Day # 299 - Learning to say "no"

More patterns to change....another one that I have to do to clean all the mess I have done in my life it´s acting in the physical and learn to say "NO"  - specially to food...yeah food that it´s not supportive for me. I never had this tendency to take care of what I eat  and I grew up in a mexican family and my grandmother was a great cook so she always was preparing delicious food for me and my mom and we usually had family reunions at home on weekends so I had never had time to eat in a balanced way....I ate healthy but not balanced.

I began making diets and taking care of me but always the delicious food was flirting with me and I didn´t had the complete will to say "NO", until 2 or 3 years that I began investigating which food its better for me and now I am indeed more carefull and I had developed the will to say no - lol... I don´t want to make a diet because I want to eat everything I like but in a measured and balanced way also I am more connected with my body and I can observe when I abuse...like today that I am feeling very awful due to sugar...I have eated a lot of sugar this days, specially coke and ice-creams and I do observe that when I eat carbohydrates ans sugars I start feeling bad.

So, I am doing a complete change in my diet.   
yeah, that´s another thing I will change and saying no to the things I know that are making an abuse within me, like feelings, emotions, situations, people and start walking the correction path. That´s why I decided also to make the commitment of writting again, I also have observed that being in a group like Desteni, walking and living principles and being in a way connected and having goals and plans are the best way to change reality and I have seen it change and I want it to change cause I want to reach my goals. I want to live! that´s my desire, my passion, my goal - I want to LIVE!, to be aware of everything, to be part of all the things I enjoy and I enjoying me its the first step.   

I am grateful for the things and people I have in my life in these moments.  I will take care of them as I have done it all my life.   

Here...it arises a point that I want to explore more deeply - loosing people. It causes a big emptyness when I think in loosing people. So I will write more tomorrow about this. There are so many layers - one of them I was observing today was the fear of saying something that may sound weird or dumb to the other and so I go to the extremes and I see them making fun inside them and stop talking to me. 

ok, so...I will continue tomorrow. Really tired and dizzy. I just want to sleep 

Day # 57 -- Who I am within the Postponement Character

I was reading the Blog Post in the Heaven´s Journey to Life "Character Dimensions-Thought Dimensions Day 164" and I observed that I have to write more about this character in me - I am making a parenthesis from my last blogs due to observing that this part within and as me needs clarifications so that I can move efficiently from now on forward.
I felt regret by getting out of my last job - I get very anxious due to my recurrent respiratory problems which was an indicator of not stopping efficiently my mind as emotions and feelings - all this related to postponements within my life

¡Argh! Well, no regrets and I am here commiting myself to unreveal this dimension within me.
I have been searching for jobs and anyone has appeared; I am in the polarity of not worrying and worrying - cause I know I´ll find one and in the other hand I need to get one now; so I can support me within my life and my immediate responsibilities that are my cats; well, I think of them in the first place cause they don´t have any fault in me accepting and being like the way I am accepting and allowing to be and because they are dependant on me and so to Money and so to the food I can buy with that money...

So, I have this plan in my head. I see that wanting to 'survive' doing art and knitting is not based in common sense and doing what is best for all; doing what is best for me : just self-interest and suppressions.
So, I am in the quest for a job and completing my studies. Here I have doubts as continuing with Graphic Design or Homoeopathy which I am attracted to; but it will show in the way...

This is something I am grateful for to the Desteni I Process and walking this blogs daily - I have been standing slowly but surely from this characters and stopping time loops and consequences so; I am really letting aside this behaviours of letting things to accumulate and I walk through them in the moment.

Within this days I have seen myself within doing my assignments and tasks - participating in my mind with needs, pictures and thoughts of doing another things first and postponing; letting things for a better moment. So, I have been breathing through this a lot!!! haha

I realised that I have been disciplined - which is something that I considered/believed/thought was not programmed in me. LOL! I see, realise and understand now you can Live without the mind.

So, as I say I have a long way to walk and being here at my house has been a great assistance in moving myself with no other 'Force' - as like other one telling me what to do. I mean, yes, my mom ask me for help but I have seen I have to move and complete things and stop postponing cause the Physical Reality is not going to fix alone LOL; So I have seen that I am missing in this Reality as Life! So I push myself to move and well, I am not willing to continue resisting and suppressing me and my reality!!

