Day # 299 - Learning to say "no"

More patterns to change....another one that I have to do to clean all the mess I have done in my life it´s acting in the physical and learn to say "NO"  - specially to food...yeah food that it´s not supportive for me. I never had this tendency to take care of what I eat  and I grew up in a mexican family and my grandmother was a great cook so she always was preparing delicious food for me and my mom and we usually had family reunions at home on weekends so I had never had time to eat in a balanced way....I ate healthy but not balanced.

I began making diets and taking care of me but always the delicious food was flirting with me and I didn´t had the complete will to say "NO", until 2 or 3 years that I began investigating which food its better for me and now I am indeed more carefull and I had developed the will to say no - lol... I don´t want to make a diet because I want to eat everything I like but in a measured and balanced way also I am more connected with my body and I can observe when I abuse...like today that I am feeling very awful due to sugar...I have eated a lot of sugar this days, specially coke and ice-creams and I do observe that when I eat carbohydrates ans sugars I start feeling bad.

So, I am doing a complete change in my diet.   
yeah, that´s another thing I will change and saying no to the things I know that are making an abuse within me, like feelings, emotions, situations, people and start walking the correction path. That´s why I decided also to make the commitment of writting again, I also have observed that being in a group like Desteni, walking and living principles and being in a way connected and having goals and plans are the best way to change reality and I have seen it change and I want it to change cause I want to reach my goals. I want to live! that´s my desire, my passion, my goal - I want to LIVE!, to be aware of everything, to be part of all the things I enjoy and I enjoying me its the first step.   

I am grateful for the things and people I have in my life in these moments.  I will take care of them as I have done it all my life.   

Here...it arises a point that I want to explore more deeply - loosing people. It causes a big emptyness when I think in loosing people. So I will write more tomorrow about this. There are so many layers - one of them I was observing today was the fear of saying something that may sound weird or dumb to the other and so I go to the extremes and I see them making fun inside them and stop talking to me. 

ok, so...I will continue tomorrow. Really tired and dizzy. I just want to sleep 

Day # 30 -- My body and Me

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel that my body is an external part or being of myself - feeling and believing that I am separated from my body, and my body is not  mine and this perceptions lead me to feel inadequate and uncomfortable with my body-  I realize I am establishing self abuse and separation.


I forgive myself that I haven´t accepted and allowed myself to realize/see/understand the amount of separation I am accepting and allowing within me caused by my deliberate participation in my mind as egos.
When and as I see myself participating in feelings/emotions/perceptions in relation to my body I stop; I breathe and I correct myself. I am here as self-acceptance and I commit myself to be one and equal to my body.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to need/desire to have another body - because I feel and perceive myself as ugly and different from the rest of the people around me -specially women. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel ugly.  I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define me as ugly, or as any other polarity.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the polarity of ugly/beautiful exists.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate and play within the comparison  construct/system programed inside me -comparing myself and also competing with myself to reach the image I have in my mind - which is better and more acceptable.
I realize that I am in constant participation within my mind and all it´s components instead of being here as Oneness and Equality - and also self-intimacy- with my physical and so; I am feeding and establishing separation, abuse and dishonesty. I stop and I stand as self-acceptance. I am self-acceptance
When and I see myself participating in systems as feelings, thoughts, emotions, ideas, perceptions - I Stop, I take a deep Breathe correcting myself here as the physical - embracing the physical as myself. I embrace me as Life and I accept me as Life. I bring my Participation here to myself as the physical and I face it. 


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have/experience resistances and conflicts  to see my body reflected in a mirror/ to see myself - my face- in the mirror cause I feel uncomfortable with my face and the way I look - cause I participate in needs/desires to change me to, to be different due to comparisons and due to the system demon programmed inside me which I am feeding and supporting without understanding and observing the amount of separation I am allowing within myself. 
When and as I see myself reacting to the image I see reflected in the mirror I stop. I Breathe. I bring  my participation back to myself as the physical. I see myself in the mirror stopping thoughts, feelings and emotions. I face myself and I breathe. I accept myself and I embrace myself. 


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed in myself separation -deifying the Mind and defying Life within me. 


I forgive myself that I haven´t accepted and allowed myself to realize I am defining myself as the mind - and this is cause I am not willing myself to face the reality and change it.


I forgive myself that I haven´t accepted and allowed myself to realize that I fear facing me and the reality of myself due to my desires/wants and needs to protect my mind instead of Moving myself as the physical to Stand and Live as Life.


