Day # 299 - Learning to say "no"

More patterns to change....another one that I have to do to clean all the mess I have done in my life it´s acting in the physical and learn to say "NO"  - specially to food...yeah food that it´s not supportive for me. I never had this tendency to take care of what I eat  and I grew up in a mexican family and my grandmother was a great cook so she always was preparing delicious food for me and my mom and we usually had family reunions at home on weekends so I had never had time to eat in a balanced way....I ate healthy but not balanced.

I began making diets and taking care of me but always the delicious food was flirting with me and I didn´t had the complete will to say "NO", until 2 or 3 years that I began investigating which food its better for me and now I am indeed more carefull and I had developed the will to say no - lol... I don´t want to make a diet because I want to eat everything I like but in a measured and balanced way also I am more connected with my body and I can observe when I abuse...like today that I am feeling very awful due to sugar...I have eated a lot of sugar this days, specially coke and ice-creams and I do observe that when I eat carbohydrates ans sugars I start feeling bad.

So, I am doing a complete change in my diet.   
yeah, that´s another thing I will change and saying no to the things I know that are making an abuse within me, like feelings, emotions, situations, people and start walking the correction path. That´s why I decided also to make the commitment of writting again, I also have observed that being in a group like Desteni, walking and living principles and being in a way connected and having goals and plans are the best way to change reality and I have seen it change and I want it to change cause I want to reach my goals. I want to live! that´s my desire, my passion, my goal - I want to LIVE!, to be aware of everything, to be part of all the things I enjoy and I enjoying me its the first step.   

I am grateful for the things and people I have in my life in these moments.  I will take care of them as I have done it all my life.   

Here...it arises a point that I want to explore more deeply - loosing people. It causes a big emptyness when I think in loosing people. So I will write more tomorrow about this. There are so many layers - one of them I was observing today was the fear of saying something that may sound weird or dumb to the other and so I go to the extremes and I see them making fun inside them and stop talking to me. 

ok, so...I will continue tomorrow. Really tired and dizzy. I just want to sleep 

Day # 58 -- More on Postponement Character

I haven´t writing within these days and I feel very bad 'cause I have accepted self-sabotage with thoughts and back-chats of postponing this due to the excuse that I haven´t had enough time to do this writtings.
'I am tired at the end of my day' and I don´t reach to do all the things I have to do.

Ok, I am going to walk these points here.


FEAR DIMENSION:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within the system of fear of the future; feeling fear of not being able to do this and to let my mind to win this and I fail within my commitment of walking this Journey to Life blogs.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within the fear of not having enough time within my day to complete this point of writing my blog at the end of the day or at the beginning of it.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being let aside and to be delayed within this journey in comparison to others.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be fearful about the events and situations that I don´t complete in time cause I know that is an abuse towards me and others I realise, see and understand I use deliberately this as an abuse towards myself - instead of stopping me as fears, emotions and feelings and stand as self-stability and self-trust and self-security to stop my deliberate creations as abuse within my mind.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be fearful about if I don´t change others and me can suffer or something.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be able to stand efficiently and be let aside and pushed by my mind so I cannot stand again from this any more - within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that it will be more difficult in the future to stand from this points and others if I don´t walk them in the moment.

I see realise and understand that all my fears are mind programming within myself and has nothing to do with reality and my physical journey.
I see realise and understand that I accept and allow self-sabotage due to giving value and importance to the mind and it systems so that´s why I follow and create excuses - giving the mind the 'authority' to guide me within my life and all I do within my day.
I see realise and understand I create excuses to not face myself and to continue evading situations and points within myself and so creating more dimensions as the mind - as I realised in previous blogs - accumulating dimensions and dimensions.

I commit myself to walk within the moment the self-correction and so standing and walking through my MCS so I can stop this deliberate abuse as time loops.

When and as I see myself participating in fears in relation to not being able to come here and write my blog I stop, I breathe and I stand from this system in Moving myself to do things in the physical. I mean not postponing things and so creating more 'mind-background' to allow more abuse.

I commit myself to stop myself as finding excuses to not being able to come and write and so also in not having time.

When and as I see myself participating in fears of the consequences in the future I stop, I breathe and I Stabilize myself here as the Presence of me and as common sense. I am here, walking and standing.


