Day # 57 -- Who I am within the Postponement Character

I was reading the Blog Post in the Heaven´s Journey to Life "Character Dimensions-Thought Dimensions Day 164" and I observed that I have to write more about this character in me - I am making a parenthesis from my last blogs due to observing that this part within and as me needs clarifications so that I can move efficiently from now on forward.
I felt regret by getting out of my last job - I get very anxious due to my recurrent respiratory problems which was an indicator of not stopping efficiently my mind as emotions and feelings - all this related to postponements within my life

¡Argh! Well, no regrets and I am here commiting myself to unreveal this dimension within me.
I have been searching for jobs and anyone has appeared; I am in the polarity of not worrying and worrying - cause I know I´ll find one and in the other hand I need to get one now; so I can support me within my life and my immediate responsibilities that are my cats; well, I think of them in the first place cause they don´t have any fault in me accepting and being like the way I am accepting and allowing to be and because they are dependant on me and so to Money and so to the food I can buy with that money...

So, I have this plan in my head. I see that wanting to 'survive' doing art and knitting is not based in common sense and doing what is best for all; doing what is best for me : just self-interest and suppressions.
So, I am in the quest for a job and completing my studies. Here I have doubts as continuing with Graphic Design or Homoeopathy which I am attracted to; but it will show in the way...

This is something I am grateful for to the Desteni I Process and walking this blogs daily - I have been standing slowly but surely from this characters and stopping time loops and consequences so; I am really letting aside this behaviours of letting things to accumulate and I walk through them in the moment.

Within this days I have seen myself within doing my assignments and tasks - participating in my mind with needs, pictures and thoughts of doing another things first and postponing; letting things for a better moment. So, I have been breathing through this a lot!!! haha

I realised that I have been disciplined - which is something that I considered/believed/thought was not programmed in me. LOL! I see, realise and understand now you can Live without the mind.

So, as I say I have a long way to walk and being here at my house has been a great assistance in moving myself with no other 'Force' - as like other one telling me what to do. I mean, yes, my mom ask me for help but I have seen I have to move and complete things and stop postponing cause the Physical Reality is not going to fix alone LOL; So I have seen that I am missing in this Reality as Life! So I push myself to move and well, I am not willing to continue resisting and suppressing me and my reality!!

So, as I say this Character needs to be more worked and walked.

And these Journey To Life Blogs, the Creation Journey to Life, Earth´s Journey to Life ! and many others!!!!! has been a great assistance to see that I can and is Possible! Yes! :-)


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate and follow the thoughts as images in my mind when I do tasks here at my house/when I know I have to do things in order to support me in my life; such as cleaning my room, cleaning the house, walking with my dogs, doing my assignments and the tasks I have compromised to do in the moment that says me that the things I am about to do are boring and so, influencing me to them later/postpone.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define the things I have to complete in the moment in which there is a compromise entailed as boring, not important - saying and entailing here that the things in and as my mind are more important.

So this connects to the points that I have been walking in the last blogs - where I give value and importance to my mind than Moving myself as the Physical. Being here as the Physical taking Responsability for My Actual Living in this Reality/in my environment.


"This is an example of where the “Force” will step in as the Mind as ourselves, as we’ve as ENERGY/Consciousness manifested ourselves with ‘self/energy serving protection/defence mechanisms’ that any opportunity that would bring forth a Self-realization/awareness / Physical Stability/Living will immediately be resisted, as what we have done/become throughout our Lives is always SERVING ENERGY/the Mind as Consciousness instead of ourselves, the physical body and so this Physical Existence as a whole. And so, we’ve become energy consumers, serving energy – instead of physical living beings, taking responsibility for our actual living in this world/reality"--Sunette Spies in the Heaven´s Journey to Life Day 163


So I Forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define things according to mind polarities such as fun/boring - I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define/perceive/see cleaning my house as Boring or as Fun - I realise, see and understand that here again I am placing value and importance to the mind - and I am allowing and accepting separation within and as me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let the thoughts - one single thought - move me from here as my Physical Reality, defining my participation here and so being influenced by that thought and moving myself to feed my mind as energy - I see, realise and understand that I am giving my power away to the mind in letting me being moved by the unconscious mind/thoughts and not Moved by what it is here as the physical reality

I forgive myself that I haven´t accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand that I move myself only if my mind tell me so, and If the physical as Life tells me to Move as what is best for All life I stop and I think in self-interest.

