This is the continuation from my Previous blog:
day# 53 - Giving Credit and Value to the Mind
I commit myself to stop giving Credit and Value to the Mind and also the Power to be my Directive Principal within and as me and so creating more energetic dimensions/movements inside me that makes me separate me from myself and others.
I commit myself to approach me and others in equality and oneness - stopping me from using the mind when I approach others as myself and so within this creating more separation and abuse due to defining people and approaching me and others based on my mind acceptances and allowances.
I commit myself to treat people as if they were me and so I commit myself to be this Guardian/ this Custodian that is in the Presence of Myself; in Equality and Oneness as me, here in every breath I take, every time I am speaking, ¡seeing! Life.
So, I can stop being this automatic Robot that is giving everything for granted, believing that I have to give my power away to other mechanisms - as my mind - when I am moving myself in the Physical and within this 'me' as Life is only there - inside this den created by my acceptance and allowances - waiting and being taken where the mind wants.
I commit myself to be My Directive Principle and Starting Point. I commit myself to walk within and as the Principle of what is best for All.
I commit myself to stop pleasing others and so stopping betraying and sacrificing Life due to be accepted and allowed within the World System that is based on surviving and doing things in spite of others and spite of myself, where the only thing we are living for is for Energy ( as Money ) and this is the thing that makes us forget we are Equal.
I commit myself to assist others to find solutions where we stop killing others, abusing others as ourselves to get something that has to be Given in Equality and Oneness.
I commit myself to step out of this Mind-den and so be Here as the Presence of Myself in Every Action I take.
I commit myself to Stop comparing me to the mind and so Nullifying me towards it and stepping forward, so the mind can make the things that I am supposed to do - Here in the Presence of Myself as Life.
I commit myself - as I said - to be this Life-Custodian that is Always here in the Presence of Myself in Every breath I take and so, stop believing that I am an Experience within this life.
I commit myself to Investigate Everything that comes from the Mind and so walk every dimension in writing my self-forgiveness, self-commitments and self-corrective actions.
When and as I see myself approaching others - like for example when I know new people, when I am talking with my mom, family, my dogs, talking to people in the web - I am going to be here in the presence of myself to observe back-chats, emotions, feelings, characters that are to be created due to that situations - and I stop reactions, and those systems - I don´t give value and credit - I only 'take them in consideration' to bring them here in my writing, in my Self-forgiveness applications and then I let them go - I breathe, I stop myself as the mind - I am here as the Presence of myself in this Journey to Life.
I commit myself to stop me as my mind in every breath, and I observe me in every moment I do.
I commit myself to stop placing me as above, or below anyone. I realise, see and understand that we are Equal and one so - Why I feel fear? Why I feel envy? Why I feel less than others. I am here as others in the same place, in the same ground walking - simply different expressions of me as mirrors that I have to embrace as life-gifts to investigate more dimensions of myself until I am clear.
So I stop taking things personally and so letting my mind to take me to the 'System Arenas' where I am going to participate in emotions, feelings, ideas, perceptions that are created by my own egos and so separating me from Life more and more.
When and as I see myself defining me as fat, as ugly as dumb - as different from the rest and so Defining other people according to those words I receive from others - the words I imprinted in myself to allow abuse within me and so at the same time with others - Because I realise, see and understand that due to not Stopping them in the moment they are still here and not only abusing me individually but also to other people - so this abuse is Existing by my allowance and acceptances. I realise, see and understand that is Why I have to stand as Self-Responsability and stop this within me.
So, I breathe, I approach to others as myself in clarity - I stop my mind as back.chats, emotions, feelings and I am here with others within and as the Presence of Myself at every moment. Present. Here.
I commit myself to stop desires and wants to change me as something according to my mind egos, according what I have given value and credit as the Mind.
I commit myself to Accept Me in equality and Oneness and to See me without definitions, categories, words of separation.
I commit myself to care for my body in equality and oneness - not giving value to the appearance based in images of magazines, of desires and wants to be as other people that I define better as me - no! I Stand as self-care and I commit to investigate and nurture my body with Physical Substance and Matter that is here to sustain my Body as the Physical - the same with physical movement.
I commit myself to stop attaching to food credit and value according to the mind as emotions, feelings, needs, desires - so I can Be clear to investigate within Common sense the food that is here to sustain my body as the Physical only.
