I have been stable within my relation with this friend. We still comunicate each other and I have stopped some of the reactions and behaviours I had in these days where I participated in anxiousness if I didn´t had contact with him through the day.
I also have to control myself--I mean, be stable cause I don´t want to participate in energy and to be involved that behaviours again - feeling anxious and those sort of things, Like I said I am enjoying this "thing" - lol - I call it like that cause is something that is not defined by me. I like that and at the same time I get confused.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get confused by the relation/comunication I have with U. due to base it in expectations and in examples of other relationships I have seen in movies, with friends/family etc.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/desire to have a more close relationship with him that of course can be based in energy cause I want to experiment those emotions and feelings -within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel good by the energy rush I feel when he writes me the things I wanna hear and the things I like to read and so I can imagine myself completing those dreams/desires/wants I expect to have if I have a relationship. I realise, see and understand this is based in energy and is not based in self-honesty and in a way to support myself.
The part that I don´t like - like I said - is the part the he doesn´t invites me to go out, but I can observe that it´s also based in my definitions.
In deed I am enjoying and assisting myself with this experience - in knowing myself in my reactions and how I participate with him and that´s why I don´t want to rush anything.
So, well, I am stable in this part of my life - lol.
I don´t wanna be involved in energetic experiences.
Like the title of my blog participate in a relation and turn myself in a sheep and feed the systems in myself.
I want to build and agreement with someone like I have been doing it with myself within this process.
In other things - well, I am still without a job, I feel anxious for that due to money. I need to support my house and family ( mom, dogs and cats ) and also I wanna do things I stopped and I have never done due to fears and due to that limiting myself and justificate the fear I have to live my life and stand up and experience things with the decisions I made - of assisting and supporting this journey, my process, being in some way an activist - because yes, I realise that I have been denying things to myself due to fears and I create justifications.
So I am going to investigate more and more and stand within those limitations and fears and so express myself and live the things I have denied - of course with self-responsability and self-honesty!
Thanks for reading!