I haven´t writing within these days and I feel very bad 'cause I have accepted self-sabotage with thoughts and back-chats of postponing this due to the excuse that I haven´t had enough time to do this writtings.
'I am tired at the end of my day' and I don´t reach to do all the things I have to do.
Ok, I am going to walk these points here.
FEAR DIMENSION:
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within the system of fear of the future; feeling fear of not being able to do this and to let my mind to win this and I fail within my commitment of walking this Journey to Life blogs.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within the fear of not having enough time within my day to complete this point of writing my blog at the end of the day or at the beginning of it.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being let aside and to be delayed within this journey in comparison to others.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be fearful about the events and situations that I don´t complete in time cause I know that is an abuse towards me and others I realise, see and understand I use deliberately this as an abuse towards myself - instead of stopping me as fears, emotions and feelings and stand as self-stability and self-trust and self-security to stop my deliberate creations as abuse within my mind.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be fearful about if I don´t change others and me can suffer or something.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be able to stand efficiently and be let aside and pushed by my mind so I cannot stand again from this any more - within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that it will be more difficult in the future to stand from this points and others if I don´t walk them in the moment.
I see realise and understand that all my fears are mind programming within myself and has nothing to do with reality and my physical journey.
I see realise and understand that I accept and allow self-sabotage due to giving value and importance to the mind and it systems so that´s why I follow and create excuses - giving the mind the 'authority' to guide me within my life and all I do within my day.
I see realise and understand I create excuses to not face myself and to continue evading situations and points within myself and so creating more dimensions as the mind - as I realised in previous blogs - accumulating dimensions and dimensions.
I commit myself to walk within the moment the self-correction and so standing and walking through my MCS so I can stop this deliberate abuse as time loops.
When and as I see myself participating in fears in relation to not being able to come here and write my blog I stop, I breathe and I stand from this system in Moving myself to do things in the physical. I mean not postponing things and so creating more 'mind-background' to allow more abuse.
I commit myself to stop myself as finding excuses to not being able to come and write and so also in not having time.
When and as I see myself participating in fears of the consequences in the future I stop, I breathe and I Stabilize myself here as the Presence of me and as common sense. I am here, walking and standing.
"essentially - we're all walking this together within different positions/locations in existence and process - Marduk explained in one of his interviews the different positionings/locations of each one in existence and so one's point to walk in process for self and for all - thus, don't look at it as first or last, but each one taking/standing their point to walk in relation to where all are in their process in existence" - Sunette Spies
THOUGHT DIMENSION
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see me within the world - within this position I am in the journey to life as let aside and not being able to be at the same stage/location as others - I realise see and understand that I am participating within the comparison system.
I see, realise and understand the stupidity of these cause I am here within this moment and in seeing me as first of last is an abuse and yes, an 'stupidity'
In this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge me always based in comparisons and giving importance to the image/thought in my mind that others are more aware/developed as me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see me as less developed and aware and others because I have been I have not came here to write in the last days to due giving my power away to the mind and finding excuses to postpone this task/this commitment I do to myself
I commit myself to stop me as thoughts and to Embrace all of them to investigate and apply the self-forgiveness accordingly and so assisting and supporting myself to walk this Journey to Life.
I see, realise and understand also that in complicating all in my mind and over-analysing everything I tend to stop myself as making a pause due to this pattern of listening to the mind and so I postpone things
So, When and as I see myself letting my thoughts to influence me from Standing as a Practical Living Example to Myself - I stop, I breathe and I Stabilize myself here as the Presence of me.
I jump of my bed, I walk, I stand from the chair, I cuddle my cats or my dogs - I breathe - and I stand as me here and I do the things I Enjoy doing.
I see Here that is so easy for me as my mind to control me and to remove me from the things I enjoy doing cause I give more importance to postponment, to tiredness, to the programs inside me.
I stop, and I commit myself to continue walking!!
IMAGINATION DIMENSION
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in imaginations as me doing something else that don´t imply a hugh resistance within myself as the mind for example watching a movie, laying in my bed, seeing in the internet the things I want to see.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in my mind as imagination where I see myself writing my blog, or knitting or cleaning the house - as If I am walking it in the real time and so feeling a nastiness and a where I participate in negative and positive emotions and feelings to validate and feed that imagination episode and so sabotaging myself and letting my mind to kind of saving me from moving myself and so believing that I can do it in other moment.