So, as I say this Character needs to be more worked and walked.

And these Journey To Life Blogs, the Creation Journey to Life, Earth´s Journey to Life ! and many others!!!!! has been a great assistance to see that I can and is Possible! Yes! :-)


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate and follow the thoughts as images in my mind when I do tasks here at my house/when I know I have to do things in order to support me in my life; such as cleaning my room, cleaning the house, walking with my dogs, doing my assignments and the tasks I have compromised to do in the moment that says me that the things I am about to do are boring and so, influencing me to them later/postpone.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define the things I have to complete in the moment in which there is a compromise entailed as boring, not important - saying and entailing here that the things in and as my mind are more important.

So this connects to the points that I have been walking in the last blogs - where I give value and importance to my mind than Moving myself as the Physical. Being here as the Physical taking Responsability for My Actual Living in this Reality/in my environment.


"This is an example of where the “Force” will step in as the Mind as ourselves, as we’ve as ENERGY/Consciousness manifested ourselves with ‘self/energy serving protection/defence mechanisms’ that any opportunity that would bring forth a Self-realization/awareness / Physical Stability/Living will immediately be resisted, as what we have done/become throughout our Lives is always SERVING ENERGY/the Mind as Consciousness instead of ourselves, the physical body and so this Physical Existence as a whole. And so, we’ve become energy consumers, serving energy – instead of physical living beings, taking responsibility for our actual living in this world/reality"--Sunette Spies in the Heaven´s Journey to Life Day 163


So I Forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define things according to mind polarities such as fun/boring - I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define/perceive/see cleaning my house as Boring or as Fun - I realise, see and understand that here again I am placing value and importance to the mind - and I am allowing and accepting separation within and as me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let the thoughts - one single thought - move me from here as my Physical Reality, defining my participation here and so being influenced by that thought and moving myself to feed my mind as energy - I see, realise and understand that I am giving my power away to the mind in letting me being moved by the unconscious mind/thoughts and not Moved by what it is here as the physical reality

I forgive myself that I haven´t accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand that I move myself only if my mind tell me so, and If the physical as Life tells me to Move as what is best for All life I stop and I think in self-interest.

There - I see, realise and understand that in the mind we are sacrificing Life, betraying Life, giving Power to the Mind -- thinking before acting - so; defending ourselves as self-interest.

When and as I see myself when being infront of an activity within and as my physical reality and I observe that me as my Mind is Resisting and so I start creating/participating in thoughts as images of me being somewhere else - I stop, I breathe and I Place myself here as the Presence of myself and I continue doing what I am doing - Breathing and Stabilizing here as myself/Supporting Myself in the mean time I am experiencing in the physical the manifested consequence as sleepiness, heaviness and resistance.

I breathe within and as this thoughts as Images - I embrace them as Me.

I see, realise and understand these are the mind mechanisms to Separate me from here as the Physical Reality.
So, I stop giving my Power Away to those Mind Consciousness Systems - I realise they are not what I am - they cannot influence me cause they are not real.

I commit myself to Stop me as my thoughts and to Walk here as Breath to assist me and support me in each moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be influenced by the mind and to perceive the MCS as more than me within the belief system that I don´t have power over my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to postpone things due to following my mind as thoughts and images so - going there instead of Being Here - Present in Every Moment of Each Breath I take, Present in Every Physical Movement I take, Present in every task, in every activity I do here.

When and as I see myself defining my reality according to what my mind says - like for example; believing that my life is boring, that what I do is boring and so my mind then in continuation to this places a picture in my mind where I am resting/seeing a movie; Doing Nothing - I breathe, I place myself here. I touch myself; I stabilize myself in what I am doing and I continue working and doing my activities.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect a positive feeling with being in my bed resting watching television and so, Doing nothing.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place value within and as the physical experience of being in my bed, resting and doing nothing.

I see, realise, and understand this is nothing but Energy- the Force as the Mind Trying to obtain my Power.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place a value and an importance to being in my bed resting and feeling sad and angry if this experience goes away and so I want/need and desire to obtain more of this.

I realise, see and understand that me as the mind needs, desires, and wants to get more energy so the Mind can have control, power and Food - letting me as Life, as the Physical Body without resources to sustain.

