Hello, I am writting here so you all can read what has happenned with me in this months.
Literally I throw away my process - at least I felt that way.
As some of you know I was looking for a job, so I found one and I went very excited and with the best attitude to be there and stand within this part within my life - having a job, being consistent and surviving in the system and also to support myself in reaching more goals and experiences - I was indeed happy being there and also knowing people and going out of my house, having another perspective of life and seeing other things besides my house, dogs, internet, etc.
There I knew I a boy - I began to know him and I was very interested due to his interest in me. We went out, he kissed me, we again went out; more kisses but I stopped the relationship due to fears, ideas and opinions. He had a girlfriend in other country and I saw It was not honest for me to follow with this and also observing me that I wanted to follow just to loose my virginity and he just to have sex; the virginity illusion is something that is bothering me. LOL!
Within this I really felt very bad due to being my first kind of "relationship" ( or approach) ..my first kiss...my first approach to someone that was interested in me...More illusions in fact. Observing this I fell more in the deep due to my deshonesty, I was feeling very dissapointed with myself and I still am....
All this together with the failure I felt with stopping working there and not seeing a way out of this mess I really fell in a depression. I participated in suicidal ideas, ( I still have them but I am taking medication ), I was cutting myself to release the anger, the fears, the anxiety.
Yes, I should´ve ask for help in Desteni but I am still in this patterns of keeping all within myself thinking that I am bothering people and also thinking that anyone can help me to get out of this tramp.
Through the days I have been working with this demons...not a lot I am sincere...due to desires of really stopping everything and dying. I really wanted to die, to go, to leave.
Few days ago I saw this guy again. Again he kissed me and we talked. I saw the illusion I made to myself due to the desire of having a relationship and to not seeing the reality within relationships right now - is all about sex, self interest and any support.
The other part is with the job stuff. I haven´t found anything and is very hard and I am feeling more angry and anxious due to not seeing a way through.
I enjoy selling my crochet stuff but also that has been a tough work to do...I feel anxious and weird....
Yes, this pattern of starting and falling is recurrent in my process. A system I have to work with.
Not completing things, not being stable and distracting myself with images in my mind, desires to have a relationship, the feeling of loneliness, the anxiety of not doing what I want and the inner anger with myself for being so dumb!
I really don´t understand anything.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in emotions of depression and invalidating myself through comparing myself to the life of others.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see other´s life and fantasize with being them due to unvalidating my life to the utmost that I desire to have what they have - within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel that is very late to correct myself and my life and to feel fear in relation to my future within this world.
I forgive myselfg that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel there is not solution for me and so participating in suicidal ideas and desires to leave this world.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to forget about myself and to be dishonest due to wanting to be as others and through thinking that others are better than me.
I commit myself to show myself the value I have and to push myself to stand and to continue supporting myself alone or with others,
I commit myself to stop paying more attention to others and to accept myself as who I am, to be honest with my decisions, to stop regrets and sadness, and to have responsability of all what I accept and allow within myself.
I commit myself to stand as consistency. I commit myself to show myself I can do this.
I commit myself to stop the desires and wishes of throwing all away and being as other people.
( i´ll follow this in my spanish blog)
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In my blog in Spanish I have been walking 21 days to remove a pattern. For me it has been like an investigation. An Investigation to see in where areas I am still being dependent and defining myself with and as the system.
So, I have been settling down within this - assisting with my cell-phone as an alarm to wake up after 6 hours of sleep and of course, with my breath!!.
I haven´t been exact - in waking up in the mornings but I have been working in the points that leads me to suppress my reality.
I have been again realizing that I pressure myself very much and I give a lot of attention to this as Energy - stress, tenseness, tension .... CONcentration! yes, that´s the word.
The more I CON-centrate in this the more I fail. Why? 'cause it has been since that Starting point of pressure. Wanting to change, wanting to do something I have been postponing and wanting to do something that I never complete. I mean that I have this pattern of not completing things within and as my life.