Here; I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in self-interest cause I give more importance to ME as my mind and not to the things that are here to complete and to walk to do What is Best for All.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to first in my imagination walk ME in mind episodes as a way of analize and consider the amount of resistance and physical movement I have to take and so - letting Me as the mind to convince me that is Better to wait and to let things for another moment so I can Stay there as Postponement and so feed my MCS.
When and as I see myself going to my imagination Dimension - I breathe, I stop myself and I move myself in the Physical - jumping or walking and standing to move me here in the physical so I can see that those systems are real in the moment I let them to move me as the physical and in the physical reality.
I realise, see and understand that in that moments/time that I am busy participating and giving space to the thought in my mind and this making me go to the imagination process stage I could be Standing and Moving and taking the tools to complete and Do something in my Physical Reality - like taking my computer; moving my hands to write and to post my blog/like taking my hook and began crocheting/or to take the broom and the mop to clean.
I commit myself to Stop me as the Imagination Dimension - to Stop me since the fear dimension - since the Beginning So I can Move myself and Walk here as the Physical, with my Physical to Assist and Support me
"I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place
WANT, DESIRE as ENERGY before
RESPONSIBILITY as LIVING within me and my world" --Sunette Spies
@Journey to life.
BACK-CHAT DIMENSION
"Oh, I don´t have time to do this right now", "I´m tired; I do a lot of things", "I do it tomorrow", "nothing happens if I let this for tomorrow"
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to come into this stage as the back-chat dimension within and as myself and to create the back-chat: "OH!, I don´t have enough time to do this right now" and so I go into the excuses and justification background where I try to convince myself that this is true, that I deserve a moment for resting and so, I can let things for tomorrow.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create me as the Postponement Character since the first dimension as fear, then the thought, imagination come here to feed my mind and to participate in energy - so entertaining me as mind with energy instead of standing since the first moment as Breath within and as myself and so moving physically and taking my computer and placing my hands in the way I can type and write my blog.
I forgive myself that I haven´t accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand that for me is more easy to build mind dimensions as stories - as fantasies, illusions - so Energy!!! than moving myself in the Physical to do the things I have to do and so stopping me from making excuses and justifications -- creating since this another Character that is the 'Victimization Character'
I see, realise and understand with this the domino effect that i create since Giving Away My Power to the mind - that is the creation of more Characters and more dimensions.
When and as I see myself participating in the Mind-Creator-of-Characters when I am in deliberate action designing more Monsters/Demons within and as the belief that I am this - and so I am the assistance of my mind - like the workers within this World System that deliberately are creating more abuse and making the system huge instead of Stopping and Realising we can Stop and we can Stand since the First Moment.
I´ll continue with the next dimensions
For Further Support Read:
Character Dimensions – IMAGINATION Dimension (Part 2): DAY 166
Character Dimensions – BACKCHAT Dimension (Part 3): DAY 169
I was reading the Blog Post in the Heaven´s Journey to Life "Character Dimensions-Thought Dimensions Day 164" and I observed that I have to write more about this character in me - I am making a parenthesis from my last blogs due to observing that this part within and as me needs clarifications so that I can move efficiently from now on forward.
I felt regret by getting out of my last job - I get very anxious due to my recurrent respiratory problems which was an indicator of not stopping efficiently my mind as emotions and feelings - all this related to postponements within my life
¡Argh! Well, no regrets and I am here commiting myself to unreveal this dimension within me.
I have been searching for jobs and anyone has appeared; I am in the polarity of not worrying and worrying - cause I know I´ll find one and in the other hand I need to get one now; so I can support me within my life and my immediate responsibilities that are my cats; well, I think of them in the first place cause they don´t have any fault in me accepting and being like the way I am accepting and allowing to be and because they are dependant on me and so to Money and so to the food I can buy with that money...
So, I have this plan in my head. I see that wanting to 'survive' doing art and knitting is not based in common sense and doing what is best for all; doing what is best for me : just self-interest and suppressions.
So, I am in the quest for a job and completing my studies. Here I have doubts as continuing with Graphic Design or Homoeopathy which I am attracted to; but it will show in the way...
This is something I am grateful for to the Desteni I Process and walking this blogs daily - I have been standing slowly but surely from this characters and stopping time loops and consequences so; I am really letting aside this behaviours of letting things to accumulate and I walk through them in the moment.
Within this days I have seen myself within doing my assignments and tasks - participating in my mind with needs, pictures and thoughts of doing another things first and postponing; letting things for a better moment. So, I have been breathing through this a lot!!! haha
I realised that I have been disciplined - which is something that I considered/believed/thought was not programmed in me. LOL! I see, realise and understand now you can Live without the mind.
