Seeing the results of my will to get what I want its and obsession. Not a bad one, but I am really enjoying the way I am evolving in this daily rutine I am making, my body its happy; I can see it happy cause I can get through the work out and not like in my teen years where it was very heavy for me to reach some posture; specially in yoga. Its so great ! My body is responding and I see the changes!
I am revealing the secrets of the universe lol! Its the way I feel it.
Yes, the first step in myself its the idea, getting the will to make it real, live that energy, be that energy and manifest it - and the special ingredient is Enjoying all you do!
I was watching these videos,..my homeopaths know this guy that do conferences about helping people to achieve their goals and they are doing live-youtube-conferences and they are free so I was able to watch them and I am learning a lot. Today they said that Happiness its evolution. Making things that makes you happy leads you to ENJOY all that you do so you no matter what, so you stop feelings, thoughts and emotions around it.
Also no judgements at all - cause judging its a justification. I was surprised yes, cause not only Desteni says this, everyone does and I see that succesful people do this and they are getting and achieving great things and I want that also ! I want to be better every day.
So....What I am doing?
I am doing what I never did. Enjoying things and instead of distracting myself in sad feelings and emotions, judgements about the things I did in the past that sometimes hunts me I decided to move myself and to do something different.
Its awsome I ´ve stopped secong thoughts about standing and getting my work-.out done. I am enjoying cause i am seeing the results and everyday i see me in the mirror I see a new me :D
I wanna be better each day and achieve the goals I have in my mind, or anything that my souls wants without any limits like I had in my past.
I see that I am my worst enemy, i am the one sabotaging myself everytime, feeling I don´t deserve things, saying myself that I am evil and that sort of things and I don´t want that anymore ¬¬°
I want to be everything...a dancer, an actress, a designer, a genius, a mother, a father, a friend, an sculptor, a painter, a writer .... lol :)
Limits are in my head....
Today I started my rutine/schedule of waking up - although I didnpt wake up very very early - to clean the house, to eat, to see what must be done in my house and then I chillled about an hour and I start doing my work-out. I indeed began to have fun when I do my rutine of excercises. They really hurt but I want to trascend comfort zones and I push myseld to the limit indeed. I see myself getting better everyday. Also all these its a way to clean my head of bad thoughts and feelings. Its a therapy for me.
I am in a competition with me, only with me. Focusing in others makes me participate in bad thoughts and abuse for me and for others. I tend to feel bad with me due to being at this stage in my life and not having an stable job, a house for my own, my dreams all accomplished. But I do enjoy my life. Its cool, I want to have more things and have more places to go to have fun and to know more people ...oh so many things.... :)
I also realised today that when everything seems as lost something come up and make me see that life never leaves me and if life doesn´t give up on me, I won´t do it.
My life in this moment is rutinary cause I have to take care of my money while I find a new job. But this week seems its going to be very useful for me and very fun with the people I love - here in my city or far away.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel the need to give up due to hearing to the back-chats in my head that says thay its very late for me and to achieve great things. I realise, see and understand that its never too late and I am learing to be better every day and I with the only one I have to compare my life with its with me, with anyone else cause this its my process and I cannot live what others has to live.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel sad and depressed due to not observing changes in my life the way I want to see them but I see, realise and understand that it is gradual and it has to be with me moving myself in this reality to see and observe how my world changes.
I forgive myself and accepting and allowing myself to give up when something its not the way I want. I have to see, realise and understand that things take time and everything will come.
I compromise myself to stop bad habits within myself
I compromise myself to stop participating in thoughts, feelings and emotions that are not assisting me in any way to stand and to move myself from my comfort zones
I am really happy being here and I indeed want to change.
It has been a process of standing and falling but every stage I have had made me stronger. And this is it. I have to do it now cause I see the things I am missing and the person I can be.
I fall again into this same pattern of feeling depressed due to many things happening in my life. I lost another job, and I felt very sad due to loosing again a good assistance for me while I was searching to have better opportunities in my life...I will leave it here cause I don´t want to again do the same I do like complaining or feeling stupid and judging myself.
Within this months I have been learning how to stand again, and now from zero. I really had these days where I didn´t had money to eat and I don´t want to continue like it anymore.
I try to think and think, analyze and analyze why the money has not being "benevolent" with me lol, but I have been seeing my behaviour in the last years and well, yes I was very very resisting to make a change and to make an effort to be a difference due to observing the same bullshit in my life and in the world. I was feeling tired of fighting and fighting., but I have realized that I am doing this only for me, I am not saying I don´t care about others but I have been doing everything since outside to the inside...
Well. I have learned I am a fighter and I will continue fighting and stopping these consequences I have been creating in my life where I ended up abusing myself accepting limitations.
When I decided to stopped myself assiting me everything stopped as well. No jobs, no money, not even people that wanted to buy me the knitted stuff I make. So interesting indeed.
But I started doing things different. I started with a simple thing. Just something different and that was moving myself, making a routine. I hate routines. I didn´t like them, but I have observed everyone should have one. Everyone that is succesfull has a routine/schedule, a way to order things in their life and they are consistent and they follow their own rules. Rules implemented by them to stablish things in their reality. So I did it. I started to make a routine of excercises and I have been moving myself within this 3 weeks and I feel different indeed. I have started with a little effort and now I don´t feel its an effort, I feel it as an enjoyment to be better and to change.
So...yeah, its a pattern in me....I don´t finish many of the things I start, I am not disciplined. and due to that I feel awful, I am very very hard on myself and I continuously say myself negative things, but I don´t want that anymore.
So again...lol...I am standing and falling ...I hate that ! but I am here and my life has to change now. It is now or now cause really my life has been a mess.
