This is a continuation of my 3 last blogs that I did:
* Feeling Disappointed
* Preferences
* Symptoms, Starting Point, Fears
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create and feed scenarios within and as myself when I get sick, or when I feel a pain within myself - going to my mind where I build up possibilities where I see myself with something that I can stop; like a bad illness and making back-chats as 'What if I get sick of this and that', 'What if I die'. 'what I would do if I get sick or If I live that experience, and then I create that energetic movements within and as myself that are the results of those fears that I have created due to going to my mind to 'move' things there -like 'digging' and digging - I realise, see and understand how I distract myself and I entertain myself with acting in my mind.
I see realise and understand this pattern of going into my mind for 'recreation'. Instead of being here within and as myself in and as the Physical. Being here as self-attention. And so stopping this relation with my mind due to believes and ideas that the mind as my thoughts and imaginations are like this 'best friend' that never is going to abandon me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create this Curious Character that participates in imaginations/mind-possibilities and where I create questions and where I recreate myself like entertaining me as the mind to not face and embrace me as the Physical.
I commit myself to stop my participation within and as my mind and I bring myself back here where I am Present of Everything that is here. I see, realise and understand that in my mind there´s not anything that I can do to be better. In the mind I am only a slave..like an employee of the mind; that is accepting and allowing the system as it is by thinking and believing - that that is everything that exists - and there´s no other way.
I commit myself to stop my thoughts, feelings and emotions and in imagining myself in scenarios that are fucking within me - I am fucking with myself in going to the mind to do that.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed in myself that pattern/behaviour where I go to the mind to entertain me due to my acceptance and allowance of beliefs, ideas, perceptions that my reality has not value, is not interesting and so, that´s why I prefer to be in the mind - cause there I am what I want to be, what I need to be - but I haven´t considered how my reality is passing by and I am not taking responsability and standing up here.
I realise, see and understand that in my mind I can do everything yes, but I cannot Live there. I haven´t consider that Life is here as the Physical Reality.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a relationship within my mind where I prefer to be there than here as my Physical.
I am here in the Physical - I am not my mind.
I commit myself to stop my mind-dimensions to Live here in the Physical. I recognize since I was little I believed that my mind was the best place where I can hide and protect myself due to not wanting to see my reality as it is due to perceive it as 'ugly/hostile/bad'.
I commit myself to follow uncovering this here in the writtings, with Self-Forgiveness and my Self Corrections to Stop this dimensions and so Stand here in the Physical so I can Live and see what entails to be alive and so to stop this relationships and links I place between my mind and me.
Yes, I am my mind - but I give it the power and the direction to guide me and so I decided, accepted and allowed to become a Mind Consciousness System.
So, when and as I see myself going into my mind to search for answers, to create more questions that are only distracting myself from me as the Physical Presence - I stop, I breathe and I bring my participation here.
When and as I see myself going into my mind as a way to entertain me/ as a intent of cutting and hiding me from what is here as me - I stop that resistance, I Breathe, I place myself here as myself. I place in the ground, I place myself as the presence of myself in where I am in as the earth and I bring my attention to myself. - I go out of my mind. I continue walking here, I continue facing myself and unrevealing me here.
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This is a continuation of:
* Preferences
* Symptoms, Starting Point, Fears
*dis·ap·point:
To fail to satisfy the hope, desire, or expectation of.
2. To frustrate or thwart:
1. to fail to meet the expectations, hopes, desires, or standards of; let down
2. to prevent the fulfilment of (a plan, intention, etc.); frustrate; thwart.
Reading through the first post I made within this series - I read the word 'Disappointment' - in relation to feeling as that in observing me within and as this process and my stand within this process - I mean Where I am within all.
Back-chatting - saying to myself that I have a lot of opportunities within my day and I don´t 'catch' them = Regret and Haste.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel disappointed about myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see me as a failure within as my life due to not having the life I want for myself.
I realise, see and understand that this comes within and as the habit and pattern of Comparision - comparing me to the system/other people; to the laws and regulations of society that is imprinted in everyone and so - I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive me and my life as something 'out of the norms' within what a person/a women at my age should do, act and perform at this stage of her life.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to create a character upon egos from the mind - upon being directed by my mind that feels inadequate.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be defined by the mind consciousness systems and so be directed by them to feel, perceive me, to see me as only a program that has to follow something, that has to fit a 'thing' that I believe is the 'thing' - to which I give value and attention. I am not a mind C. System.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within an emotional and energetic reactions such as disappointment within and as myself that separates me from what I am in fact as Life and so limiting myself to express myself in the physical and to move myself within and as this system to assist and support me as life and not as a mind system.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I need a sign from the external reality to have trust within myself - to walk as Self-trust.
