Not liking to receive, not liking to Give...and...not liking to Give and so not Receiving.
This words came up within and as myself investigating more about this physical consequence of the bronchial asthma I have.
I see myself receiving things without resistance and when is my turn to give I breath deep and I like of shorten my breath - I still see here a lot of self-interest within myself and resistances to forgive and forget past events in my life.
I am walking my relationship with my mom in my Spanish blog and today I came here to do it in English. I have realised the way I define the relationship I have with my mom and the way I define me within this relation. Is all about my perceptions and ideas and past events that I haven´t released within myself - with her and others.
Today I was very uncomfortable with this illness that I caused within myself - fear of dying and also the other polarity of wanting/desiring to having a break and giving a final blow of breath in all of these and so giving up again. Seeing me in that path of going/hiding or continuing here to support myself like I have decided to do. But, I see that I always take the easy way-out of things and so I am here and well, I am standing and not hearing my mind this time and although it seems like everything is collapsing and I am facing me for the very first time - and is not a 'good...or 'bad' face...but is a face I haven´t seen in my whole life. LOl - is always about fear in my life -- specially in compromising myself with me and with others...within this then I feel guilt and I feel sad and those are the feelings I don´t want to feel and due to knowing myself - as the mind - I prefer also isolating ...
Ok, so I am here again - cleaning me as a house - making a deep clean within and as myself and stand.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel resistance within and as changing myself due to holding in this back-chat that "is more easy to continue as I am than moving things that I have under the carpet - saying "those things as secrets are there for something, who I am to move that?" - "this is not going to help me" - " I am not changing" - "I fall and I don´t correct myself even if I write a bible of Self-Forgiveness" - "I am like this and I am not going to change so easy".
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in emotional energetic movements so I can fuel this victim character I have created - Instead of moving myself to do it, instead of whining and making a fuss out of everything - standing as the Presence of Myself in Every breath and so stopping me from over-analizing everything as the mind without considering the physical reality as myself here.
I realise this is a Pre-programmed system infused within myself from one of my parents - which I know is my father! and So, So, is not who I am. Is a pre-programmed system inside me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define me as the mind C, systems, to give it attention and value and to think and feel I am this mind and I can control it - I realise that I want to control it in separation of myself and not taming me and directing myself in the simplicity in every breath.
So, I realise that I am being again hard towards myself wanting/desiring to see a 'great' change to believe in me and so giving value to all, limiting myself as self-expression.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be as the ego of the mind and participate in spitefulness within and as myself and so with all and everyone within my environment.
A back-chat:
"Why is everything in this world so difficult"/"Why this world was created"/"those that created this 'life' didn´t have anything else to do than fucking people" and now ME has to solve everything...¬¬°
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to follow my back-chats so I can deliberately 'wash my hands' out of my responsibilities and compromises I have with myself and with others and using this words as excuses and as a way to hide and whining instead of standing and walking through this mind-demons pre-programmed inside myself and fuelled by me within and as this participation/attention I give to them.
I have a Choice in every moment of my breath - being here as myself to walk what´s Best for All in Every Action, word and deed.
So, who is going to decide me or my mind.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel a resistance/movement inside myself when I read this words in relation to choices and being responsable and all - due to not having self-trust and really being here in oneness and equality within and as myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel this nastiness with all related to correcting and changing one self.
I stop me as this emotions and feelings - I realise and see this is not me - is my mind resisting/making me resist - so distracting myself from what I really am.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in whining and in exaggerations Instead of closing my mouth and moving me as and in the physical to do and make the things I have to do to built my life within and as the foundations of what is Best for All.
I commit myself to unvoice me as my Mind - So the one that talks and expresses a word can be Me as who I am in Every Moment of Every breath.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take the easy path within and as myself that is the mind - loosing me and separating me as the mind - Instead of being Here. Standing with Everything and All that is me Here in every moment of each breath.
I commit myself to Stop being childish as desires/wants of the mind to hide and play around - Instead of compromising with and as me as Life.
I commit myself to Be responsible - to stop me as illusions in my mind.
I commit myself to establish myself efficiently in this world-system to continue supporting myself in the physical reality.