"essentially - we're all walking this together within different positions/locations in existence and process - Marduk explained in one of his interviews the different positionings/locations of each one in existence and so one's point to walk in process for self and for all - thus, don't look at it as first or last, but each one taking/standing their point to walk in relation to where all are in their process in existence" - Sunette Spies

THOUGHT DIMENSION

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see me within the world - within this position I am in the journey to life as let aside and not being able to be at the same stage/location as others - I realise see and understand that I am participating within the comparison system.
I see, realise and understand the stupidity of these cause I am here within this moment and in seeing me as first of last is an abuse and yes, an 'stupidity'
In this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge me always based in comparisons and giving importance to the image/thought in my mind that others are more aware/developed as me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see me as less developed and aware and others because I have been I have not came here to write in the last days to due giving my power away to the mind and finding excuses to postpone this task/this commitment I do to myself

I commit myself to stop me as thoughts and to Embrace all of them to investigate and apply the self-forgiveness accordingly and so assisting and supporting myself to walk this Journey to Life.

I see, realise and understand also that in complicating all in my mind and over-analysing everything I tend to stop myself as making a pause due to this pattern of listening to the mind and so I postpone things

So, When and as I see myself letting my thoughts to influence me from Standing as a Practical Living Example to Myself - I stop, I breathe and I Stabilize myself here as the Presence of me.
I jump of my bed, I walk, I stand from the chair, I cuddle my cats or my dogs - I breathe - and I stand as me here and I do the things I Enjoy doing.


I see Here that is so easy for me as my mind to control me and to remove me from the things I enjoy doing cause I give more importance to postponment, to tiredness, to the programs inside me.

I stop, and I commit myself to continue walking!!

IMAGINATION DIMENSION

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in imaginations as me doing something else that don´t imply a hugh resistance within myself as the mind for example watching a movie, laying in my bed, seeing in the internet the things I want to see.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in my mind as imagination where I see myself writing my blog, or knitting or cleaning the house - as If I am walking it in the real time and so feeling a nastiness and a where I participate in negative and positive emotions and feelings to validate and feed that imagination episode and so sabotaging myself and letting my mind to kind of saving me from moving myself and so believing that I can do it in other moment.
Here; I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in self-interest cause I give more importance to ME as my mind and not to the things that are here to complete and to walk to do What is Best for All.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to first in my imagination walk ME in mind episodes as a way of analize and consider the amount of resistance and physical movement I have to take and so - letting Me as the mind to convince me that is Better to wait and to let things for another moment so I can Stay there as Postponement and so feed my MCS.

When and as I see myself going to my imagination Dimension - I breathe, I stop myself and I move myself in the Physical - jumping or walking and standing to move me here in the physical so I can see that those systems are real in the moment I let them to move me as the physical and in the physical reality.

I realise, see and understand that in that moments/time that I am busy participating and giving space to the thought in my mind and this making me go to the imagination process stage I could be Standing and Moving and taking the tools to complete and Do something in my Physical Reality - like taking my computer; moving my hands to write and to post my blog/like taking my hook and began crocheting/or to take the broom and the mop to clean.

I commit myself to Stop me as the Imagination Dimension - to Stop me since the fear dimension - since the Beginning So I can Move myself and Walk here as the Physical, with my Physical to Assist and Support me

"I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place

WANT, DESIRE as ENERGY before

RESPONSIBILITY as LIVING within me and my world" --Sunette Spies

@Journey to life.

BACK-CHAT DIMENSION

"Oh, I don´t have time to do this right now", "I´m tired; I do a lot of things", "I do it tomorrow", "nothing happens if I let this for tomorrow"


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to come into this stage as the back-chat dimension within and as myself and to create the back-chat: "OH!, I don´t have enough time to do this right now" and so I go into the excuses and justification background where I try to convince myself that this is true, that I deserve a moment for resting and so, I can let things for tomorrow.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create me as the Postponement Character since the first dimension as fear, then the thought, imagination come here to feed my mind and to participate in energy - so entertaining me as mind with energy instead of standing since the first moment as Breath within and as myself and so moving physically and taking my computer and placing my hands in the way I can type and write my blog.

I forgive myself that I haven´t accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand that for me is more easy to build mind dimensions as stories - as fantasies, illusions - so Energy!!! than moving myself in the Physical to do the things I have to do and so stopping me from making excuses and justifications -- creating since this another Character that is the 'Victimization Character'

I see, realise and understand with this the domino effect that i create since Giving Away My Power to the mind - that is the creation of more Characters and more dimensions.