I realise, see and understand that I have to Stand as self-trust, self-commitment, self -discipline; do that for me - so not waiting for a sign or needing something or someone to give me what I require.
I am here and I am capable of assessing what I require to be here - to support myself and to continue walking as I have within and as this process.
I forgive myself that I haven´t accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand that my full-capacity as Life is not here cause I am giving power to feelings, emotions, thoughts, back-chats = Mind Systems - Instead of me moving Me as the Physical, in the physical and so being the Capacity; the Full capacity for moving, for doing.
So when and as I see myself going into that emotional state of feeling disappointed or sad or something Like that that Is Separating me from Me as the Full capacity to be here, to move, to complete my day, to breathe, to assist and support me - I stop, I breathe; I bring myself back here to the Physical and I stand as my self-direction, as my self-support and assistance and I continue walking - communicating accordingly with all that are here also walking their process to also receive and give support.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into this self-defeated character and also to this self-victimization character that only waits for attention and for others to come and pick up the pieces of me - as a way of manipulating myself and others and in fact not doing anything in my reality due to just needing and wanting for others to rescue me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think that I can´t do things at my fullest potential due to fears and to beliefs of tiredness or by ideas that I need more time and more strength within and as myself
When and as I see myself going into that state of mind - thinking, feeling that I can´t do it - I stop, I breathe, I Place myself here in the Presence of myself and I move myself to do it - maybe I won´t do it at the fist breath; but I am learning through that until I do it at the full potential - all this under the Principles of What is best for All; so I can also find solutions and ways to be the Solution for myself and for others in equality and oneness
So, I stop myself from feeling, thinking and so, waiting in that state of mind/mind-dimension.
I stand and I break/walk through those dimensions to stand clear and to walk here as Me - as what I really am.
I'll continue
Ok, so continuing with the post I did yesterday - and reading it again...the next post I will be taking again is in relation to anger/impatience/suppressions as I see them coming back again at me - not completely directed.
Ok - due to the sore throat I had I began with these fears in relation to getting sick of something worse due to not controlling this energy within me - as I have heard that many illness and diseases can be created if one does not stop this - as for example cancer or illness in the liver...I fear that a lot.
so, well, I ´ll be opening those points here. Is like, me controlling myself within the fear of not getting sick and so, creating here another character/dimension - doing the process since the starting point of fears - to avoid not getting sick or being worse, or a bad person...
ok, I´ll start
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in anger within and as my life when I see something as a threat to my mind - as something that is moving my belief of stability and comfort zone - like for example having to do things as cleaning the house of dog and cat poops.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that comfort zones exists within and as myself - where I can hide and suppress things so I can face them and work with them in the moment.
I realise, see and understand that beliefs are a point of self-interest, where I can make-up things to use it for my convenience and so not for What is Best for Everyone.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react with anger within and as the situation of having to do things as cleaning my pet´s wastes, clean the house - on my own - without 'the help' of others, participating in the back-chats
* 'If it wasn´t for me this house will be more dirty', and going to the dimension of imagination where I see me in a job or away from home and asking how my mom is going to take care of the house - in relation to cleaning - if I am not here. Not considering other points where my mom assist me and supports me without any reaction and preference.
I forgive myself that I haven´t accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that these reactions and energetic movements inside me are created/originated due to the self-interest I am still holding on to inside of me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react and get angry when I have to help with something and then I immediately create the back-chat 'and you? what are you doing?' that expose and DEMONstrate that I am still standing in self-interest grounds/arenas and I am not doing things since the Principle that is best of All within and as myself and within everyone in this reality that is me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel desperate and anxious when I see my life.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive and to see my life as a trigger point to feel fearful, desperate and anxious.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place value and importance over polarities, desires, ideas, images in my mind that are not the Physical Reality.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within an emotional experience of anger, desperation and anxiousness when I see my house cause I want/desire to have it 'clean'/in order'/impeccable' and due to my pets I can have it that way - I realise, see and understand the guilt I am portraying upon other beings cause I am not directing myself - I see the 'trouble' is in me, not in others.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have preferences over things within and as my life as myself - I realise, see and understand Everything that is here is me and Life has not preferences.
Preferences are not Part of what is best for All as Life.
So, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give power and value, and attention to self-interest/preferences/choices within and as myself - I realise, see and understand that me as life is not a choice - Is me standing as Oneness and Equality; I mean as the only choice that Exists here to Do and Create a better world/environment for me and for others.
So, When and as I see myself reacting and feeling angry, desperate and anxious in relation to how my life is - I stop, I breathe and I stop those energetic movements and systems inside me. These movements are not who I am.
The only movement that is here within and as me is my Physical Movement I am and Do within building myself and my environment within the Principle of What is Best for All - here.
The Movement I am as breath is Real - The Physical Movement I take when I write, when I correct myself as Breath. The Physical Movement I take to assist and support others within my reality is the Only Movement I am and I do.
I´ll continue....
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I had a flu during this week, I had soar throat and I couldn´t talk efficiently - I realized it was due to the impatience I was experiencing in relation to my pets, also rush within myself.
I observed myself answering my mom with anger - so basically, yes, using the 'spoken word' in separation.
Yesterday I went to the homoeopath - and I have been taking my medicine and I am now more stable and here, with less pain and symptoms.
During this episode I was participating in a lot of fear as never before; fear of dying, fear of having cancer - I thought that the pain in my throat was that - cancer - cause I experience it very rare and the sensation was very different than my past experiences with flu. I imagine myself getting cancer and going to the doctor and them telling me 'Is cancer' - and relating this to my grandfather, he died of throat cancer due to smoking a lot; obviously it wasn´t due to the cigarette of course, it was caused by his emotions and feelings - he commit suicide when the cancer was very hard and he was having a lot of pain ( I was like 3 years old). I found out by myself like 6 years ago; neither my mom and my grandmother told me about this and I was really shocked to find out that 'decision'.
Is also another point than is there in the unconscious - like something unknown and sort of interesting to know how and why and I feel kind of morbidity also. Well, as I said, within these days this ideas related to fear/memories and images came to my head and I was kind of possesed by that fear and due to the incomidity I felt due to the flu I didn´t wanted to write and see the Internet - again it also related to desperation and resistances, doubts and insatisfaction within and as myself.
So - what I realise is this physical symptoms arising when I am again participating in these patterns and behaviours and this causes again more desperation 'cause I get impatient and I feel dissapointed - Why? cause I perceive it as a long way I have to walk...
So again! another and the same time loops....
But I´ll start with the first point that was the Fear of Cancer....
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in thoughts of me having cancer and having to face death slowly but surely and having a 'dead-line' in which my hours are limited and so creating and holding on to back-chats as ' I don´t want to die', 'what if I have cancer', 'I will die', what if I am like my grandfather and I die of cancer' - which represents [ the back-chats] the fear I have to my own fears that I feed and give power due to giving value and importance to systems and programs within myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine me with cancer as my grandfather had in the throat and connect the sore throat/ a flu with cancer and fear within these, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect cancer with fears and so having/participating in fear in relation to my own fears.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear thinking and imagining about the possibility cause I feel and believe that I will get the illness and the desease with the only point of thinking it.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give to the word 'cancer' a value and power and connect this word with images of pain, disease, sadness and fears - that leads to the need to suppress and run away from speaking and thinink/imagining this word in my head due to the feeling and the belief that If I speak it in my head I will get it in my reality.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/ believe that If I imagine and think about a point I fear I will experience it or get it and so, this leads me to suppress the thought - Instead of Breathing and realising that fears are not real and the only thing I am causing is the physical and mind possession within and as these system as fear.
I realise, see and understand that this fears and ideas are not real, are programmed within and as myself to create and origin me to separate me from myself and from my reality as myself.
Fears are not real. Also the beliefs are not real and I am the only one giving value to them and so feeding them and so giving them 'life' - Instead of Giving Me Life - Giving me Life as the Physical and instead of that I am 'working' for others - for my mind and my mind is not equal to me and is the reason for separation.
When and as I see myself participating in fears in relation to diseases and illnesses - I stop, I bring myself back here. I stop those ideas, perceptions and beliefs and I continue walking here as me.
Death is not real. I am creating it due to the participation, time and value, importance, focus I give to the mind - as that I am in fact 'dying' cause I am only here as food for the mind and that´s why I age and I consume myself.
Death does not exist in Life and so, I commit myself to stop killing myself within and as my behaviours - I commit myself to stop my mind and to be the Starting Point, the Driving Force that directs me within and as the path of what is best for all.
I GIVE LIFE TO MYSELF.