So, today I have this crisis again. The fears, the doubts, seeing me in the future with nothing that is completely mine. This was triggered by an order I had to do in crochet - my client was giving me a lot of excuses in relation to the doll I was making and I exploded and I told to myself that I was going
to stop doing this things - participating in the back-chats of :"I ´ve had enough of this; I don´t sell my products the way I have to, I give them very cheap, I don´t have the money I want. So I will just CONcentrate in the job I am doing in the web and in the meantime I will search for another one. I need the F. Money".
So, I went to talk to my mom - she gave me solutions and options but I didn´t wanted to hear. So again - wanting to hide, wanting to run and wanting to participate in self-pity.
I stayed in my room for a while - breathing and observing me again in this pattern and my behaviors and this program inside me that makes me throw everything away and start in other area.
So, I open my laptop and I started watching the videos that I didn´t watched in the Heaven´s Journey to Life Blogs and then reading other member blog´s and Bernard´s Blog - Creation Journey to Life and again made myself aware of my breath and start applying SF with the examples in HJTL blogs and I realized - in addition of what I wrote yesterday in my spanish blog - that I keep defining myself as systems. I know I am one; I have been participating in them since I was born - and knowing those systems I have realized I am not a MCS - but in allowing them here as me - one and equal as me - I am indeed a system, and so my reality becomes a mess and i create consequences. And also I realized that with wanting to reject them again I am going into separation and not giving a solution to myself.
So, I began being aware of my breath where I realized the solution to the trigger point that drove me to the same
'mental-state' - a simple one! so I gave to my client the solution and to myself also - not abandoning this little business that I have and to keep with the solutions I put for me: Assisting myself with this job I found in the internet which a friend recommended me and to then completing my studies. I haven´t received a payment yet, but my friend says they pay so I am calmed. lol. So with that, assisting my mom as before and searching for and to study Homeopathy. Is a process I will walk. And I have to build the way to this decision.
Ok, well, this is a review of some points that I have been walking and correcting within me.
I again commit myself to not fall and to hide and to run. As I always do and also to not see things with my mind´s eyes - which is the thing I do always.
Thanks for reading,
...So, as part of the process - to Find within Yourself a ‘spec of life’ and eventually Birth Yourself as the Tree of Life to ‘Bear the Fruit of Life’: You’re going to have to Changethe Constitution of Yourself, you’re going to have to Genetically Modify yourself as Organism, become a GMO, Modifying yourself to That Which is Best for All Life. If you don’t, you’re Doomed by Yourself and Only You are Responsible. Even those Affected by Others, You Remain Responsible to What Happens ‘Within you’, Who you are, What you Allow or What you Accept – that is simple Science, it is Mathematics, it is the Function of Reality...
Creation´s Journey to Life
Not liking to receive, not liking to Give...and...not liking to Give and so not Receiving.
This words came up within and as myself investigating more about this physical consequence of the bronchial asthma I have.
I see myself receiving things without resistance and when is my turn to give I breath deep and I like of shorten my breath - I still see here a lot of self-interest within myself and resistances to forgive and forget past events in my life.
I am walking my relationship with my mom in my Spanish blog and today I came here to do it in English. I have realised the way I define the relationship I have with my mom and the way I define me within this relation. Is all about my perceptions and ideas and past events that I haven´t released within myself - with her and others.
Today I was very uncomfortable with this illness that I caused within myself - fear of dying and also the other polarity of wanting/desiring to having a break and giving a final blow of breath in all of these and so giving up again. Seeing me in that path of going/hiding or continuing here to support myself like I have decided to do. But, I see that I always take the easy way-out of things and so I am here and well, I am standing and not hearing my mind this time and although it seems like everything is collapsing and I am facing me for the very first time - and is not a 'good...or 'bad' face...but is a face I haven´t seen in my whole life. LOl - is always about fear in my life -- specially in compromising myself with me and with others...within this then I feel guilt and I feel sad and those are the feelings I don´t want to feel and due to knowing myself - as the mind - I prefer also isolating ...
