Day # 58 -- More on Postponement Character

I haven´t writing within these days and I feel very bad 'cause I have accepted self-sabotage with thoughts and back-chats of postponing this due to the excuse that I haven´t had enough time to do this writtings.
'I am tired at the end of my day' and I don´t reach to do all the things I have to do.

Ok, I am going to walk these points here.


FEAR DIMENSION:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within the system of fear of the future; feeling fear of not being able to do this and to let my mind to win this and I fail within my commitment of walking this Journey to Life blogs.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within the fear of not having enough time within my day to complete this point of writing my blog at the end of the day or at the beginning of it.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being let aside and to be delayed within this journey in comparison to others.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be fearful about the events and situations that I don´t complete in time cause I know that is an abuse towards me and others I realise, see and understand I use deliberately this as an abuse towards myself - instead of stopping me as fears, emotions and feelings and stand as self-stability and self-trust and self-security to stop my deliberate creations as abuse within my mind.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be fearful about if I don´t change others and me can suffer or something.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be able to stand efficiently and be let aside and pushed by my mind so I cannot stand again from this any more - within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that it will be more difficult in the future to stand from this points and others if I don´t walk them in the moment.

I see realise and understand that all my fears are mind programming within myself and has nothing to do with reality and my physical journey.
I see realise and understand that I accept and allow self-sabotage due to giving value and importance to the mind and it systems so that´s why I follow and create excuses - giving the mind the 'authority' to guide me within my life and all I do within my day.
I see realise and understand I create excuses to not face myself and to continue evading situations and points within myself and so creating more dimensions as the mind - as I realised in previous blogs - accumulating dimensions and dimensions.

I commit myself to walk within the moment the self-correction and so standing and walking through my MCS so I can stop this deliberate abuse as time loops.

When and as I see myself participating in fears in relation to not being able to come here and write my blog I stop, I breathe and I stand from this system in Moving myself to do things in the physical. I mean not postponing things and so creating more 'mind-background' to allow more abuse.

I commit myself to stop myself as finding excuses to not being able to come and write and so also in not having time.

When and as I see myself participating in fears of the consequences in the future I stop, I breathe and I Stabilize myself here as the Presence of me and as common sense. I am here, walking and standing.


"essentially - we're all walking this together within different positions/locations in existence and process - Marduk explained in one of his interviews the different positionings/locations of each one in existence and so one's point to walk in process for self and for all - thus, don't look at it as first or last, but each one taking/standing their point to walk in relation to where all are in their process in existence" - Sunette Spies

THOUGHT DIMENSION

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see me within the world - within this position I am in the journey to life as let aside and not being able to be at the same stage/location as others - I realise see and understand that I am participating within the comparison system.
I see, realise and understand the stupidity of these cause I am here within this moment and in seeing me as first of last is an abuse and yes, an 'stupidity'
In this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge me always based in comparisons and giving importance to the image/thought in my mind that others are more aware/developed as me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see me as less developed and aware and others because I have been I have not came here to write in the last days to due giving my power away to the mind and finding excuses to postpone this task/this commitment I do to myself

I commit myself to stop me as thoughts and to Embrace all of them to investigate and apply the self-forgiveness accordingly and so assisting and supporting myself to walk this Journey to Life.

I see, realise and understand also that in complicating all in my mind and over-analysing everything I tend to stop myself as making a pause due to this pattern of listening to the mind and so I postpone things

So, When and as I see myself letting my thoughts to influence me from Standing as a Practical Living Example to Myself - I stop, I breathe and I Stabilize myself here as the Presence of me.
I jump of my bed, I walk, I stand from the chair, I cuddle my cats or my dogs - I breathe - and I stand as me here and I do the things I Enjoy doing.


I see Here that is so easy for me as my mind to control me and to remove me from the things I enjoy doing cause I give more importance to postponment, to tiredness, to the programs inside me.

I stop, and I commit myself to continue walking!!

