I am this personality since ..always--Lol. The point is not giving much attention to my reality and give more importance to my dreams and imaginations ( imagination is the next point I am going to open and share).
I perceived my life so Boring and I moved myself to my mind cause there is where all the 'diversion' was( diversión in Spanish is 'fun/enterteinment', funny that in english is to divert) so there, I invented worlds and realities better than here...better personalities and personas
With Desteni tools I have been realizing all this is because I wanted to hide and evade to take control and Responsability about myself, so Instead of facing myself I preferred to procrastinate that - let it pass for another moment - due to the discomfort this made when I realized I was indeed lying to myself.
So, since I began process I have been taking this in consideration so since then I have been observing myself and correcting that pattern within me ...
But I still go to that 'chamber' unconsciously - when I enter to that program haha; well, situation... of having to pay attention and stop all me inside of me to control myself and hear, my mind/me starts talking so I hear middle of the message. I can observe when I was not here in a situation although I beLIEve I was when time pass by and I don´t remember what the other people say or asked me; so I have to ask again...
For example when my mom ask me to go to the shop to buy several things and I hear all - I believe I am indeed here and that I am paying attention - and then I start my way to go to the shop; when I arrive to the shop, I remember just the half of the things she asked me. LOL. So, I observe I was not here at the moment when my mother was talking to me...so I have to start from 0 again. LOL is funny...but it has been a process to correct it and within these days has been more easy.
The feelings I have when my mother or other person is asking me something/a favour is nervousness, anxiety and anger; cause in some situations my mother ask me things when I have more things to do, so, is frustrating to me that she doesn´t ask me of talk to me in a better moment. This makes me get very stressed, and due to my 'background' I also judge myself and think I can´t do it.
And well, this 'distractions' are also an assistance to follow practising until this is done. And I have been focusing more and not using my mind to remember or to pay attention; but me as one and equal with everything here and breathing to not rush in my mind and also not anticipating.
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use distractions as a justification to not face my reality and myself here.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself and accept myself as distracted to abdicate responsability and be 'considerated' by others, for not being repressed or having a confrontation and hide myself from that - having Responsability and compromise.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe and think that people and me were going to 'minimize,' a mistake just by saying that I was a distractive person.
I forgive that i have accepted and allowed myself to play myself as a victim of the circumstances by using distraction as a justification.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I am one and equal to the system and so, I am my mind and I can´t do nothing about it.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abdicate responsabilities hiding myself in my mind, so diverting myself from what Is here.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create other worlds and personalities to hide myself from facing me here.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive my reality as boring, as not good enough as a cause for me to create a mind-reality to feel better about myself.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed me and my self as life here and all I have here as one and equal to me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to categorize my life as not enough and playing within mind-polarities as good/bad, fun/boring, sad/happy.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go and escape into my mind when I am feeling threatened.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use my mind as a place where I can be/scape when I see myself moved from what I want to do/think/feel.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within anxiety and desperation when
my mom is asking me a favour or is communicating with me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed in myself desperation and anger while my mother is communicating with me about a point to consider for the best of the two of us.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within competition when my mom asks me to do something to assist ourselves with house chores wanting to impose my point of view before hearing her, so I accept and allow within myself distractions to not consider what she is sharing with me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within arrogance towards my mother; participating in back-chats and thoughts against her.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel I am better than others, so I use also distractions as a way of no hearing others as one and equal to me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing in myself arrogance towards others as myself participating in distractions to be better than others in my mind.
Ok, this point of 'arrogance' was going to be another point in another day but here it is another shadow of myself, due to my Insecurities and fears of myself.
And yes, I didn´t wanted to realize and also see this point clear - my SF assisted me to 'give it light' and so, I could see it better and so be more easy to explain it and correct it.
I see myself saying in my mind ¡¡yes, yes, yes!! with this arrogant face ( lol ) and I participate a lot in this mind-mannerism...If I can call it that way...because I don´t usually do it physically, I better do it in my mind and 'pretending' I am listening and caring...haha..wow! yes, there I am ... lol.
Well...I am continuing with this .. here...hey, my mind was expecting to say tomorrow...No! Today ! ;)
Ok!
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to pretend I care and I listen to others when In fact I am participating in my secret mind in back-chats and in thoughts criticizing them in my mind and saying to myself 'don´t hear him/her' -I am right! and I´ll do it my way.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe and thing I know more than others.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in my secret mind when I am talking with other people as a way/mechanism of defence; protecting me from others in the mind, because if something gets wrong I can protect myself and feel I was right.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in mind-mechanisms of defence instead of being here and Hear/here others as myself.
I forgive myself that I haven´t accepted and allowed myself to realize this is a way where I place myself as a person who needs to fit in and to be accepted by something outside of myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within Nastiness.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to pretend I am something else from what I am in my mind.
I forgive myself that I haven´t accepted myself to realize that If Lie to others in fact I am lying to myself - is not about others is about me/what makes me.
When and as I see myself participating in distractions as a way to divert myself from myself and within others. I stop and I breathe. I place myself here as One and equal to the person that is infront of me talking to me or the information that I am reading, or the situation I am experiencing ( not living cause is notorious I am not living it ) I bring myself here whenever I see myself going in to my mind to hide and to abdicate responsability - the Responsability of Being Here as One and equal to myself and One and equal to others as myself.
I place myself here, I walk here, I move myself here. Embracing all that is here within myself and making all that me.
I am attention here as self, as breath; as the breath in every moment.
When and as I see myself participating in my secret-mind in back-chats and thoughts, so placing myself more than in my mind so I block myself and I distract myself so that I can protect me; using distraction as a way to place myself above others I stop, I place myself here, I breathe and I place myself one and equal to others as myself. I hear them, I accept others as myself and i stop arrogance and nastiness within myself.
I Make sure that all participation here is and leads to do what is best for all in all ways!!
*Note for me : ( next point - being 'nice' to hide my secret mind )
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