There - I see, realise and understand that in the mind we are sacrificing Life, betraying Life, giving Power to the Mind -- thinking before acting - so; defending ourselves as self-interest.

When and as I see myself when being infront of an activity within and as my physical reality and I observe that me as my Mind is Resisting and so I start creating/participating in thoughts as images of me being somewhere else - I stop, I breathe and I Place myself here as the Presence of myself and I continue doing what I am doing - Breathing and Stabilizing here as myself/Supporting Myself in the mean time I am experiencing in the physical the manifested consequence as sleepiness, heaviness and resistance.

I breathe within and as this thoughts as Images - I embrace them as Me.

I see, realise and understand these are the mind mechanisms to Separate me from here as the Physical Reality.
So, I stop giving my Power Away to those Mind Consciousness Systems - I realise they are not what I am - they cannot influence me cause they are not real.

I commit myself to Stop me as my thoughts and to Walk here as Breath to assist me and support me in each moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be influenced by the mind and to perceive the MCS as more than me within the belief system that I don´t have power over my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to postpone things due to following my mind as thoughts and images so - going there instead of Being Here - Present in Every Moment of Each Breath I take, Present in Every Physical Movement I take, Present in every task, in every activity I do here.

When and as I see myself defining my reality according to what my mind says - like for example; believing that my life is boring, that what I do is boring and so my mind then in continuation to this places a picture in my mind where I am resting/seeing a movie; Doing Nothing - I breathe, I place myself here. I touch myself; I stabilize myself in what I am doing and I continue working and doing my activities.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect a positive feeling with being in my bed resting watching television and so, Doing nothing.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place value within and as the physical experience of being in my bed, resting and doing nothing.

I see, realise, and understand this is nothing but Energy- the Force as the Mind Trying to obtain my Power.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place a value and an importance to being in my bed resting and feeling sad and angry if this experience goes away and so I want/need and desire to obtain more of this.

I realise, see and understand that me as the mind needs, desires, and wants to get more energy so the Mind can have control, power and Food - letting me as Life, as the Physical Body without resources to sustain.

When and as I see myself placing a positive value/negative value upon things according how the mind wants me to be and when and as myself perceive, think and define 'doing nothing ' as positive and nice and I feel that I am giving away to the experience of laying and doing nothing. I stop, I breathe, and I Place myself here as the presence of myself.

I commit also to investigate when I am really 'tired' as the physical so I can support it with a rest - but not over resting and connecting this to Mind Systems

I´ll continue

Day# 42 --Characters of my day

Well, yesterday when I was going to write my Internet go away - it unplugged - I participated for a little in 'fear of loss' , anxiety and impatience. I have worked with this points in previous blogs and now I can observe them come and stop them more effectively - I remember when I started in Desteni I became possessed by the anger 'cause the internet was not constant and I had to move from one space to another within my house. Now I breathe and I stand and I move to do another thing/activity.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in anger when the Internet signal goes away, being within and as the thought of me not writing my daily post entry and so getting anxious and back-chatting:
* 'what are others are going to say' - that I fail again'.
* I am behind others due to my Internet, I wish I had money to have my own service.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create/participate in back-chats that are sabotaging myself - within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed in me self-sabotage in the ways of thoughts, emotions, feelings, words in separation of myself, mind images of others in my head, back-chats, I realise see and understand that my mind do that as a defence-mechanism and is not what I am in fact. So, whenever I see myself hearing those back-chats and perceiving them as real I stop, I breathe, I realise me as the physical - as what is Real. And I continue walking and expressing myself here within and as the physical. 
So, I am here within and as myself in equality and oneness to  my physical - seeing/observing the situation with common sense and doing another thing that I have to do within my daily activities. Stopping myself as my thoughts, feelings and emotions and being here as Self-Movement, as a Practical being - one that doesn´t waits but acts within every situation based in What is best for me. In this case what is best for me is standing out of my mind and moving in to the next moment. Simple.