IMAGINATION DIMENSION

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in imaginations as me doing something else that don´t imply a hugh resistance within myself as the mind for example watching a movie, laying in my bed, seeing in the internet the things I want to see.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in my mind as imagination where I see myself writing my blog, or knitting or cleaning the house - as If I am walking it in the real time and so feeling a nastiness and a where I participate in negative and positive emotions and feelings to validate and feed that imagination episode and so sabotaging myself and letting my mind to kind of saving me from moving myself and so believing that I can do it in other moment.
Here; I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in self-interest cause I give more importance to ME as my mind and not to the things that are here to complete and to walk to do What is Best for All.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to first in my imagination walk ME in mind episodes as a way of analize and consider the amount of resistance and physical movement I have to take and so - letting Me as the mind to convince me that is Better to wait and to let things for another moment so I can Stay there as Postponement and so feed my MCS.

When and as I see myself going to my imagination Dimension - I breathe, I stop myself and I move myself in the Physical - jumping or walking and standing to move me here in the physical so I can see that those systems are real in the moment I let them to move me as the physical and in the physical reality.

I realise, see and understand that in that moments/time that I am busy participating and giving space to the thought in my mind and this making me go to the imagination process stage I could be Standing and Moving and taking the tools to complete and Do something in my Physical Reality - like taking my computer; moving my hands to write and to post my blog/like taking my hook and began crocheting/or to take the broom and the mop to clean.

I commit myself to Stop me as the Imagination Dimension - to Stop me since the fear dimension - since the Beginning So I can Move myself and Walk here as the Physical, with my Physical to Assist and Support me

"I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place

WANT, DESIRE as ENERGY before

RESPONSIBILITY as LIVING within me and my world" --Sunette Spies

@Journey to life.

BACK-CHAT DIMENSION

"Oh, I don´t have time to do this right now", "I´m tired; I do a lot of things", "I do it tomorrow", "nothing happens if I let this for tomorrow"


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to come into this stage as the back-chat dimension within and as myself and to create the back-chat: "OH!, I don´t have enough time to do this right now" and so I go into the excuses and justification background where I try to convince myself that this is true, that I deserve a moment for resting and so, I can let things for tomorrow.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create me as the Postponement Character since the first dimension as fear, then the thought, imagination come here to feed my mind and to participate in energy - so entertaining me as mind with energy instead of standing since the first moment as Breath within and as myself and so moving physically and taking my computer and placing my hands in the way I can type and write my blog.

I forgive myself that I haven´t accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand that for me is more easy to build mind dimensions as stories - as fantasies, illusions - so Energy!!! than moving myself in the Physical to do the things I have to do and so stopping me from making excuses and justifications -- creating since this another Character that is the 'Victimization Character'

I see, realise and understand with this the domino effect that i create since Giving Away My Power to the mind - that is the creation of more Characters and more dimensions.

When and as I see myself participating in the Mind-Creator-of-Characters when I am in deliberate action designing more Monsters/Demons within and as the belief that I am this - and so I am the assistance of my mind - like the workers within this World System that deliberately are creating more abuse and making the system huge instead of Stopping and Realising we can Stop and we can Stand since the First Moment.

I´ll continue with the next dimensions


For Further Support Read:

Character Dimensions – IMAGINATION Dimension (Part 2): DAY 166


Character Dimensions – BACKCHAT Dimension (Part 3): DAY 169

Day # 57 -- Who I am within the Postponement Character

I was reading the Blog Post in the Heaven´s Journey to Life "Character Dimensions-Thought Dimensions Day 164" and I observed that I have to write more about this character in me - I am making a parenthesis from my last blogs due to observing that this part within and as me needs clarifications so that I can move efficiently from now on forward.
I felt regret by getting out of my last job - I get very anxious due to my recurrent respiratory problems which was an indicator of not stopping efficiently my mind as emotions and feelings - all this related to postponements within my life

¡Argh! Well, no regrets and I am here commiting myself to unreveal this dimension within me.
I have been searching for jobs and anyone has appeared; I am in the polarity of not worrying and worrying - cause I know I´ll find one and in the other hand I need to get one now; so I can support me within my life and my immediate responsibilities that are my cats; well, I think of them in the first place cause they don´t have any fault in me accepting and being like the way I am accepting and allowing to be and because they are dependant on me and so to Money and so to the food I can buy with that money...

So, I have this plan in my head. I see that wanting to 'survive' doing art and knitting is not based in common sense and doing what is best for all; doing what is best for me : just self-interest and suppressions.
So, I am in the quest for a job and completing my studies. Here I have doubts as continuing with Graphic Design or Homoeopathy which I am attracted to; but it will show in the way...