I forgive myself that I haven´t accepted and allowed myself to realize and be self-honest and humble to accept that I am still protecting me as my mind - still having desires and needs to protect me so I can stay and remain in my comfort zone.
Instead of Standing as self Will and Self-Motivation to Stop these self-abuse and self-dishonesty and Say Till here no further.
I stand myself as self-will and self-motivation. I commit myself to assist myself with writing, self-corrective actions.




---to continue...

Day # 21 --- I hate Being Myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate who I am.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in hate against me.
I forgive myself that I  have accepted and allowed myself to create abuse within myself and towards myself feeling hate.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to prefer mostly of the time being someone else and to pretend in my mind I am something different to bear a little bit with  who I am


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to dislike the way I am, the way I am designed, the way I look, the way I talk, the way I walk, the way I smell, the way I participate within my life, the way I do things - hating everything I am.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive me as a failure because when I see myself I don´t see anything cool, nice, or extra-ordinary; thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept me with conditions, with definitions I believe as better than who I am as life and to place a veil infront my eyes to stop from facing myself as life and accept me in every breath.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look in others, values and behaviours I will want to have; as for example, Discipline, Responsability, commitment and feeling I don´t have that facility in me to improve as those words.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect Discipline, Responsability and Commitment  to a feeling of not being able to and feeling those words more than me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect discipline, responsability, commitment to fear of not being able to be one and equal to them.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear myself; to fear the way I am going to act and be in a certain situation.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and feel I don´t really know me at all; that´s why I have fear towards me and that´s why I prefer being alone or not making any promise and thus feeling I help more being away or apart from others, than being close.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear participating in things and with people because I fear I won´t be worthy; disciplined, committed, responsible as them.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in fears and to connect the word promise with fears


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in changes within my mood and to think my mood is what I am; to be defined by my mood changes.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe in my feelings and emotions and to participate in polarities, cycles and in fluctuations based on energy.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe in my emotions and feelings; feeling them so real that I feel I can´t stop them or direct me efficiently as others do, so that´s why I think and feel I wanna be someone else.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in insecurity and in fears towards myself and the way I would react in a certain situation.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in comparison and so compare myself to others in my world and participating in a desire to be as them and to participate in imaginations as illusions seeing myself as them thinking how different I would be if I were like the other people I know.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to avoid compromises as I feel and think I am not going to be able to complete and to be the what others want.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel a desire to be as the other people think about me; not realizing in fact that I don´t know what other really think and want, but making assumptions in my mind about what others may think and would think about me if I don´t do something or if I do something.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to force me to be as the image I have in my mind as the one I will and would have been; thus disregarding me in every act, in every movement I do.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to constantly being invalidating me, participating in fears and in bringing back my past; thinking that if I didn´t did something as I defined as good I am not going to do it correct again; so I desist in trying; thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive me as a failure, to feel I am not able, and within that placing myself below others and so, participating in energy as polarities, mood changes and insecurities.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe in my thoughts and to impose them in my reality.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I have no character.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in instability within myself.










I stop participating in hate towards myself. I stop my pattern of participating in feelings of invalidation towards myself. I stop insecurities and feelings I can't be and stand as Commitment, Responsability and discipline.
I stop participating  and feeding the image I have in my mind about myself. I let go that Image that is limiting me. I let go limitations, I let go control and fears.




When and as I see myself participating or equalizing myself in the pattern of perceiving myself as a burden I stop, I breathe, I clear myself . I bring my participation to my physical reality and to my physical body and I embrace me as all I am here as Life. I touch myself, I face myself and I accept and allow myself to BrEathe.


When and as I see myself thinking and feeling I want to be someone else and to change who I am I stop, I breathe, I bring myself back here and I face myself. I realize I am in fact in the  process of change but not as a way of abusing myself or as eliminating my self but as a way to assist and support me to enhance values and principles I have and to live more as myself to do what is best for all as life and I accept this is a process and I direct myself to stop falling and If I fall I will learn from that fall to keep myself standing more and more until I have no other movement as energy within myself; the only movement is  the physical movement and I move myself to stand as what is best for all.


I commit myself to walk as Self-Responsability, self Commitment and self-Discipline.
I commit myself to improve myself breath by breath and stop judgements and comparisons that are like rocks in my way and that´s why I fall.


I commit myself to assist others as myself without the limitations I place upon me as fears and thoughts.


