Day# 42 --Characters of my day

Well, yesterday when I was going to write my Internet go away - it unplugged - I participated for a little in 'fear of loss' , anxiety and impatience. I have worked with this points in previous blogs and now I can observe them come and stop them more effectively - I remember when I started in Desteni I became possessed by the anger 'cause the internet was not constant and I had to move from one space to another within my house. Now I breathe and I stand and I move to do another thing/activity.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in anger when the Internet signal goes away, being within and as the thought of me not writing my daily post entry and so getting anxious and back-chatting:
* 'what are others are going to say' - that I fail again'.
* I am behind others due to my Internet, I wish I had money to have my own service.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create/participate in back-chats that are sabotaging myself - within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed in me self-sabotage in the ways of thoughts, emotions, feelings, words in separation of myself, mind images of others in my head, back-chats, I realise see and understand that my mind do that as a defence-mechanism and is not what I am in fact. So, whenever I see myself hearing those back-chats and perceiving them as real I stop, I breathe, I realise me as the physical - as what is Real. And I continue walking and expressing myself here within and as the physical. 
So, I am here within and as myself in equality and oneness to  my physical - seeing/observing the situation with common sense and doing another thing that I have to do within my daily activities. Stopping myself as my thoughts, feelings and emotions and being here as Self-Movement, as a Practical being - one that doesn´t waits but acts within every situation based in What is best for me. In this case what is best for me is standing out of my mind and moving in to the next moment. Simple.

I forgive myself that I haven´t accepted and allowed myself to see/realise/understand that waiting in my mind is a waste of time cause I am just here as the mind complaining and else instead of enjoying self and acting in the moment. So things don´t Stop and I get things move  as Life that is in constant movement - as the breath. I realise the breath never stops - is constant. 

How it would be the breath of Life stopping 'cause the Internet goes? LOL


...

So,  I breathed and I continued doing things  - It was late and I saw the TV for a while. In the mean-time I was cuddling my cat and enjoying her. 

So, today I wake up and early and I started changing myself from the pijamas to another clothes - LOL - cause I had to go out  to make deliveries and my mom had to go to the doctor for her monthly reviews.

Every morning I check my cats and my dogs...specially what my 2 dogs that sleeps outside of my room make in the house at night.  So, I clean to poo´s and all.
In the past this event caused me a lot of resistance - "Why I have to clean these?" - "Why me?". 
So, also I have worked with these in the past and now I direct myself within these things and I move myself accordingly. My mom stills reacts and she gets tired, so I also do this for assist her. We have dogs and cats and is our responsibility now. Is funny cause my mom 'loves' them, but she reacts in tiredness and in resistances when she sees the mess they do. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react when I see what the dogs do in the night  - like poo´s outside the place where they 'have to'  ( some are 'educated' and do in the papers we put in the bathroom ) and so this is a trigger point that makes me go into desperation, anger and thoughts of me moving my physical to clean the mess.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to evade walking out of my room to see what my dogs did in the night which I have to clean and arrange.
Instead of being here, bringing my attention here,  moving myself within and as the physical to get this done  - to clean the house and all the mess - and so, establishing an environment that is an assistance for me and all that are living here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed my mind as back-chats as the voice that controls and directs everything I do in my life. Instead of being ME as life the Directive Principle within and as myself. I am the Voice that directs myself to move and to direct me as the physical Here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to complain and react, when I have to do things anyway - So I better do it and move myself here, without hesitations and reactions that make me waste time. I realise, see and understand that I am making more time-loops within and as resisting and thinking - Instead of Acting.
I will do It Anyway - so I do it here/now as the physical.

...