This is something I am grateful for to the Desteni I Process and walking this blogs daily - I have been standing slowly but surely from this characters and stopping time loops and consequences so; I am really letting aside this behaviours of letting things to accumulate and I walk through them in the moment.

Within this days I have seen myself within doing my assignments and tasks - participating in my mind with needs, pictures and thoughts of doing another things first and postponing; letting things for a better moment. So, I have been breathing through this a lot!!! haha

I realised that I have been disciplined - which is something that I considered/believed/thought was not programmed in me. LOL! I see, realise and understand now you can Live without the mind.

So, as I say I have a long way to walk and being here at my house has been a great assistance in moving myself with no other 'Force' - as like other one telling me what to do. I mean, yes, my mom ask me for help but I have seen I have to move and complete things and stop postponing cause the Physical Reality is not going to fix alone LOL; So I have seen that I am missing in this Reality as Life! So I push myself to move and well, I am not willing to continue resisting and suppressing me and my reality!!

So, as I say this Character needs to be more worked and walked.

And these Journey To Life Blogs, the Creation Journey to Life, Earth´s Journey to Life ! and many others!!!!! has been a great assistance to see that I can and is Possible! Yes! :-)


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate and follow the thoughts as images in my mind when I do tasks here at my house/when I know I have to do things in order to support me in my life; such as cleaning my room, cleaning the house, walking with my dogs, doing my assignments and the tasks I have compromised to do in the moment that says me that the things I am about to do are boring and so, influencing me to them later/postpone.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define the things I have to complete in the moment in which there is a compromise entailed as boring, not important - saying and entailing here that the things in and as my mind are more important.

So this connects to the points that I have been walking in the last blogs - where I give value and importance to my mind than Moving myself as the Physical. Being here as the Physical taking Responsability for My Actual Living in this Reality/in my environment.


"This is an example of where the “Force” will step in as the Mind as ourselves, as we’ve as ENERGY/Consciousness manifested ourselves with ‘self/energy serving protection/defence mechanisms’ that any opportunity that would bring forth a Self-realization/awareness / Physical Stability/Living will immediately be resisted, as what we have done/become throughout our Lives is always SERVING ENERGY/the Mind as Consciousness instead of ourselves, the physical body and so this Physical Existence as a whole. And so, we’ve become energy consumers, serving energy – instead of physical living beings, taking responsibility for our actual living in this world/reality"--Sunette Spies in the Heaven´s Journey to Life Day 163


So I Forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define things according to mind polarities such as fun/boring - I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define/perceive/see cleaning my house as Boring or as Fun - I realise, see and understand that here again I am placing value and importance to the mind - and I am allowing and accepting separation within and as me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let the thoughts - one single thought - move me from here as my Physical Reality, defining my participation here and so being influenced by that thought and moving myself to feed my mind as energy - I see, realise and understand that I am giving my power away to the mind in letting me being moved by the unconscious mind/thoughts and not Moved by what it is here as the physical reality

I forgive myself that I haven´t accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand that I move myself only if my mind tell me so, and If the physical as Life tells me to Move as what is best for All life I stop and I think in self-interest.

There - I see, realise and understand that in the mind we are sacrificing Life, betraying Life, giving Power to the Mind -- thinking before acting - so; defending ourselves as self-interest.

When and as I see myself when being infront of an activity within and as my physical reality and I observe that me as my Mind is Resisting and so I start creating/participating in thoughts as images of me being somewhere else - I stop, I breathe and I Place myself here as the Presence of myself and I continue doing what I am doing - Breathing and Stabilizing here as myself/Supporting Myself in the mean time I am experiencing in the physical the manifested consequence as sleepiness, heaviness and resistance.

I breathe within and as this thoughts as Images - I embrace them as Me.

I see, realise and understand these are the mind mechanisms to Separate me from here as the Physical Reality.
So, I stop giving my Power Away to those Mind Consciousness Systems - I realise they are not what I am - they cannot influence me cause they are not real.

I commit myself to Stop me as my thoughts and to Walk here as Breath to assist me and support me in each moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be influenced by the mind and to perceive the MCS as more than me within the belief system that I don´t have power over my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to postpone things due to following my mind as thoughts and images so - going there instead of Being Here - Present in Every Moment of Each Breath I take, Present in Every Physical Movement I take, Present in every task, in every activity I do here.