When and as I see myself participating in resistance, in mind chatting and in nastiness - I stop, I direct myself - I breath and I take me back here as me within and as my physicality. This is what I am - the physical, my breath, my body. I am here.
My mind is not me. I stop the relation with my mind. I embrace it and I transcend it
ok, I´ll be continuing with the first point of wanting everything for me and so, not Giving what I Receive - cause I see that point of wanting others to Give me - I was a princess in my other life or what? Well, a Rotten Child I was...LOL
ok, I´ll be walking more and more
Ok, here I continue with the past blog that was:
" I want to Craft Character"
Yesterday I had time to made some crafts - and well, I observe more dimensions here - as for example the positive energetic reactions I have when I am doing them - I realise in having this reactions as Positive energetic sensations as polarities I am not here in the moment of my physical movements and I am not here present in every moment as the process I am walking to get the craft done.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel good/ to feel I am 'doing something important within my life/with my day/ with the moments I am doing the crafts and I participate in the back-chat of " I want to do this all my life" within this not giving importance to the reality that is here as me, to the other responsibilities I have to complete within and as me, only by being there as an energetic possessed character that only sees what I doing here as self-interest participating in desires/wants to not being bothered with other mundane points as when my mom says to me "Search for a job in the web instead of being there just wasting my time' or 'those things don´t generate money do something that generates money'.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to distract myself within a point that is feeding my self-interest and using an activity to distract myself and to feed my mind - Instead of doing it without energetic dependencies - Just Me here in Every breath.
Let´s say "Free" to Enjoy Myself in every breath with no other suppressions and points of postponement. I mean - when I have all the things done - the priority ones completed I can do the things I have as extracurricular points....
Here I am not saying that I rush in the other things to have time for me to feel free and do what I want - no - and also I am not defining my tasks within a polarity of fun and not fun, or the things I like and the ones I don´t.
So; I commit myself to walk all the things I have here in my reality within and as Self-Responsability and Self-attention and also stop Moving myself in a rush so I can 'clean my hands' of the ones I have to do first so I can be 'free' to do the others I like more...
So Here, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define things/activities/tasks/things that I do for others as less important and within and as the things I do for me I feel and experience myself as free, as like If I am doing something for me .
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect the activities I do for others as something I am not doing it for me - Instead if Being here as me in every activity and realising that everything Here is ME! and I am all that is here - One and equal to myself.
When and as I see myself separating me from the activities I do - I stop, I breathe and I Embrace everything I do as myself and I do them with that Consideration, Self-responsability.
So Here I Realise, see and Accept that Everything is here - I stop Separating me as Individual from all the things I do, from all the things I walk as the physical - Nothing is a separated point. Everything is here and so, I realise, see and understand that every thing I do is a part of me and so, my mind is the one that is making a difference and a separation making me believe that I am a separate individual that is alien to this world and reality.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am a separated matter from all the things/persons/activities/tasks I do here in my reality and in world and so accepting and allowing that my mind constantly and continuously tells me that I am special, or that I am giving my job as a gift and so thinking that anyone is going to appreciate it..
The other Point I see here is that I place in me a Defence Mechanism and that I am 'Alert' as the mind - participating in that character that is "If this and then this".
Instead of moving myself unconditionally and genuine in every moment.
Ok, the next point I´ll be walking this - the point that unfolds from all this - the point of thinking and feeling that I am Giving my work - as free - making my job for free expecting an award if is not of people - of Life. An Award from Life - ' a good person character' --wow! a lot of dimensions here LOL!
ok, I´ll continue.!!
Within these days I have been feeling this energetic movement inside me of doing crafts.
In these moments I want to make something to decorate my house.
I enjoy doing crafts with my hands but the moving force is Energy - I get excited, I rush and I tend to not enjoy me in the moment here, and while I am doing them I am in other place in my mind....
So, here I´ll walk this Character.