Ok, so I am here again - cleaning me as a house - making a deep clean within and as myself and stand.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel resistance within and as changing myself due to holding in this back-chat that "is more easy to continue as I am than moving things that I have under the carpet - saying "those things as secrets are there for something, who I am to move that?" - "this is not going to help me" - " I am not changing" - "I fall and I don´t correct myself even if I write a bible of Self-Forgiveness" - "I am like this and I am not going to change so easy".
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in emotional energetic movements so I can fuel this victim character I have created - Instead of moving myself to do it, instead of whining and making a fuss out of everything - standing as the Presence of Myself in Every breath and so stopping me from over-analizing everything as the mind without considering the physical reality as myself here.
I realise this is a Pre-programmed system infused within myself from one of my parents - which I know is my father! and So, So, is not who I am. Is a pre-programmed system inside me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define me as the mind C, systems, to give it attention and value and to think and feel I am this mind and I can control it - I realise that I want to control it in separation of myself and not taming me and directing myself in the simplicity in every breath.
So, I realise that I am being again hard towards myself wanting/desiring to see a 'great' change to believe in me and so giving value to all, limiting myself as self-expression.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be as the ego of the mind and participate in spitefulness within and as myself and so with all and everyone within my environment.
A back-chat:
"Why is everything in this world so difficult"/"Why this world was created"/"those that created this 'life' didn´t have anything else to do than fucking people" and now ME has to solve everything...¬¬°
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to follow my back-chats so I can deliberately 'wash my hands' out of my responsibilities and compromises I have with myself and with others and using this words as excuses and as a way to hide and whining instead of standing and walking through this mind-demons pre-programmed inside myself and fuelled by me within and as this participation/attention I give to them.
I have a Choice in every moment of my breath - being here as myself to walk what´s Best for All in Every Action, word and deed.
So, who is going to decide me or my mind.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel a resistance/movement inside myself when I read this words in relation to choices and being responsable and all - due to not having self-trust and really being here in oneness and equality within and as myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel this nastiness with all related to correcting and changing one self.
I stop me as this emotions and feelings - I realise and see this is not me - is my mind resisting/making me resist - so distracting myself from what I really am.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in whining and in exaggerations Instead of closing my mouth and moving me as and in the physical to do and make the things I have to do to built my life within and as the foundations of what is Best for All.
I commit myself to unvoice me as my Mind - So the one that talks and expresses a word can be Me as who I am in Every Moment of Every breath.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take the easy path within and as myself that is the mind - loosing me and separating me as the mind - Instead of being Here. Standing with Everything and All that is me Here in every moment of each breath.
I commit myself to Stop being childish as desires/wants of the mind to hide and play around - Instead of compromising with and as me as Life.
I commit myself to Be responsible - to stop me as illusions in my mind.
I commit myself to establish myself efficiently in this world-system to continue supporting myself in the physical reality.
When and as I see myself participating in resistance, in mind chatting and in nastiness - I stop, I direct myself - I breath and I take me back here as me within and as my physicality. This is what I am - the physical, my breath, my body. I am here.
My mind is not me. I stop the relation with my mind. I embrace it and I transcend it
ok, I´ll be continuing with the first point of wanting everything for me and so, not Giving what I Receive - cause I see that point of wanting others to Give me - I was a princess in my other life or what? Well, a Rotten Child I was...LOL
ok, I´ll be walking more and more
Ok, here I continue with the past blog that was:
" I want to Craft Character"
Yesterday I had time to made some crafts - and well, I observe more dimensions here - as for example the positive energetic reactions I have when I am doing them - I realise in having this reactions as Positive energetic sensations as polarities I am not here in the moment of my physical movements and I am not here present in every moment as the process I am walking to get the craft done.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel good/ to feel I am 'doing something important within my life/with my day/ with the moments I am doing the crafts and I participate in the back-chat of " I want to do this all my life" within this not giving importance to the reality that is here as me, to the other responsibilities I have to complete within and as me, only by being there as an energetic possessed character that only sees what I doing here as self-interest participating in desires/wants to not being bothered with other mundane points as when my mom says to me "Search for a job in the web instead of being there just wasting my time' or 'those things don´t generate money do something that generates money'.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to distract myself within a point that is feeding my self-interest and using an activity to distract myself and to feed my mind - Instead of doing it without energetic dependencies - Just Me here in Every breath.