When and as I see myself participating in the Mind-Creator-of-Characters when I am in deliberate action designing more Monsters/Demons within and as the belief that I am this - and so I am the assistance of my mind - like the workers within this World System that deliberately are creating more abuse and making the system huge instead of Stopping and Realising we can Stop and we can Stand since the First Moment.

I´ll continue with the next dimensions


For Further Support Read:

Character Dimensions – IMAGINATION Dimension (Part 2): DAY 166


Character Dimensions – BACKCHAT Dimension (Part 3): DAY 169

Day # 54 -- Self-Commitments

This is the continuation from my Previous blog:

day# 53 - Giving Credit and Value to the Mind

I commit myself to stop giving Credit and Value to the Mind and also the Power to be my Directive Principal within and as me and so creating more energetic dimensions/movements inside me that makes me separate me from myself and others.

I commit myself to approach me and others in equality and oneness - stopping me from using the mind when I approach others as myself and so within this creating more separation and abuse due to defining people and approaching me and others based on my mind acceptances and allowances.

I commit myself to treat people as if they were me and so I commit myself to be this Guardian/ this Custodian that is in the Presence of Myself; in Equality and Oneness as me, here in every breath I take, every time I am speaking, ¡seeing! Life.
So, I can stop being this automatic Robot that is giving everything for granted, believing that I have to give my power away to other mechanisms - as my mind - when I am moving myself in the Physical and within this 'me' as Life is only there - inside this den created by my acceptance and allowances - waiting and being taken where the mind wants.

I commit myself to be My Directive Principle and Starting Point. I commit myself to walk within and as the Principle of what is best for All.

I commit myself to stop pleasing others and so stopping betraying and sacrificing Life due to be accepted and allowed within the World System that is based on surviving and doing things in spite of others and spite of myself, where the only thing we are living for is for Energy ( as Money ) and this is the thing that makes us forget we are Equal.

I commit myself to assist others to find solutions where we stop killing others, abusing others as ourselves to get something that has to be Given in Equality and Oneness.

I commit myself to step out of this Mind-den and so be Here as the Presence of Myself in Every Action I take.

I commit myself to Stop comparing me to the mind and so Nullifying me towards it and stepping forward, so the mind can make the things that I am supposed to do - Here in the Presence of Myself as Life.

I commit myself - as I said - to be this Life-Custodian that is Always here in the Presence of Myself in Every breath I take and so, stop believing that I am an Experience within this life.

I commit myself to Investigate Everything that comes from the Mind and so walk every dimension in writing my self-forgiveness, self-commitments and self-corrective actions.

When and as I see myself approaching others - like for example when I know new people, when I am talking with my mom, family, my dogs, talking to people in the web - I am going to be here in the presence of myself to observe back-chats, emotions, feelings, characters that are to be created due to that situations - and I stop reactions, and those systems - I don´t give value and credit - I only 'take them in consideration' to bring them here in my writing, in my Self-forgiveness applications and then I let them go - I breathe, I stop myself as the mind - I am here as the Presence of myself in this Journey to Life.

I commit myself to stop me as my mind in every breath, and I observe me in every moment I do.

I commit myself to stop placing me as above, or below anyone. I realise, see and understand that we are Equal and one so - Why I feel fear? Why I feel envy? Why I feel less than others. I am here as others in the same place, in the same ground walking - simply different expressions of me as mirrors that I have to embrace as life-gifts to investigate more dimensions of myself until I am clear.
So I stop taking things personally and so letting my mind to take me to the 'System Arenas' where I am going to participate in emotions, feelings, ideas, perceptions that are created by my own egos and so separating me from Life more and more.

When and as I see myself defining me as fat, as ugly as dumb - as different from the rest and so Defining other people according to those words I receive from others - the words I imprinted in myself to allow abuse within me and so at the same time with others - Because I realise, see and understand that due to not Stopping them in the moment they are still here and not only abusing me individually but also to other people - so this abuse is Existing by my allowance and acceptances. I realise, see and understand that is Why I have to stand as Self-Responsability and stop this within me.
So, I breathe, I approach to others as myself in clarity - I stop my mind as back.chats, emotions, feelings and I am here with others within and as the Presence of Myself at every moment. Present. Here.

I commit myself to stop desires and wants to change me as something according to my mind egos, according what I have given value and credit as the Mind.
I commit myself to Accept Me in equality and Oneness and to See me without definitions, categories, words of separation.