So, as I say I have a long way to walk and being here at my house has been a great assistance in moving myself with no other 'Force' - as like other one telling me what to do. I mean, yes, my mom ask me for help but I have seen I have to move and complete things and stop postponing cause the Physical Reality is not going to fix alone LOL; So I have seen that I am missing in this Reality as Life! So I push myself to move and well, I am not willing to continue resisting and suppressing me and my reality!!
So, as I say this Character needs to be more worked and walked.
And these Journey To Life Blogs, the Creation Journey to Life, Earth´s Journey to Life ! and many others!!!!! has been a great assistance to see that I can and is Possible! Yes! :-)
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate and follow the thoughts as images in my mind when I do tasks here at my house/when I know I have to do things in order to support me in my life; such as cleaning my room, cleaning the house, walking with my dogs, doing my assignments and the tasks I have compromised to do in the moment that says me that the things I am about to do are boring and so, influencing me to them later/postpone.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define the things I have to complete in the moment in which there is a compromise entailed as boring, not important - saying and entailing here that the things in and as my mind are more important.
So this connects to the points that I have been walking in the last blogs - where I give value and importance to my mind than Moving myself as the Physical. Being here as the Physical taking Responsability for My Actual Living in this Reality/in my environment.
"This is an example of where the “Force” will step in as the Mind as ourselves, as we’ve as ENERGY/Consciousness manifested ourselves with ‘self/energy serving protection/defence mechanisms’ that any opportunity that would bring forth a Self-realization/awareness / Physical Stability/Living will immediately be resisted, as what we have done/become throughout our Lives is always SERVING ENERGY/the Mind as Consciousness instead of ourselves, the physical body and so this Physical Existence as a whole. And so, we’ve become energy consumers, serving energy – instead of physical living beings, taking responsibility for our actual living in this world/reality"--Sunette Spies in the Heaven´s Journey to Life Day 163
So I Forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define things according to mind polarities such as fun/boring - I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define/perceive/see cleaning my house as Boring or as Fun - I realise, see and understand that here again I am placing value and importance to the mind - and I am allowing and accepting separation within and as me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let the thoughts - one single thought - move me from here as my Physical Reality, defining my participation here and so being influenced by that thought and moving myself to feed my mind as energy - I see, realise and understand that I am giving my power away to the mind in letting me being moved by the unconscious mind/thoughts and not Moved by what it is here as the physical reality
I forgive myself that I haven´t accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand that I move myself only if my mind tell me so, and If the physical as Life tells me to Move as what is best for All life I stop and I think in self-interest.
There - I see, realise and understand that in the mind we are sacrificing Life, betraying Life, giving Power to the Mind -- thinking before acting - so; defending ourselves as self-interest.
When and as I see myself when being infront of an activity within and as my physical reality and I observe that me as my Mind is Resisting and so I start creating/participating in thoughts as images of me being somewhere else - I stop, I breathe and I Place myself here as the Presence of myself and I continue doing what I am doing - Breathing and Stabilizing here as myself/Supporting Myself in the mean time I am experiencing in the physical the manifested consequence as sleepiness, heaviness and resistance.
I breathe within and as this thoughts as Images - I embrace them as Me.
I see, realise and understand these are the mind mechanisms to Separate me from here as the Physical Reality.
So, I stop giving my Power Away to those Mind Consciousness Systems - I realise they are not what I am - they cannot influence me cause they are not real.
I commit myself to Stop me as my thoughts and to Walk here as Breath to assist me and support me in each moment.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be influenced by the mind and to perceive the MCS as more than me within the belief system that I don´t have power over my mind.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to postpone things due to following my mind as thoughts and images so - going there instead of Being Here - Present in Every Moment of Each Breath I take, Present in Every Physical Movement I take, Present in every task, in every activity I do here.
When and as I see myself defining my reality according to what my mind says - like for example; believing that my life is boring, that what I do is boring and so my mind then in continuation to this places a picture in my mind where I am resting/seeing a movie; Doing Nothing - I breathe, I place myself here. I touch myself; I stabilize myself in what I am doing and I continue working and doing my activities.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect a positive feeling with being in my bed resting watching television and so, Doing nothing.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place value within and as the physical experience of being in my bed, resting and doing nothing.