I deliver an order  near my mom´s doctor appointment and well, we completed that.
We arrived home and my mom shared with me the same point of reacting towards the dogs and the mess they do at home and I told her to start with SF and calming down, but well, she always react and says that is a lot of information.
I have also participated in reactions towards this cause I have shared this tools with her and she always turns around and find ways to evade the support. 
I have realized that I don´t have to force others and wait them for checking this information, so I breathe through this and open to assist if others ask me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel desperation towards my mom cause she doesn´t listen and wants and prefers meditations instead applying Desteni tools, so this makes me go in to anger cause she never do what I say and this leads me to get anxious and act within this character of the Mother trying to give the medicine to their childs while them don´t what it.
So, I realise, see and understand how I am forcing others to change when I have to apply myself within and as this process and share/assist when time comes.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to worry for my mother cause she doesn´t want to do the SF that I know will help her to stop all the systems she allow in herself, thinking that she will get ill and mad if she doesn´t direct her-self.
I realise/see and understand that worries are a separation and a mind system - so I stop worries and pre-occupations and mind-perceptions and imaginations.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into fears when I see my mom worrying and getting angry and being tired - participating in the fear of loss and so wanting/desiring - desperately - for her to apply this tools as if they were a miracle rescue that will 'save' her from that inner fear of me of loosing her. So, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to share desteni tools within and as the starting point of fears, desires and wants of saving others. 
I realise, see and understand that anyone can live the process of others and such a thing as 'saving' for real doesn´t exist and is born within and as mind-egos, fears and worries.

I stop myself within and as Mind Systems realising that they are pre-programmed part of my self and such as that I can direct them and be the directive principle understanding and realising that what I think and feel are based on fears and they are not real.

So I walk here as an assistance and support for myself and for others in result. Stopping loops and feeding the Mind Systems.
I stand as Common sense and as Practical Solutions and I walk as this within and as myself.

...
So, I arrived home and I started to check mails and Desteni info in Facebook and all.
Now; I am here writing and while I was writing my dogs began acting frenetically and started barking and barking - those things makes me anxious and I want them to shout at them. Specially when they bother my cats.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel desperate, anxious and angry when my dogs bark and act hysterically.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel impatience and anxiety while hearing my dogs bark - feeling desperate towards the scenario of looking them making a lot of noise.
Instead of being here within and as myself - within and as the barks also - in equality and oneness and stop reactions, feelings, emotions, thoughts,

Whenever I hear my dogs barking, I breathe, I calm myself down, I bring my participation here as the physical and I stop the  bark as trigger point within myself for releasing systems.
I stop releasing systems when I hear my dogs barking and I breathe and I direct them accordingly with a word or a movement.



Whenever I see myself reacting towards the activities I do daily I stop, I breathe and I move myself physically through the activities I have here in my reality with Practicality and stopping me as the Character that complains and participates in resistances - as physical tiredness and pain due to moving.
I am Constant, I am self-discipline and I walk through all this here within and as Breath.
Breath is a physical movement in simplicity and as that I move myself.

Day 8 - Rushing in my Mind - Rushing in my Reality

Another pattern and behaviour I am creating within me and my Reality is Rushing; running within myself, and the physical consequences I have is that my nose starts constipating and my body tightens.

I have been grounding myself with the breath and while I knit I place within myself all that Energy movements to Embrace them and to Stop them with the Breath, This have been more, while I practice it, more 'easy' to do and to Correct myself.

I have manifested that Rush in my Reality; when I see my things, my room, my house - I think -- ¡oh no I have to this! I am delayed. I worry and I start fearing the consequences; anticipating in my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I am a thought.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that thoughts is who I am.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I am my patterns and behaviours and that I can´t stop them and change them.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that who I am is behaviours and patterns; also personalities; and that makes me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rush.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to run within myself to complete and to reach the image I have in my mind.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed in myself imaginary images of other people and experiences rushing me/making me run.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to follow images, words, pictures in my mind to influence my reality and what I really am.
I forgive myself that I haven´t accepted and allowed myself to stop rushing myself and to realize anyone and anything outside me is here doing what I am imagining. So I stop here, I breathe, I clear myself and I move myself in the physical to complete the things I have to do within Simplicity.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I am energy.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I need Energy to move myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that Energy exists.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that rush is linked to do things correctly.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if i don´t rush myself as others, as I have seen in the example of others that means I am not moving myself and being Responsible.

I have this image/memory in my mind of --principally the one that pop-up is a job-partner I had rushing me to go to make something quickly; he talked and moved as he were running/rushing and I was calmed and I began to walk but he was like 'Move yourself quickly'!! I saw the scenario and I saw I had 'time' to do it and that i didn´t had to rush to complete it, so said to him 'Calm everything is ok, I´ll go! I do it and done, anything happened.