FEAR DIMENSION
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in fears in relation of not having time to do the craft I wish to do - Instead of being here stopping energetic reactions and emotions/feelings in relation to time.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that something - as another situation/task/compromise gets in the way so that I cannot do the craft I wish to do in the moment - Instead of stopping me as the fear dimension so I can eliminate more character creations in the moment. I Stop, I breathe and I continue doing my physical activity
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that the moment that I can do the craft is already late. - I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear time.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear others as my mom/grandmother to bother me and ask me 'What I am doing?' while I am doing the craft/activity - in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be scolded by my mother/grandmother due to me moving things in the house/decorating a place in the way they don´t like.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in fears of something getting in my way to criticize me or to make me feel weird/so grown-up to do the craft/activity and also fears of others telling me that I better do something else that requires more importance - I realise, see and understand that this is not real - is the mind creating energetic reactions as fears to so feed itself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel fears and to participate in emotions and feelings of not having time to do it and also fearing that in the mean time that I am doing a craft something else important may need attention from me - In this - I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect doing crafts with fears.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect doing crafts with the fear of being out of time.
When and as I see myself participating in fears due to not having time ( time is my trigger point ) in every situation that I am in - I breathe, I place myself here in the Presence of myself and I see, realise and understand that time as the mind does not exists - is only a conglomeration of moments here as breath.
I am here as breath within and as myself - Breathing in and out - there are moments. a lot moments as breaths.
I see, realise and understand that as breaths I am Constant - there are many breaths in Life - no beginning - no end - Breath is here as me.
So, When and as I see myself fearing time within and as my day - I stop, I Breathe.
When and as I see myself while doing crafts fearing that my mom will come to say me that why I am doing that/criticizing and reacting to my decorations and crafts I want to place in my house - Instead of reacting also, I stop me from going into a reaction towards here: like taking it personal or feeling sad and angry - I breathe and I stop me as Energy. I continue placed in the physical as Me - Stopping energetic movements inside me and I continue expressing myself and enjoying me in the moment
So, I commit myself to stop the Fear dimension within and as myself in the moment I see me going to that realms and scenarios in my mind - So I can stop me here from Giving Life and attention to the attempt of the mind to take me to create more dimensions and so separating myself more of here as the Presence of Myself.
I don´t longer accept to be a Servant for the mind - I commit myself to Stand as the Directive Principle here in each moment of breath.
I commit myself to manage my time and as a Practical and Workable Solution to myself so I can stop mind perceptions of not having time to Live in my life.
THOUGHT DIMENSION
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I will not have time and to see myself doing the craft in a rush cause I didn´t managed my time efficiently and so stopping myself to do the craft or other activity that surges in the moment.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in thoughts of me doing the craft and also feeling tiredness and stopping myself due to images of me scolding myself and saying I have more important things to do and so connecting making a pause within my compromises and other tasks and home-works as a distraction that is bad and based in self-interest - so seeing me that I am being irresponsible.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that my mom will discover what I am doing and she will get mad and she will tell me 'Don´t place that decoration on the house - i don´t like it' so taking this as a point to stop myself from expressing myself in this activity.
I see, realise and understand that the force within and as myself is the mind - I depend on a though to tell me and to let me do the things I have to do and so I depend on a though to validate my decisions and my physical movements as expressions.
When and as I see myself going in to the pre-programmed mind movement of going to a thought to so wait for a validation or like the 'push I needed to move myself and do it - I stop, I breathe and I place myself here as the presence of myself and I do the things I have to do without depending on others to do them
I see, realise and understand that the Physical Movement as Expression is moving and so Do it.
Also here - I see that I may observe my priorities in my day - realise that the desire that makes me go to do the craft is a self-interest if I have other things to do; not based in importance as polarities but as a way to complete in order other compromises I have or 'making a pause' during my day within the tasks I have to do and Express myself doing a craft, going out to walk, drawing etc.
The Desire as a Force to Stand and let the task/activity/home-work that I am doing due to making what is best for All - is Self-Interest.
Me as an Expression - of making a craft or an activity to enjoy myself has to be based in Simplicity.
Ok so doing a recap --> While making the Craft participating in energy - as I said directed by that desire to make something I want now in spite of other thing I have to do
ok, so - I´ll be continuing this
REACTION DIMENSION
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in a reaction when I see I have to do things in the moment I don´t want - and so participating in postponement - such as feeling and experiencing myself heavy physically and dragging my feet to the place I have to do the thing I have to do and complete
Instead of Moving Myself Physically and getting myself to do it in the breath and so stopping me as reactions and physical movements that shows my behaviour within a negative energetic movement.