I commit myself to care for my body in equality and oneness - not giving value to the appearance based in images of magazines, of desires and wants to be as other people that I define better as me - no! I Stand as self-care and I commit to investigate and nurture my body with Physical Substance and Matter that is here to sustain my Body as the Physical - the same with physical movement.

I commit myself to stop attaching to food credit and value according to the mind as emotions, feelings, needs, desires - so I can Be clear to investigate within Common sense the food that is here to sustain my body as the Physical only.

I commit myself to stop believing that my Life is an Experience. Is not.
I commit myself to stop giving credit and value to my past experiences and so defining myself according to this - I stop my mind-relationship with the mind in relation to the past. I let my past here. And I commit myself to stop any reactions, feelings, resistances towards my past. I am not my past.
I am here, I am in the Presence of myself here; clear, Making a Commitment to Start Clear from this. I forgive myself from that and I commit myself to follow ahead - looking back only to assist myself.

Día # 49 -- Preferences

Ok, so continuing with the post I did yesterday - and reading it again...the next post I will be taking again is in relation to anger/impatience/suppressions as I see them coming back again at me - not completely directed.

Ok - due to the sore throat I had I began with these fears in relation to getting sick of something worse due to not controlling this energy within me - as I have heard that many illness and diseases can be created if one does not stop this - as for example cancer or illness in the liver...I fear that a lot.

so, well, I ´ll be opening those points here. Is like, me controlling myself within the fear of not getting sick and so, creating here another character/dimension - doing the process since the starting point of fears - to avoid not getting sick or being worse, or a bad person...

ok, I´ll start

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in anger within and as my life when I see something as a threat to my mind - as something that is moving my belief of stability and comfort zone - like for example having to do things as cleaning the house of dog and cat poops.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that comfort zones exists within and as myself - where I can hide and suppress things so I can face them and work with them in the moment.
I realise, see and understand that beliefs are a point of self-interest, where I can make-up things to use it for my convenience and so not for What is Best for Everyone.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react with anger within and as the situation of having to do things as cleaning my pet´s wastes, clean the house - on my own - without 'the help' of others, participating in the back-chats
* 'If it wasn´t for me this house will be more dirty', and going to the dimension of imagination where I see me in a job or away from home and asking how my mom is going to take care of the house - in relation to cleaning - if I am not here. Not considering other points where my mom assist me and supports me without any reaction and preference.
I forgive myself that I haven´t accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that these reactions and energetic movements inside me are created/originated due to the self-interest I am still holding on to inside of me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react and get angry when I have to help with something and then I immediately create the back-chat 'and you? what are you doing?' that expose and DEMONstrate that I am still standing in self-interest grounds/arenas and I am not doing things since the Principle that is best of All within and as myself and within everyone in this reality that is me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel desperate and anxious when I see my life.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive and to see my life as a trigger point to feel fearful, desperate and anxious.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place value and importance over polarities, desires, ideas, images in my mind that are not the Physical Reality.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within an emotional experience of anger, desperation and anxiousness when I see my house cause I want/desire to have it 'clean'/in order'/impeccable' and due to my pets I can have it that way - I realise, see and understand the guilt I am portraying upon other beings cause I am not directing myself - I see the 'trouble' is in me, not in others.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have preferences over things within and as my life as myself - I realise, see and understand Everything that is here is me and Life has not preferences.
Preferences are not Part of what is best for All as Life.

So, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give power and value, and attention to self-interest/preferences/choices within and as myself - I realise, see and understand that me as life is not a choice - Is me standing as Oneness and Equality; I mean as the only choice that Exists here to Do and Create a better world/environment for me and for others.

So, When and as I see myself reacting and feeling angry, desperate and anxious in relation to how my life is - I stop, I breathe and I stop those energetic movements and systems inside me. These movements are not who I am.
The only movement that is here within and as me is my Physical Movement I am and Do within building myself and my environment within the Principle of What is Best for All - here.

The Movement I am as breath is Real - The Physical Movement I take when I write, when I correct myself as Breath. The Physical Movement I take to assist and support others within my reality is the Only Movement I am and I do.

I´ll continue....