Another memory is from my mom when she tells me to do something and she began rushing me; I am very calmed in my movements...or I was...LOL...but she gets very mad when people don´t move quickly and starts to get very nervous. She tells to me that I don´t move myself quickly and things has to be done quickly,--Ok! I get it, but depends in which circumstances right? lol..well, I feel like if I don´t rush as them - getting energetically crazy - I am not doing the things correctly.
Various people had reacted with my patience to to things - is funny how I have this personality of being impatience...LOL..is because I rush myself within my mind--and that is because I want to please others, not taking in consideration myself first.
And I go into my mind rushing myself thinking, believing that others will get mad at me if I don´t run..LOL..

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I have to change to please others.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place me as after others instead of being equal and one with me and so with others.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect rushing and running as a way to please other people, so when I am here calmed I perceive I am not doing anything worthily.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe and think that being calmed and breathing is a waste of time.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if others see me working I am worthy and doing things correctly.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rush to demonstrate to others that I am doing Something.

This doesn´t mean that I am going to 'relax' and to sit and do nothing. No! hehe but I will walk Breath by Breath to get things that has to be done in the moment - without rushing me, as that means an abuse and stopping beliefs and perceptions to please others and having in my mind the image of others.


When and as I see myself Rushing and running within myself to reach  the image that I see in myself where I contemplate others rushing. I stop, I breathe, I Clear myself and being attentive to my breath I walk one and equal with the activity I am doing, Until it is done. Here.

When and as I see myself rushing myself and starting to participate within my mind in perceptions and ideas. I stop, I breathe. I stop what I am doing for a moment to ground myself here and to Stand from that Energy-movement and I clear myself here as One and equal to the activity i am doing, without images, beliefs, pictures, memories of the past, present and also future. Stopping Anticipation and Grounding me here with Breath. Walking here as breath,
I walk here as breath.
I am breath
I am self-Movement.





Journey to Life Group in Facebook
Desteni I process - to Free yourself.

Day # 7 --- Addicted to emotions and feelings

Here I´ll be following with my patterns of over-sleeping as an addiction I created within myself. 
I am addicted to that comfort feeling my bed gives. 


I am trying to remember since when I became addicted to this feelings around being sleep. I remember when I was a child I wake up very early and I didn´t had this pattern of wanting to be more time in bed. 
Maybe it can be something linked to my school...I know is something about hiding; but I cant observe within my memories which situation within my life took me to create this addiction. 
Well, Is a process and I´ll find out, the thing now is that I want to stand from this pattern as a limitation point within my life, and not being the Directive Point within this and having the sleeping point as an assistance to my body; for my body to rest and just that. And not giving power and feeding my Mind C. Systems.

                                                                                 ***

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a relationship with and within my mind consciousness systems and defined myself as one and equal to the systems integrated within myself.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as a Mind C. System.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create an experience of desire and need of over-sleeping/staying more time in bed.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed being possessed by patterns and behaviours - in this case over-sleeping - and thinking and beLIEving that they are more powerful than me; thus I cannot stand from that and transcend that point.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a form of addiction to sleep by forming a relationship with my Mind C. Systems.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have sleep-patterns as a point where I can suppress and hide myself.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress and hide from my reality, instead of being here as the Directive Principle of my world and myself.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a relationship with Sleep within my mind that I use to suppress myself and to hide from myself and my reality.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel comfortable and safe while I am sleeping.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be addicted to the emotions of comfort that I feel when I am sleeping.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself with something outside of myself.


I forgive myself that I´ve accepted and allowed myself to believe that I need to sleep more than 6 hours to feel rested and to feel clear within my day.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the better time to wake up is when I don´t feel that pressure in my head.


I forgive myself that I haven´t accepted and allowed myself to take direction and Responsability of myself in waking up when I have to, not when my mind says so.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give my Power away and my direction to the mind.


I forgive myself to accept and allow letting the responsability of myself in other hands.