I realise, see and understand that this reactions are created by me as the mind since the first point of thinking instead of Moving myself to do in in the moment of the emergence of the task, the point, the home-work etc. - a physical movement
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create and to establish within my body; my physicality a reaction that makes me go into limitation and Energy as polarities such as negativity, neutrality, positivity - so ; I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect the physical movement within and as an energetic reaction such as negative, neutral, and positive.
I see, realise and understand how the 'Force' in Me is Dependant on Energy and not dependant as What I am as this Physical Movement in Simplicity as Life - I mean, just moving me in the moment, as the breath; one breath in/breath out=Done. The force has to be that Movement in the Moment not thinking and not waiting to the thought to activate as like I am following orders - orders from the mind.
I see, realise and Understand that I am the Force as the mind that makes me Move and that´s why I participate and I go within all the parts of the Character Creation.
When and as I see myself participating in the reaction - if I am here in this phase already - I stop, I breathe and I move myself within and as my physical to complete the things I have to do in the moment
I commit myself to Stand since the very beginning of the character creation with and as the Self-Responsability of realising the consequence of all this Lack of Direction in Every Breath.
When and as I see myself going into the Postponement character - with going first to the fears and thoughts - I stop, I breathe, I stand here having in consideration that If I don´t Direct Myself in the Moment I´ll let my mind to move myself.
I commit myself to Stop here, to stand here and So stopping me from this waiting Character; the one that says: 'Only this One Time' and so sabotaging myself in a Moment of change
Check the Life Review of "Only this One Time".
I haven´t writing within these days and I feel very bad 'cause I have accepted self-sabotage with thoughts and back-chats of postponing this due to the excuse that I haven´t had enough time to do this writtings.
'I am tired at the end of my day' and I don´t reach to do all the things I have to do.
Ok, I am going to walk these points here.
FEAR DIMENSION:
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within the system of fear of the future; feeling fear of not being able to do this and to let my mind to win this and I fail within my commitment of walking this Journey to Life blogs.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within the fear of not having enough time within my day to complete this point of writing my blog at the end of the day or at the beginning of it.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being let aside and to be delayed within this journey in comparison to others.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be fearful about the events and situations that I don´t complete in time cause I know that is an abuse towards me and others I realise, see and understand I use deliberately this as an abuse towards myself - instead of stopping me as fears, emotions and feelings and stand as self-stability and self-trust and self-security to stop my deliberate creations as abuse within my mind.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be fearful about if I don´t change others and me can suffer or something.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be able to stand efficiently and be let aside and pushed by my mind so I cannot stand again from this any more - within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that it will be more difficult in the future to stand from this points and others if I don´t walk them in the moment.
I see realise and understand that all my fears are mind programming within myself and has nothing to do with reality and my physical journey.
I see realise and understand that I accept and allow self-sabotage due to giving value and importance to the mind and it systems so that´s why I follow and create excuses - giving the mind the 'authority' to guide me within my life and all I do within my day.
I see realise and understand I create excuses to not face myself and to continue evading situations and points within myself and so creating more dimensions as the mind - as I realised in previous blogs - accumulating dimensions and dimensions.
I commit myself to walk within the moment the self-correction and so standing and walking through my MCS so I can stop this deliberate abuse as time loops.
When and as I see myself participating in fears in relation to not being able to come here and write my blog I stop, I breathe and I stand from this system in Moving myself to do things in the physical. I mean not postponing things and so creating more 'mind-background' to allow more abuse.
I commit myself to stop myself as finding excuses to not being able to come and write and so also in not having time.
When and as I see myself participating in fears of the consequences in the future I stop, I breathe and I Stabilize myself here as the Presence of me and as common sense. I am here, walking and standing.
"essentially - we're all walking this together within different positions/locations in existence and process - Marduk explained in one of his interviews the different positionings/locations of each one in existence and so one's point to walk in process for self and for all - thus, don't look at it as first or last, but each one taking/standing their point to walk in relation to where all are in their process in existence" - Sunette Spies
THOUGHT DIMENSION
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see me within the world - within this position I am in the journey to life as let aside and not being able to be at the same stage/location as others - I realise see and understand that I am participating within the comparison system.