Investigate: Desteni.org

Day # 47 -- Moving Slowly

I have been noticing like doing things very slow - yesterday I was cleaning  my house as I usually do and I began observing me; my physical movements very slow I wanted to move more quickly but I couldn´t - well, I didn´t fight against this. I am was working also with tthis 'pace' I have - I use to move myself quickly - I walk quickly, I do things in a rush - due to my impatience, my body get tight and sometimes - due to this rush, I let things fall, I distract and well, I sometimes don´t remember where I put things and sometimes I have catched myself for example - keeping the bread on the refrigerator and the milk in the cupboard - LOL!

And as I say I have been observing me in slow motion and I get angry/intolerant with and towards myself 'cause I want to move faster and do things faster.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel that I will not have time within and as my day to finish the things I have to do, due to participating in the mind imagining myself at the end of the day with nothing of my tasks and 'thinks I have to do'completed in time and  besides all having a 'time for myself'  to rest and is when I participate in back-chats as 'uff, I am not going to finish this in time', 'it´s a lot of work' and so establishing a physical consequence such as excitement, worry, desperation, I start sweating and I distract myself as the mind and I don´t do anything as the consequence I allow and create by thinking and creating all these time-loops and dimensions in my mind.

Instead of being here as the Physical and as the breath doing all the things I have to do in the 'presence of myself as myself here. 

Breath is the Pace of Life and within and as that Pace I am and I move myself and I get done what it has to be done.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in fears of loss - believing that I am going to lose things if I move slower than my mind and If I am here as the breath of life, imagining myself moving slow and not completing anything of the things I have to do and so feel pressured and overwhelmed participating in back-chats such as ¡Faster,faster; move faster, Jessie move faster! and so abusing my body making it moving faster, and so due to this my hands get tight and heavy and for example I can´type efficiently because I am running inside me and the consequence is creating more time-loops, indeed more time as the mind and yes, what I 'loose' is opportunities to stand as the breath and the presence of myself here as life - because all my attention and power I give it to the mind to direct me and to control me.

Instead of me being here within and as the physical; Aware of every movement/moment I am in the presence of the Physical body.

So, Whenever I see myself going to the mind as thoughts, emotions, feelings, perceptions, images  when doing a task, walking, cleaning, typing, reading - I stop, I breathe immediately and accordingly I place myself here as the presence of me as the physical and I become aware of me as everything that is here - all the material things are here as me - so I embrace them and I move me as them - at  the same 'pace'/rhythm.  

I realise, see and understand that me as my mind is moving erratically and so abusing the presence of myself here. The mind makes me participate in the illusion of time and within this in the fear of loss. Time does not exist within and as me.

So, if time doesn´t exist I am here to enjoy the presence of me and the presence of everything and everyone as myself within and as my life.

So, I realise, see and understand that everything within myself as life has a pace and has a space -  for example within over -sleeping I am abusing the pace of life there cause I am not taking in consideration that time for another activities I have to do - is abuse 'cause I am keeping and stealing ,,,,,

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to over-sleep due to feeling and thinking that I am loosing something that is 'mine' - I realise see and understand over-doing things is self-interest - I am exaggerating, I am abusing substance.

Everything  has a space/pace within and as myself.
So, I commit myself to investigate more this and to make a schedule also to place myself as the presence of myself within and as my day and so being me as the directive Principle and not the mind in illusions, perceptions, and ideas, thoughts.

...this will continue...

Day # 46 -- Ignoring life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to  react upon a photograph and comments that was shared in Facebook by a woman commenting and being disrespectful with animals such as dogs; wanting to adopt a brand dog instead of a dog rescued from the street saying that they were dirty and ugly, sharing the Facebook image and feeling angry against this person, going to her profile and participating in back-chats such as 'She is the ugly one' ; joining this with more feelings and emotions against her.
Instead of stopping as reactions within and as myself in the moment and so not sharing this image to create more chaos and polemic.
I realise, see and understand how I didn´t stand in the moment and I am still directed by emotions, feelings, thoughts, ideas and perceptions.

I realise, see and Understand I reacted upon her the same way she reacted/defined the dogs in adoption. 
I am the same as her - I am not a difference. 

When and  as I see myself seeing an image and reading a comment on Facebook, either it is as I define as Negative or Positive - I stop, I Breathe and I stand in the moment, in the Breath clear as  and within myself to stop the abuse here as myself instead of sharing/spreading the 'abuse-bugs' within and as others as myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react against people words, behaviours and patterns that are not the same as me - I realise this is based in self-interest and as ego´s from the mind - wanting and desiring others to think/act/be like me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the back-chat 'If the people were like me the world would be a better place, because I am not as others' - I realise, see and understand my self-interest there and how I feed it when I am infront people that are  not agree with me.