When and as I see myself defining my reality according to what my mind says - like for example; believing that my life is boring, that what I do is boring and so my mind then in continuation to this places a picture in my mind where I am resting/seeing a movie; Doing Nothing - I breathe, I place myself here. I touch myself; I stabilize myself in what I am doing and I continue working and doing my activities.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect a positive feeling with being in my bed resting watching television and so, Doing nothing.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place value within and as the physical experience of being in my bed, resting and doing nothing.

I see, realise, and understand this is nothing but Energy- the Force as the Mind Trying to obtain my Power.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place a value and an importance to being in my bed resting and feeling sad and angry if this experience goes away and so I want/need and desire to obtain more of this.

I realise, see and understand that me as the mind needs, desires, and wants to get more energy so the Mind can have control, power and Food - letting me as Life, as the Physical Body without resources to sustain.

When and as I see myself placing a positive value/negative value upon things according how the mind wants me to be and when and as myself perceive, think and define 'doing nothing ' as positive and nice and I feel that I am giving away to the experience of laying and doing nothing. I stop, I breathe, and I Place myself here as the presence of myself.

I commit also to investigate when I am really 'tired' as the physical so I can support it with a rest - but not over resting and connecting this to Mind Systems

I´ll continue

Día # 56 -- taking things personal

This is a continuation from the blog post number 52


This Character that Analize Everything - So deep in my Mind


Ok, next paragraph


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think I am wrong in relation to living the way I live, seeing myself as weird and thinking that others are right in saying me that I have to change my life and do the same exact things others do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the back-chat: 'What if others are right and I am not living as I have to live' and so within this defining myself and the way I live and so entering to the game of comparing myself to others, feeling less than and so hiding myself, evading people due to the fears of critics and them making me feel weird, creating the manifested consequence that is me suppressing/retracting myself from others and within situations where I can express myself as the way I am without fears and thoughts and emotions that can sabotage the way I am.

I realise see and understand that I am not - as life - different to other people: I am a different expression and I don´t have to be as others to feel more than or less than. Is not a rule that people has to be equals as the mind. I stop defining myself as the mind and I live and express here as me in every moment of every breath.

When and as I see myself going into that mind state where I compare my life to others where I feel and give value and importance to the opinions of others and so feeling different- I stop, I breathe, I bring myself back here. I express myself here as life. I stop me from following ideas, feelings, emotions. That´s not what I am

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in fears of being seen as ridicule, as different as weird.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and feel I am different from others - participating in the polarity games of the mind as 'they are better than me and I am less than them' and the other way around - thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel better due not being as the people.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to diminish myself cause I haven´t lived the same things as others have lived.

I see realise and understand that this ideas, situations and events that I have lived or not lived does not give me more value and importance.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel angry when people thinks that my mom is the one that keeps me in the house and so making me see as someone that is forced to do things that I don´t want.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel angry and to feel the necessity to defend my mom and to say them that they are not right.

I realise see and understand that I am taking things personal and these ideas and perceptions are not about me is about them.

When and as I see myself taking things personal I breathe and I stop. I stand clear within and as myself and I stabilize myself here.
I stabilize myself within and as the presence of myself and I stop me as the mind.
.
I can assist others by making them see - not making as a force - but sharing that this points of views are not about me cause they are just giving importance and value to the mind perspective.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to follow/give value and importance / and participate in the mind perspective where I go to this character that gets offended and takes thinks personal.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take things, to take words and laughs at others in relation to my way of life as personal.

I see, realise and understand that is not about me is about their fears, ideas, perceptions, prejudices etc.


I´ll continue

Day # 54 -- Self-Commitments

This is the continuation from my Previous blog:

day# 53 - Giving Credit and Value to the Mind

I commit myself to stop giving Credit and Value to the Mind and also the Power to be my Directive Principal within and as me and so creating more energetic dimensions/movements inside me that makes me separate me from myself and others.

I commit myself to approach me and others in equality and oneness - stopping me from using the mind when I approach others as myself and so within this creating more separation and abuse due to defining people and approaching me and others based on my mind acceptances and allowances.