I see, realise and understand the stupidity of these cause I am here within this moment and in seeing me as first of last is an abuse and yes, an 'stupidity'
In this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge me always based in comparisons and giving importance to the image/thought in my mind that others are more aware/developed as me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see me as less developed and aware and others because I have been I have not came here to write in the last days to due giving my power away to the mind and finding excuses to postpone this task/this commitment I do to myself
I commit myself to stop me as thoughts and to Embrace all of them to investigate and apply the self-forgiveness accordingly and so assisting and supporting myself to walk this Journey to Life.
I see, realise and understand also that in complicating all in my mind and over-analysing everything I tend to stop myself as making a pause due to this pattern of listening to the mind and so I postpone things
So, When and as I see myself letting my thoughts to influence me from Standing as a Practical Living Example to Myself - I stop, I breathe and I Stabilize myself here as the Presence of me.
I jump of my bed, I walk, I stand from the chair, I cuddle my cats or my dogs - I breathe - and I stand as me here and I do the things I Enjoy doing.
I see Here that is so easy for me as my mind to control me and to remove me from the things I enjoy doing cause I give more importance to postponment, to tiredness, to the programs inside me.
I stop, and I commit myself to continue walking!!
IMAGINATION DIMENSION
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in imaginations as me doing something else that don´t imply a hugh resistance within myself as the mind for example watching a movie, laying in my bed, seeing in the internet the things I want to see.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in my mind as imagination where I see myself writing my blog, or knitting or cleaning the house - as If I am walking it in the real time and so feeling a nastiness and a where I participate in negative and positive emotions and feelings to validate and feed that imagination episode and so sabotaging myself and letting my mind to kind of saving me from moving myself and so believing that I can do it in other moment.
Here; I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in self-interest cause I give more importance to ME as my mind and not to the things that are here to complete and to walk to do What is Best for All.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to first in my imagination walk ME in mind episodes as a way of analize and consider the amount of resistance and physical movement I have to take and so - letting Me as the mind to convince me that is Better to wait and to let things for another moment so I can Stay there as Postponement and so feed my MCS.
When and as I see myself going to my imagination Dimension - I breathe, I stop myself and I move myself in the Physical - jumping or walking and standing to move me here in the physical so I can see that those systems are real in the moment I let them to move me as the physical and in the physical reality.
I realise, see and understand that in that moments/time that I am busy participating and giving space to the thought in my mind and this making me go to the imagination process stage I could be Standing and Moving and taking the tools to complete and Do something in my Physical Reality - like taking my computer; moving my hands to write and to post my blog/like taking my hook and began crocheting/or to take the broom and the mop to clean.
I commit myself to Stop me as the Imagination Dimension - to Stop me since the fear dimension - since the Beginning So I can Move myself and Walk here as the Physical, with my Physical to Assist and Support me
"I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place
WANT, DESIRE as ENERGY before
RESPONSIBILITY as LIVING within me and my world" --Sunette Spies
@Journey to life.
BACK-CHAT DIMENSION
"Oh, I don´t have time to do this right now", "I´m tired; I do a lot of things", "I do it tomorrow", "nothing happens if I let this for tomorrow"
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to come into this stage as the back-chat dimension within and as myself and to create the back-chat: "OH!, I don´t have enough time to do this right now" and so I go into the excuses and justification background where I try to convince myself that this is true, that I deserve a moment for resting and so, I can let things for tomorrow.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create me as the Postponement Character since the first dimension as fear, then the thought, imagination come here to feed my mind and to participate in energy - so entertaining me as mind with energy instead of standing since the first moment as Breath within and as myself and so moving physically and taking my computer and placing my hands in the way I can type and write my blog.
I forgive myself that I haven´t accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand that for me is more easy to build mind dimensions as stories - as fantasies, illusions - so Energy!!! than moving myself in the Physical to do the things I have to do and so stopping me from making excuses and justifications -- creating since this another Character that is the 'Victimization Character'
I see, realise and understand with this the domino effect that i create since Giving Away My Power to the mind - that is the creation of more Characters and more dimensions.
When and as I see myself participating in the Mind-Creator-of-Characters when I am in deliberate action designing more Monsters/Demons within and as the belief that I am this - and so I am the assistance of my mind - like the workers within this World System that deliberately are creating more abuse and making the system huge instead of Stopping and Realising we can Stop and we can Stand since the First Moment.