I commit myself to expose my self-interest/egos from the mind and so stopping them accordingly with the Writing, Self-Forgiveness and corrective applications in the moment when this situations occurs again until it not happens again within and as myself so I can stay and stand clear from all of this separations I have created here.

When and as I see myself reacting upon others wanting to impose my point of view that are just knowledge and information - I stop, I breathe; I bring myself back here to the physical, where I am standing infront of the other person with humbleness, communicating with him/her with self-honesty, - not trying to CON-vince but assisting them and sharing my realizations I have walked here in my process - so I and everyone can stand free and so, establish on earth a better space/world/environment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define situations, people, words, images, etc under the polarities such as 'Negative/Positive'. I realise, see and understand that those concepts are of the mind - is not what Life is. Life is not a polarity. I see that mind defines everything and from there my systems come and I define my life according to that information.

When and as I see myself seeing/approaching my life, my environment, other people in base of a mind-concept such as polarities - I stop, I stand as self-honesty and I bring myself back here in humbleness and I communicate with me and others based in the Presence of the Physical - based on the physical - being here as me as others - Because I see, realise and understand that I am others, others are me, we are reflections of the same self. We are one and equal.

I see, realise and understand that id everything is me here, Why I am fearful? Why I participate in self-interest? Why I am afraid of others if they are me?.

So, I see, realise and understand that If I react -  if there´s a moment inside me based on energy is because I haven´t investigated that point within myself - so, I am still one and equal to that separation.

So; I commit myself to follow investigating and unfolding characters/personalities/systems - exposing them here to set me free of that abuse the mind creates in the reality - in here.

I commit myself to show others and to assist others and ME to observe and see that the Mind is the thing inside us that creates madness in the physical as the reality. The mind as us is the one transforming our lives in a show, in a cartoon, in a character, in a side....in food for the mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel ashamed by not realising this yesterday - Or I better say not being self-Honest to Stand and Stop all this chaos within me and within others by my decision... so, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ignore the common sense/self-honesty due to preferring to feed the energy/ego that I believe I am, wanting to make myself visible within all the situation as to also attract the attention to me and my words - Instead of considering others and the abuse I was going to produce with my self as the cells, atoms, etc in my physical body and within others out there - innocent people and beings 'that receives all the trash we produce' as the mind. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ignore self-direction/self-honesty within myself just to 'play around' taking things as a game and not realising, seeing and understanding the consequences are real, and I am living them

When and as I see myself infront of an option that is not for What is best for all - I Stop, I breathe, I discern within and as myself taking in consideration everyone as me here to take that step.
I see, realise and understand we cannot follow ignoring life/common sense within ourselves because the consequences are showing out there and life is suffering, life as common sense , as self-honesty, as self-direction, as consideration is ceasing to exist here.

Related articles

• Day#38 -- The 'ashamed' Character
• Day # 44 - My Intolerant Character towards certain people
• Day#35 -- My Character as an Animal Rescuer. How I create alter-egos
• Day# 40 - My character of 'Cat Fanatic'

Day# 42 --Characters of my day

Well, yesterday when I was going to write my Internet go away - it unplugged - I participated for a little in 'fear of loss' , anxiety and impatience. I have worked with this points in previous blogs and now I can observe them come and stop them more effectively - I remember when I started in Desteni I became possessed by the anger 'cause the internet was not constant and I had to move from one space to another within my house. Now I breathe and I stand and I move to do another thing/activity.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in anger when the Internet signal goes away, being within and as the thought of me not writing my daily post entry and so getting anxious and back-chatting:
* 'what are others are going to say' - that I fail again'.
* I am behind others due to my Internet, I wish I had money to have my own service.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create/participate in back-chats that are sabotaging myself - within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed in me self-sabotage in the ways of thoughts, emotions, feelings, words in separation of myself, mind images of others in my head, back-chats, I realise see and understand that my mind do that as a defence-mechanism and is not what I am in fact. So, whenever I see myself hearing those back-chats and perceiving them as real I stop, I breathe, I realise me as the physical - as what is Real. And I continue walking and expressing myself here within and as the physical. 
So, I am here within and as myself in equality and oneness to  my physical - seeing/observing the situation with common sense and doing another thing that I have to do within my daily activities. Stopping myself as my thoughts, feelings and emotions and being here as Self-Movement, as a Practical being - one that doesn´t waits but acts within every situation based in What is best for me. In this case what is best for me is standing out of my mind and moving in to the next moment. Simple.