I commit myself to stop believing that my Life is an Experience. Is not.
I commit myself to stop giving credit and value to my past experiences and so defining myself according to this - I stop my mind-relationship with the mind in relation to the past. I let my past here. And I commit myself to stop any reactions, feelings, resistances towards my past. I am not my past.
I am here, I am in the Presence of myself here; clear, Making a Commitment to Start Clear from this. I forgive myself from that and I commit myself to follow ahead - looking back only to assist myself.
This Blog is a continuation from yesterday Blog:
Day # 52 -- This Character that Analyse Everything - " So deep in my Mind"
So - I am taking the first paragraph I wrote: in that paragraph I wrote points in relation to how I define myself, how different people within my life has reacted to me and my life the same way I have reacted to my life and myself., my relationship with people my back-ground so to speak within this.
I remind me as alone, as shy and as fearful of giving myself to others due to this 'complex' of being fat; having a different body and a different way to approach people and life. I mean, -- as my program infused from my family is = serious, as I have shared I don´t like saying 'bad words' ( as I was thought as that), I search to be honest with people, clear, without 2 sides, compassionate, careful, sometimes very talkative and childish - I distract myself a lot due to wanting to play within serious environments. And well, these are some characters and personalities I have created and expressions that I have limited, killed within myself due to being harmed, due to being ridiculed and being isolated.
Ok, this points are the result/the consequence of me defining myself and separating myself. Not accepting myself and nullifying me.
As If i continue nullyfing me, negating me, comparing and resisting being who I am without fear I will Live this and also I´ll find people that will going to reflect this towards me; rejections, critics, mockery.
The base of all these has created this personality - and more that I am going to walk in here - as the Pleasing Others Character - and so leaving ME aside and so Nullifying me.
Self - Forgiveness
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel and defining myself as different from the rest of the people cause I believed, accepted and allowed definitions within and as myself that other people within my past - in my childhood years - used to call me to make fun of me, to make me feel less than them and so be accepted by the society as a way to protect themselves and to be part of the system without realizing this words of separation was not about me, was about them, their acceptances, allowances the way they define themselves and others through the mind - so me due to not knowing if this was true or false I accepted it as normal within and as myself and I gave 'credit and value' to the words, to the approach of others towards me and so I created this dimension within and as myself as separation where I like unfolded from me and I created a separate manifestation of me that was seeing me as a 'viewer' and so being part of the people that was offending me - so within this I began being part of the others as this separation and abuse - placing me within and as a 'den' inside my mind - so nullifying me as who I am - and this created the Personality as Jessie and the being that was inside in that 'den' was holding to this desire, want and need to close it´s eyes and to stop watching what was I due to giving credit and value to others as giving value and credit to the external - to the mind - instead of being here, as the presence of myself - seeing me and communicating this I was experiencing and happening within and as myself as to receive assistance and support to establish more self-trust
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to really believe that I was the definitions others gave me and I didn´t wanted to find out if I was them or not - all I was seeing was me through the eyes of other people and so giving them credit to them as a belief that this was my 'cross' within this life.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel different cause I was fat, due to this inequality and lack of acceptance towards fat people, believing that if I was not thin and pretty I was not worthy.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define me within polarities as pretty and ugly and so giving value and credit to this words in separation of myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word ugly to sadness, to isolation, to ideas of belonging in that categories and so connecting the word pretty as something I wanted to be and reach, so to be more accepted within and by my classmates and so live in peace without this constant abuse as bullying I receive of others.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in needs/wants and desires to turn myself in a pretty girl or being more thin to be accepted and allowed by others in my past - and now in this moments to be accepted by myself so I can like forget all this abuse and bad moments and experiences of my past.
I realise that the consequence I accepted through giving value and so not letting all that experiences in my past is living now as my own warden/abusive person that is constantly and continuously criticizing and defining every thing I do under the same images, ideas and perceptions that others have of me.
I mean now I am those boys and girls that in my past were calling me by names and with ugly words.
And no only to me - but I am as them towards others.