I´ll continue with the next dimensions
For Further Support Read:
Character Dimensions – IMAGINATION Dimension (Part 2): DAY 166
Character Dimensions – BACKCHAT Dimension (Part 3): DAY 169
I was reading the Blog Post in the Heaven´s Journey to Life "Character Dimensions-Thought Dimensions Day 164" and I observed that I have to write more about this character in me - I am making a parenthesis from my last blogs due to observing that this part within and as me needs clarifications so that I can move efficiently from now on forward.
I felt regret by getting out of my last job - I get very anxious due to my recurrent respiratory problems which was an indicator of not stopping efficiently my mind as emotions and feelings - all this related to postponements within my life
¡Argh! Well, no regrets and I am here commiting myself to unreveal this dimension within me.
I have been searching for jobs and anyone has appeared; I am in the polarity of not worrying and worrying - cause I know I´ll find one and in the other hand I need to get one now; so I can support me within my life and my immediate responsibilities that are my cats; well, I think of them in the first place cause they don´t have any fault in me accepting and being like the way I am accepting and allowing to be and because they are dependant on me and so to Money and so to the food I can buy with that money...
So, I have this plan in my head. I see that wanting to 'survive' doing art and knitting is not based in common sense and doing what is best for all; doing what is best for me : just self-interest and suppressions.
So, I am in the quest for a job and completing my studies. Here I have doubts as continuing with Graphic Design or Homoeopathy which I am attracted to; but it will show in the way...
This is something I am grateful for to the Desteni I Process and walking this blogs daily - I have been standing slowly but surely from this characters and stopping time loops and consequences so; I am really letting aside this behaviours of letting things to accumulate and I walk through them in the moment.
Within this days I have seen myself within doing my assignments and tasks - participating in my mind with needs, pictures and thoughts of doing another things first and postponing; letting things for a better moment. So, I have been breathing through this a lot!!! haha
I realised that I have been disciplined - which is something that I considered/believed/thought was not programmed in me. LOL! I see, realise and understand now you can Live without the mind.
So, as I say I have a long way to walk and being here at my house has been a great assistance in moving myself with no other 'Force' - as like other one telling me what to do. I mean, yes, my mom ask me for help but I have seen I have to move and complete things and stop postponing cause the Physical Reality is not going to fix alone LOL; So I have seen that I am missing in this Reality as Life! So I push myself to move and well, I am not willing to continue resisting and suppressing me and my reality!!
So, as I say this Character needs to be more worked and walked.
And these Journey To Life Blogs, the Creation Journey to Life, Earth´s Journey to Life ! and many others!!!!! has been a great assistance to see that I can and is Possible! Yes! :-)
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate and follow the thoughts as images in my mind when I do tasks here at my house/when I know I have to do things in order to support me in my life; such as cleaning my room, cleaning the house, walking with my dogs, doing my assignments and the tasks I have compromised to do in the moment that says me that the things I am about to do are boring and so, influencing me to them later/postpone.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define the things I have to complete in the moment in which there is a compromise entailed as boring, not important - saying and entailing here that the things in and as my mind are more important.
So this connects to the points that I have been walking in the last blogs - where I give value and importance to my mind than Moving myself as the Physical. Being here as the Physical taking Responsability for My Actual Living in this Reality/in my environment.
"This is an example of where the “Force” will step in as the Mind as ourselves, as we’ve as ENERGY/Consciousness manifested ourselves with ‘self/energy serving protection/defence mechanisms’ that any opportunity that would bring forth a Self-realization/awareness / Physical Stability/Living will immediately be resisted, as what we have done/become throughout our Lives is always SERVING ENERGY/the Mind as Consciousness instead of ourselves, the physical body and so this Physical Existence as a whole. And so, we’ve become energy consumers, serving energy – instead of physical living beings, taking responsibility for our actual living in this world/reality"--Sunette Spies in the Heaven´s Journey to Life Day 163
So I Forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define things according to mind polarities such as fun/boring - I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define/perceive/see cleaning my house as Boring or as Fun - I realise, see and understand that here again I am placing value and importance to the mind - and I am allowing and accepting separation within and as me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let the thoughts - one single thought - move me from here as my Physical Reality, defining my participation here and so being influenced by that thought and moving myself to feed my mind as energy - I see, realise and understand that I am giving my power away to the mind in letting me being moved by the unconscious mind/thoughts and not Moved by what it is here as the physical reality
I forgive myself that I haven´t accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand that I move myself only if my mind tell me so, and If the physical as Life tells me to Move as what is best for All life I stop and I think in self-interest.