I forgive myself that I haven´t accepted and allowed myself to see/realise/understand that waiting in my mind is a waste of time cause I am just here as the mind complaining and else instead of enjoying self and acting in the moment. So things don´t Stop and I get things move  as Life that is in constant movement - as the breath. I realise the breath never stops - is constant. 

How it would be the breath of Life stopping 'cause the Internet goes? LOL


...

So,  I breathed and I continued doing things  - It was late and I saw the TV for a while. In the mean-time I was cuddling my cat and enjoying her. 

So, today I wake up and early and I started changing myself from the pijamas to another clothes - LOL - cause I had to go out  to make deliveries and my mom had to go to the doctor for her monthly reviews.

Every morning I check my cats and my dogs...specially what my 2 dogs that sleeps outside of my room make in the house at night.  So, I clean to poo´s and all.
In the past this event caused me a lot of resistance - "Why I have to clean these?" - "Why me?". 
So, also I have worked with these in the past and now I direct myself within these things and I move myself accordingly. My mom stills reacts and she gets tired, so I also do this for assist her. We have dogs and cats and is our responsibility now. Is funny cause my mom 'loves' them, but she reacts in tiredness and in resistances when she sees the mess they do. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react when I see what the dogs do in the night  - like poo´s outside the place where they 'have to'  ( some are 'educated' and do in the papers we put in the bathroom ) and so this is a trigger point that makes me go into desperation, anger and thoughts of me moving my physical to clean the mess.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to evade walking out of my room to see what my dogs did in the night which I have to clean and arrange.
Instead of being here, bringing my attention here,  moving myself within and as the physical to get this done  - to clean the house and all the mess - and so, establishing an environment that is an assistance for me and all that are living here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed my mind as back-chats as the voice that controls and directs everything I do in my life. Instead of being ME as life the Directive Principle within and as myself. I am the Voice that directs myself to move and to direct me as the physical Here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to complain and react, when I have to do things anyway - So I better do it and move myself here, without hesitations and reactions that make me waste time. I realise, see and understand that I am making more time-loops within and as resisting and thinking - Instead of Acting.
I will do It Anyway - so I do it here/now as the physical.

...

I deliver an order  near my mom´s doctor appointment and well, we completed that.
We arrived home and my mom shared with me the same point of reacting towards the dogs and the mess they do at home and I told her to start with SF and calming down, but well, she always react and says that is a lot of information.
I have also participated in reactions towards this cause I have shared this tools with her and she always turns around and find ways to evade the support. 
I have realized that I don´t have to force others and wait them for checking this information, so I breathe through this and open to assist if others ask me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel desperation towards my mom cause she doesn´t listen and wants and prefers meditations instead applying Desteni tools, so this makes me go in to anger cause she never do what I say and this leads me to get anxious and act within this character of the Mother trying to give the medicine to their childs while them don´t what it.
So, I realise, see and understand how I am forcing others to change when I have to apply myself within and as this process and share/assist when time comes.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to worry for my mother cause she doesn´t want to do the SF that I know will help her to stop all the systems she allow in herself, thinking that she will get ill and mad if she doesn´t direct her-self.
I realise/see and understand that worries are a separation and a mind system - so I stop worries and pre-occupations and mind-perceptions and imaginations.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into fears when I see my mom worrying and getting angry and being tired - participating in the fear of loss and so wanting/desiring - desperately - for her to apply this tools as if they were a miracle rescue that will 'save' her from that inner fear of me of loosing her. So, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to share desteni tools within and as the starting point of fears, desires and wants of saving others. 
I realise, see and understand that anyone can live the process of others and such a thing as 'saving' for real doesn´t exist and is born within and as mind-egos, fears and worries.

I stop myself within and as Mind Systems realising that they are pre-programmed part of my self and such as that I can direct them and be the directive principle understanding and realising that what I think and feel are based on fears and they are not real.

So I walk here as an assistance and support for myself and for others in result. Stopping loops and feeding the Mind Systems.
I stand as Common sense and as Practical Solutions and I walk as this within and as myself.