Let´s say "Free" to Enjoy Myself in every breath with no other suppressions and points of postponement. I mean - when I have all the things done - the priority ones completed I can do the things I have as extracurricular points....
Here I am not saying that I rush in the other things to have time for me to feel free and do what I want - no - and also I am not defining my tasks within a polarity of fun and not fun, or the things I like and the ones I don´t.
So; I commit myself to walk all the things I have here in my reality within and as Self-Responsability and Self-attention and also stop Moving myself in a rush so I can 'clean my hands' of the ones I have to do first so I can be 'free' to do the others I like more...
So Here, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define things/activities/tasks/things that I do for others as less important and within and as the things I do for me I feel and experience myself as free, as like If I am doing something for me .
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect the activities I do for others as something I am not doing it for me - Instead if Being here as me in every activity and realising that everything Here is ME! and I am all that is here - One and equal to myself.
When and as I see myself separating me from the activities I do - I stop, I breathe and I Embrace everything I do as myself and I do them with that Consideration, Self-responsability.
So Here I Realise, see and Accept that Everything is here - I stop Separating me as Individual from all the things I do, from all the things I walk as the physical - Nothing is a separated point. Everything is here and so, I realise, see and understand that every thing I do is a part of me and so, my mind is the one that is making a difference and a separation making me believe that I am a separate individual that is alien to this world and reality.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am a separated matter from all the things/persons/activities/tasks I do here in my reality and in world and so accepting and allowing that my mind constantly and continuously tells me that I am special, or that I am giving my job as a gift and so thinking that anyone is going to appreciate it..
The other Point I see here is that I place in me a Defence Mechanism and that I am 'Alert' as the mind - participating in that character that is "If this and then this".
Instead of moving myself unconditionally and genuine in every moment.
Ok, the next point I´ll be walking this - the point that unfolds from all this - the point of thinking and feeling that I am Giving my work - as free - making my job for free expecting an award if is not of people - of Life. An Award from Life - ' a good person character' --wow! a lot of dimensions here LOL!
ok, I´ll continue.!!
Within these days I have been feeling this energetic movement inside me of doing crafts.
In these moments I want to make something to decorate my house.
I enjoy doing crafts with my hands but the moving force is Energy - I get excited, I rush and I tend to not enjoy me in the moment here, and while I am doing them I am in other place in my mind....
So, here I´ll walk this Character.
FEAR DIMENSION
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in fears in relation of not having time to do the craft I wish to do - Instead of being here stopping energetic reactions and emotions/feelings in relation to time.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that something - as another situation/task/compromise gets in the way so that I cannot do the craft I wish to do in the moment - Instead of stopping me as the fear dimension so I can eliminate more character creations in the moment. I Stop, I breathe and I continue doing my physical activity
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that the moment that I can do the craft is already late. - I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear time.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear others as my mom/grandmother to bother me and ask me 'What I am doing?' while I am doing the craft/activity - in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be scolded by my mother/grandmother due to me moving things in the house/decorating a place in the way they don´t like.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in fears of something getting in my way to criticize me or to make me feel weird/so grown-up to do the craft/activity and also fears of others telling me that I better do something else that requires more importance - I realise, see and understand that this is not real - is the mind creating energetic reactions as fears to so feed itself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel fears and to participate in emotions and feelings of not having time to do it and also fearing that in the mean time that I am doing a craft something else important may need attention from me - In this - I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect doing crafts with fears.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect doing crafts with the fear of being out of time.
When and as I see myself participating in fears due to not having time ( time is my trigger point ) in every situation that I am in - I breathe, I place myself here in the Presence of myself and I see, realise and understand that time as the mind does not exists - is only a conglomeration of moments here as breath.