I see, realise and understand that the people in my world as my classmates and friends was the reflection of this creation - this 'Me' as a Personality that was as this warden keeping me away from standing and taking Responsability for myself and so communicating also what was happening - So this ward was like offering me to the nets of the system preferring to stay silent than to Stand as Self-Trust and as Self- esteem to Stop this abuse I was accepting and allowing due to giving credit and value to others.
I see, realise and understand how due to the fears we have to be alone we accept and allow -within our childhood years at the school or when we are knowing other people - to sacrifice life and to separate life from within us due to be part of something and so denying who we are as Life.
I commit myself to look for this being that is locked inside me and to ask it Forgiveness so that We can stand here as Self-Trust and Self-esteem and so realising, accepting and allowing to live the capacity I have and I am as Life.
I commit myself to cut this relationship within and as my past to Remain Clear here and so to walk free from those memories I used to bring to here as myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give value and credit to abuse and to words that are created to separate me from myself as Life; so, giving more value and credit to systems that what are here as me as life.
I also forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use/manipulate/abuse substance - the physical substance as words to abuse myself - giving value to ideas, perceptions, definitions of the people and of me that are programmed within and as me and not investigated within self-honesty to realise, see and understand how I am accepting abuse within and as myself.
I realise, see and understand the consequences I have created due to this acceptances and allowances that are the creations of more dimensions where I have limited myself as self-expression and I have approached me to others based in my past-experiences, believing, thinking and feeling that all the people are the same and that I have to protect myself from people and to be careful of being me cause in some way, in some moment people can harm and betray.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to approach people due to my experiences of the past.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not approach people within and as oneness and equality due to perceptions, ideas, fears I have imprinted, and I have programmed within myself due to past experiences I had with people.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that my life - that me as life is an experience - I am not an experience.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe, to create the idea and perception within and as myself that people is bad/good, that I have to take care of people, protect of people and to measure my words and actions towards them due to fears of what they will think and perceive about me - I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear myself and thus, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my own fear that is people.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be seen as crazy by other people and so being left alone, without people, isolated and so I have preferred to be seen as normal
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect being normal with being accepted and being abnormal with being isolated from the human race - I realise, see and understand that I don´t know what is normal/abnormal. This words are just mind interpretations and polarities.
I commit myself to stop defining myself according to the past: where I commit myself to approach every life - people, me, everything - within and as oneness and equality and not based in past experiences and in relation with images of my mind
I commit myself to stand clear of images, of past experiences, of memories. So I can live Here as the Presence of myself without resemblances of what I am as my Mind.
i´ll continue
The other day doing the Ratings and reading other´s desteni members blogs - I stumbled upon my first blog at Multiply - Lol - I began reading it today;a few moments ago.
It was funny how my words had changed and also my English haha.
What I have read so far it has been about my job - how my relationships at work and with my co-workers changed.
I enjoyed reading how they criticized me for being the 'way I was' ( nice, cooperative, liking to be at home, childish, animal lover ) and realizing that it was a reflection of how I have been defining myself and- also the way they define others due to our own acceptances and allowances and I accepted this as a big separation within myself and created this character that wanted to please others.
The main point during my life has been that questions of others and those 'perceptions, ideas' of others and the way they, like scramble their heads to find out why I am like this; because they are not like that.
The main question I receive from others is 'Why you haven´t had a boyfriend? Why you don´t go out? Why do yo prefer to stay at home instead of joining us to parties? Why you don´t enjoy drinking, dancing? - You need a boyfriend to be more 'stable/fun/intelligent.
Here I also could add the relationship I have with my mom, my grandmother and my family in general. Why I am so close to my mother? -- There I observed a pattern inside the ones that used to tell me that - and this pattern is the relationship they have towards their parents - I mean, not a relationship at all and that´s why they used to question me about that relationship. Simply because they didn´t understand it and they didn´t have it
oh, and also is a program within me - cause my mom shares some points that I entail here.
Within this I have also created a polarity cause I used to think also that 'I' was 'wrong' and I had to do my life as others to not bee seen as 'weird' - so, I realise, that even If I saw that it was a pattern within all - fighting towards your parents at a certain age - I was repeating the same points - maybe just to experience them and feel 'normal'.
So, - I see here that my resistances - as I have wrote in my blogs about this point of feeling inadequate and unsatisfied is due to this ideas and perceptions and most of all the habit of comparing myself to others and so the result is me defining my life and feeling that I have to change it on order to feel that I have a normal life just as the other life.....so, this creates a big separation cause I don´t let me enjoy myself in oneness and equality, with honesty towards myself.