I commit myself to walk this agreement with myself to stop separation, abuse and these dying symptoms I repeat.
this will continue...
I have been noticing like doing things very slow - yesterday I was cleaning my house as I usually do and I began observing me; my physical movements very slow I wanted to move more quickly but I couldn´t - well, I didn´t fight against this. I am was working also with tthis 'pace' I have - I use to move myself quickly - I walk quickly, I do things in a rush - due to my impatience, my body get tight and sometimes - due to this rush, I let things fall, I distract and well, I sometimes don´t remember where I put things and sometimes I have catched myself for example - keeping the bread on the refrigerator and the milk in the cupboard - LOL!
And as I say I have been observing me in slow motion and I get angry/intolerant with and towards myself 'cause I want to move faster and do things faster.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel that I will not have time within and as my day to finish the things I have to do, due to participating in the mind imagining myself at the end of the day with nothing of my tasks and 'thinks I have to do'completed in time and besides all having a 'time for myself' to rest and is when I participate in back-chats as 'uff, I am not going to finish this in time', 'it´s a lot of work' and so establishing a physical consequence such as excitement, worry, desperation, I start sweating and I distract myself as the mind and I don´t do anything as the consequence I allow and create by thinking and creating all these time-loops and dimensions in my mind.
Instead of being here as the Physical and as the breath doing all the things I have to do in the 'presence of myself as myself here.
Breath is the Pace of Life and within and as that Pace I am and I move myself and I get done what it has to be done.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in fears of loss - believing that I am going to lose things if I move slower than my mind and If I am here as the breath of life, imagining myself moving slow and not completing anything of the things I have to do and so feel pressured and overwhelmed participating in back-chats such as ¡Faster,faster; move faster, Jessie move faster! and so abusing my body making it moving faster, and so due to this my hands get tight and heavy and for example I can´type efficiently because I am running inside me and the consequence is creating more time-loops, indeed more time as the mind and yes, what I 'loose' is opportunities to stand as the breath and the presence of myself here as life - because all my attention and power I give it to the mind to direct me and to control me.
Instead of me being here within and as the physical; Aware of every movement/moment I am in the presence of the Physical body.
So, Whenever I see myself going to the mind as thoughts, emotions, feelings, perceptions, images when doing a task, walking, cleaning, typing, reading - I stop, I breathe immediately and accordingly I place myself here as the presence of me as the physical and I become aware of me as everything that is here - all the material things are here as me - so I embrace them and I move me as them - at the same 'pace'/rhythm.
I realise, see and understand that me as my mind is moving erratically and so abusing the presence of myself here. The mind makes me participate in the illusion of time and within this in the fear of loss. Time does not exist within and as me.
So, if time doesn´t exist I am here to enjoy the presence of me and the presence of everything and everyone as myself within and as my life.
So, I realise, see and understand that everything within myself as life has a pace and has a space - for example within over -sleeping I am abusing the pace of life there cause I am not taking in consideration that time for another activities I have to do - is abuse 'cause I am keeping and stealing ,,,,,
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to over-sleep due to feeling and thinking that I am loosing something that is 'mine' - I realise see and understand over-doing things is self-interest - I am exaggerating, I am abusing substance.
Everything has a space/pace within and as myself.
So, I commit myself to investigate more this and to make a schedule also to place myself as the presence of myself within and as my day and so being me as the directive Principle and not the mind in illusions, perceptions, and ideas, thoughts.
...this will continue...
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react upon a photograph and comments that was shared in Facebook by a woman commenting and being disrespectful with animals such as dogs; wanting to adopt a brand dog instead of a dog rescued from the street saying that they were dirty and ugly, sharing the Facebook image and feeling angry against this person, going to her profile and participating in back-chats such as 'She is the ugly one' ; joining this with more feelings and emotions against her.
Instead of stopping as reactions within and as myself in the moment and so not sharing this image to create more chaos and polemic.
I realise, see and understand how I didn´t stand in the moment and I am still directed by emotions, feelings, thoughts, ideas and perceptions.
I realise, see and Understand I reacted upon her the same way she reacted/defined the dogs in adoption.
I am the same as her - I am not a difference.
When and as I see myself seeing an image and reading a comment on Facebook, either it is as I define as Negative or Positive - I stop, I Breathe and I stand in the moment, in the Breath clear as and within myself to stop the abuse here as myself instead of sharing/spreading the 'abuse-bugs' within and as others as myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react against people words, behaviours and patterns that are not the same as me - I realise this is based in self-interest and as ego´s from the mind - wanting and desiring others to think/act/be like me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the back-chat 'If the people were like me the world would be a better place, because I am not as others' - I realise, see and understand my self-interest there and how I feed it when I am infront people that are not agree with me.