When and as I see myself placing a positive value/negative value upon things according how the mind wants me to be and when and as myself perceive, think and define 'doing nothing ' as positive and nice and I feel that I am giving away to the experience of laying and doing nothing. I stop, I breathe, and I Place myself here as the presence of myself.

I commit also to investigate when I am really 'tired' as the physical so I can support it with a rest - but not over resting and connecting this to Mind Systems

I´ll continue

Day # 46 -- Ignoring life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to  react upon a photograph and comments that was shared in Facebook by a woman commenting and being disrespectful with animals such as dogs; wanting to adopt a brand dog instead of a dog rescued from the street saying that they were dirty and ugly, sharing the Facebook image and feeling angry against this person, going to her profile and participating in back-chats such as 'She is the ugly one' ; joining this with more feelings and emotions against her.
Instead of stopping as reactions within and as myself in the moment and so not sharing this image to create more chaos and polemic.
I realise, see and understand how I didn´t stand in the moment and I am still directed by emotions, feelings, thoughts, ideas and perceptions.

I realise, see and Understand I reacted upon her the same way she reacted/defined the dogs in adoption. 
I am the same as her - I am not a difference. 

When and  as I see myself seeing an image and reading a comment on Facebook, either it is as I define as Negative or Positive - I stop, I Breathe and I stand in the moment, in the Breath clear as  and within myself to stop the abuse here as myself instead of sharing/spreading the 'abuse-bugs' within and as others as myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react against people words, behaviours and patterns that are not the same as me - I realise this is based in self-interest and as ego´s from the mind - wanting and desiring others to think/act/be like me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the back-chat 'If the people were like me the world would be a better place, because I am not as others' - I realise, see and understand my self-interest there and how I feed it when I am infront people that are  not agree with me.

I commit myself to expose my self-interest/egos from the mind and so stopping them accordingly with the Writing, Self-Forgiveness and corrective applications in the moment when this situations occurs again until it not happens again within and as myself so I can stay and stand clear from all of this separations I have created here.

When and as I see myself reacting upon others wanting to impose my point of view that are just knowledge and information - I stop, I breathe; I bring myself back here to the physical, where I am standing infront of the other person with humbleness, communicating with him/her with self-honesty, - not trying to CON-vince but assisting them and sharing my realizations I have walked here in my process - so I and everyone can stand free and so, establish on earth a better space/world/environment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define situations, people, words, images, etc under the polarities such as 'Negative/Positive'. I realise, see and understand that those concepts are of the mind - is not what Life is. Life is not a polarity. I see that mind defines everything and from there my systems come and I define my life according to that information.

When and as I see myself seeing/approaching my life, my environment, other people in base of a mind-concept such as polarities - I stop, I stand as self-honesty and I bring myself back here in humbleness and I communicate with me and others based in the Presence of the Physical - based on the physical - being here as me as others - Because I see, realise and understand that I am others, others are me, we are reflections of the same self. We are one and equal.

I see, realise and understand that id everything is me here, Why I am fearful? Why I participate in self-interest? Why I am afraid of others if they are me?.

So, I see, realise and understand that If I react -  if there´s a moment inside me based on energy is because I haven´t investigated that point within myself - so, I am still one and equal to that separation.

So; I commit myself to follow investigating and unfolding characters/personalities/systems - exposing them here to set me free of that abuse the mind creates in the reality - in here.

I commit myself to show others and to assist others and ME to observe and see that the Mind is the thing inside us that creates madness in the physical as the reality. The mind as us is the one transforming our lives in a show, in a cartoon, in a character, in a side....in food for the mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel ashamed by not realising this yesterday - Or I better say not being self-Honest to Stand and Stop all this chaos within me and within others by my decision... so, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ignore the common sense/self-honesty due to preferring to feed the energy/ego that I believe I am, wanting to make myself visible within all the situation as to also attract the attention to me and my words - Instead of considering others and the abuse I was going to produce with my self as the cells, atoms, etc in my physical body and within others out there - innocent people and beings 'that receives all the trash we produce' as the mind. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ignore self-direction/self-honesty within myself just to 'play around' taking things as a game and not realising, seeing and understanding the consequences are real, and I am living them

When and as I see myself infront of an option that is not for What is best for all - I Stop, I breathe, I discern within and as myself taking in consideration everyone as me here to take that step.
I see, realise and understand we cannot follow ignoring life/common sense within ourselves because the consequences are showing out there and life is suffering, life as common sense , as self-honesty, as self-direction, as consideration is ceasing to exist here.

