situation within my life took me to create this addiction. 
Well, Is a process and I´ll find out, the thing now is that I want to stand from this pattern as a limitation point within my life, and not being the Directive Point within this and having the sleeping point as an assistance to my body; for my body to rest and just that. And not giving power and feeding my Mind C. Systems.

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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a relationship with and within my mind consciousness systems and defined myself as one and equal to the systems integrated within myself.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as a Mind C. System.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create an experience of desire and need of over-sleeping/staying more time in bed.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed being possessed by patterns and behaviours - in this case over-sleeping - and thinking and beLIEving that they are more powerful than me; thus I cannot stand from that and transcend that point.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a form of addiction to sleep by forming a relationship with my Mind C. Systems.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have sleep-patterns as a point where I can suppress and hide myself.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress and hide from my reality, instead of being here as the Directive Principle of my world and myself.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a relationship with Sleep within my mind that I use to suppress myself and to hide from myself and my reality.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel comfortable and safe while I am sleeping.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be addicted to the emotions of comfort that I feel when I am sleeping.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself with something outside of myself.


I forgive myself that I´ve accepted and allowed myself to believe that I need to sleep more than 6 hours to feel rested and to feel clear within my day.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the better time to wake up is when I don´t feel that pressure in my head.


I forgive myself that I haven´t accepted and allowed myself to take direction and Responsability of myself in waking up when I have to, not when my mind says so.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give my Power away and my direction to the mind.


I forgive myself to accept and allow letting the responsability of myself in other hands.


I forgive myself that I´ve accepted and allowed myself to abdicate Responsability and direction giving to others and to other things the power to direct me, instead of Directing me in Every moment of breath, here.


I forgive myself that I haven´t accepted and allowed myself as the directive Principle of my life.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive me as less than others to Direct me within my Life.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself  to hide from myself, suppress myself and so create a relationship as an addiction to something outside of myself.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the time when I go to sleep as a way to Suppress myself and hide from myself - evading myself to not take Self-Direction,Self-Responsability and be the Directive Principle of me and my life.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the time when I go to sleep as a way to forget about the experience of myself.


(¡surprising how this all links to the those points of Insecurities, fears and self-invalidations I am still accepting ...wow!)


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to forget the experience I have of myself; thus accepting and allowing self-invalidations, abuse and dishonesties and that´s why I create addictions to mind-systems to divert from standing and taking Responsability from myself and my world.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I am not worthy.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to treat me as non-worthy of being here.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live within my mind in past experiences where I as a child was diminished by others.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use those past experiences to abuse myself and to cause harm to myself, instead of bringing all that here as myself and start forgiving it more precisely.


I commit myself to stop  Relationships with my Mind C. Systems as a defence-mechanism to avoid facing myself. 
I commit myself to face myself in every moment of breath and stop fears and abuse within myself.


When and as I see myself experiencing a desire and a Need to participate within my addiction to sleep - better said - when I see myself desiring and needing to stay more in bed I realize is the mechanism I accepted and allowed within myself to suppress and hide from myself so, I breathe and I clear myself. I face myself and I Stop my fears and my desires to hide from my self. I stand and I direct myself in the physical.
I write out what I am experiencing to bring everything back here and apply the Self-forgiveness on that.


I commit myself to investigate more fondly where and when I accepted myself to hide from hiding from myself and to forget my experience of myself.


When and as I see myself diminishing within my mind - feeling less than, feeling non-worthy and wanting to evade myself from reality, I Breathe, I stop, I direct myself here to Stand and to face myself here and to be the Directive principle wthin my mind.


I am not afraid of being the Directive Principle of my life.


I commit myself to be and Stand as the the Directive Principle.




I commit myself to follow opening more layers of this point.

Day#2 Stopping the pattern of Invalidating Myself

Yesterday I realized that I am still hating myself - well, not only yesterday I observe this the only thing is that I didn´t wanted to face it for real and work with that, I was just suppressing myself and saying to myself that was not true and that I really, really love myself, but in fact all the situations I have been through - letting things imcomplete, defining me with Multiple personalities, not taking Responsability for situations in my life, letting others to do things for me and not being independent but dependant; specially of my mother, was the result of this pattern of Invalidating myself/not loving me treating me as nothing, as not important.


Since I was little I suffered the constant rejection of many school partners and I believe all the definitions and words they used to call me. It didn´t matter if coming home my mother and grandmother talked to me saying those things were said by people that didn´t knew me at all, I returned to school the other day convinced the other people were more than me.  And I experienced this until my highschool and Career where I found people that accepted me and I began to grow my social circles, and not very  much cause I had this fear of doing something 'weird' - as I define myself as and to cause laughs and critics from others. I as all my life crouching at people  and invalidating me.


Slowly I started reading assistance from books as Louis hay, metaphysics and spirituality but in Desteni I found the real keys to open all this shit and forgive it. 