I commit myself to treat people as if they were me and so I commit myself to be this Guardian/ this Custodian that is in the Presence of Myself; in Equality and Oneness as me, here in every breath I take, every time I am speaking, ¡seeing! Life.
So, I can stop being this automatic Robot that is giving everything for granted, believing that I have to give my power away to other mechanisms - as my mind - when I am moving myself in the Physical and within this 'me' as Life is only there - inside this den created by my acceptance and allowances - waiting and being taken where the mind wants.

I commit myself to be My Directive Principle and Starting Point. I commit myself to walk within and as the Principle of what is best for All.

I commit myself to stop pleasing others and so stopping betraying and sacrificing Life due to be accepted and allowed within the World System that is based on surviving and doing things in spite of others and spite of myself, where the only thing we are living for is for Energy ( as Money ) and this is the thing that makes us forget we are Equal.

I commit myself to assist others to find solutions where we stop killing others, abusing others as ourselves to get something that has to be Given in Equality and Oneness.

I commit myself to step out of this Mind-den and so be Here as the Presence of Myself in Every Action I take.

I commit myself to Stop comparing me to the mind and so Nullifying me towards it and stepping forward, so the mind can make the things that I am supposed to do - Here in the Presence of Myself as Life.

I commit myself - as I said - to be this Life-Custodian that is Always here in the Presence of Myself in Every breath I take and so, stop believing that I am an Experience within this life.

I commit myself to Investigate Everything that comes from the Mind and so walk every dimension in writing my self-forgiveness, self-commitments and self-corrective actions.

When and as I see myself approaching others - like for example when I know new people, when I am talking with my mom, family, my dogs, talking to people in the web - I am going to be here in the presence of myself to observe back-chats, emotions, feelings, characters that are to be created due to that situations - and I stop reactions, and those systems - I don´t give value and credit - I only 'take them in consideration' to bring them here in my writing, in my Self-forgiveness applications and then I let them go - I breathe, I stop myself as the mind - I am here as the Presence of myself in this Journey to Life.

I commit myself to stop me as my mind in every breath, and I observe me in every moment I do.

I commit myself to stop placing me as above, or below anyone. I realise, see and understand that we are Equal and one so - Why I feel fear? Why I feel envy? Why I feel less than others. I am here as others in the same place, in the same ground walking - simply different expressions of me as mirrors that I have to embrace as life-gifts to investigate more dimensions of myself until I am clear.
So I stop taking things personally and so letting my mind to take me to the 'System Arenas' where I am going to participate in emotions, feelings, ideas, perceptions that are created by my own egos and so separating me from Life more and more.

When and as I see myself defining me as fat, as ugly as dumb - as different from the rest and so Defining other people according to those words I receive from others - the words I imprinted in myself to allow abuse within me and so at the same time with others - Because I realise, see and understand that due to not Stopping them in the moment they are still here and not only abusing me individually but also to other people - so this abuse is Existing by my allowance and acceptances. I realise, see and understand that is Why I have to stand as Self-Responsability and stop this within me.
So, I breathe, I approach to others as myself in clarity - I stop my mind as back.chats, emotions, feelings and I am here with others within and as the Presence of Myself at every moment. Present. Here.

I commit myself to stop desires and wants to change me as something according to my mind egos, according what I have given value and credit as the Mind.
I commit myself to Accept Me in equality and Oneness and to See me without definitions, categories, words of separation.

I commit myself to care for my body in equality and oneness - not giving value to the appearance based in images of magazines, of desires and wants to be as other people that I define better as me - no! I Stand as self-care and I commit to investigate and nurture my body with Physical Substance and Matter that is here to sustain my Body as the Physical - the same with physical movement.

I commit myself to stop attaching to food credit and value according to the mind as emotions, feelings, needs, desires - so I can Be clear to investigate within Common sense the food that is here to sustain my body as the Physical only.

I commit myself to stop believing that my Life is an Experience. Is not.
I commit myself to stop giving credit and value to my past experiences and so defining myself according to this - I stop my mind-relationship with the mind in relation to the past. I let my past here. And I commit myself to stop any reactions, feelings, resistances towards my past. I am not my past.
I am here, I am in the Presence of myself here; clear, Making a Commitment to Start Clear from this. I forgive myself from that and I commit myself to follow ahead - looking back only to assist myself.