I see, realise, and understand this is nothing but Energy- the Force as the Mind Trying to obtain my Power.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place a value and an importance to being in my bed resting and feeling sad and angry if this experience goes away and so I want/need and desire to obtain more of this.
I realise, see and understand that me as the mind needs, desires, and wants to get more energy so the Mind can have control, power and Food - letting me as Life, as the Physical Body without resources to sustain.
When and as I see myself placing a positive value/negative value upon things according how the mind wants me to be and when and as myself perceive, think and define 'doing nothing ' as positive and nice and I feel that I am giving away to the experience of laying and doing nothing. I stop, I breathe, and I Place myself here as the presence of myself.
I commit also to investigate when I am really 'tired' as the physical so I can support it with a rest - but not over resting and connecting this to Mind Systems
I´ll continue
This is a continuation from the blog post number 52
This Character that Analize Everything - So deep in my Mind
Ok, next paragraph
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think I am wrong in relation to living the way I live, seeing myself as weird and thinking that others are right in saying me that I have to change my life and do the same exact things others do.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the back-chat: 'What if others are right and I am not living as I have to live' and so within this defining myself and the way I live and so entering to the game of comparing myself to others, feeling less than and so hiding myself, evading people due to the fears of critics and them making me feel weird, creating the manifested consequence that is me suppressing/retracting myself from others and within situations where I can express myself as the way I am without fears and thoughts and emotions that can sabotage the way I am.
I realise see and understand that I am not - as life - different to other people: I am a different expression and I don´t have to be as others to feel more than or less than. Is not a rule that people has to be equals as the mind. I stop defining myself as the mind and I live and express here as me in every moment of every breath.
When and as I see myself going into that mind state where I compare my life to others where I feel and give value and importance to the opinions of others and so feeling different- I stop, I breathe, I bring myself back here. I express myself here as life. I stop me from following ideas, feelings, emotions. That´s not what I am
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in fears of being seen as ridicule, as different as weird.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and feel I am different from others - participating in the polarity games of the mind as 'they are better than me and I am less than them' and the other way around - thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel better due not being as the people.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to diminish myself cause I haven´t lived the same things as others have lived.
I see realise and understand that this ideas, situations and events that I have lived or not lived does not give me more value and importance.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel angry when people thinks that my mom is the one that keeps me in the house and so making me see as someone that is forced to do things that I don´t want.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel angry and to feel the necessity to defend my mom and to say them that they are not right.
I realise see and understand that I am taking things personal and these ideas and perceptions are not about me is about them.
When and as I see myself taking things personal I breathe and I stop. I stand clear within and as myself and I stabilize myself here.
I stabilize myself within and as the presence of myself and I stop me as the mind.
.
I can assist others by making them see - not making as a force - but sharing that this points of views are not about me cause they are just giving importance and value to the mind perspective.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to follow/give value and importance / and participate in the mind perspective where I go to this character that gets offended and takes thinks personal.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take things, to take words and laughs at others in relation to my way of life as personal.
I see, realise and understand that is not about me is about their fears, ideas, perceptions, prejudices etc.
I´ll continue
Ok; I´ll be applying SF in the next paragraph I wrote in the previous blog
Day# 52 - This Character that Analyse everything - So deep in my Mind
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to question me, to question life, to question god, to question who ever is able to question; why I hadn´t had a boyfriend as everyone in this world?, to participate within the back-chat; Why my Relationships hadn´t evolved to a serious relationship? and within this, feeling and perceiving me as weird, as someone less than others due to being here within my life, thinking that I am alone because I don´t have a person of the opposite sex next to me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel less than, to experience shame and shyness when others realise I haven´t had a relationship as within the normal procedure of events in this world.
When and as I see myself participating in comparisons, in feeling awkward and different - perceiving and believing I am missing something in my life - I stop, I breathe and I direct myself in the physical - I realise, see and understand the way I have accepted and allowed myself to be in this world, due to my insecurities, being in my mind all the time has created consequences and I have to be with an agreement with me to be able to be in an agreement with someone else in equality and oneness as that is the way I know it should be to live in this world.
I commit myself to stand as me as life in an Agreement with Myself first and also to walk in and as an agreement with Everyone else; cause we are here to support ourselves as equals and with any separation or difference.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel different cause I don´t like and don´t feel attracted to follow the same conventional life rules procedures like in for example drinking and dancing in clubs and else - so, when I am in contact with people I feel ashamed and bizarre when I have to say and others see that I don´t participate in that.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect this events within a bad and good connotation and so feeling bad or good if I assist or don´t assist - So, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define me within and as the mind consciousness systems, with the rules, laws of the system.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hesitate from my stand within my principles and where I doubt and accept to be brainwashed by others just to be accepted and to be seen as normal and so separating me from myself due to pleasing others.