Summarizing - Instead of me enjoying me fully I think about this possibilities and back-chats:
These are some of the back-chats:
*and What if others are right and I am not living as I have to Live?
*What if I am stupid?
*"I mean, I am almost 30 and I don´t feel attracted to do the same things the others do. Ok, I want to have a couple; be in a relationship with someone, maybe have children; but, I don´t want the 'ordinary' arrangements - I like as desteni says: to have an agreement - Yes I like that.
*What if I am just wasting my life? I am. You are. I am wasting my life being so profound within and as things, in analysing everything. Maybe if It were not as this I would be already in other place within my life - having a career, a job and maybe a family...."as others do".
*"Yes, I am wasting my life"
*" this is the consequence I have created due to being in my mind, I can still be saved? I can still re-order my life?
And well, this post matches with the one I did last night - All my life I have been so deep in my mind - analysing All - just to stop repeating this life over and over again. Lol,
Since I was little I had this 'idea' in my head - that I was here to find a solution to me, to find a solution to stop coming again and again to this 'earth' -- (haha). I wanted to find a 'word' as a 'key' to say: "aja, this is it- I found the door, and bye".
So - within and my experiences within my life I used to keep a 'journal' - even if didn´t write anything in a paper - I kept this journal in my head about things in my life saying "Why this happened" - " this happened for a reason" - " this has to be for some reason".
So, this is another point that I 'touched' yesterday in my SF statements/blog - this tendency of mine of being in my mind 'digging' and also 'hiding' and entertaining myself in there' due to feeling that this 'ordinary life' had a 'secret', had "something" more interesting.
So, all these ended up in my search within the Metaphysics, Religion, Spirituality, Kryon, Reiki, Homoeopathy and ...yes, Desteni!
I have a memory of me in my childhood reading a book about this saint--it was San Francisco de Asis and other saint that was 'touched' by God - it was a little girl that since little showed a 'calling' and so she wanted to be a nun and then she died due to an illness - very young and due to her beliefs and the beliefs of others people proclaimed her a saint.
Well, I felt attracted to that a lot. I felt like I have said in other blogs attracted to that 'discipline' within others towards God and this points and how they 'reached' that point that I perceived as something 'special'
Another memory popped up when I was reading this again - and it was a memory of a T.V Show that I liked..or it was a movie? I don´t remember that well, cause I have search it and I haven´t found anything in relation to this I am going to say.
It was this 'movie' of a boy that was turning into an angel; she had this 'things' in his back - the wings that was growing and her parents were very worried and then those wings reproduce to it´s fullest and the boy went away. I felt so attracted to this. I imprinted this within myself. I created this feeling of wanting to go like that boy - not because I didn´t wanted to hurt my family - no,I just wanted to go "home"...( Lol )
Well, again I touch this points cause again I want to investigate them fondly - and to apply the tools within this point within the relationship I created with my mind, perceiving this world as boring and wanting to gather that 'meaning' towards life, wanting to know it secrets to say -"ok I get it, thanks and bye I don´t want to see you again, Leave me Alone" and how this is creating consequences - as depressions, sadness, and being like stuck and not knowing what to do with my life.
Well.. I´ll continue in the next post with Self-Forgiveness - or more writing if something comes up....
Ok, stay tuned LOL...
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This is a continuation of my 3 last blogs that I did:
* Feeling Disappointed
* Preferences
* Symptoms, Starting Point, Fears
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create and feed scenarios within and as myself when I get sick, or when I feel a pain within myself - going to my mind where I build up possibilities where I see myself with something that I can stop; like a bad illness and making back-chats as 'What if I get sick of this and that', 'What if I die'. 'what I would do if I get sick or If I live that experience, and then I create that energetic movements within and as myself that are the results of those fears that I have created due to going to my mind to 'move' things there -like 'digging' and digging - I realise, see and understand how I distract myself and I entertain myself with acting in my mind.