I am Here
I am Self-Acceptance


I give so I may Receive


I face my Reality as myself.

Day 8 - Rushing in my Mind - Rushing in my Reality

Another pattern and behaviour I am creating within me and my Reality is Rushing; running within myself, and the physical consequences I have is that my nose starts constipating and my body tightens.

I have been grounding myself with the breath and while I knit I place within myself all that Energy movements to Embrace them and to Stop them with the Breath, This have been more, while I practice it, more 'easy' to do and to Correct myself.

I have manifested that Rush in my Reality; when I see my things, my room, my house - I think -- ¡oh no I have to this! I am delayed. I worry and I start fearing the consequences; anticipating in my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I am a thought.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that thoughts is who I am.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I am my patterns and behaviours and that I can´t stop them and change them.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that who I am is behaviours and patterns; also personalities; and that makes me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rush.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to run within myself to complete and to reach the image I have in my mind.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed in myself imaginary images of other people and experiences rushing me/making me run.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to follow images, words, pictures in my mind to influence my reality and what I really am.
I forgive myself that I haven´t accepted and allowed myself to stop rushing myself and to realize anyone and anything outside me is here doing what I am imagining. So I stop here, I breathe, I clear myself and I move myself in the physical to complete the things I have to do within Simplicity.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I am energy.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I need Energy to move myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that Energy exists.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that rush is linked to do things correctly.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if i don´t rush myself as others, as I have seen in the example of others that means I am not moving myself and being Responsible.

I have this image/memory in my mind of --principally the one that pop-up is a job-partner I had rushing me to go to make something quickly; he talked and moved as he were running/rushing and I was calmed and I began to walk but he was like 'Move yourself quickly'!! I saw the scenario and I saw I had 'time' to do it and that i didn´t had to rush to complete it, so said to him 'Calm everything is ok, I´ll go! I do it and done, anything happened.

Another memory is from my mom when she tells me to do something and she began rushing me; I am very calmed in my movements...or I was...LOL...but she gets very mad when people don´t move quickly and starts to get very nervous. She tells to me that I don´t move myself quickly and things has to be done quickly,--Ok! I get it, but depends in which circumstances right? lol..well, I feel like if I don´t rush as them - getting energetically crazy - I am not doing the things correctly.
Various people had reacted with my patience to to things - is funny how I have this personality of being impatience...LOL..is because I rush myself within my mind--and that is because I want to please others, not taking in consideration myself first.
And I go into my mind rushing myself thinking, believing that others will get mad at me if I don´t run..LOL..

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I have to change to please others.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place me as after others instead of being equal and one with me and so with others.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect rushing and running as a way to please other people, so when I am here calmed I perceive I am not doing anything worthily.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe and think that being calmed and breathing is a waste of time.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if others see me working I am worthy and doing things correctly.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rush to demonstrate to others that I am doing Something.

This doesn´t mean that I am going to 'relax' and to sit and do nothing. No! hehe but I will walk Breath by Breath to get things that has to be done in the moment - without rushing me, as that means an abuse and stopping beliefs and perceptions to please others and having in my mind the image of others.


When and as I see myself Rushing and running within myself to reach  the image that I see in myself where I contemplate others rushing. I stop, I breathe, I Clear myself and being attentive to my breath I walk one and equal with the activity I am doing, Until it is done. Here.

When and as I see myself rushing myself and starting to participate within my mind in perceptions and ideas. I stop, I breathe. I stop what I am doing for a moment to ground myself here and to Stand from that Energy-movement and I clear myself here as One and equal to the activity i am doing, without images, beliefs, pictures, memories of the past, present and also future. Stopping Anticipation and Grounding me here with Breath. Walking here as breath,
I walk here as breath.
I am breath
I am self-Movement.





Journey to Life Group in Facebook
Desteni I process - to Free yourself.

Day # 7 --- Addicted to emotions and feelings

Here I´ll be following with my patterns of over-sleeping as an addiction I created within myself. 
I am addicted to that comfort feeling my bed gives. 


I am trying to remember since when I became addicted to this feelings around being sleep. I remember when I was a child I wake up very early and I didn´t had this pattern of wanting to be more time in bed. 
Maybe it can be something linked to my school...I know is something about hiding; but I cant observe within my memories which situation within my life took me to create this addiction. 
Well, Is a process and I´ll find out, the thing now is that I want to stand from this pattern as a limitation point within my life, and not being the Directive Point within this and having the sleeping point as an assistance to my body; for my body to rest and just that. And not giving power and feeding my Mind C. Systems.