I commit myself to be loyal within and as my starting point and principles.
I commit myself to be loyal to what I am as Life - so not being influenced by feelings, emotions, images, perceptions, etc and so deifying the mind and sacrificing Life as myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be influenced by the mind as others in my world to let my expression aside so I could be accepted within and as this system as the rules, regulations and so going against of me as life just to fit in, just to evade discussions, fights, and being in peace, - not seen by others - being unnoticed, not making a big noise within others.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go against me just to be unnoticed by the system.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to follow, to be part of the system, to be part of a MCS just to be seen as normal; just to no be bullied by others, and so fitting in the system as someone else like the people that was here in my environment.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be influenced by the system in wanting to kill me as the expression of myself and to be born as a MCS to be seen as normal, to fit in this world.
I see, realise and understand how I betray Life, how I sell Life in Every Breath, due to preferring to be of the mind than of Life so I cannot be disturbed and shacked from my bubble as the mind.
I commit myself to be in the System but not Part of the System, where I can assist myself of the system to change the System to one that can Assist and Support Life - doing an inside job!
When and as I see myself feeling ashamed by who I am as Life, as the way I live in this world, no matter if that bothers and can be material for mockery for others - I realise that is not about me; is about them
I stand as me Here, I walk as Self-Expression where no difference, resistance, energetic movement is seen within myself so I can honour me as Life in every breath.
I commit myself to Walk this Agreement with myself and so Stand as Life in every breath.
This is the continuation from my Previous blog:
day# 53 - Giving Credit and Value to the Mind
I commit myself to stop giving Credit and Value to the Mind and also the Power to be my Directive Principal within and as me and so creating more energetic dimensions/movements inside me that makes me separate me from myself and others.
I commit myself to approach me and others in equality and oneness - stopping me from using the mind when I approach others as myself and so within this creating more separation and abuse due to defining people and approaching me and others based on my mind acceptances and allowances.
I commit myself to treat people as if they were me and so I commit myself to be this Guardian/ this Custodian that is in the Presence of Myself; in Equality and Oneness as me, here in every breath I take, every time I am speaking, ¡seeing! Life.
So, I can stop being this automatic Robot that is giving everything for granted, believing that I have to give my power away to other mechanisms - as my mind - when I am moving myself in the Physical and within this 'me' as Life is only there - inside this den created by my acceptance and allowances - waiting and being taken where the mind wants.
I commit myself to be My Directive Principle and Starting Point. I commit myself to walk within and as the Principle of what is best for All.
I commit myself to stop pleasing others and so stopping betraying and sacrificing Life due to be accepted and allowed within the World System that is based on surviving and doing things in spite of others and spite of myself, where the only thing we are living for is for Energy ( as Money ) and this is the thing that makes us forget we are Equal.
I commit myself to assist others to find solutions where we stop killing others, abusing others as ourselves to get something that has to be Given in Equality and Oneness.
I commit myself to step out of this Mind-den and so be Here as the Presence of Myself in Every Action I take.
I commit myself to Stop comparing me to the mind and so Nullifying me towards it and stepping forward, so the mind can make the things that I am supposed to do - Here in the Presence of Myself as Life.
I commit myself - as I said - to be this Life-Custodian that is Always here in the Presence of Myself in Every breath I take and so, stop believing that I am an Experience within this life.
I commit myself to Investigate Everything that comes from the Mind and so walk every dimension in writing my self-forgiveness, self-commitments and self-corrective actions.
When and as I see myself approaching others - like for example when I know new people, when I am talking with my mom, family, my dogs, talking to people in the web - I am going to be here in the presence of myself to observe back-chats, emotions, feelings, characters that are to be created due to that situations - and I stop reactions, and those systems - I don´t give value and credit - I only 'take them in consideration' to bring them here in my writing, in my Self-forgiveness applications and then I let them go - I breathe, I stop myself as the mind - I am here as the Presence of myself in this Journey to Life.
I commit myself to stop me as my mind in every breath, and I observe me in every moment I do.
I commit myself to stop placing me as above, or below anyone. I realise, see and understand that we are Equal and one so - Why I feel fear? Why I feel envy? Why I feel less than others. I am here as others in the same place, in the same ground walking - simply different expressions of me as mirrors that I have to embrace as life-gifts to investigate more dimensions of myself until I am clear.