There - I see, realise and understand that in the mind we are sacrificing Life, betraying Life, giving Power to the Mind -- thinking before acting - so; defending ourselves as self-interest.
When and as I see myself when being infront of an activity within and as my physical reality and I observe that me as my Mind is Resisting and so I start creating/participating in thoughts as images of me being somewhere else - I stop, I breathe and I Place myself here as the Presence of myself and I continue doing what I am doing - Breathing and Stabilizing here as myself/Supporting Myself in the mean time I am experiencing in the physical the manifested consequence as sleepiness, heaviness and resistance.
I breathe within and as this thoughts as Images - I embrace them as Me.
I see, realise and understand these are the mind mechanisms to Separate me from here as the Physical Reality.
So, I stop giving my Power Away to those Mind Consciousness Systems - I realise they are not what I am - they cannot influence me cause they are not real.
I commit myself to Stop me as my thoughts and to Walk here as Breath to assist me and support me in each moment.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be influenced by the mind and to perceive the MCS as more than me within the belief system that I don´t have power over my mind.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to postpone things due to following my mind as thoughts and images so - going there instead of Being Here - Present in Every Moment of Each Breath I take, Present in Every Physical Movement I take, Present in every task, in every activity I do here.
When and as I see myself defining my reality according to what my mind says - like for example; believing that my life is boring, that what I do is boring and so my mind then in continuation to this places a picture in my mind where I am resting/seeing a movie; Doing Nothing - I breathe, I place myself here. I touch myself; I stabilize myself in what I am doing and I continue working and doing my activities.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect a positive feeling with being in my bed resting watching television and so, Doing nothing.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place value within and as the physical experience of being in my bed, resting and doing nothing.
I see, realise, and understand this is nothing but Energy- the Force as the Mind Trying to obtain my Power.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place a value and an importance to being in my bed resting and feeling sad and angry if this experience goes away and so I want/need and desire to obtain more of this.
I realise, see and understand that me as the mind needs, desires, and wants to get more energy so the Mind can have control, power and Food - letting me as Life, as the Physical Body without resources to sustain.
When and as I see myself placing a positive value/negative value upon things according how the mind wants me to be and when and as myself perceive, think and define 'doing nothing ' as positive and nice and I feel that I am giving away to the experience of laying and doing nothing. I stop, I breathe, and I Place myself here as the presence of myself.
I commit also to investigate when I am really 'tired' as the physical so I can support it with a rest - but not over resting and connecting this to Mind Systems
I´ll continue
This is a continuation from the blog post number 52
This Character that Analize Everything - So deep in my Mind
Ok, next paragraph
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think I am wrong in relation to living the way I live, seeing myself as weird and thinking that others are right in saying me that I have to change my life and do the same exact things others do.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the back-chat: 'What if others are right and I am not living as I have to live' and so within this defining myself and the way I live and so entering to the game of comparing myself to others, feeling less than and so hiding myself, evading people due to the fears of critics and them making me feel weird, creating the manifested consequence that is me suppressing/retracting myself from others and within situations where I can express myself as the way I am without fears and thoughts and emotions that can sabotage the way I am.
I realise see and understand that I am not - as life - different to other people: I am a different expression and I don´t have to be as others to feel more than or less than. Is not a rule that people has to be equals as the mind. I stop defining myself as the mind and I live and express here as me in every moment of every breath.
When and as I see myself going into that mind state where I compare my life to others where I feel and give value and importance to the opinions of others and so feeling different- I stop, I breathe, I bring myself back here. I express myself here as life. I stop me from following ideas, feelings, emotions. That´s not what I am
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in fears of being seen as ridicule, as different as weird.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and feel I am different from others - participating in the polarity games of the mind as 'they are better than me and I am less than them' and the other way around - thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel better due not being as the people.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to diminish myself cause I haven´t lived the same things as others have lived.