                                                                                 ***

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a relationship with and within my mind consciousness systems and defined myself as one and equal to the systems integrated within myself.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as a Mind C. System.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create an experience of desire and need of over-sleeping/staying more time in bed.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed being possessed by patterns and behaviours - in this case over-sleeping - and thinking and beLIEving that they are more powerful than me; thus I cannot stand from that and transcend that point.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a form of addiction to sleep by forming a relationship with my Mind C. Systems.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have sleep-patterns as a point where I can suppress and hide myself.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress and hide from my reality, instead of being here as the Directive Principle of my world and myself.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a relationship with Sleep within my mind that I use to suppress myself and to hide from myself and my reality.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel comfortable and safe while I am sleeping.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be addicted to the emotions of comfort that I feel when I am sleeping.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself with something outside of myself.


I forgive myself that I´ve accepted and allowed myself to believe that I need to sleep more than 6 hours to feel rested and to feel clear within my day.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the better time to wake up is when I don´t feel that pressure in my head.


I forgive myself that I haven´t accepted and allowed myself to take direction and Responsability of myself in waking up when I have to, not when my mind says so.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give my Power away and my direction to the mind.


I forgive myself to accept and allow letting the responsability of myself in other hands.


I forgive myself that I´ve accepted and allowed myself to abdicate Responsability and direction giving to others and to other things the power to direct me, instead of Directing me in Every moment of breath, here.


I forgive myself that I haven´t accepted and allowed myself as the directive Principle of my life.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive me as less than others to Direct me within my Life.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself  to hide from myself, suppress myself and so create a relationship as an addiction to something outside of myself.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the time when I go to sleep as a way to Suppress myself and hide from myself - evading myself to not take Self-Direction,Self-Responsability and be the Directive Principle of me and my life.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the time when I go to sleep as a way to forget about the experience of myself.


(¡surprising how this all links to the those points of Insecurities, fears and self-invalidations I am still accepting ...wow!)


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to forget the experience I have of myself; thus accepting and allowing self-invalidations, abuse and dishonesties and that´s why I create addictions to mind-systems to divert from standing and taking Responsability from myself and my world.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I am not worthy.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to treat me as non-worthy of being here.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live within my mind in past experiences where I as a child was diminished by others.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use those past experiences to abuse myself and to cause harm to myself, instead of bringing all that here as myself and start forgiving it more precisely.


I commit myself to stop  Relationships with my Mind C. Systems as a defence-mechanism to avoid facing myself. 
I commit myself to face myself in every moment of breath and stop fears and abuse within myself.


When and as I see myself experiencing a desire and a Need to participate within my addiction to sleep - better said - when I see myself desiring and needing to stay more in bed I realize is the mechanism I accepted and allowed within myself to suppress and hide from myself so, I breathe and I clear myself. I face myself and I Stop my fears and my desires to hide from my self. I stand and I direct myself in the physical.
I write out what I am experiencing to bring everything back here and apply the Self-forgiveness on that.


I commit myself to investigate more fondly where and when I accepted myself to hide from hiding from myself and to forget my experience of myself.


When and as I see myself diminishing within my mind - feeling less than, feeling non-worthy and wanting to evade myself from reality, I Breathe, I stop, I direct myself here to Stand and to face myself here and to be the Directive principle wthin my mind.


I am not afraid of being the Directive Principle of my life.


I commit myself to be and Stand as the the Directive Principle.




I commit myself to follow opening more layers of this point.

Day#3: Insecurity

Within  accepting within myself invalidations and also beliefs that other people are more than me another point that borned within me was the Insecurity; Insecurity to move myself, to talk, to be. And this shows also in the physical as I used the food as a way to protect myself. 
I have defined myself as an insecure person. And I created a relation towards that emotion. And this links to fears. Insecurity comes when I am near people I know for the first time, and also people I already know. I experience anxiety and nervousness and I start with back-chats as comparing myself, or feeling and thinking negative things and also positive, going to the other polarity of that shade I have accepted and allowed.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within an emotional feeling of Insecurity.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into an emotional  experience of insecurity every time I compare myself to others in my mind.
I forgive I have accepted and allowed myself to go into an emotional experience of insecurities and fears when I am infront, near, beside other people thinking and believing that they will find something wrong within me due to my physical body or my way of being - thus accepting and allowing fears, invalidations, and back-chats that are separating me from myself and from others. 
I realize this happens only in my mind and I participate in energy reactions and resistances that feeds my Mind conciousness systems instead of stopping them, Breathing, and correcting in the moment.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into an emotional experience of fear and insecurity when I am going to meet someone new; participating also in my mind in anticipation and in thoughts, feelings, emotions, images about the experience to come and about the person I am going to meet. 
I realize that I am Separating myself from others, from me, from the physical, going into / participating within my mind, thus I create reactions and resistances that are not real and that end in feeding my insecurities and fears.