So I stop taking things personally and so letting my mind to take me to the 'System Arenas' where I am going to participate in emotions, feelings, ideas, perceptions that are created by my own egos and so separating me from Life more and more.
When and as I see myself defining me as fat, as ugly as dumb - as different from the rest and so Defining other people according to those words I receive from others - the words I imprinted in myself to allow abuse within me and so at the same time with others - Because I realise, see and understand that due to not Stopping them in the moment they are still here and not only abusing me individually but also to other people - so this abuse is Existing by my allowance and acceptances. I realise, see and understand that is Why I have to stand as Self-Responsability and stop this within me.
So, I breathe, I approach to others as myself in clarity - I stop my mind as back.chats, emotions, feelings and I am here with others within and as the Presence of Myself at every moment. Present. Here.
I commit myself to stop desires and wants to change me as something according to my mind egos, according what I have given value and credit as the Mind.
I commit myself to Accept Me in equality and Oneness and to See me without definitions, categories, words of separation.
I commit myself to care for my body in equality and oneness - not giving value to the appearance based in images of magazines, of desires and wants to be as other people that I define better as me - no! I Stand as self-care and I commit to investigate and nurture my body with Physical Substance and Matter that is here to sustain my Body as the Physical - the same with physical movement.
I commit myself to stop attaching to food credit and value according to the mind as emotions, feelings, needs, desires - so I can Be clear to investigate within Common sense the food that is here to sustain my body as the Physical only.
I commit myself to stop believing that my Life is an Experience. Is not.
I commit myself to stop giving credit and value to my past experiences and so defining myself according to this - I stop my mind-relationship with the mind in relation to the past. I let my past here. And I commit myself to stop any reactions, feelings, resistances towards my past. I am not my past.
I am here, I am in the Presence of myself here; clear, Making a Commitment to Start Clear from this. I forgive myself from that and I commit myself to follow ahead - looking back only to assist myself.
This Blog is a continuation from yesterday Blog:
Day # 52 -- This Character that Analyse Everything - " So deep in my Mind"
So - I am taking the first paragraph I wrote: in that paragraph I wrote points in relation to how I define myself, how different people within my life has reacted to me and my life the same way I have reacted to my life and myself., my relationship with people my back-ground so to speak within this.
I remind me as alone, as shy and as fearful of giving myself to others due to this 'complex' of being fat; having a different body and a different way to approach people and life. I mean, -- as my program infused from my family is = serious, as I have shared I don´t like saying 'bad words' ( as I was thought as that), I search to be honest with people, clear, without 2 sides, compassionate, careful, sometimes very talkative and childish - I distract myself a lot due to wanting to play within serious environments. And well, these are some characters and personalities I have created and expressions that I have limited, killed within myself due to being harmed, due to being ridiculed and being isolated.
Ok, this points are the result/the consequence of me defining myself and separating myself. Not accepting myself and nullifying me.
As If i continue nullyfing me, negating me, comparing and resisting being who I am without fear I will Live this and also I´ll find people that will going to reflect this towards me; rejections, critics, mockery.
The base of all these has created this personality - and more that I am going to walk in here - as the Pleasing Others Character - and so leaving ME aside and so Nullifying me.
Self - Forgiveness
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel and defining myself as different from the rest of the people cause I believed, accepted and allowed definitions within and as myself that other people within my past - in my childhood years - used to call me to make fun of me, to make me feel less than them and so be accepted by the society as a way to protect themselves and to be part of the system without realizing this words of separation was not about me, was about them, their acceptances, allowances the way they define themselves and others through the mind - so me due to not knowing if this was true or false I accepted it as normal within and as myself and I gave 'credit and value' to the words, to the approach of others towards me and so I created this dimension within and as myself as separation where I like unfolded from me and I created a separate manifestation of me that was seeing me as a 'viewer' and so being part of the people that was offending me - so within this I began being part of the others as this separation and abuse - placing me within and as a 'den' inside my mind - so nullifying me as who I am - and this created the Personality as Jessie and the being that was inside in that 'den' was holding to this desire, want and need to close it´s eyes and to stop watching what was I due to giving credit and value to others as giving value and credit to the external - to the mind - instead of being here, as the presence of myself - seeing me and communicating this I was experiencing and happening within and as myself as to receive assistance and support to establish more self-trust
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to really believe that I was the definitions others gave me and I didn´t wanted to find out if I was them or not - all I was seeing was me through the eyes of other people and so giving them credit to them as a belief that this was my 'cross' within this life.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel different cause I was fat, due to this inequality and lack of acceptance towards fat people, believing that if I was not thin and pretty I was not worthy.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define me within polarities as pretty and ugly and so giving value and credit to this words in separation of myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word ugly to sadness, to isolation, to ideas of belonging in that categories and so connecting the word pretty as something I wanted to be and reach, so to be more accepted within and by my classmates and so live in peace without this constant abuse as bullying I receive of others.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in needs/wants and desires to turn myself in a pretty girl or being more thin to be accepted and allowed by others in my past - and now in this moments to be accepted by myself so I can like forget all this abuse and bad moments and experiences of my past.