I stand within my principle fear of being infront of people and to stop believing in the perceptions other people has about me, I 'learnt' to Stand as One and Equal and me and Alone; stopping the fear of being alone and not wanting and needing to have friends and people near me to validate me. 
I faced all this situations in my last job and I slowly but surely transcend the fear of talking infront of people and being the centre of attention of many people which I attended to respond their doubts about their Visa applications and stuff. It was a great assistance-playground where I Stand from those fears.


They are not Completely, completely gone but I stopped a lot of patterns I no longer define myself as.


But there is more of course I have to stop and change - and within my pause within the Process I observed more and more, and I also corrected. That fear of 'saying'/ talking and not remaining Silent and Exposing people near me without the fear of making them feel sad or angry I practice it then; but also I make myself more bitter and angry. But I noticed I had more trust within myself to stop that pattern of being silent and tell others what was 'wrong' within the perspective of what is best for all!!
Although some doors were closed because of that I don´t regret anything. An example is an opportunity within a place to share and sell my crafts - slowly they were changing things in behalf of their self-interest. Like for example not letting us to use Electricity and they were more worried about the Money,----well, things like that, haha.


But my fall within my process was about the fear I had to change and to stop what I liked and I follow my self-interest and back-chats of saying that wherever I was doing it was not making any bad to other people in the world and that people and I follow the back-chats of asking me if I really wanted to help others.
Also I felt myself as not trustful and not worthy to continue walking with other Desteni Members this path cause I felt I helped more being away and not being hindering other processes with my doubts and indecisions. I also followed my mother fears and claims to the time I spent here at my computer, but I said to her that I was going to return to Desteni when I really were clear within those feelings I was following and experiencing. I wore the t-shirt although I am apart from them, but,  criticizing them is like criticizing me cause the Principles and Values they Stand For are mine, the ones I was looking for since I arrived here!


But yes, in every path the fears and the Mind come to the scene and I faced those fears and Indecisions...and as my entry says Invalidations, cause I was accepting those programs of not Living those Opportunities to face myself and to stop the crude Me.


I am no longer as this and I am not going to fall again! This is what I am and the oportunity i was looking and rejecting this tools and assistance is like rejecting me.
 I am here and I am more aware and Committed with myself and others as myself to assist.


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I forgive that I have allowed myself to follow back-chats in order to hide from myself and to invalidate me as life.
I forgive that I have accepted and allowed myself to invalidate me when an opportunity presents within my life to change and to stop my mind.
I forgive that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear committing myself to myself caused by the fear of letting go the definition I have of myself.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to fear changing the specialness feature I think and believe I am.
I forgive that i have accepted and allowed myself to separate from other people by participating in feelings of being special.
I forgive that I have accepted and allowed myself to protect me from the the people that want to change the definition I have of myself
I forgive that I have accepted and allowed myself to protect me from myself when I observe change.
I forgive that i have accepted and allowed myself to follow distractions and back-chats when I am in the process of removing layers within me, thus accepting and allowing fears and justifications to Stand and change what I am as the mind.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe in other´s perceptions and ideas about me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place words in the mouth of other people using as a reference the past experiences and people words they used to define me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel and to say I know what other people may think or can think about me using my past experiences.
I forgive that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience myself within my past experiences.


I don´t accept to participate in thoughts and feeling of fears.
I don´t allow and accept to participate in thoughts and feeling of hate towards me. I am not my feelings, thoughts and emotions. 
I don´t accept to participate in past experiences. I am not my past, I am here, I am not my past experiences of me and from other people.
I don´t accept and Allow Self-invalidation.


I allow myself to be one and equal with myself , stopping the fears and the invalidations. I am self-acceptance, I Love myself and I no longer accept self-sabotage.


Whenever I see myself following thoughts, feelings and emotions of fear and Invalidation I stop and I breathe and I correct myself in that moment to no longer accept fears and invalidations within me and defining myself as my mind, as the backchats programmed in myself to not Stand and birth myself as Life.


Whenever I feel I am not worthy or I am not able to complete, do, walk me as myself I Stop, i breathe and I  realize I am not those limitations I accepted as my mind. I am life, I am clear, I am Constant and I walk and stand as myself here without giving importance and validation to my mind. 


Life doesn´t need Validation of any kind, of any one or anything. Validation does not Exist within  myself cause I don´t need to validate me to do something, to Live, to Walk, to talk, to Accept Myself as myself, as life. I do not longer believe the idea that I need being Validated by others, or even by me. I am here, I am. I Am the simplicity of Being and Standing Here, Clear of all Mind-sets and Programs placed within myself.


I clear myself and I stop the constant search of Validation that is placing me ABove or Below of life. Of me as Life, of others as life. I am one and Equal to everyone and everything in Life, as Life.


I accept my self as Life! 
I am Life
I am breath
I breath
I stand 
I am Simplicity


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