I commit myself to expose my self-interest/egos from the mind and so stopping them accordingly with the Writing, Self-Forgiveness and corrective applications in the moment when this situations occurs again until it not happens again within and as myself so I can stay and stand clear from all of this separations I have created here.
When and as I see myself reacting upon others wanting to impose my point of view that are just knowledge and information - I stop, I breathe; I bring myself back here to the physical, where I am standing infront of the other person with humbleness, communicating with him/her with self-honesty, - not trying to CON-vince but assisting them and sharing my realizations I have walked here in my process - so I and everyone can stand free and so, establish on earth a better space/world/environment.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define situations, people, words, images, etc under the polarities such as 'Negative/Positive'. I realise, see and understand that those concepts are of the mind - is not what Life is. Life is not a polarity. I see that mind defines everything and from there my systems come and I define my life according to that information.
When and as I see myself seeing/approaching my life, my environment, other people in base of a mind-concept such as polarities - I stop, I stand as self-honesty and I bring myself back here in humbleness and I communicate with me and others based in the Presence of the Physical - based on the physical - being here as me as others - Because I see, realise and understand that I am others, others are me, we are reflections of the same self. We are one and equal.
I see, realise and understand that id everything is me here, Why I am fearful? Why I participate in self-interest? Why I am afraid of others if they are me?.
So, I see, realise and understand that If I react - if there´s a moment inside me based on energy is because I haven´t investigated that point within myself - so, I am still one and equal to that separation.
So; I commit myself to follow investigating and unfolding characters/personalities/systems - exposing them here to set me free of that abuse the mind creates in the reality - in here.
I commit myself to show others and to assist others and ME to observe and see that the Mind is the thing inside us that creates madness in the physical as the reality. The mind as us is the one transforming our lives in a show, in a cartoon, in a character, in a side....in food for the mind.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel ashamed by not realising this yesterday - Or I better say not being self-Honest to Stand and Stop all this chaos within me and within others by my decision... so, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ignore the common sense/self-honesty due to preferring to feed the energy/ego that I believe I am, wanting to make myself visible within all the situation as to also attract the attention to me and my words - Instead of considering others and the abuse I was going to produce with my self as the cells, atoms, etc in my physical body and within others out there - innocent people and beings 'that receives all the trash we produce' as the mind.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ignore self-direction/self-honesty within myself just to 'play around' taking things as a game and not realising, seeing and understanding the consequences are real, and I am living them
When and as I see myself infront of an option that is not for What is best for all - I Stop, I breathe, I discern within and as myself taking in consideration everyone as me here to take that step.
I see, realise and understand we cannot follow ignoring life/common sense within ourselves because the consequences are showing out there and life is suffering, life as common sense , as self-honesty, as self-direction, as consideration is ceasing to exist here.
I had a dream where I returned to my first house I am still holding on to that memories a lot.
When I have those dreams with the life style I had I wake up with the feeling-environment in which I participated in the dream
Thoughts, feelings and emotions:
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in thoughts where I am more happy and peaceful than in my present, moaning and mourning about my old house and then feeling sad and depressed when I see back in my memories, when I was living in that house and all the environment I used to have there.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that peace and happiness exists in a memory in my head.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect past memories with peace, stability and happiness,
Instead of Being stability and self-acceptance within and as myself here. Living here.
I realise, see and understand that I am still living in my mind participating in choices, in mind-scapes --> holding on to mind-dimensions where I can go to hide and so, don´t face myself here in the Presence of myself, being present, being one and equal to myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to moan and mourn towards, in and within my mind in relation to memories - I mean, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to moan and mourn about past experiences, about images in my mind about memories in my head and participate in the 'fear of loss' system.
I realise, see and understand that everything is here, and so I can´t loose anything or anyone - I am not a memory in and of my mind.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare all the things I see and experience in my reality with the past I had, with when I was a child, participating in desires and wants to go there back in time and stay there always in those moments, scenarios and experiences.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be stuck within my mind in past memories, words, and moments; resisting to face what is here as me.
Why I can´t be the same here? Why I feel I was another person in my past and now another one?
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist observing, seeing and facing what is here as me, wanting to go back in time and live as I lived in the past perceiving it was better than my present, than Here. I forgive myself that I haven´t accepted and allowed myself to see/understand and admit that I am abusing and separating myself from words and from reality by saying things based in the mind-consciousness-systems and so, not being here as every word I say/express.