Related articles

• Day#38 -- The 'ashamed' Character
• Day # 44 - My Intolerant Character towards certain people
• Day#35 -- My Character as an Animal Rescuer. How I create alter-egos
• Day# 40 - My character of 'Cat Fanatic'

Day # 29 Self-Discipline to put in Order my Life

INTRO:
Writting myself every day has been the ¡¡ONLY!!thing in which I have been constant in all my life. 
When I realized this I said to myself - as a back-chat: How about school? and the job where you spent 4 years and a half working?
Yes, excuses and desires to say I have done something and so, evade all the 'dust above the carpet'.
In fact is that yes, I have been only constant in my 7 years Journey to Life - cause I also abandon things that I like - my desires and needs as a system.
So, I am realizing I can do it . The only solution is to ...Be the Solution and Stand as self-discipline.
So, I have been looking for a job and I haven´t had a good response and I am still unemployed. But I am - while I get one - selling my crochet dolls and accessories - I don´t earn a lot but is a help to buy my cats food and sand. I enjoy this but, like I said was also an activity which I started with excitement and I end up within a short time with boredom . I am starting that again due to friends requests to do more dolls for them.


Well, I´ll start my statements and there I´ll tell more about this ..Here I go.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself  not being consistent with something  in my life due to participating in my mind as boredom, resistance, tiredness and energy movements inside myself. I realize I lived as self-sabotage all my life and doing things within mediocrity just to 'complete' things that  has to be done; but without any participation as self-responsability, honesty and care.
I realize that the mind has not discipline -principle and values - but I do have as Life. So I stand as Self-Discipline and Self-Responsability to be Here as Life and participate with care and be as an expression in every thing I do.


I  forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as tiredness, as depression and be one and equal to that systems. 
I realize I am not a system  - I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe in tiredness and depression. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that tiredness and depression exists within and as me.
I stand as Common sense and as self-assistance and support to stand and correct myself when and as I see myself defining me as depression and tiredness I stop, I breathe and I correct myself - standing myself from that separation and abuse.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to do things - to move myself within my reality - as depression, tiredness, boredom - as a system . I forgive myself that I haven´t accepted and allowed myself to realize I am only feeding/supporting/assisting MCS and so that´s why I am not consistent and participating in resistances and conflicts inside myself. Instead of being here, Standing in every breath as self-consistency and self-discipline.


I forgive myself that I haven´t accepted and allowed myself to realize I was only surviving as my mind - so, not being a life form in any way cause I have give my power away to systems and so I have let them be the directive force and principle within my life.
So, I step forth and I stand as self-direction, I take the place as my Principle and I assist and support myself with consistency, responsability and discipline.
Whenever I see myself participating in depression, tiredness, resistances and inner conflicts towards any activity I have to do in my reality I stop, I breathe, I correct myself in the moment of every Breath and I bring my participation here and I set myself as a platform from where to stand and be constant, so assisting and supporting  myself with the self-forgiveness statements, writing myself and correcting myself here as breath.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to access and participate in thoughts, feelings and emotions when I have to do a chore, an activity - like cleaning the house, cleaning and feeding my cats, knitting, instead of being here as breath and moving myself as the physical to do the things I have to do here in my reality. I move myself as an expression, enjoying me as life in every breath.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/perceive/feel that physical movement is a burden and I have to have a 'requirement' - such as energy - to do it, thinking and believing that I don´t have such requirement in some moments, so separating myself due to believing I am rechargeable. Also, realize with postponing things/ procrastinating I am only existing as mind C. systems and in the past. 
I stop feeding and supporting mind C. systems. I stand as self-movement and every moment I see myself participating in feelings, emotions and thoughts that imply burden, conflicts and resistances I breathe, I stand and I correct myself immediately. 
I stand as self-discipline and breath by breath I move and I place things in the correct order and place where they belong under the principle of doing what is best for all as life.




I forgive myself that I haven´t accepted and allowed myself to realize/see/ understand how I have separated myself so much due to defining myself as a mind consciousness system so, don´t enjoying and accepting myself in any what what so ever due to remaining constantly and consistently judging myself, rejecting myself and abusing myself.
So, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to reject me instead of standing as self-acceptance, being intimate with me, - being here with/as me in simplicity.