I see realise and understand this pattern of going into my mind for 'recreation'. Instead of being here within and as myself in and as the Physical. Being here as self-attention. And so stopping this relation with my mind due to believes and ideas that the mind as my thoughts and imaginations are like this 'best friend' that never is going to abandon me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create this Curious Character that participates in imaginations/mind-possibilities and where I create questions and where I recreate myself like entertaining me as the mind to not face and embrace me as the Physical.
I commit myself to stop my participation within and as my mind and I bring myself back here where I am Present of Everything that is here. I see, realise and understand that in my mind there´s not anything that I can do to be better. In the mind I am only a slave..like an employee of the mind; that is accepting and allowing the system as it is by thinking and believing - that that is everything that exists - and there´s no other way.
I commit myself to stop my thoughts, feelings and emotions and in imagining myself in scenarios that are fucking within me - I am fucking with myself in going to the mind to do that.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed in myself that pattern/behaviour where I go to the mind to entertain me due to my acceptance and allowance of beliefs, ideas, perceptions that my reality has not value, is not interesting and so, that´s why I prefer to be in the mind - cause there I am what I want to be, what I need to be - but I haven´t considered how my reality is passing by and I am not taking responsability and standing up here.
I realise, see and understand that in my mind I can do everything yes, but I cannot Live there. I haven´t consider that Life is here as the Physical Reality.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a relationship within my mind where I prefer to be there than here as my Physical.
I am here in the Physical - I am not my mind.
I commit myself to stop my mind-dimensions to Live here in the Physical. I recognize since I was little I believed that my mind was the best place where I can hide and protect myself due to not wanting to see my reality as it is due to perceive it as 'ugly/hostile/bad'.
I commit myself to follow uncovering this here in the writtings, with Self-Forgiveness and my Self Corrections to Stop this dimensions and so Stand here in the Physical so I can Live and see what entails to be alive and so to stop this relationships and links I place between my mind and me.
Yes, I am my mind - but I give it the power and the direction to guide me and so I decided, accepted and allowed to become a Mind Consciousness System.
So, when and as I see myself going into my mind to search for answers, to create more questions that are only distracting myself from me as the Physical Presence - I stop, I breathe and I bring my participation here.
When and as I see myself going into my mind as a way to entertain me/ as a intent of cutting and hiding me from what is here as me - I stop that resistance, I Breathe, I place myself here as myself. I place in the ground, I place myself as the presence of myself in where I am in as the earth and I bring my attention to myself. - I go out of my mind. I continue walking here, I continue facing myself and unrevealing me here.
Desteni I Process
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This is a continuation of:
* Preferences
* Symptoms, Starting Point, Fears
*dis·ap·point:
To fail to satisfy the hope, desire, or expectation of.
2. To frustrate or thwart:
1. to fail to meet the expectations, hopes, desires, or standards of; let down
2. to prevent the fulfilment of (a plan, intention, etc.); frustrate; thwart.
Reading through the first post I made within this series - I read the word 'Disappointment' - in relation to feeling as that in observing me within and as this process and my stand within this process - I mean Where I am within all.
Back-chatting - saying to myself that I have a lot of opportunities within my day and I don´t 'catch' them = Regret and Haste.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel disappointed about myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see me as a failure within as my life due to not having the life I want for myself.
I realise, see and understand that this comes within and as the habit and pattern of Comparision - comparing me to the system/other people; to the laws and regulations of society that is imprinted in everyone and so - I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive me and my life as something 'out of the norms' within what a person/a women at my age should do, act and perform at this stage of her life.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to create a character upon egos from the mind - upon being directed by my mind that feels inadequate.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be defined by the mind consciousness systems and so be directed by them to feel, perceive me, to see me as only a program that has to follow something, that has to fit a 'thing' that I believe is the 'thing' - to which I give value and attention. I am not a mind C. System.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within an emotional and energetic reactions such as disappointment within and as myself that separates me from what I am in fact as Life and so limiting myself to express myself in the physical and to move myself within and as this system to assist and support me as life and not as a mind system.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I need a sign from the external reality to have trust within myself - to walk as Self-trust.
I realise, see and understand that I have to Stand as self-trust, self-commitment, self -discipline; do that for me - so not waiting for a sign or needing something or someone to give me what I require.
I am here and I am capable of assessing what I require to be here - to support myself and to continue walking as I have within and as this process.