I realise that the consequence I accepted through giving value and so not letting all that experiences in my past is living now as my own warden/abusive person that is constantly and continuously criticizing and defining every thing I do under the same images, ideas and perceptions that others have of me.
I mean now I am those boys and girls that in my past were calling me by names and with ugly words.
And no only to me - but I am as them towards others.
I see, realise and understand that the people in my world as my classmates and friends was the reflection of this creation - this 'Me' as a Personality that was as this warden keeping me away from standing and taking Responsability for myself and so communicating also what was happening - So this ward was like offering me to the nets of the system preferring to stay silent than to Stand as Self-Trust and as Self- esteem to Stop this abuse I was accepting and allowing due to giving credit and value to others.
I see, realise and understand how due to the fears we have to be alone we accept and allow -within our childhood years at the school or when we are knowing other people - to sacrifice life and to separate life from within us due to be part of something and so denying who we are as Life.
I commit myself to look for this being that is locked inside me and to ask it Forgiveness so that We can stand here as Self-Trust and Self-esteem and so realising, accepting and allowing to live the capacity I have and I am as Life.
I commit myself to cut this relationship within and as my past to Remain Clear here and so to walk free from those memories I used to bring to here as myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give value and credit to abuse and to words that are created to separate me from myself as Life; so, giving more value and credit to systems that what are here as me as life.
I also forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use/manipulate/abuse substance - the physical substance as words to abuse myself - giving value to ideas, perceptions, definitions of the people and of me that are programmed within and as me and not investigated within self-honesty to realise, see and understand how I am accepting abuse within and as myself.
I realise, see and understand the consequences I have created due to this acceptances and allowances that are the creations of more dimensions where I have limited myself as self-expression and I have approached me to others based in my past-experiences, believing, thinking and feeling that all the people are the same and that I have to protect myself from people and to be careful of being me cause in some way, in some moment people can harm and betray.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to approach people due to my experiences of the past.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not approach people within and as oneness and equality due to perceptions, ideas, fears I have imprinted, and I have programmed within myself due to past experiences I had with people.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that my life - that me as life is an experience - I am not an experience.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe, to create the idea and perception within and as myself that people is bad/good, that I have to take care of people, protect of people and to measure my words and actions towards them due to fears of what they will think and perceive about me - I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear myself and thus, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my own fear that is people.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be seen as crazy by other people and so being left alone, without people, isolated and so I have preferred to be seen as normal
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect being normal with being accepted and being abnormal with being isolated from the human race - I realise, see and understand that I don´t know what is normal/abnormal. This words are just mind interpretations and polarities.
I commit myself to stop defining myself according to the past: where I commit myself to approach every life - people, me, everything - within and as oneness and equality and not based in past experiences and in relation with images of my mind
I commit myself to stand clear of images, of past experiences, of memories. So I can live Here as the Presence of myself without resemblances of what I am as my Mind.
i´ll continue
The other day doing the Ratings and reading other´s desteni members blogs - I stumbled upon my first blog at Multiply - Lol - I began reading it today;a few moments ago.
It was funny how my words had changed and also my English haha.
What I have read so far it has been about my job - how my relationships at work and with my co-workers changed.
I enjoyed reading how they criticized me for being the 'way I was' ( nice, cooperative, liking to be at home, childish, animal lover ) and realizing that it was a reflection of how I have been defining myself and- also the way they define others due to our own acceptances and allowances and I accepted this as a big separation within myself and created this character that wanted to please others.
The main point during my life has been that questions of others and those 'perceptions, ideas' of others and the way they, like scramble their heads to find out why I am like this; because they are not like that.