Day # 53 --- Giving Credit and Value to the Mind

This Blog is a continuation from yesterday Blog: 

Day # 52 -- This Character that Analyse Everything - " So deep in my Mind"

So - I am taking the first paragraph I wrote: in that paragraph I wrote points in relation to how I define myself, how different people within my life has reacted to me and my life the same way I have reacted to my life and myself., my relationship with people my back-ground so to speak within this. 
I remind me as alone, as shy and as fearful of giving myself to others due to this 'complex' of being fat; having a different body and a different way to approach people and life. I mean, -- as my program infused from my family is = serious, as I have shared I don´t like saying 'bad words' ( as I was thought as that), I search to be honest with people, clear, without 2 sides, compassionate, careful, sometimes very talkative and childish - I distract myself a lot due to wanting to play within serious environments. And well, these are some characters and personalities I have created and expressions that I have limited, killed within myself due to being harmed, due to being ridiculed and being isolated. 

Ok, this points are the result/the consequence of me defining myself and separating myself. Not accepting myself and nullifying me.

As If i continue nullyfing me, negating me, comparing and resisting being who I am without fear I will Live this and also I´ll find people that will going to reflect this towards me; rejections, critics, mockery.


The base of all these has created this personality - and more that I am going to walk in here - as the Pleasing Others Character - and so leaving ME aside and so Nullifying  me.



Self - Forgiveness


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel and defining myself as different from the rest of the people cause I believed, accepted and allowed definitions within and as myself that other people within my past - in my childhood years -  used to call me to make fun of me, to make me feel less than them and so be accepted by the society as a way to protect themselves and to be part of the system without realizing this words of separation was not about me, was about them, their acceptances, allowances the way they define themselves and others through the mind - so me  due to not knowing if this was  true or false I accepted it as normal within and as myself and I gave 'credit and value' to the words, to the approach of others towards me and so I created this dimension within and as myself as separation where I like unfolded from me and  I created a separate manifestation of me that was seeing me as a 'viewer' and so being part of the people that was offending me - so within this I began being part of the others as this separation and abuse - placing me within and as a 'den'  inside my mind - so nullifying me as who I am - and this created the Personality as Jessie and the being that was inside in that 'den' was holding to this desire, want and need to close it´s eyes and to stop watching what was I due to giving credit and value to others as giving value and credit to the external - to the mind - instead of being here, as the presence of myself - seeing me and communicating this I was experiencing and happening within and as myself as to receive assistance and support to establish more self-trust

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to really believe that I was the definitions others gave me and I didn´t wanted to find out if I was them or not - all I was seeing was  me through the eyes of other people and so giving them credit to them as a belief that this was my 'cross' within this life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel different cause I was fat, due to this inequality and lack of acceptance towards fat people, believing that if I was not thin and pretty I was not worthy.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define me within polarities as pretty and ugly and so giving value and credit to this words in separation of myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect  the word ugly to sadness, to isolation, to ideas of belonging in that categories and so connecting the word pretty as something I wanted to be and reach, so to be more accepted within and by my classmates and so live in peace without this constant abuse as bullying I receive of others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself  to participate in  needs/wants and desires to turn myself in a pretty girl or being more thin to be accepted and allowed by others in my past - and now in this moments to be accepted by myself so I can like forget all this abuse and bad moments and experiences of my past.

I realise that the consequence I accepted through giving value and so  not letting all that experiences in my past is living now as my own warden/abusive person that is constantly and continuously criticizing and defining every thing I do under the same images, ideas and perceptions that others have of me.
I mean now I am those boys and girls that in my past were calling me by names and with ugly words.
And no only to me - but I am as them towards others. 

I see, realise and understand that the people in my world as my classmates  and friends was the reflection of this creation - this 'Me' as a Personality that was as this warden keeping me away from standing and taking Responsability for myself and so communicating also what was happening - So this ward was like offering me to the nets of the system preferring to stay silent than to Stand as Self-Trust and as Self- esteem to Stop this abuse I was accepting and allowing due to giving credit and value to others.

I see, realise and understand how due to the fears we have to be alone we accept and allow -within our childhood years at the school or when we are knowing other people - to sacrifice life and to separate life from within us due to be part of something and so denying who we are as Life. 