I forgive myself that I haven´t accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand that my full-capacity as Life is not here cause I am giving power to feelings, emotions, thoughts, back-chats = Mind Systems - Instead of me moving Me as the Physical, in the physical and so being the Capacity; the Full capacity for moving, for doing.
So when and as I see myself going into that emotional state of feeling disappointed or sad or something Like that that Is Separating me from Me as the Full capacity to be here, to move, to complete my day, to breathe, to assist and support me - I stop, I breathe; I bring myself back here to the Physical and I stand as my self-direction, as my self-support and assistance and I continue walking - communicating accordingly with all that are here also walking their process to also receive and give support.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into this self-defeated character and also to this self-victimization character that only waits for attention and for others to come and pick up the pieces of me - as a way of manipulating myself and others and in fact not doing anything in my reality due to just needing and wanting for others to rescue me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think that I can´t do things at my fullest potential due to fears and to beliefs of tiredness or by ideas that I need more time and more strength within and as myself
When and as I see myself going into that state of mind - thinking, feeling that I can´t do it - I stop, I breathe, I Place myself here in the Presence of myself and I move myself to do it - maybe I won´t do it at the fist breath; but I am learning through that until I do it at the full potential - all this under the Principles of What is best for All; so I can also find solutions and ways to be the Solution for myself and for others in equality and oneness
So, I stop myself from feeling, thinking and so, waiting in that state of mind/mind-dimension.
I stand and I break/walk through those dimensions to stand clear and to walk here as Me - as what I really am.
I'll continue
Ok, so continuing with the post I did yesterday - and reading it again...the next post I will be taking again is in relation to anger/impatience/suppressions as I see them coming back again at me - not completely directed.
Ok - due to the sore throat I had I began with these fears in relation to getting sick of something worse due to not controlling this energy within me - as I have heard that many illness and diseases can be created if one does not stop this - as for example cancer or illness in the liver...I fear that a lot.
so, well, I ´ll be opening those points here. Is like, me controlling myself within the fear of not getting sick and so, creating here another character/dimension - doing the process since the starting point of fears - to avoid not getting sick or being worse, or a bad person...
ok, I´ll start
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in anger within and as my life when I see something as a threat to my mind - as something that is moving my belief of stability and comfort zone - like for example having to do things as cleaning the house of dog and cat poops.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that comfort zones exists within and as myself - where I can hide and suppress things so I can face them and work with them in the moment.
I realise, see and understand that beliefs are a point of self-interest, where I can make-up things to use it for my convenience and so not for What is Best for Everyone.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react with anger within and as the situation of having to do things as cleaning my pet´s wastes, clean the house - on my own - without 'the help' of others, participating in the back-chats
* 'If it wasn´t for me this house will be more dirty', and going to the dimension of imagination where I see me in a job or away from home and asking how my mom is going to take care of the house - in relation to cleaning - if I am not here. Not considering other points where my mom assist me and supports me without any reaction and preference.
I forgive myself that I haven´t accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that these reactions and energetic movements inside me are created/originated due to the self-interest I am still holding on to inside of me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react and get angry when I have to help with something and then I immediately create the back-chat 'and you? what are you doing?' that expose and DEMONstrate that I am still standing in self-interest grounds/arenas and I am not doing things since the Principle that is best of All within and as myself and within everyone in this reality that is me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel desperate and anxious when I see my life.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive and to see my life as a trigger point to feel fearful, desperate and anxious.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place value and importance over polarities, desires, ideas, images in my mind that are not the Physical Reality.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within an emotional experience of anger, desperation and anxiousness when I see my house cause I want/desire to have it 'clean'/in order'/impeccable' and due to my pets I can have it that way - I realise, see and understand the guilt I am portraying upon other beings cause I am not directing myself - I see the 'trouble' is in me, not in others.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have preferences over things within and as my life as myself - I realise, see and understand Everything that is here is me and Life has not preferences.
Preferences are not Part of what is best for All as Life.
So, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give power and value, and attention to self-interest/preferences/choices within and as myself - I realise, see and understand that me as life is not a choice - Is me standing as Oneness and Equality; I mean as the only choice that Exists here to Do and Create a better world/environment for me and for others.
So, When and as I see myself reacting and feeling angry, desperate and anxious in relation to how my life is - I stop, I breathe and I stop those energetic movements and systems inside me. These movements are not who I am.