I am here as breath within and as myself - Breathing in and out - there are moments. a lot moments as breaths.
I see, realise and understand that as breaths I am Constant - there are many breaths in Life - no beginning - no end - Breath is here as me.
So, When and as I see myself fearing time within and as my day - I stop, I Breathe.
When and as I see myself while doing crafts fearing that my mom will come to say me that why I am doing that/criticizing and reacting to my decorations and crafts I want to place in my house - Instead of reacting also, I stop me from going into a reaction towards here: like taking it personal or feeling sad and angry - I breathe and I stop me as Energy. I continue placed in the physical as Me - Stopping energetic movements inside me and I continue expressing myself and enjoying me in the moment
So, I commit myself to stop the Fear dimension within and as myself in the moment I see me going to that realms and scenarios in my mind - So I can stop me here from Giving Life and attention to the attempt of the mind to take me to create more dimensions and so separating myself more of here as the Presence of Myself.
I don´t longer accept to be a Servant for the mind - I commit myself to Stand as the Directive Principle here in each moment of breath.
I commit myself to manage my time and as a Practical and Workable Solution to myself so I can stop mind perceptions of not having time to Live in my life.
THOUGHT DIMENSION
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I will not have time and to see myself doing the craft in a rush cause I didn´t managed my time efficiently and so stopping myself to do the craft or other activity that surges in the moment.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in thoughts of me doing the craft and also feeling tiredness and stopping myself due to images of me scolding myself and saying I have more important things to do and so connecting making a pause within my compromises and other tasks and home-works as a distraction that is bad and based in self-interest - so seeing me that I am being irresponsible.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that my mom will discover what I am doing and she will get mad and she will tell me 'Don´t place that decoration on the house - i don´t like it' so taking this as a point to stop myself from expressing myself in this activity.
I see, realise and understand that the force within and as myself is the mind - I depend on a though to tell me and to let me do the things I have to do and so I depend on a though to validate my decisions and my physical movements as expressions.
When and as I see myself going in to the pre-programmed mind movement of going to a thought to so wait for a validation or like the 'push I needed to move myself and do it - I stop, I breathe and I place myself here as the presence of myself and I do the things I have to do without depending on others to do them
I see, realise and understand that the Physical Movement as Expression is moving and so Do it.
Also here - I see that I may observe my priorities in my day - realise that the desire that makes me go to do the craft is a self-interest if I have other things to do; not based in importance as polarities but as a way to complete in order other compromises I have or 'making a pause' during my day within the tasks I have to do and Express myself doing a craft, going out to walk, drawing etc.
The Desire as a Force to Stand and let the task/activity/home-work that I am doing due to making what is best for All - is Self-Interest.
Me as an Expression - of making a craft or an activity to enjoy myself has to be based in Simplicity.
Ok so doing a recap --> While making the Craft participating in energy - as I said directed by that desire to make something I want now in spite of other thing I have to do
ok, so - I´ll be continuing this
REACTION DIMENSION
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in a reaction when I see I have to do things in the moment I don´t want - and so participating in postponement - such as feeling and experiencing myself heavy physically and dragging my feet to the place I have to do the thing I have to do and complete
Instead of Moving Myself Physically and getting myself to do it in the breath and so stopping me as reactions and physical movements that shows my behaviour within a negative energetic movement.
I realise, see and understand that this reactions are created by me as the mind since the first point of thinking instead of Moving myself to do in in the moment of the emergence of the task, the point, the home-work etc. - a physical movement
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create and to establish within my body; my physicality a reaction that makes me go into limitation and Energy as polarities such as negativity, neutrality, positivity - so ; I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect the physical movement within and as an energetic reaction such as negative, neutral, and positive.
I see, realise and understand how the 'Force' in Me is Dependant on Energy and not dependant as What I am as this Physical Movement in Simplicity as Life - I mean, just moving me in the moment, as the breath; one breath in/breath out=Done. The force has to be that Movement in the Moment not thinking and not waiting to the thought to activate as like I am following orders - orders from the mind.