I forgive myself that I haven´t accepted and allowed myself to see/realise/understand that waiting in my mind is a waste of time cause I am just here as the mind complaining and else instead of enjoying self and acting in the moment. So things don´t Stop and I get things move  as Life that is in constant movement - as the breath. I realise the breath never stops - is constant. 

How it would be the breath of Life stopping 'cause the Internet goes? LOL


...

So,  I breathed and I continued doing things  - It was late and I saw the TV for a while. In the mean-time I was cuddling my cat and enjoying her. 

So, today I wake up and early and I started changing myself from the pijamas to another clothes - LOL - cause I had to go out  to make deliveries and my mom had to go to the doctor for her monthly reviews.

Every morning I check my cats and my dogs...specially what my 2 dogs that sleeps outside of my room make in the house at night.  So, I clean to poo´s and all.
In the past this event caused me a lot of resistance - "Why I have to clean these?" - "Why me?". 
So, also I have worked with these in the past and now I direct myself within these things and I move myself accordingly. My mom stills reacts and she gets tired, so I also do this for assist her. We have dogs and cats and is our responsibility now. Is funny cause my mom 'loves' them, but she reacts in tiredness and in resistances when she sees the mess they do. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react when I see what the dogs do in the night  - like poo´s outside the place where they 'have to'  ( some are 'educated' and do in the papers we put in the bathroom ) and so this is a trigger point that makes me go into desperation, anger and thoughts of me moving my physical to clean the mess.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to evade walking out of my room to see what my dogs did in the night which I have to clean and arrange.
Instead of being here, bringing my attention here,  moving myself within and as the physical to get this done  - to clean the house and all the mess - and so, establishing an environment that is an assistance for me and all that are living here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed my mind as back-chats as the voice that controls and directs everything I do in my life. Instead of being ME as life the Directive Principle within and as myself. I am the Voice that directs myself to move and to direct me as the physical Here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to complain and react, when I have to do things anyway - So I better do it and move myself here, without hesitations and reactions that make me waste time. I realise, see and understand that I am making more time-loops within and as resisting and thinking - Instead of Acting.
I will do It Anyway - so I do it here/now as the physical.

...

I deliver an order  near my mom´s doctor appointment and well, we completed that.
We arrived home and my mom shared with me the same point of reacting towards the dogs and the mess they do at home and I told her to start with SF and calming down, but well, she always react and says that is a lot of information.
I have also participated in reactions towards this cause I have shared this tools with her and she always turns around and find ways to evade the support. 
I have realized that I don´t have to force others and wait them for checking this information, so I breathe through this and open to assist if others ask me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel desperation towards my mom cause she doesn´t listen and wants and prefers meditations instead applying Desteni tools, so this makes me go in to anger cause she never do what I say and this leads me to get anxious and act within this character of the Mother trying to give the medicine to their childs while them don´t what it.
So, I realise, see and understand how I am forcing others to change when I have to apply myself within and as this process and share/assist when time comes.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to worry for my mother cause she doesn´t want to do the SF that I know will help her to stop all the systems she allow in herself, thinking that she will get ill and mad if she doesn´t direct her-self.
I realise/see and understand that worries are a separation and a mind system - so I stop worries and pre-occupations and mind-perceptions and imaginations.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into fears when I see my mom worrying and getting angry and being tired - participating in the fear of loss and so wanting/desiring - desperately - for her to apply this tools as if they were a miracle rescue that will 'save' her from that inner fear of me of loosing her. So, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to share desteni tools within and as the starting point of fears, desires and wants of saving others. 
I realise, see and understand that anyone can live the process of others and such a thing as 'saving' for real doesn´t exist and is born within and as mind-egos, fears and worries.