The main question I receive from others is 'Why you haven´t had a boyfriend? Why you don´t go out? Why do yo prefer to stay at home instead of joining us to parties? Why you don´t enjoy drinking, dancing? - You need a boyfriend to be more 'stable/fun/intelligent.
Here I also could add the relationship I have with my mom, my grandmother and my family in general. Why I am so close to my mother? -- There I observed a pattern inside the ones that used to tell me that - and this pattern is the relationship they have towards their parents - I mean, not a relationship at all and that´s why they used to question me about that relationship. Simply because they didn´t understand it and they didn´t have it
oh, and also is a program within me - cause my mom shares some points that I entail here.
Within this I have also created a polarity cause I used to think also that 'I' was 'wrong' and I had to do my life as others to not bee seen as 'weird' - so, I realise, that even If I saw that it was a pattern within all - fighting towards your parents at a certain age - I was repeating the same points - maybe just to experience them and feel 'normal'.
So, - I see here that my resistances - as I have wrote in my blogs about this point of feeling inadequate and unsatisfied is due to this ideas and perceptions and most of all the habit of comparing myself to others and so the result is me defining my life and feeling that I have to change it on order to feel that I have a normal life just as the other life.....so, this creates a big separation cause I don´t let me enjoy myself in oneness and equality, with honesty towards myself.
Summarizing - Instead of me enjoying me fully I think about this possibilities and back-chats:
These are some of the back-chats:
*and What if others are right and I am not living as I have to Live?
*What if I am stupid?
*"I mean, I am almost 30 and I don´t feel attracted to do the same things the others do. Ok, I want to have a couple; be in a relationship with someone, maybe have children; but, I don´t want the 'ordinary' arrangements - I like as desteni says: to have an agreement - Yes I like that.
*What if I am just wasting my life? I am. You are. I am wasting my life being so profound within and as things, in analysing everything. Maybe if It were not as this I would be already in other place within my life - having a career, a job and maybe a family...."as others do".
*"Yes, I am wasting my life"
*" this is the consequence I have created due to being in my mind, I can still be saved? I can still re-order my life?
And well, this post matches with the one I did last night - All my life I have been so deep in my mind - analysing All - just to stop repeating this life over and over again. Lol,
Since I was little I had this 'idea' in my head - that I was here to find a solution to me, to find a solution to stop coming again and again to this 'earth' -- (haha). I wanted to find a 'word' as a 'key' to say: "aja, this is it- I found the door, and bye".
So - within and my experiences within my life I used to keep a 'journal' - even if didn´t write anything in a paper - I kept this journal in my head about things in my life saying "Why this happened" - " this happened for a reason" - " this has to be for some reason".
So, this is another point that I 'touched' yesterday in my SF statements/blog - this tendency of mine of being in my mind 'digging' and also 'hiding' and entertaining myself in there' due to feeling that this 'ordinary life' had a 'secret', had "something" more interesting.
So, all these ended up in my search within the Metaphysics, Religion, Spirituality, Kryon, Reiki, Homoeopathy and ...yes, Desteni!
I have a memory of me in my childhood reading a book about this saint--it was San Francisco de Asis and other saint that was 'touched' by God - it was a little girl that since little showed a 'calling' and so she wanted to be a nun and then she died due to an illness - very young and due to her beliefs and the beliefs of others people proclaimed her a saint.
Well, I felt attracted to that a lot. I felt like I have said in other blogs attracted to that 'discipline' within others towards God and this points and how they 'reached' that point that I perceived as something 'special'
Another memory popped up when I was reading this again - and it was a memory of a T.V Show that I liked..or it was a movie? I don´t remember that well, cause I have search it and I haven´t found anything in relation to this I am going to say.
It was this 'movie' of a boy that was turning into an angel; she had this 'things' in his back - the wings that was growing and her parents were very worried and then those wings reproduce to it´s fullest and the boy went away. I felt so attracted to this. I imprinted this within myself. I created this feeling of wanting to go like that boy - not because I didn´t wanted to hurt my family - no,I just wanted to go "home"...( Lol )
Well, again I touch this points cause again I want to investigate them fondly - and to apply the tools within this point within the relationship I created with my mind, perceiving this world as boring and wanting to gather that 'meaning' towards life, wanting to know it secrets to say -"ok I get it, thanks and bye I don´t want to see you again, Leave me Alone" and how this is creating consequences - as depressions, sadness, and being like stuck and not knowing what to do with my life.
Well.. I´ll continue in the next post with Self-Forgiveness - or more writing if something comes up....
Ok, stay tuned LOL...
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