I forgive myself that I´ve accepted and allowed myself to abdicate Responsability and direction giving to others and to other things the power to direct me, instead of Directing me in Every moment of breath, here.


I forgive myself that I haven´t accepted and allowed myself as the directive Principle of my life.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive me as less than others to Direct me within my Life.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself  to hide from myself, suppress myself and so create a relationship as an addiction to something outside of myself.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the time when I go to sleep as a way to Suppress myself and hide from myself - evading myself to not take Self-Direction,Self-Responsability and be the Directive Principle of me and my life.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the time when I go to sleep as a way to forget about the experience of myself.


(¡surprising how this all links to the those points of Insecurities, fears and self-invalidations I am still accepting ...wow!)


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to forget the experience I have of myself; thus accepting and allowing self-invalidations, abuse and dishonesties and that´s why I create addictions to mind-systems to divert from standing and taking Responsability from myself and my world.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I am not worthy.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to treat me as non-worthy of being here.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live within my mind in past experiences where I as a child was diminished by others.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use those past experiences to abuse myself and to cause harm to myself, instead of bringing all that here as myself and start forgiving it more precisely.


I commit myself to stop  Relationships with my Mind C. Systems as a defence-mechanism to avoid facing myself. 
I commit myself to face myself in every moment of breath and stop fears and abuse within myself.


When and as I see myself experiencing a desire and a Need to participate within my addiction to sleep - better said - when I see myself desiring and needing to stay more in bed I realize is the mechanism I accepted and allowed within myself to suppress and hide from myself so, I breathe and I clear myself. I face myself and I Stop my fears and my desires to hide from my self. I stand and I direct myself in the physical.
I write out what I am experiencing to bring everything back here and apply the Self-forgiveness on that.


I commit myself to investigate more fondly where and when I accepted myself to hide from hiding from myself and to forget my experience of myself.


When and as I see myself diminishing within my mind - feeling less than, feeling non-worthy and wanting to evade myself from reality, I Breathe, I stop, I direct myself here to Stand and to face myself here and to be the Directive principle wthin my mind.


I am not afraid of being the Directive Principle of my life.


I commit myself to be and Stand as the the Directive Principle.




I commit myself to follow opening more layers of this point.

Day#2 Stopping the pattern of Invalidating Myself

Yesterday I realized that I am still hating myself - well, not only yesterday I observe this the only thing is that I didn´t wanted to face it for real and work with that, I was just suppressing myself and saying to myself that was not true and that I really, really love myself, but in fact all the situations I have been through - letting things imcomplete, defining me with Multiple personalities, not taking Responsability for situations in my life, letting others to do things for me and not being independent but dependant; specially of my mother, was the result of this pattern of Invalidating myself/not loving me treating me as nothing, as not important.


Since I was little I suffered the constant rejection of many school partners and I believe all the definitions and words they used to call me. It didn´t matter if coming home my mother and grandmother talked to me saying those things were said by people that didn´t knew me at all, I returned to school the other day convinced the other people were more than me.  And I experienced this until my highschool and Career where I found people that accepted me and I began to grow my social circles, and not very  much cause I had this fear of doing something 'weird' - as I define myself as and to cause laughs and critics from others. I as all my life crouching at people  and invalidating me.


Slowly I started reading assistance from books as Louis hay, metaphysics and spirituality but in Desteni I found the real keys to open all this shit and forgive it. 


I stand within my principle fear of being infront of people and to stop believing in the perceptions other people has about me, I 'learnt' to Stand as One and Equal and me and Alone; stopping the fear of being alone and not wanting and needing to have friends and people near me to validate me. 
I faced all this situations in my last job and I slowly but surely transcend the fear of talking infront of people and being the centre of attention of many people which I attended to respond their doubts about their Visa applications and stuff. It was a great assistance-playground where I Stand from those fears.


They are not Completely, completely gone but I stopped a lot of patterns I no longer define myself as.