I stop myself within and as Mind Systems realising that they are pre-programmed part of my self and such as that I can direct them and be the directive principle understanding and realising that what I think and feel are based on fears and they are not real.

So I walk here as an assistance and support for myself and for others in result. Stopping loops and feeding the Mind Systems.
I stand as Common sense and as Practical Solutions and I walk as this within and as myself.

...
So, I arrived home and I started to check mails and Desteni info in Facebook and all.
Now; I am here writing and while I was writing my dogs began acting frenetically and started barking and barking - those things makes me anxious and I want them to shout at them. Specially when they bother my cats.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel desperate, anxious and angry when my dogs bark and act hysterically.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel impatience and anxiety while hearing my dogs bark - feeling desperate towards the scenario of looking them making a lot of noise.
Instead of being here within and as myself - within and as the barks also - in equality and oneness and stop reactions, feelings, emotions, thoughts,

Whenever I hear my dogs barking, I breathe, I calm myself down, I bring my participation here as the physical and I stop the  bark as trigger point within myself for releasing systems.
I stop releasing systems when I hear my dogs barking and I breathe and I direct them accordingly with a word or a movement.



Whenever I see myself reacting towards the activities I do daily I stop, I breathe and I move myself physically through the activities I have here in my reality with Practicality and stopping me as the Character that complains and participates in resistances - as physical tiredness and pain due to moving.
I am Constant, I am self-discipline and I walk through all this here within and as Breath.
Breath is a physical movement in simplicity and as that I move myself.

Day # 28 -- My Relation with Food

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize, see and understand that my relation with food has nothing to do with nurturing my physical body, but in 'nurturing/supporting/feeding the Mind Consciousness systems within me.


I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that I eat to feed my emotions and feelings, so producing more energy for the MCS and not to nurture and support my physical body with all the required nutriments needed.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to eat when I feel bored. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go down to the kitchen to eat whatever I found on the refrigerator just to satisfy my emotions such as being boring and connecting the food with being busy - not realizing I was just feeding my mind as energy and not considering my physical body in any way.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to find in food a way to satisfy my desires and to stop my anxiousness. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect food with a feeling of satisfaction of desire, and to find the flavours so intoxicating that I feel the desire to have more; just to satisfy my wants and the needs of perpetuating that flavour in my mouth more time, thus in all these not considering the abuse I am doing to my physical body that has been fed with systems instead of support, nutrients for it efficient developement and not only talking about my arms, belly, legs, but my brain and every cell  and molecule within my body that had not had any support through all this years, yet I have been just feeding my energy constructs - the Mind Consciousness systems - 'working for them only without being aware of that cause the mind directed me through lies and tramps, not realizing that the food within which I feel more attracted to are the one that abuses me; but not because the food in fact is 'bad' is my relation, how I define myself with that food that is causing abuse.




I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define food as healthy and unhealthy and not realizing that I am responsable for the way I define and connect myself with the food - I use the food to divert my attention, to cover up myself, to avoid facing me and stand up as self-nurture and self-direction to support my body as myself and providing it with food that is required for it to function.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself with my Physical body, perceiving it and talking about it like if it was a separate being within my life.  


I forgive myself that I haven´t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that I am my physical body and my physical body is me.


I forgive myself that I haven´t accepted and allowed myself to consider all parts of my physical body in equality and oneness; just worrying about certain parts of my body/physical as for example my arms, my belly, my legs and not other parts like my brain, my cells, my eyes, the molecules; other beings and life forms that are here within my body.


I forgive myself that I haven´t accepted and allowed myself to consider all my physical body as one and equal to me, and me not being  the Directive Principal to nurture to consider what is entering to my organism; questioning which is my starting point of eating.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel attracted to certain kinds of  food without taking in consideration the physical reality just my need and desires.


I commit myself to be here, in equality and oneness, questioning everything that entering to my organism; investigating the Starting point - if it is to fulfil my desires and wants; eat as energy, as systems or as the physical.


Food is here as a support for my Physical body not for feeding my MCS - emotions, feelings, thoughts.


I commit myself to investigate and to re-define food and support my physical body as one and equal to me.