I forgive myself that I haven´t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that between me  and me as life - is my mind which I have deified and believed was me - instead of seeing with my physical eyes what I really am and accepting myself as who I am.


I commit myself to stand as self-discipline and self-acceptance and to move myself as the physical to put in order me as life,


I commit myself to assist me and support me with self-forgiveness, writing, self -correction to stop walking the same patterns and behaviours.


I commit myself to Enjoy Myself as life


I Accept myself as Life
I am self-acceptance
I accept myself

Day # 24 --- I want to get what I want ; art, dreams and evil

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be defined by being an artist and to feel good by that definition as I feel different from the rest by having special gifts/equipment to  do a certain craft, drawing, photo and within this doing a separation between the people that haven´t that special skills and the people that had it  - perceiving  people that didn´t had that special skills as not so profound and sensitive as the ones that had the ability to draw, to craft etc.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel attracted to art; drawings, photographies, designs, musicians; making this section of life as more interesting, profound and cool; thinking that the people that were artists had a more interesting life and even if they didn´t had a lot of Money as people working in offices they seemed very care-free and with that sense of glamour in them.
In this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in a desire of wanting to be like them; being an artist as a painter, photographer, designer, crafter and having that sense of 'carefreeness' and glamour and walking within my life as that carefreeness, although I didn´t had enough money in my pockets, and at the same way wanting to have  a lot of Money such as the actors/actresses in the movie industry.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowing myself to connect art-world with carefreeness and a sense of glamour, participating in a desire of wanting to construct that within my life, no matter what; no matter the ideas, beliefs, and also support from others; i wanted to have the image of my mind in my reality.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire having a life where I can be my own boss; not receiving orders from others as the way I perceived the artists had their lives - carefree and doing what they wanted.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to disregard other things in my life because I wanted to live that feelings, emotions, thoughts, experiences, pictures in my head, and also sounds - not realizing those are egos from the mind; not considering what was here as me for just following a picture/image in my head and the starting point of doing what I wanted and not what others wanted me to do.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel angry at the world, the existence, god, my mother, my family for not providing me with the opportunities to have what I wanted and to be as the ones I saw within my life as family or friends as carefree doing what they wanted to do and not having to work like I have to.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be stubborn in wanting to have what my mind dictates me and fighting against all to have it although I abuse and not consider all as what is  here in my reality; so  I forgive myself that I haven´t realized the reality I have due to living in reaching a dream I have in my mind and so being blinded by all that is here that requires my support and assistance.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fight against what is real due to being directed by the desire of doing whatever is required to have what I want in my life; even if I  have to walk over others to have it
In this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be inconsiderate/egocentric - centring and focusing only in myself as my mind, wanting only to satisfy my own mind-bubbles, sucking energy from others to get what I want.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abuse others to get what I want - using manipulation, nice words and promises I will never accomplish and later use those 'steps to escalate' to the position I want within my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe the art world was the best election to construct my life as the way I wanted - cause I saw artist doing the things they wanted and so taking advantage of my creativity and art abilities  to reach to that point.




I realize that the expression I have  I use it as a way to get Money, recognition so, Energy for feeding my mind.
I realize and observe that I am abusing the expression of life to feed energy constructs instead of doing them to assist and support life.  Expressing  myself as the Starting Point of Self as Life and not as the Starting point of getting what I want as Energy.


I stop being Directed by my dreams and due to that not considering others as one as equal to me. I observe and consider others as myself and I commit myself to investigate more further this true-being I was creating/accepting within myself - a dictator. 


I commit myself to uncover and stop this evil within me to Bring myself back here as Life as a being that Considers and cares for others and me as One and Equal as Life and to stand as self-Humble and Self-Honesty to stop myself as a transgressor within life; using others to get what I want until I stand as clarity, humbleness, real service and real acceptance/ love for me and others.




.....................................................................


I started this blog as a way to talk and expose about the relation of me and art and I ended up with discovering another layer in me that is how I have abused others to get what I want- facing me as someone that doesn´t cares and consider others in fact. The true nature of my Starting Point was to get what I wanted.


This will continue and I´ll use my star-sign -  Capricorn - as an assistance.

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