Every time I see myself participating in my mind; feeding fears and thus Insecurity I realize is all in the mind. I clear myself and I stop back-chats, thoughts, images, feelings, emotions in the moment and I express myself with others as myself. Stopping all fears of being judged and stopping my pattern of invalidating me all the time.
I Breathe, I stop and I direct myself in the moment - every time I start feeling insecure within myself and within my life and i direct myself to Stand as One and equal to myself and others. I clear myself and I express myself.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect people with feelings and emotions, thoughts, and images based on past experiences of me being criticized in the past.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect people to fears and insecurities based on paste experiences.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect people with past experiences I tagged as negative/ positive. 
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect people with insecurity and fear.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to categorize people and experiences as negative or positive, I realize I am accepting Separation and dishonesty perceiving people as polarities within my mind. Participating in back-chats.
I Stop categorizing people as good or bad within my life, and also connecting people to past experiences - either positive or negative.
I realize this is Separation and I am participating and letting my mind direct me, instead of expressing myself as one and equal to others without mind systems.
Everytime I found myself categorizing people, connecting them to past experiences - I stop and I breathe I direct myself to clear myself and to see other people as myself and not accepting back-.chats and taggs that are just mind perceptions.
Life is not a Mind Perception. Life has not categories.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as an insecure person.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive me as insecure.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to protect myself within and idea of insecurity to avoid some experiences as talking, moving and expressing myself with others.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed insecurity within myself to invalidate  me and to limit myself; to limit my physical movements.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to criticize and hate my body due to defining myself with insecurity.


Everytime I catch myself in feeling insecure and limiting myself due to insecurity, I stop, I breathe, I Stand and I direct myself to stop those patterns within myself and I correct myself in that moment to no longer participate in fears, insecurities and in the Mind.
Everytime I see myself feeling fearful and insecure of moving when a person is near me connecting that moment with past experiences or with fears I stop and I breathe, I realize I am in the mind and I clear myself. I Correct myself , I move myself without fears realizing the dishonesty within myself accepting and allowing those patterns of self-invalidation. I stop. 
I correct in every moment of Breath when I see myself participating in Separation, in dishonesties and in what is not best for me, and others as One and equal to Life!.


I accept myself. I stop my mind, I embrace myself. I stop my fears.
I am not my fears; thus my Mind C. Systems.


´Till here no further.

Day#2 Stopping the pattern of Invalidating Myself

Yesterday I realized that I am still hating myself - well, not only yesterday I observe this the only thing is that I didn´t wanted to face it for real and work with that, I was just suppressing myself and saying to myself that was not true and that I really, really love myself, but in fact all the situations I have been through - letting things imcomplete, defining me with Multiple personalities, not taking Responsability for situations in my life, letting others to do things for me and not being independent but dependant; specially of my mother, was the result of this pattern of Invalidating myself/not loving me treating me as nothing, as not important.


Since I was little I suffered the constant rejection of many school partners and I believe all the definitions and words they used to call me. It didn´t matter if coming home my mother and grandmother talked to me saying those things were said by people that didn´t knew me at all, I returned to school the other day convinced the other people were more than me.  And I experienced this until my highschool and Career where I found people that accepted me and I began to grow my social circles, and not very  much cause I had this fear of doing something 'weird' - as I define myself as and to cause laughs and critics from others. I as all my life crouching at people  and invalidating me.


Slowly I started reading assistance from books as Louis hay, metaphysics and spirituality but in Desteni I found the real keys to open all this shit and forgive it. 


I stand within my principle fear of being infront of people and to stop believing in the perceptions other people has about me, I 'learnt' to Stand as One and Equal and me and Alone; stopping the fear of being alone and not wanting and needing to have friends and people near me to validate me. 
I faced all this situations in my last job and I slowly but surely transcend the fear of talking infront of people and being the centre of attention of many people which I attended to respond their doubts about their Visa applications and stuff. It was a great assistance-playground where I Stand from those fears.