I commit myself to look for this being that is locked inside me and to ask it Forgiveness so that We can stand here as Self-Trust and Self-esteem and so realising, accepting and allowing to live the capacity I have and I am as Life.

I commit myself to cut this relationship within and as my past to Remain Clear here and so to walk free from those memories I used to bring to here as myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give value and credit to abuse and to words that are created to separate  me from myself as Life; so, giving more value and credit to systems that what are here as me as life.
I also forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use/manipulate/abuse substance - the physical substance as words to abuse myself - giving value to ideas, perceptions, definitions of the people and of me that are programmed within and as me and not investigated within self-honesty to realise, see and understand how I am accepting abuse within and as myself.

I realise, see and understand the consequences I have created due to this acceptances and allowances that are the creations of more dimensions where I have limited myself as self-expression and I have approached me to others based in my past-experiences, believing, thinking and feeling that all the people are the same and that I have to protect myself from people and to be careful of being me cause in some way, in some moment people can harm and betray.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to approach people due to my experiences of the past.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not approach people within and as oneness and equality due to perceptions, ideas, fears I have imprinted, and I have programmed within myself due to past experiences I had with people.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that my life - that me as life is an experience - I am not an experience.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe, to create the idea and perception within and as myself that people is bad/good, that I have to take care of people, protect of people and to measure my words and actions towards them due to fears of what they will think and perceive about me - I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear myself and thus, I forgive  myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my own fear that is people.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be seen as crazy by other people and so being left alone, without people, isolated  and so I have preferred to be seen as normal  

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect being normal with being accepted and being abnormal with being isolated from the human race - I realise, see and understand that I don´t know what is normal/abnormal. This words are just mind interpretations and polarities.


I commit myself to stop defining myself according to the past: where I commit myself to approach every life - people, me, everything - within and as oneness and equality and not based in past experiences and in relation with images of my mind

I commit myself to stand clear of images, of past experiences, of memories. So I can live Here as the Presence of myself without resemblances of what I am as my Mind.


i´ll continue

Day # 51 -- Digging and Digging in the Mind/Mind Digger

This is a continuation of my 3 last blogs that I did:

* Feeling Disappointed
* Preferences
* Symptoms, Starting Point, Fears

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create and feed scenarios within and as myself when I get sick, or when I feel a pain within myself - going to my mind where I build up possibilities where I see myself with something that I can stop; like a bad illness and making back-chats as 'What if I get sick of this and that', 'What if I die'. 'what I would do if I get sick or If I live that experience, and then I create that energetic movements within and as myself that are the results of those fears that I have created due to going to my mind to 'move' things there -like 'digging' and digging - I realise, see and understand how I distract myself and I entertain myself with acting in my mind.
I see realise and understand this pattern of going into my mind for 'recreation'. Instead of being here within and as myself in and as the Physical. Being here as self-attention. And so stopping this relation with my mind due to believes and ideas that the mind as my thoughts and imaginations are like this 'best friend' that never is going to abandon me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create this Curious Character that participates in imaginations/mind-possibilities and where I create questions and where I recreate myself like entertaining me as the mind to not face and embrace me as the Physical.

I commit myself to stop my participation within and as my mind and I bring myself back here where I am Present of Everything that is here. I see, realise and understand that in my mind there´s not anything that I can do to be better. In the mind I am only a slave..like an employee of the mind; that is accepting and allowing the system as it is by thinking and believing - that that is everything that exists - and there´s no other way.

I commit myself to stop my thoughts, feelings and emotions and in imagining myself in scenarios that are fucking within me - I am fucking with myself in going to the mind to do that.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed in myself that pattern/behaviour where I go to the mind to entertain me due to my acceptance and allowance of beliefs, ideas, perceptions that my reality has not value, is not interesting and so, that´s why I prefer to be in the mind - cause there I am what I want to be, what I need to be - but I haven´t considered how my reality is passing by and I am not taking responsability and standing up here.
I realise, see and understand that in my mind I can do everything yes, but I cannot Live there. I haven´t consider that Life is here as the Physical Reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a relationship within my mind where I prefer to be there than here as my Physical.

I am here in the Physical - I am not my mind.

I commit myself to stop my mind-dimensions to Live here in the Physical. I recognize since I was little I believed that my mind was the best place where I can hide and protect myself due to not wanting to see my reality as it is due to perceive it as 'ugly/hostile/bad'.

