miércoles, 5 de septiembre de 2012

Day # 47 -- Moving Slowly

I have been noticing like doing things very slow - yesterday I was cleaning  my house as I usually do and I began observing me; my physical movements very slow I wanted to move more quickly but I couldn´t - well, I didn´t fight against this. I am was working also with tthis 'pace' I have - I use to move myself quickly - I walk quickly, I do things in a rush - due to my impatience, my body get tight and sometimes - due to this rush, I let things fall, I distract and well, I sometimes don´t remember where I put things and sometimes I have catched myself for example - keeping the bread on the refrigerator and the milk in the cupboard - LOL!

And as I say I have been observing me in slow motion and I get angry/intolerant with and towards myself 'cause I want to move faster and do things faster.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel that I will not have time within and as my day to finish the things I have to do, due to participating in the mind imagining myself at the end of the day with nothing of my tasks and 'thinks I have to do'completed in time and  besides all having a 'time for myself'  to rest and is when I participate in back-chats as 'uff, I am not going to finish this in time', 'it´s a lot of work' and so establishing a physical consequence such as excitement, worry, desperation, I start sweating and I distract myself as the mind and I don´t do anything as the consequence I allow and create by thinking and creating all these time-loops and dimensions in my mind.

Instead of being here as the Physical and as the breath doing all the things I have to do in the 'presence of myself as myself here. 

Breath is the Pace of Life and within and as that Pace I am and I move myself and I get done what it has to be done.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in fears of loss - believing that I am going to lose things if I move slower than my mind and If I am here as the breath of life, imagining myself moving slow and not completing anything of the things I have to do and so feel pressured and overwhelmed participating in back-chats such as ¡Faster,faster; move faster, Jessie move faster! and so abusing my body making it moving faster, and so due to this my hands get tight and heavy and for example I can´type efficiently because I am running inside me and the consequence is creating more time-loops, indeed more time as the mind and yes, what I 'loose' is opportunities to stand as the breath and the presence of myself here as life - because all my attention and power I give it to the mind to direct me and to control me.

Instead of me being here within and as the physical; Aware of every movement/moment I am in the presence of the Physical body.

So, Whenever I see myself going to the mind as thoughts, emotions, feelings, perceptions, images  when doing a task, walking, cleaning, typing, reading - I stop, I breathe immediately and accordingly I place myself here as the presence of me as the physical and I become aware of me as everything that is here - all the material things are here as me - so I embrace them and I move me as them - at  the same 'pace'/rhythm.  

I realise, see and understand that me as my mind is moving erratically and so abusing the presence of myself here. The mind makes me participate in the illusion of time and within this in the fear of loss. Time does not exist within and as me.

So, if time doesn´t exist I am here to enjoy the presence of me and the presence of everything and everyone as myself within and as my life.

So, I realise, see and understand that everything within myself as life has a pace and has a space -  for example within over -sleeping I am abusing the pace of life there cause I am not taking in consideration that time for another activities I have to do - is abuse 'cause I am keeping and stealing ,,,,,

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to over-sleep due to feeling and thinking that I am loosing something that is 'mine' - I realise see and understand over-doing things is self-interest - I am exaggerating, I am abusing substance.

Everything  has a space/pace within and as myself.

So, I commit myself to investigate more this and to make a schedule also to place myself as the presence of myself within and as my day and so being me as the directive Principle and not the mind in illusions, perceptions, and ideas, thoughts.

...this will continue...

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