I see, realise and Understand that I am the Force as the mind that makes me Move and that´s why I participate and I go within all the parts of the Character Creation.
When and as I see myself participating in the reaction - if I am here in this phase already - I stop, I breathe and I move myself within and as my physical to complete the things I have to do in the moment
I commit myself to Stand since the very beginning of the character creation with and as the Self-Responsability of realising the consequence of all this Lack of Direction in Every Breath.
When and as I see myself going into the Postponement character - with going first to the fears and thoughts - I stop, I breathe, I stand here having in consideration that If I don´t Direct Myself in the Moment I´ll let my mind to move myself.
I commit myself to Stop here, to stand here and So stopping me from this waiting Character; the one that says: 'Only this One Time' and so sabotaging myself in a Moment of change
Check the Life Review of "Only this One Time".
I haven´t writing within these days and I feel very bad 'cause I have accepted self-sabotage with thoughts and back-chats of postponing this due to the excuse that I haven´t had enough time to do this writtings.
'I am tired at the end of my day' and I don´t reach to do all the things I have to do.
Ok, I am going to walk these points here.
FEAR DIMENSION:
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within the system of fear of the future; feeling fear of not being able to do this and to let my mind to win this and I fail within my commitment of walking this Journey to Life blogs.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within the fear of not having enough time within my day to complete this point of writing my blog at the end of the day or at the beginning of it.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being let aside and to be delayed within this journey in comparison to others.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be fearful about the events and situations that I don´t complete in time cause I know that is an abuse towards me and others I realise, see and understand I use deliberately this as an abuse towards myself - instead of stopping me as fears, emotions and feelings and stand as self-stability and self-trust and self-security to stop my deliberate creations as abuse within my mind.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be fearful about if I don´t change others and me can suffer or something.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be able to stand efficiently and be let aside and pushed by my mind so I cannot stand again from this any more - within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that it will be more difficult in the future to stand from this points and others if I don´t walk them in the moment.
I see realise and understand that all my fears are mind programming within myself and has nothing to do with reality and my physical journey.
I see realise and understand that I accept and allow self-sabotage due to giving value and importance to the mind and it systems so that´s why I follow and create excuses - giving the mind the 'authority' to guide me within my life and all I do within my day.
I see realise and understand I create excuses to not face myself and to continue evading situations and points within myself and so creating more dimensions as the mind - as I realised in previous blogs - accumulating dimensions and dimensions.
I commit myself to walk within the moment the self-correction and so standing and walking through my MCS so I can stop this deliberate abuse as time loops.
When and as I see myself participating in fears in relation to not being able to come here and write my blog I stop, I breathe and I stand from this system in Moving myself to do things in the physical. I mean not postponing things and so creating more 'mind-background' to allow more abuse.
I commit myself to stop myself as finding excuses to not being able to come and write and so also in not having time.
When and as I see myself participating in fears of the consequences in the future I stop, I breathe and I Stabilize myself here as the Presence of me and as common sense. I am here, walking and standing.
"essentially - we're all walking this together within different positions/locations in existence and process - Marduk explained in one of his interviews the different positionings/locations of each one in existence and so one's point to walk in process for self and for all - thus, don't look at it as first or last, but each one taking/standing their point to walk in relation to where all are in their process in existence" - Sunette Spies
THOUGHT DIMENSION
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see me within the world - within this position I am in the journey to life as let aside and not being able to be at the same stage/location as others - I realise see and understand that I am participating within the comparison system.
I see, realise and understand the stupidity of these cause I am here within this moment and in seeing me as first of last is an abuse and yes, an 'stupidity'
In this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge me always based in comparisons and giving importance to the image/thought in my mind that others are more aware/developed as me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see me as less developed and aware and others because I have been I have not came here to write in the last days to due giving my power away to the mind and finding excuses to postpone this task/this commitment I do to myself
I commit myself to stop me as thoughts and to Embrace all of them to investigate and apply the self-forgiveness accordingly and so assisting and supporting myself to walk this Journey to Life.