When and as I see myself going in my mind to past scenarios and connecting them and comparing them with the things I am doing now - I stop, I breathe and I bring myself back here, I embrace myself and everything that is here.
I realise, see and understand that everything here is ME - so by evading and resisting I am resisting me.
I commit myself to walk here free of any mind system, to see every moment of breath as myself and to live and continue walking within this Journey.
Back-Chats:
*Why this happen to us?
*I want my life to come back
*I don´t like this present.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the back-chat "Why this is happening to us?" referring to the situation where we lost the house where we live in due to money and observing my reality, now and feeling inadequate, feeling disgusted and not satisfied with the present.
I realise, see and understand that this feelings and back-chats has nothing to do with the house or the past memories, it has to be with how I perceive myself to be here in this moment.
When and as I see myself participating in the back-chat "Why this is happening to us?" - I stop, I breathe and I place myself here to investigate within me what I am perceiving, thinking in relation to my present, to myself as the physical. Cause I see that this is not aboy my house is about me.
So I stand as self-honesty to expose all the abuse I am manifesting within and as myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold on to the back-chat "I want my life to come back" feeding the idea/perception that 'I had a life' in the past and what I have here is not life - so participating in polarities and creating mind-dimensions and time loops where I am just abusing myself. Instead of being here as the Presence of me to walk every moment as it is - as me, as life
But; if I don´t accept myself as that; as life I will be walking the same time loop over and over again.
I realise, see and understand that I have to investigate my relation with me not - in the interior of me not using external things to distract of what is here as me.
When and as I see myself participating in this back-chats I stop, I, breathe and I place myself here to investigate why I am accepting and allowing the ideas, thoughts and feelings that the moment here in the presence of me is not 'Life'.
Reactions:
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create reactions due to participating in this systems such as desperation, sadness, anger, impatience; where I participate in desires, wants and needs to correct everything I am quickly cause feeling ashamed, inadequate...
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react with anger, desperation and impatience when I see my reality as me, when I see myself, when I see what I am doing in my life and with my life.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect reactions as desperation, anger, impatience with my life, and with me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in desires, needs and wants to change me and my life immediately.
I commit myself to stop myself from participating in my mind so I can´t stop me from creating this reaction dimension within me and so to create more systems
When as I see myself, going into a reaction such as anger, desperation and impatience - I stop, I see and realise that this systems exists in my mind and they are not real. So, I place myself here and I continue walking and most of all facing myself as what I am - without regrets.
I see the opportunity to change in every breath, I am the change in every breath.
I commit myself to be the change, the opportunity in every breath to change and so Stopping more dimensions of abuse within and as myself.
I stop blaming me and punishing me when I perceive myself doing something wrong.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive I do things wrong.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think I can´t correct myself in the moment.
Is see realise and understand I push myself harder based in the mind, not as a support, No being an unconditional support for me.
Physical Dimension:
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create physical reactions such as constriction in my muscles so when I write I feel constrained and I my movements are limited - this due to desperation and impatience.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into a physical manifestation of heat, feeling warm, sweating due to the impatience and desperation.
When and as I see myself as this. I breathe and I place myself back here as the physical - in the presence of every movement as myself.
Consequence.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create consequence when I act and behave as desperate, angry, anxious and the consequence is me getting a flu or headaches.
I see and realise that when I get sick of flu is because I participated in a lot of impatience and desperation.
I commit myself to stop this pattern within and as myself so I can support my physical body and stop this illness in me and other physical disturbance I create within and as myself due to my participation in this.
Redefining this
When and as I see myself going in to my mind to participate in memories of my past, I stop, I breathe and I place myself here, so I can investigate what situation, experience, thing, person etc is causing me this separation within me.
In this case was the dream I had due to systems related to memories about my childhood years that I miss. But I realise I am the same here and I am not in the presence of myself when I am there.
I commit myself to stand and face myself in every breath, embracing me and continue applying the tools of Writing, self-forgiveness, self correction in the moment to investigate more and more the causes of the separation.
I Place myself here, I face myself and Everything here. I stop Hiding and I walk every situation, experience that arrives here in the Presence of myself, with Self-Responsability, Self-trust, self-confidence. Finding a solution in the moment to stop me from creating dimensions.
I commit myself to be the Solution within and as myself. Be the solution of me as the mind.
--I´ll continue...