They are not Completely, completely gone but I stopped a lot of patterns I no longer define myself as.


But there is more of course I have to stop and change - and within my pause within the Process I observed more and more, and I also corrected. That fear of 'saying'/ talking and not remaining Silent and Exposing people near me without the fear of making them feel sad or angry I practice it then; but also I make myself more bitter and angry. But I noticed I had more trust within myself to stop that pattern of being silent and tell others what was 'wrong' within the perspective of what is best for all!!
Although some doors were closed because of that I don´t regret anything. An example is an opportunity within a place to share and sell my crafts - slowly they were changing things in behalf of their self-interest. Like for example not letting us to use Electricity and they were more worried about the Money,----well, things like that, haha.


But my fall within my process was about the fear I had to change and to stop what I liked and I follow my self-interest and back-chats of saying that wherever I was doing it was not making any bad to other people in the world and that people and I follow the back-chats of asking me if I really wanted to help others.
Also I felt myself as not trustful and not worthy to continue walking with other Desteni Members this path cause I felt I helped more being away and not being hindering other processes with my doubts and indecisions. I also followed my mother fears and claims to the time I spent here at my computer, but I said to her that I was going to return to Desteni when I really were clear within those feelings I was following and experiencing. I wore the t-shirt although I am apart from them, but,  criticizing them is like criticizing me cause the Principles and Values they Stand For are mine, the ones I was looking for since I arrived here!


But yes, in every path the fears and the Mind come to the scene and I faced those fears and Indecisions...and as my entry says Invalidations, cause I was accepting those programs of not Living those Opportunities to face myself and to stop the crude Me.


I am no longer as this and I am not going to fall again! This is what I am and the oportunity i was looking and rejecting this tools and assistance is like rejecting me.
 I am here and I am more aware and Committed with myself and others as myself to assist.


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I forgive that I have allowed myself to follow back-chats in order to hide from myself and to invalidate me as life.
I forgive that I have accepted and allowed myself to invalidate me when an opportunity presents within my life to change and to stop my mind.
I forgive that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear committing myself to myself caused by the fear of letting go the definition I have of myself.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to fear changing the specialness feature I think and believe I am.
I forgive that i have accepted and allowed myself to separate from other people by participating in feelings of being special.
I forgive that I have accepted and allowed myself to protect me from the the people that want to change the definition I have of myself
I forgive that I have accepted and allowed myself to protect me from myself when I observe change.
I forgive that i have accepted and allowed myself to follow distractions and back-chats when I am in the process of removing layers within me, thus accepting and allowing fears and justifications to Stand and change what I am as the mind.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe in other´s perceptions and ideas about me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place words in the mouth of other people using as a reference the past experiences and people words they used to define me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel and to say I know what other people may think or can think about me using my past experiences.
I forgive that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience myself within my past experiences.


I don´t accept to participate in thoughts and feeling of fears.
I don´t allow and accept to participate in thoughts and feeling of hate towards me. I am not my feelings, thoughts and emotions. 
I don´t accept to participate in past experiences. I am not my past, I am here, I am not my past experiences of me and from other people.
I don´t accept and Allow Self-invalidation.


I allow myself to be one and equal with myself , stopping the fears and the invalidations. I am self-acceptance, I Love myself and I no longer accept self-sabotage.


Whenever I see myself following thoughts, feelings and emotions of fear and Invalidation I stop and I breathe and I correct myself in that moment to no longer accept fears and invalidations within me and defining myself as my mind, as the backchats programmed in myself to not Stand and birth myself as Life.


Whenever I feel I am not worthy or I am not able to complete, do, walk me as myself I Stop, i breathe and I  realize I am not those limitations I accepted as my mind. I am life, I am clear, I am Constant and I walk and stand as myself here without giving importance and validation to my mind. 


Life doesn´t need Validation of any kind, of any one or anything. Validation does not Exist within  myself cause I don´t need to validate me to do something, to Live, to Walk, to talk, to Accept Myself as myself, as life. I do not longer believe the idea that I need being Validated by others, or even by me. I am here, I am. I Am the simplicity of Being and Standing Here, Clear of all Mind-sets and Programs placed within myself.


I clear myself and I stop the constant search of Validation that is placing me ABove or Below of life. Of me as Life, of others as life. I am one and Equal to everyone and everything in Life, as Life.


I accept my self as Life! 
I am Life
I am breath
I breath
I stand 
I am Simplicity


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