I commit myself to follow uncovering this here in the writtings, with Self-Forgiveness and my Self Corrections to Stop this dimensions and so Stand here in the Physical so I can Live and see what entails to be alive and so to stop this relationships and links I place between my mind and me.

Yes, I am my mind - but I give it the power and the direction to guide me and so I decided, accepted and allowed to become a Mind Consciousness System.

So, when and as I see myself going into my mind to search for answers, to create more questions that are only distracting myself from me as the Physical Presence - I stop, I breathe and I bring my participation here.
When and as I see myself going into my mind as a way to entertain me/ as a intent of cutting and hiding me from what is here as me - I stop that resistance, I Breathe, I place myself here as myself. I place in the ground, I place myself as the presence of myself in where I am in as the earth and I bring my attention to myself. - I go out of my mind. I continue walking here, I continue facing myself and unrevealing me here.



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Day # 50 -- Feeling Disappointed towards myself

This is a continuation of:

* Preferences
* Symptoms, Starting Point, Fears

*dis·ap·point:
To fail to satisfy the hope, desire, or expectation of.
2. To frustrate or thwart:

1. to fail to meet the expectations, hopes, desires, or standards of; let down
2. to prevent the fulfilment of (a plan, intention, etc.); frustrate; thwart.

Reading through the first post I made within this series - I read the word 'Disappointment' - in relation to feeling as that in observing me within and as this process and my stand within this process - I mean Where I am within all.
Back-chatting - saying to myself that I have a lot of opportunities within my day and I don´t 'catch' them = Regret and Haste.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel disappointed about myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see me as a failure within as my life due to not having the life I want for myself.
I realise, see and understand that this comes within and as the habit and pattern of Comparision - comparing me to the system/other people; to the laws and regulations of society that is imprinted in everyone and so - I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive me and my life as something 'out of the norms' within what a person/a women at my age should do, act and perform at this stage of her life.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to create a character upon egos from the mind - upon being directed by my mind that feels inadequate.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be defined by the mind consciousness systems and so be directed by them to feel, perceive me, to see me as only a program that has to follow something, that has to fit a 'thing' that I believe is the 'thing' - to which I give value and attention. I am not a mind C. System.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within an emotional and energetic reactions such as disappointment within and as myself that separates me from what I am in fact as Life and so limiting myself to express myself in the physical and to move myself within and as this system to assist and support me as life and not as a mind system.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I need a sign from the external reality to have trust within myself - to walk as Self-trust.
I realise, see and understand that I have to Stand as self-trust, self-commitment, self -discipline; do that for me - so not waiting for a sign or needing something or someone to give me what I require.
I am here and I am capable of assessing what I require to be here - to support myself and to continue walking as I have within and as this process.

I forgive myself that I haven´t accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand that my full-capacity as Life is not here cause I am giving power to feelings, emotions, thoughts, back-chats = Mind Systems - Instead of me moving Me as the Physical, in the physical and so being the Capacity; the Full capacity for moving, for doing.

So when and as I see myself going into that emotional state of feeling disappointed or sad or something Like that that Is Separating me from Me as the Full capacity to be here, to move, to complete my day, to breathe, to assist and support me - I stop, I breathe; I bring myself back here to the Physical and I stand as my self-direction, as my self-support and assistance and I continue walking - communicating accordingly with all that are here also walking their process to also receive and give support.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into this self-defeated character and also to this self-victimization character that only waits for attention and for others to come and pick up the pieces of me - as a way of manipulating myself and others and in fact not doing anything in my reality due to just needing and wanting for others to rescue me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think that I can´t do things at my fullest potential due to fears and to beliefs of tiredness or by ideas that I need more time and more strength within and as myself

When and as I see myself going into that state of mind - thinking, feeling that I can´t do it - I stop, I breathe, I Place myself here in the Presence of myself and I move myself to do it - maybe I won´t do it at the fist breath; but I am learning through that until I do it at the full potential - all this under the Principles of What is best for All; so I can also find solutions and ways to be the Solution for myself and for others in equality and oneness

So, I stop myself from feeling, thinking and so, waiting in that state of mind/mind-dimension.
I stand and I break/walk through those dimensions to stand clear and to walk here as Me - as what I really am.


I'll continue