Day # 299 - Learning to say "no"

More patterns to change....another one that I have to do to clean all the mess I have done in my life it´s acting in the physical and learn to say "NO"  - specially to food...yeah food that it´s not supportive for me. I never had this tendency to take care of what I eat  and I grew up in a mexican family and my grandmother was a great cook so she always was preparing delicious food for me and my mom and we usually had family reunions at home on weekends so I had never had time to eat in a balanced way....I ate healthy but not balanced.

I began making diets and taking care of me but always the delicious food was flirting with me and I didn´t had the complete will to say "NO", until 2 or 3 years that I began investigating which food its better for me and now I am indeed more carefull and I had developed the will to say no - lol... I don´t want to make a diet because I want to eat everything I like but in a measured and balanced way also I am more connected with my body and I can observe when I abuse...like today that I am feeling very awful due to sugar...I have eated a lot of sugar this days, specially coke and ice-creams and I do observe that when I eat carbohydrates ans sugars I start feeling bad.

So, I am doing a complete change in my diet.   
yeah, that´s another thing I will change and saying no to the things I know that are making an abuse within me, like feelings, emotions, situations, people and start walking the correction path. That´s why I decided also to make the commitment of writting again, I also have observed that being in a group like Desteni, walking and living principles and being in a way connected and having goals and plans are the best way to change reality and I have seen it change and I want it to change cause I want to reach my goals. I want to live! that´s my desire, my passion, my goal - I want to LIVE!, to be aware of everything, to be part of all the things I enjoy and I enjoying me its the first step.   

I am grateful for the things and people I have in my life in these moments.  I will take care of them as I have done it all my life.   

Here...it arises a point that I want to explore more deeply - loosing people. It causes a big emptyness when I think in loosing people. So I will write more tomorrow about this. There are so many layers - one of them I was observing today was the fear of saying something that may sound weird or dumb to the other and so I go to the extremes and I see them making fun inside them and stop talking to me. 

ok, so...I will continue tomorrow. Really tired and dizzy. I just want to sleep 

Day # 28 -- My Relation with Food

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize, see and understand that my relation with food has nothing to do with nurturing my physical body, but in 'nurturing/supporting/feeding the Mind Consciousness systems within me.


I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that I eat to feed my emotions and feelings, so producing more energy for the MCS and not to nurture and support my physical body with all the required nutriments needed.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to eat when I feel bored. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go down to the kitchen to eat whatever I found on the refrigerator just to satisfy my emotions such as being boring and connecting the food with being busy - not realizing I was just feeding my mind as energy and not considering my physical body in any way.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to find in food a way to satisfy my desires and to stop my anxiousness. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect food with a feeling of satisfaction of desire, and to find the flavours so intoxicating that I feel the desire to have more; just to satisfy my wants and the needs of perpetuating that flavour in my mouth more time, thus in all these not considering the abuse I am doing to my physical body that has been fed with systems instead of support, nutrients for it efficient developement and not only talking about my arms, belly, legs, but my brain and every cell  and molecule within my body that had not had any support through all this years, yet I have been just feeding my energy constructs - the Mind Consciousness systems - 'working for them only without being aware of that cause the mind directed me through lies and tramps, not realizing that the food within which I feel more attracted to are the one that abuses me; but not because the food in fact is 'bad' is my relation, how I define myself with that food that is causing abuse.




I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define food as healthy and unhealthy and not realizing that I am responsable for the way I define and connect myself with the food - I use the food to divert my attention, to cover up myself, to avoid facing me and stand up as self-nurture and self-direction to support my body as myself and providing it with food that is required for it to function.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself with my Physical body, perceiving it and talking about it like if it was a separate being within my life.  


I forgive myself that I haven´t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that I am my physical body and my physical body is me.


I forgive myself that I haven´t accepted and allowed myself to consider all parts of my physical body in equality and oneness; just worrying about certain parts of my body/physical as for example my arms, my belly, my legs and not other parts like my brain, my cells, my eyes, the molecules; other beings and life forms that are here within my body.


I forgive myself that I haven´t accepted and allowed myself to consider all my physical body as one and equal to me, and me not being  the Directive Principal to nurture to consider what is entering to my organism; questioning which is my starting point of eating.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel attracted to certain kinds of  food without taking in consideration the physical reality just my need and desires.


I commit myself to be here, in equality and oneness, questioning everything that entering to my organism; investigating the Starting point - if it is to fulfil my desires and wants; eat as energy, as systems or as the physical.


Food is here as a support for my Physical body not for feeding my MCS - emotions, feelings, thoughts.


I commit myself to investigate and to re-define food and support my physical body as one and equal to me.