Day # 14 Head and Body Aches - Being My own cell keeper

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe the systems within me are more than me and that I am unable to stop them; to take direction of myself.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe, think and feel I am my Mind consciousness systems.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel overwhelmed by my feelings, thoughts, emotions, back-chats and thus think and feel that I can´t control them so I prefer giving up and let them to direct me and control me.
I forgive myself that I haven´t accepted and allowed myself to be my Self-direction.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I need another, a mechanism, a tool; something outside of myself to guide me because I don´t know how to do it.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let the systems programmed in myself  guide me; because I feel not 'powerful' to do that on my own.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed in myself resistances and opportunities to hide and wash my hands from facing myself and moving myself, directing myself to free myself from the mind systems.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist facing myself and using tiredness as an excuse to do something to stand.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use tiredness as  a justification and as a shell to not face me and my reality and so doing something to change it.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe taking direction over me is very difficult and I can´t do it.


I forgive myself that I  have accepted and allowed myself to think that I am helpless.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe anyone, and also me
 can´t do anything to change me so I prefer giving up infront of my MCS and accept the consequences  at my death than doing it in every breath.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to prefer facing the consequences - 'later' - or giving up to the inevitable instead of assisting myself in every breath; instead of standing and be my own Directive Principle.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see in death a better way to save me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think I am not good enough to be saved and thus I prefer giving up now and face the consequences than taking the Power to Direct me in every breath.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I prefer suffering than stopping that abuse in myself now - implicating that I don´t want to face my reality and so work on my self to be my directive principle within my life.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in tiredness and to define myself with tiredness - giving my power away to this system and believing is better than me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that tiredness exists within and as me.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deliberately abuse myself within the acceptance and allowance of death in every breath. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed separation within myself due to thinking, wanting, desiring and looking death as an 'easy-way/back-door' to escape from my Responsability  and from myself - and the best way to correct myself.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that death is the better way for me to correct me and to free myself cause I can´t in this moment so I prefer giving me away to the Systems of my mind.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed abuse within myself.
I forgive myself that I haven´t realized  that I am my own executioner - killing/eliminating me myself before others do - accepting and allowing failure, anticipating  to the worst because I believe that way I can suffer less or I can anticipate to other enemies so that they can´t find a way to harm me  - which is an illusion cause no-one is here attacking me but me.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that others/my reality is against me so I an anticipate to the worst, to the failure by eliminating me first, by infringing harm to myself before others can do it.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I open myself I can be vulnerable to the attacks that are out there.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that the enemy is around and I have to cover all the parts of myself so in that way I can prevent any damage. I forgive myself that I have not realized that I am my own enemy and that I am allowing separation and abuse by protecting me from something that is not real- so suppressing myself in every moment instead of letting go all the control and the fears to live and to Breathe for once and for all and to Live in Simplicity,


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in this masochistic mechanism to hide/protect me from what I think can harm me - so I prefer harming me first to anticipate suffering.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in masochism. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe I need suffering to correct myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to infringe suffering towards me to feel safe and to feel protected.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to play the role of a prison ´s warden so I can feel safe and protected.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be cold and hard with myself to lock myself as a way of feeling safe and protected.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to act as a warden - hard, inexpressive, tough - against  myself to avoid falling apart.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel weak and that´s why I have to create another personality to hide from others/from myself , to protect me from others/from myself  and thus creating a personality that is suppressing me.


I forgive myself that I haven´t allowed myself to realize that I am defining my reality - everything around me as a place where I have to be safe  - so I have to be hard in my 'facade'/ be hard to myself to feel secure and to protect what I am, thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be hard and though with others to avoid any damage.








I commit myself to investigate this further within myself - to investigate why I do this to myself.


Everytime I see myself allowing abuse and harm within me through words and  thoughts, feelings and emotions. I stop, I breathe, I stop my mind and I embrace myself as one and equal to life. I accept myself and I stop all abuse within  me and towards me.
When and I as see myself participating in feelings of not being good enough and feeling I am unable to stand, I stop, I Stand and I clear myself breathing and I continue moving in my physical with any participating within my mind. Stopping all participation with my mind. 


I take the Control as the Directive Principle. I stand as self-direction and Self-responsability.


I allow myself to let go the control. I allow myself to Stand as self-acceptance, stopping that protection and defence mechanism within me and I breathe, I relax, I express myself as one and equal to  others. I stop all fear and Insecurities.