The only movement that is here within and as me is my Physical Movement I am and Do within building myself and my environment within the Principle of What is Best for All - here.
The Movement I am as breath is Real - The Physical Movement I take when I write, when I correct myself as Breath. The Physical Movement I take to assist and support others within my reality is the Only Movement I am and I do.
I´ll continue....
Investigate: Desteni.org
I had a flu during this week, I had soar throat and I couldn´t talk efficiently - I realized it was due to the impatience I was experiencing in relation to my pets, also rush within myself.
I observed myself answering my mom with anger - so basically, yes, using the 'spoken word' in separation.
Yesterday I went to the homoeopath - and I have been taking my medicine and I am now more stable and here, with less pain and symptoms.
During this episode I was participating in a lot of fear as never before; fear of dying, fear of having cancer - I thought that the pain in my throat was that - cancer - cause I experience it very rare and the sensation was very different than my past experiences with flu. I imagine myself getting cancer and going to the doctor and them telling me 'Is cancer' - and relating this to my grandfather, he died of throat cancer due to smoking a lot; obviously it wasn´t due to the cigarette of course, it was caused by his emotions and feelings - he commit suicide when the cancer was very hard and he was having a lot of pain ( I was like 3 years old). I found out by myself like 6 years ago; neither my mom and my grandmother told me about this and I was really shocked to find out that 'decision'.
Is also another point than is there in the unconscious - like something unknown and sort of interesting to know how and why and I feel kind of morbidity also. Well, as I said, within these days this ideas related to fear/memories and images came to my head and I was kind of possesed by that fear and due to the incomidity I felt due to the flu I didn´t wanted to write and see the Internet - again it also related to desperation and resistances, doubts and insatisfaction within and as myself.
So - what I realise is this physical symptoms arising when I am again participating in these patterns and behaviours and this causes again more desperation 'cause I get impatient and I feel dissapointed - Why? cause I perceive it as a long way I have to walk...
So again! another and the same time loops....
But I´ll start with the first point that was the Fear of Cancer....
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in thoughts of me having cancer and having to face death slowly but surely and having a 'dead-line' in which my hours are limited and so creating and holding on to back-chats as ' I don´t want to die', 'what if I have cancer', 'I will die', what if I am like my grandfather and I die of cancer' - which represents [ the back-chats] the fear I have to my own fears that I feed and give power due to giving value and importance to systems and programs within myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine me with cancer as my grandfather had in the throat and connect the sore throat/ a flu with cancer and fear within these, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect cancer with fears and so having/participating in fear in relation to my own fears.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear thinking and imagining about the possibility cause I feel and believe that I will get the illness and the desease with the only point of thinking it.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give to the word 'cancer' a value and power and connect this word with images of pain, disease, sadness and fears - that leads to the need to suppress and run away from speaking and thinink/imagining this word in my head due to the feeling and the belief that If I speak it in my head I will get it in my reality.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/ believe that If I imagine and think about a point I fear I will experience it or get it and so, this leads me to suppress the thought - Instead of Breathing and realising that fears are not real and the only thing I am causing is the physical and mind possession within and as these system as fear.
I realise, see and understand that this fears and ideas are not real, are programmed within and as myself to create and origin me to separate me from myself and from my reality as myself.
Fears are not real. Also the beliefs are not real and I am the only one giving value to them and so feeding them and so giving them 'life' - Instead of Giving Me Life - Giving me Life as the Physical and instead of that I am 'working' for others - for my mind and my mind is not equal to me and is the reason for separation.
When and as I see myself participating in fears in relation to diseases and illnesses - I stop, I bring myself back here. I stop those ideas, perceptions and beliefs and I continue walking here as me.
Death is not real. I am creating it due to the participation, time and value, importance, focus I give to the mind - as that I am in fact 'dying' cause I am only here as food for the mind and that´s why I age and I consume myself.
Death does not exist in Life and so, I commit myself to stop killing myself within and as my behaviours - I commit myself to stop my mind and to be the Starting Point, the Driving Force that directs me within and as the path of what is best for all.
I GIVE LIFE TO MYSELF.
I commit myself to walk this agreement with myself to stop separation, abuse and these dying symptoms I repeat.
this will continue...