But there is more of course I have to stop and change - and within my pause within the Process I observed more and more, and I also corrected. That fear of 'saying'/ talking and not remaining Silent and Exposing people near me without the fear of making them feel sad or angry I practice it then; but also I make myself more bitter and angry. But I noticed I had more trust within myself to stop that pattern of being silent and tell others what was 'wrong' within the perspective of what is best for all!!
Although some doors were closed because of that I don´t regret anything. An example is an opportunity within a place to share and sell my crafts - slowly they were changing things in behalf of their self-interest. Like for example not letting us to use Electricity and they were more worried about the Money,----well, things like that, haha.


But my fall within my process was about the fear I had to change and to stop what I liked and I follow my self-interest and back-chats of saying that wherever I was doing it was not making any bad to other people in the world and that people and I follow the back-chats of asking me if I really wanted to help others.
Also I felt myself as not trustful and not worthy to continue walking with other Desteni Members this path cause I felt I helped more being away and not being hindering other processes with my doubts and indecisions. I also followed my mother fears and claims to the time I spent here at my computer, but I said to her that I was going to return to Desteni when I really were clear within those feelings I was following and experiencing. I wore the t-shirt although I am apart from them, but,  criticizing them is like criticizing me cause the Principles and Values they Stand For are mine, the ones I was looking for since I arrived here!


But yes, in every path the fears and the Mind come to the scene and I faced those fears and Indecisions...and as my entry says Invalidations, cause I was accepting those programs of not Living those Opportunities to face myself and to stop the crude Me.


I am no longer as this and I am not going to fall again! This is what I am and the oportunity i was looking and rejecting this tools and assistance is like rejecting me.
 I am here and I am more aware and Committed with myself and others as myself to assist.


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I forgive that I have allowed myself to follow back-chats in order to hide from myself and to invalidate me as life.
I forgive that I have accepted and allowed myself to invalidate me when an opportunity presents within my life to change and to stop my mind.
I forgive that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear committing myself to myself caused by the fear of letting go the definition I have of myself.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to fear changing the specialness feature I think and believe I am.
I forgive that i have accepted and allowed myself to separate from other people by participating in feelings of being special.
I forgive that I have accepted and allowed myself to protect me from the the people that want to change the definition I have of myself
I forgive that I have accepted and allowed myself to protect me from myself when I observe change.
I forgive that i have accepted and allowed myself to follow distractions and back-chats when I am in the process of removing layers within me, thus accepting and allowing fears and justifications to Stand and change what I am as the mind.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe in other´s perceptions and ideas about me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place words in the mouth of other people using as a reference the past experiences and people words they used to define me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel and to say I know what other people may think or can think about me using my past experiences.
I forgive that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience myself within my past experiences.


I don´t accept to participate in thoughts and feeling of fears.
I don´t allow and accept to participate in thoughts and feeling of hate towards me. I am not my feelings, thoughts and emotions. 
I don´t accept to participate in past experiences. I am not my past, I am here, I am not my past experiences of me and from other people.
I don´t accept and Allow Self-invalidation.


I allow myself to be one and equal with myself , stopping the fears and the invalidations. I am self-acceptance, I Love myself and I no longer accept self-sabotage.


Whenever I see myself following thoughts, feelings and emotions of fear and Invalidation I stop and I breathe and I correct myself in that moment to no longer accept fears and invalidations within me and defining myself as my mind, as the backchats programmed in myself to not Stand and birth myself as Life.


Whenever I feel I am not worthy or I am not able to complete, do, walk me as myself I Stop, i breathe and I  realize I am not those limitations I accepted as my mind. I am life, I am clear, I am Constant and I walk and stand as myself here without giving importance and validation to my mind. 


Life doesn´t need Validation of any kind, of any one or anything. Validation does not Exist within  myself cause I don´t need to validate me to do something, to Live, to Walk, to talk, to Accept Myself as myself, as life. I do not longer believe the idea that I need being Validated by others, or even by me. I am here, I am. I Am the simplicity of Being and Standing Here, Clear of all Mind-sets and Programs placed within myself.


I clear myself and I stop the constant search of Validation that is placing me ABove or Below of life. Of me as Life, of others as life. I am one and Equal to everyone and everything in Life, as Life.


I accept my self as Life! 
I am Life
I am breath
I breath
I stand 
I am Simplicity


.