I see, realise and understand also that in complicating all in my mind and over-analysing everything I tend to stop myself as making a pause due to this pattern of listening to the mind and so I postpone things
So, When and as I see myself letting my thoughts to influence me from Standing as a Practical Living Example to Myself - I stop, I breathe and I Stabilize myself here as the Presence of me.
I jump of my bed, I walk, I stand from the chair, I cuddle my cats or my dogs - I breathe - and I stand as me here and I do the things I Enjoy doing.
I see Here that is so easy for me as my mind to control me and to remove me from the things I enjoy doing cause I give more importance to postponment, to tiredness, to the programs inside me.
I stop, and I commit myself to continue walking!!
IMAGINATION DIMENSION
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in imaginations as me doing something else that don´t imply a hugh resistance within myself as the mind for example watching a movie, laying in my bed, seeing in the internet the things I want to see.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in my mind as imagination where I see myself writing my blog, or knitting or cleaning the house - as If I am walking it in the real time and so feeling a nastiness and a where I participate in negative and positive emotions and feelings to validate and feed that imagination episode and so sabotaging myself and letting my mind to kind of saving me from moving myself and so believing that I can do it in other moment.
Here; I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in self-interest cause I give more importance to ME as my mind and not to the things that are here to complete and to walk to do What is Best for All.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to first in my imagination walk ME in mind episodes as a way of analize and consider the amount of resistance and physical movement I have to take and so - letting Me as the mind to convince me that is Better to wait and to let things for another moment so I can Stay there as Postponement and so feed my MCS.
When and as I see myself going to my imagination Dimension - I breathe, I stop myself and I move myself in the Physical - jumping or walking and standing to move me here in the physical so I can see that those systems are real in the moment I let them to move me as the physical and in the physical reality.
I realise, see and understand that in that moments/time that I am busy participating and giving space to the thought in my mind and this making me go to the imagination process stage I could be Standing and Moving and taking the tools to complete and Do something in my Physical Reality - like taking my computer; moving my hands to write and to post my blog/like taking my hook and began crocheting/or to take the broom and the mop to clean.
I commit myself to Stop me as the Imagination Dimension - to Stop me since the fear dimension - since the Beginning So I can Move myself and Walk here as the Physical, with my Physical to Assist and Support me
"I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place
WANT, DESIRE as ENERGY before
RESPONSIBILITY as LIVING within me and my world" --Sunette Spies
@Journey to life.
BACK-CHAT DIMENSION
"Oh, I don´t have time to do this right now", "I´m tired; I do a lot of things", "I do it tomorrow", "nothing happens if I let this for tomorrow"
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to come into this stage as the back-chat dimension within and as myself and to create the back-chat: "OH!, I don´t have enough time to do this right now" and so I go into the excuses and justification background where I try to convince myself that this is true, that I deserve a moment for resting and so, I can let things for tomorrow.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create me as the Postponement Character since the first dimension as fear, then the thought, imagination come here to feed my mind and to participate in energy - so entertaining me as mind with energy instead of standing since the first moment as Breath within and as myself and so moving physically and taking my computer and placing my hands in the way I can type and write my blog.
I forgive myself that I haven´t accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand that for me is more easy to build mind dimensions as stories - as fantasies, illusions - so Energy!!! than moving myself in the Physical to do the things I have to do and so stopping me from making excuses and justifications -- creating since this another Character that is the 'Victimization Character'
I see, realise and understand with this the domino effect that i create since Giving Away My Power to the mind - that is the creation of more Characters and more dimensions.
When and as I see myself participating in the Mind-Creator-of-Characters when I am in deliberate action designing more Monsters/Demons within and as the belief that I am this - and so I am the assistance of my mind - like the workers within this World System that deliberately are creating more abuse and making the system huge instead of Stopping and Realising we can Stop and we can Stand since the First Moment.
I´ll continue with the next dimensions
For Further Support Read:
Character Dimensions – IMAGINATION Dimension (Part 2): DAY 166
Character Dimensions – BACKCHAT Dimension (Part 3): DAY 169