I see realise and understand that this ideas, situations and events that I have lived or not lived does not give me more value and importance.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel angry when people thinks that my mom is the one that keeps me in the house and so making me see as someone that is forced to do things that I don´t want.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel angry and to feel the necessity to defend my mom and to say them that they are not right.
I realise see and understand that I am taking things personal and these ideas and perceptions are not about me is about them.
When and as I see myself taking things personal I breathe and I stop. I stand clear within and as myself and I stabilize myself here.
I stabilize myself within and as the presence of myself and I stop me as the mind.
.
I can assist others by making them see - not making as a force - but sharing that this points of views are not about me cause they are just giving importance and value to the mind perspective.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to follow/give value and importance / and participate in the mind perspective where I go to this character that gets offended and takes thinks personal.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take things, to take words and laughs at others in relation to my way of life as personal.
I see, realise and understand that is not about me is about their fears, ideas, perceptions, prejudices etc.
I´ll continue
Ok; I´ll be applying SF in the next paragraph I wrote in the previous blog
Day# 52 - This Character that Analyse everything - So deep in my Mind
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to question me, to question life, to question god, to question who ever is able to question; why I hadn´t had a boyfriend as everyone in this world?, to participate within the back-chat; Why my Relationships hadn´t evolved to a serious relationship? and within this, feeling and perceiving me as weird, as someone less than others due to being here within my life, thinking that I am alone because I don´t have a person of the opposite sex next to me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel less than, to experience shame and shyness when others realise I haven´t had a relationship as within the normal procedure of events in this world.
When and as I see myself participating in comparisons, in feeling awkward and different - perceiving and believing I am missing something in my life - I stop, I breathe and I direct myself in the physical - I realise, see and understand the way I have accepted and allowed myself to be in this world, due to my insecurities, being in my mind all the time has created consequences and I have to be with an agreement with me to be able to be in an agreement with someone else in equality and oneness as that is the way I know it should be to live in this world.
I commit myself to stand as me as life in an Agreement with Myself first and also to walk in and as an agreement with Everyone else; cause we are here to support ourselves as equals and with any separation or difference.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel different cause I don´t like and don´t feel attracted to follow the same conventional life rules procedures like in for example drinking and dancing in clubs and else - so, when I am in contact with people I feel ashamed and bizarre when I have to say and others see that I don´t participate in that.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect this events within a bad and good connotation and so feeling bad or good if I assist or don´t assist - So, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define me within and as the mind consciousness systems, with the rules, laws of the system.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hesitate from my stand within my principles and where I doubt and accept to be brainwashed by others just to be accepted and to be seen as normal and so separating me from myself due to pleasing others.
I commit myself to be loyal within and as my starting point and principles.
I commit myself to be loyal to what I am as Life - so not being influenced by feelings, emotions, images, perceptions, etc and so deifying the mind and sacrificing Life as myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be influenced by the mind as others in my world to let my expression aside so I could be accepted within and as this system as the rules, regulations and so going against of me as life just to fit in, just to evade discussions, fights, and being in peace, - not seen by others - being unnoticed, not making a big noise within others.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go against me just to be unnoticed by the system.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to follow, to be part of the system, to be part of a MCS just to be seen as normal; just to no be bullied by others, and so fitting in the system as someone else like the people that was here in my environment.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be influenced by the system in wanting to kill me as the expression of myself and to be born as a MCS to be seen as normal, to fit in this world.
I see, realise and understand how I betray Life, how I sell Life in Every Breath, due to preferring to be of the mind than of Life so I cannot be disturbed and shacked from my bubble as the mind.
I commit myself to be in the System but not Part of the System, where I can assist myself of the system to change the System to one that can Assist and Support Life - doing an inside job!
When and as I see myself feeling ashamed by who I am as Life, as the way I live in this world, no matter if that bothers and can be material for mockery for others - I realise that is not about me; is about them
I stand as me Here, I walk as Self-Expression where no difference, resistance, energetic movement is seen within myself so I can honour me as Life in every breath.
I commit myself to Walk this Agreement with myself and so Stand as Life in every breath.