...
So, I arrived home and I started to check mails and Desteni info in Facebook and all.
Now; I am here writing and while I was writing my dogs began acting frenetically and started barking and barking - those things makes me anxious and I want them to shout at them. Specially when they bother my cats.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel desperate, anxious and angry when my dogs bark and act hysterically.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel impatience and anxiety while hearing my dogs bark - feeling desperate towards the scenario of looking them making a lot of noise.
Instead of being here within and as myself - within and as the barks also - in equality and oneness and stop reactions, feelings, emotions, thoughts,

Whenever I hear my dogs barking, I breathe, I calm myself down, I bring my participation here as the physical and I stop the  bark as trigger point within myself for releasing systems.
I stop releasing systems when I hear my dogs barking and I breathe and I direct them accordingly with a word or a movement.



Whenever I see myself reacting towards the activities I do daily I stop, I breathe and I move myself physically through the activities I have here in my reality with Practicality and stopping me as the Character that complains and participates in resistances - as physical tiredness and pain due to moving.
I am Constant, I am self-discipline and I walk through all this here within and as Breath.
Breath is a physical movement in simplicity and as that I move myself.

Day#35 -- My Character as an Animal Rescuer. How I create alter-egos

So, I have been observing this character within myself and is taking a step foward to work with it within these days ... hehe.
The article taking about Animal Fetishism and also this Dutch female artist that make toys and articles killing animals have been a trigger point within myself to participate in anger, sadness etc. I have written a lot of SF related to this and the day I read that article I end my day watching a movie that make me go into possession in relation to this points also.


Here I am sharing my Self-Forgiveness about all these....


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in anger and in sadness when I see within the media animal abuse where I feel this desire and wants of making to the abusers the same things they do to animals to make them see what they are doing.


I forgive myself that I haven´t accepted and allowed myself to see/realise and understand that I am equally responsible as the ones I define as 'the abuser' and I am also equal and one to them. I realize they are my alter-egos - I create them due to participating in mind polarities in placing myself as the protector as the rescuer so the opposite has to be created for me to have this systems in me.


So I commit myself to stop polarities within myself so I an stop creating 'alter-egos' within and as me in this world.


I forgive myself that I haven´t accepted and allowed myself to see/realise/understand that I cannot say a word 'cause I am responsible for the abuse caused outside in the world - is hypocritical that I place myself as a character that protects animal rights when I am accepting and allowing inequalities within me such as laziness, procrastination, anger. I realise that I am part of the problem and not part of the practical solution.


I forgive myself that I haven´t accepted and allowed myself I see/realise/understand that I create  this character that rescues animals based on fears and this needs and desires to protect - I realise that it would not be necessary to protect any one and anything living in a system that sees and take care for everyone within and as equality and oneness. The mind produces danger for everyone as life because it has polarities and back-doors, such as choices.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel anger towards the whole humanity for the abuse accepted and allowed towards animals, nature, human beings also without realising the way I participate in the same patterns and behaviours that feeds the system we have now so in creating this character that rescues animals I am just assisting the mind C. systems and not life as what Life really entails and it is - due to accepting and allowing these emotions and feelings that gives 'life' to this character without realising the reality but just realising the reality as the mind.


I forgive myself that I haven´t accepted and allowed myself to see/realise/understand the abuse I inflict on and towards life when I accept and allow to create a character that is supporting the Mind C. Systems as fears, needs, desires, insecurities.


I forgive myself that I haven´t accepted and allowed myself to see/realise/understand the dishonesties, the separation and the abuse I am creating by defining myself as this character that is against animal abuse and that is supporting animal rights without realising how I create this alter-egos that are acting - as in the movies - as the contrary part of myself and in such polarity I am feeding and supporting the abuse, the reality that I reject and resist. So I  realise I am not different I am equal and one with the abuser and so I am responsable.


So as Equally Responsible I commit myself to stop this polarity game as my Mind C. Systems and be here as my physical in the physical assisting and supporting myself with writing, self-forgiveness and corrective applications to stop this and all characters I have created by believing I am the mind


So, Me as Equally Responsible I stop within and as myself these characters - the bad and the good as myself so they can be a danger to Life.
I realise I establish situations of danger and the opposite which is the same line by participating in my mind


I commit myself to step-out this characters so I can honor life for real.


I commit myself to stop myself as the animal rescuer character that is not supporting common sense and equality and oneness.